“Roberto?”
“Yes?”
Silence.
“Hello?”
“Is this Roberto?”
“I said it was. Who is this?”
“Roberto. Listen.”
He listens. He hears outside the soft sound of rain falling. He glances at the clock by his bed. It is 6:03 a.m. The phone is silent and he’s about to hang up but then he hears: “You think you have fooled us? You have fooled no one. Only yourself.”
The voice is male. Middle-aged perhaps. Impersonal and calm.
“What are you talking about?”
“We know it was you who wrote about them.”
“Wrote about who?”
“The poor Indian children who live with the vultures on the garbage heap. Manuel, the crippled soldier. The juggler on the street corner who had his balls cut off.”
These are the last three stories Roberto has done for his paper. Because of previous threats, the news editor suggested that he start to write anonymously. The stories all carried the byline “from the staff of The Hour.” Although he’s gone along with it, he has never thought for a second this was a secret that could be kept.
“You continue to prove where your sympathies lie,” says the voice. “With the Communists and terrorists. Not with the decent people.”
“You really think those children—” Are terrorists?, Roberto’s about to say, but the voice interrupts sharply.
“We’ve run out of patience. This isn’t a game we’re playing. It’s time for action. On your part or our part.”
Roberto lies very still in his bed holding the phone to his ear.
“Listen. You must leave.”
He wishes the phone hadn’t rung. Wishes he was still sleeping.
“In ten days, Roberto. You must leave the country. Or else you will die.”
It goes silent on the other end. He puts the phone down on the table by the bed. He sees it is now 6:04.
A lot can happen in a minute.
The gray light of the beginning day seeps in around the edges of the blinds. He listens to the rain and some traffic noise a block away on Avenue Six and then he hears a rapid clop clop clop clop clop clop clop, it’s getting louder, clop clop clop clop clop clop clop, and many things about this city he loves but this is not one of them: the skinny horses pulling the carts carrying junk or produce or construction materials, a hunched, shabby man holding the reins, the horse always moving along at a brisk trot, rain or shine, day or night, when do they ever get to rest, the poor creatures?
* * *
The city is high in the mountains and is surrounded by mountains except to the south. He can see the church on the top of Mount Cabanacande, then it’s hidden by a gray tumble of clouds. He takes a sip of his coffee and looks down at the street. It’s a pretty street, lined with eucalyptus and acacia trees. A woman walks by beneath him, holding a red umbrella in one hand and in the other hand her dog’s leash. It’s a long-haired, elegant dog wearing a raincoat.
His apartment is on the top floor of a four-story building. Though it’s small, it’s not something he could afford on a journalist’s salary since it’s in the northern part of the city where the people with money live. His father bought it for him. He has plenty of money. He’s the preeminent cardiologist in the country. A few years ago he divorced Roberto’s mother and married a much younger woman and Roberto’s mother in retaliation moved to Madrid and took up with a much younger man. His name is Pedro and he paints.
Since he got up, he’s been doing what he normally does: he’s made coffee and sat down at his computer in his electric-blue Nike tracksuit and checked his emails and perused the Internet to see what new catastrophes have befallen the world while he slept. Meanwhile, he’s been telling himself that the call is nothing to be concerned about, that he’s had similar calls and emails and letters in the past and nothing happened, but finally, restlessly, he has stood up and walked to the window because the problem is this: he does not believe himself.
For they kill journalists in this country. Just last week, Susana Cordoba, a young radio reporter in San Felipe, was kidnapped, raped, and strangled to death. And earlier this year, Edgar Leonidas, who worked for a rival newspaper called The Spectator, and whom Roberto played soccer with in high school, was shot to death in a coffee shop. And last year a renowned British photojournalist named Frank Giles was traveling through the anarchic northern province of Tulcán when his car was stopped by armed men who took him away. His body minus head and genitals was found three days later, floating in the dark waters of the Aguarico River. Also last year Ricky Cortés, a fat clownish local TV personality who had an enormously popular weekly satirical show on which he made fun of just about everybody, evidently attracted the attention of someone with no sense of humor and was blown to pieces by a bomb in his car. And if Roberto went back through the years he could find more journalists, dozens of them, men and women, the young and the old, the famous and the obscure, the foolhardy and the fearful, who have all, in a variety of more or less terrible ways, died, and Roberto does not want to be among their number.
He brushes his teeth, he showers, he washes his hair. He steps out of the shower and puts back on the wire frame glasses without which the world is a blur. He blow-dries his hair, it’s brown and thick and he combs it straight back, and then he trims his dark, fashionably stubbly beard. He gets dressed: a pink, long-sleeved shirt, designer blue jeans, Italian loafers. And then he puts on a black windbreaker and goes out.
He doesn’t wait for the elevator but heads down the stairs. His shoes make a rapid rattling noise as he descends, and a casual observer might think him a happy-go-lucky young man eager to meet the morning, rather than someone deep in the contemplation of exile or death. In the lobby, Beto, the doorman/security guard, springs up from behind his desk and hurries to hold the door open for him. Beto’s a skinny kid from the country for whom this job is a big step up. Roberto exchanges good mornings with him, and passes outside onto the street.
He’s on his way to a little restaurant around the corner where he’s in the habit of having breakfast. It’s stopped raining and the sun has come out, and thus he walks into an unexpected radiance: all the way down the street he can see bright drops of rain dripping out of the trees.
* * *
The traffic, as always, is atrocious. Hundreds of thousands of little cars and tiny yellow taxis honk and veer and lurch and spew exhaust, vying for space with big blue city buses, motorcycles, bicycles, and the occasional clopping horse and cart. He drives by two soldiers with automatic weapons, hanging out in front of a tall concrete wall topped with barbed wire. They puff on cigarettes as they laugh about something. He sees soldiers everywhere in this part of the city, protecting apartment buildings and businesses and embassies. He passes the American ambassador’s residence, as big as a palace. He listens to the news on the radio. The head of the Association of Families of the Detained and Disappeared has disappeared. Rats are being trained to detect land mines. And then he hears the latest vapid pronouncement from President Dávila: “We are committed to transparency. We will do whatever it takes to ensure that honesty shines throughout the government like a bright, rising sun.”
The traffic grinds to a halt at a red light. He hears three pings and pulls out his iPhone. He’s received a text message. Good morning my love mama is doing better today daddy is playing golf I am thinking as always of my roberto when are you coming I miss you too much your caroline. She dazzles him with her coppery skin and light-green eyes and he loves and plans to marry her. Her mother is dying of cancer, and she went four months ago to be with her on the Caribbean island of Saint Lucia. She worries about him and has been imploring him to quit his job and join her on the sunny idyllic island. He texts her back. I’m trapped in traffic he’s about to write but he only gets as far as I’m trapped when he hears a tapping at his window.
A woman with a pink and yellow sty the size of a cherry in her left eye is looking at him through the glass. She’s in a wheelchair. He keeps money on the console for such situations as this. He grabs a wrinkled thousand peso note, lowers the window, and passes it out to her.
“You’re a good man,” she says smiling at him. Her face is rather pretty except for the sty. “May God bless you.”
She wheels herself toward the next car. It wouldn’t surprise him if this woman was no more crippled than he is, but his grandmother has always told him he should err on the side of generosity and anyway, it must be hard work wheeling through the traffic all day. Other people are moving among the cars, selling gum and lottery tickets and candy and fruit, and here comes another cripple, undoubtedly the real thing this time, a shirtless young man with no right arm and only a stub of a left one, and two people in silver space suits are performing a synchronized robotic dance to the accompaniment of eerie electronic music from a boom box. At every busy intersection in the city he’ll see this ragtag army of vendors, beggars, and performers. Recently he wrote a story about them.
As with just about everything, it turned out there was a lot more to their story than met the eye. Not just anybody can wander onto any street corner and go into business. The people who have already staked their claims there are loathe to accept newcomers, and will demand money from them or harass them and drive them away. He interviewed a black man named Uriel, a skillful juggler with a flashing white smile and an endless supply of songs and jokes. He had moved to the cool city from the tropical coast and had enjoyed a prosperous couple of weeks juggling at an intersection downtown when three men dragged him into an alley. Two of the men held him while the third pulled down his pants. As Uriel began to scream and beg, the man took out a knife and cut his testicles off, then he tossed them to Uriel and said, “Here, juggle these.” Uriel told Roberto he had seen the men around but they didn’t work on the street themselves. Roberto found out who they were: thugs with ties to a neofascist organization called the Committee to Protect the Nation, which is basically a front group for a vicious paramilitary unit called the Black Jaguars. And he discovered the CPN was getting a piece of the action from every major corner in the city. The story has created quite a stir, and an “official investigation” has been launched. Not that he expects anything to come of it. Official investigations in this country have the paradoxical effect of carrying the investigators ever further away from the truth. All becomes a mystery, turns into murk. Hard glittering facts melt away like bits of ice.
The light changes, and traffic begins to struggle forward. The sun has vanished. Rain splatters down again. He turns his wipers on.
He’s in the habit of monitoring his surroundings closely. Now he notices the green Renault sedan that was behind him has moved into the lane to his left. There are two guys in the front seat. He doesn’t have a clear view of the driver, but the guy in the passenger seat has a moustache and a broad red face. He’s looking right at Roberto. Roberto looks away, looks back. The guy is still looking at him.
Hard to tell what’s in the look. It’s not obviously hostile, or friendly, or curious. Just two eyeballs fixed on him.
Roberto’s coming up on a side street to his right, and now he takes a sudden turn on it and plunges down a steep hill, into a neighborhood he ordinarily avoids. It’s not unusual in this city that even areas of affluence contain pockets of poverty and crime, and on these few blocks a policeman is hardly ever seen and drivers like Roberto taking short cuts are routinely robbed. He drives fast past dilapidated apartment buildings and cheap shops and restaurants and people on the sidewalks beginning their day. The pavement is crumbling and his right front tire bangs into a pothole and he feels lucky it didn’t blow. He turns left and then right again, his tires squealing a bit. He honks at a guy crossing the street who has to scurry out of the way. Roberto looks in his rearview mirror. The guy is bending down and picking up a loose chunk of asphalt and now he throws it at Roberto. But he misses and Roberto reaches the bottom of the hill and turns left. He’s out of the neighborhood, on course again for downtown.
He checks his mirror. He doesn’t see the green sedan. He has no idea whether it was chasing him down the hill or not. Was the guy in the passenger seat the same person that called him at dawn, or at least connected to him? Was this just an act of intimidation, or was he on the verge of pulling a gun out and scattering Roberto’s brains across the front seat of his car? Or was he staring at Roberto because he looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place him? Or maybe he was gay and thought Roberto was cute. He knows one thing for sure: he’s unlikely to get chunks of the road thrown at him while driving in Saint Lucia.
* * *
The sky is really pouring by the time he reaches The Hour’s offices. Dark clouds are curling over the tops of the mountains as if the mountains were a dam barely holding back some vast, unimaginably powerful storm. The gutters gush with filthy water. He’s about to turn into the parking lot under the building, but he has to wait for a guy who looks like he’s out of a zombie movie to walk by. His long stringy hair is dripping with rain and he’s talking to himself and slapping his face. Probably he’s high on basuco.
Roberto opens his trunk so a security guard can poke around in it while another security guard circles his car with an aging, plodding, bomb-sniffing dog. Nobody, not even the publisher or editor, is allowed to enter uninspected since it’s reasoned that a bomb could have been planted in their car without their knowledge, or their family could have been taken hostage and will all be killed unless they bring a bomb into the building. This is not mere paranoia. Aside from the fact this is a crazy country where anything can happen, five years ago a car bomb ripped the building wide-open, killing three and injuring eighteen.
He missed the explosion by about a minute. He had been at his desk when he got a phone call. He was working on a story about a massacre in a town called Contamana, where the killers had worn masks and their identities were unclear. The caller claimed to have inside knowledge of the massacre, and was willing to meet with him and tell him what he knew in one hour. He wouldn’t give his name and Roberto was suspicious of him, but he finally agreed to meet in a public place where his murder was unlikely: at the statue of Simón Bolívar, in Bolívar Park. He wasn’t surprised when the guy was a no-show. He hung out with the Liberator and hundreds of pigeons for half an hour, and then headed back to the office. He was a few blocks away when he heard the boom and saw the smoke.
He knew immediately it was his newspaper. When he got there he saw coworkers stumbling out of the building and he will never forget how white and red they were: covered with dust and streaked with blood. He saw a woman’s bare leg sticking out of the rubble, a stylish black high heel still on the foot. He ran over and started clawing away the bricks and plaster but discovered there was no woman attached to the leg. His grandmother suggested that it was divine intervention that saved him from the blast, that perhaps the caller wasn’t a person at all but a spirit, his guardian angel. He told her he didn’t believe in guardian angels and she said that was okay, angels didn’t hold it against you when you didn’t believe in them.
He takes the elevator up to the fifth floor and enters the newsroom. It’s a huge space that used to be filled with people and energy but now seems more like a warehouse where row on row of empty desks are stored. The Hour is an elderly paper in very poor health kept alive only by infusions of money from its founders and owners, the Langenberg family. He sits down at his desk and opens his computer. An email from his stepmother has just come in. Roberto, your father and I are having a few people over for dinner on Saturday. Please come. It would make your father so happy. We never see you anymore. Sometimes I think you don’t even like me. Clara. He emails back his disturbingly attractive stepmother that he will be there, then Gloria Varela, who seems incapable of doing anything other than dramatically, strides dramatically past his desk.
“Good morning, Roberto!” she says, not looking at him, with a breezy wave of her hand. She is tall and wears a long skirt, knee-high leather boots, and a black cape blotched with rain. Her most striking feature would be her hair, which is long, wild, and a blaze of red, except for the fact she has a piratical black patch covering her left eye. Which was put out by a bomb. Not the one five years ago but one twenty-two years ago that was meant just for her.
“Gloria,” he says, “can I ask you something?”
She stops, looks back at him, and smiles. “Of course.”
But he doesn’t ask anything, doesn’t say anything, he just sits there with his mouth shut. Seeing he’s at a loss, she walks back. She sits down on the edge of his desk and crosses her boots (she always wears boots; it’s rumored she has an entire closet filled with nothing but boots). She takes cigarettes out of her purse. You aren’t supposed to smoke in the newsroom, but Gloria is not the type of person to whom the rules apply.
“How do you do it?” he finally says.
She flicks her lighter into flame. “Do what, darling?”
“Be a journalist in this fucking country. For so many years.”
“That’s not nice, Roberto, you’re making me feel so old.”
“Tell me.”
She blows a cloud of smoke over his head. “Okay, here’s my secret. Have them make some stupid movie about you so you’ll be too famous to kill!”
When Gloria was just starting out as a journalist, she made a fateful trip to the southern jungles. It was to an area controlled by the Popular Revolutionary Movement, a Marxist guerrilla group that had been battling the government for decades. She was seeking an interview with one of the PRM leaders, Luis Valesquez, who had earned the nickname Commander Romeo because of his dashing good looks that set the hearts of even right-wing women aflutter. A go-between put Gloria in contact with the guerrillas, and she was conducted to their headquarters. She had been led to believe that Valesquez was eager to be interviewed, but the PRM prided itself on being tricky and devious, and Gloria was promptly taken prisoner and held for ransom. After a little over a year, her release was negotiated, and it created a sensation all over the country when the movie-star-gorgeous redheaded reporter emerged from the jungle with her belly big with child. She was mum about the father, but promised to write a book in which she’d reveal everything.
Gloria wanted to call the book One Year, One Month, Eight Days: My Life as a Captive of the PRM. Instead, her publisher called it Commander Romeo and Me. In it she told of being chained for months like some hapless animal to a tree in the jungle, and of occasional visits from Valesquez during which a mutual respect and curiosity began to develop, until finally whole nights would pass with him and her talking and talking about the war, their pasts, their fears and dreams and their inmost selves as the equatorial stars blazed down through the gaps in the rain forest canopy, and then came the night when Commander Romeo unlocked the chain. “I felt a swelling sense of relief and joy as I realized I was free,” wrote Gloria. “But neither my body nor my soul remained at liberty for long, for they both became captives in Luis’s strong arms.”
Reaction to the book was passionate and divided, with many readers enthralled by Gloria’s soaringly romantic adventure, and others seeing her as at best a dupe of the Communists, if not their outright ally, who had concocted the story of her kidnapping as a way to get money for the PRM. A few weeks after the book came out, Gloria was walking up the stairs to her apartment with her and Valesquez’s year-and-a-half-old child in her arms when a bomb went off. She lost consciousness briefly, then opened her remaining eye and saw her son Martín lying at the bottom of the stairs—still alive, waving his arms around, but with a jagged piece of wood sticking out of his head. Two days later, in a hospital recovering from her injuries, she saw on TV a photograph of grinning government soldiers posing with the bloody corpse of Luis Valesquez as if he were a big-game trophy. Instantly the story started that Commander Romeo had been killed while on a desperate journey to the capital city to see Gloria and their injured son, but the truth was more prosaic: he’d cut his foot while swimming in a river, the cut had become infected, and he was on his way to see a doctor when he and some of his men had blundered into a government ambush. The movie rights to the book were acquired by a famous Spanish director who cast two Spanish movie stars in the lead roles. Commander Romeo and Me (with of course the tear-jerking Romeo-trying-to-reunite-with-Juliet ending) became a worldwide success, and Gloria was on hand in Hollywood when it was awarded the Oscar for Best Foreign Film.
“But they kill famous people,” Roberto says to Gloria. “Look at Ricky Cortés.”
“Yes, poor Ricky,” Gloria says. “But he wasn’t one tenth as famous as me.” The hand holding her cigarette is delicately cocked at the wrist, and her eye is gazing thoughtfully at nothing. “The truth is, I’m certain I would have been killed. If I hadn’t left.”
She moved to Paris after the movie came out. She became known for her eye patch and her flamboyant ways. She had a famous fling with the French president. She conducted a series of notorious interviews with world political leaders whom she somehow charmed into putting up with her often rude and outrageous questions. She returned to her own country after eleven years.
“Why did you come back when you did?” he asks her. “Why did you think it was safe?”
“Well, one never feels completely safe, you know, but—time passes, people get older, some of your enemies die, others begin to forget or just lose interest. And it helps that I’m not the writer I used to be.”
“Oh, that’s not true,” he murmurs, but he knows that it is. She’s no longer the fiery radical figure of her youth. For the last several years she’s been writing a gossipy political column that seldom takes any discernible side. She studies the glowing tip of her cigarette as if it’s some odd phenomenon she’s never noticed before.
“It changes you,” she says. “Being blown up along with your baby. How could it not?”
He feels sad for her. For her and Martín. He is a permanent patient in a Catholic hospital called the Home for the Relief of Suffering. Physically a young man but still trapped mentally in the time he was being carried up that staircase.
Now Gloria smiles. “So what’s with all the questions, my handsome one?” She reaches over and ruffles Roberto’s hair. Her demeanor toward him has always been a mixture of the motherly and flirty. “What’s up with you?”
“I’m thinking about leaving,” he says.
“The country?”
“Yes. I think maybe it’s becoming too dangerous for me here.”
“And where would you go?”
“Saint Lucia, at least for now. My girlfriend and her parents are there.”
“And what would you do in Saint Lucia?”
“The same as here. Only I wouldn’t be looking over my shoulder every three seconds.”
Gloria seems unsurprised by any of this. She’s quiet for a moment, looking at him speculatively—and then says, “I would miss you, Roberto. But maybe it isn’t such a bad idea that you go. I’m a little surprised they haven’t killed you already.”
* * *
He makes some phone calls, types up some notes. He’s begun work on a story about so-called “death bars.” Supposedly there are bars in the seedier parts of the city where young men go, not simply to drink and carouse, but expressly to seek fighting and maybe killing and maybe death. They fight with knives, and it’s said spectators cheer and lay down bets as if they’re watching cockfights. He’s made contact with a man who claims to be somehow involved in the scene, and he’s agreed to act as Virgil to Roberto’s Dante and conduct him on a tour of the death bar underworld. He’s doing it for a price, but it wouldn’t be the first time Roberto has paid sources; as the saying goes, truth is a whore and you must pay for her. But now, as he sits at his desk and looks at the man’s number, he decides not to call, at least for now. A story like this would take weeks of work, and in ten days, he might be gone.
* * *
He drives south, the neighborhoods disintegrating as he goes, poorer people on the street, more jolting potholes and skinny dogs, crummier cars spurting smoke. To the east and west, where the most impoverished live, dismal slums crawl up the sides of the mountains. This is a world that people in the north of the city can live out lengthy lives and never once visit.
It’s quit raining again, though the sun hasn’t come back out. There are two seasons in this country, rainy and dry; this is the middle of the rainy season, though there hasn’t been much rain yet. In other parts of the country, the rainy season has never come. Rivers are drying up and jungles are catching on fire. The drought is entering its third year, and scientists say they have never seen anything like it.
He’s on a wide commercial avenue. He stops at an intersection and a vendor approaches, selling cigarettes and sweets. He buys a Jet. It was the favorite candy bar of his youth. He was a little bit chubby when he was a kid, and candy bars seemed important then. But today, the Jet is not for him.
He reaches a neighborhood called Caballito. He turns onto a narrow side street lined with ramshackle houses, shacks, huts, whatever. He drives a couple of minutes and turns again and then parks in front of Manuel’s house. In case he actually does go to Saint Lucia, he wants to see Manuel one more time. He didn’t bother to call first. He knows he’s here. He’s always here.
He gets out of his car. It’s a blue Kia Sorento. Four-wheel drive. Six years old. He could afford a nicer car but he wants one that blends in. A vacant-eyed teenage boy approaches. In this city when you park your car someone is always approaching.
“Hey, Nemecio. What’s happening?”
“Nothing’s happening, man,” says Nemecio. “Life stinks.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
He gives him a two thousand peso bill. The money is so he will “watch” his car. “Protect” it. Protecting it primarily from himself.
He skirts a wide puddle of water. Different kinds of music drift out of different houses and mingle discordantly in the street. Above the roofs, beads of rain hang from tangles of black electric lines. A little girl stands in the doorway of Manuel’s house, looking at Roberto with black bashful eyes.
He sticks his hands in the pockets of his windbreaker.
“Which pocket?” he says.
She ponders him, biting her lip, then points to his left pocket. He pulls out of it the Jet candy bar and hands it to her.
“It’s amazing, Nydia! You always know. What are you, some kind of witch?”
He’s being serious. It is amazing, Nydia does always know, she is like some kind of little witch. She giggles and tears the wrapper off and bites into the bar of solid chocolate. She’s eight. She’s related to Manuel and his mother but Roberto’s not sure exactly how. She’s a recent refugee from the fighting in the countryside. A bit of inconsequential flotsam cast up on the shore of the enormous city. He knows she can talk because he’s heard her talking to others, but she has never said one word to him.
He moves past her, calling “Hello?” into the dimness of the house.
He sees Manuel’s mother, sitting in her usual chair, a wooden bowl filled with peas she is shelling resting on her arthritic knees. She’s watching a cooking show on TV called Fernanda! She’s surrounded by religious bric-a-brac. His eye is caught as always by a porcelain figurine of Christ. It’s a particularly macabre representation of the crucifixion, blood spilling down Jesus’s face from his crown of thorns, his eyes bugging out and his mouth agape in horror, as if to say, “Hey, I don’t care if I am the son of God, it’s no fucking joke to be crucified!”
“How are you?” he asks. “How are your knees?”
She keeps her eyes on Fernanda, a hyperactive blonde whose big tits seem to be threatening to fall out of her low-cut top and land with a plop in the food she’s preparing.
“As good as God wants them to be. He’s in the back.” Meaning presumably her son and not God.
He goes out the back door into a tiny fenced-in yard. Mateo, Manuel’s dog, a low-slung burly brute with a muddy belly, greets him with some growls and hearty barks.
“Hello, Mateo!” he says.
“Mateo, shut up!” says Manuel. “It’s okay, it’s Roberto!”
Manuel is sitting on a low bench in an open-fronted shed built of flattened soda and beer cans and scraps of wood. Around him are dumbbells and a barbell and stacks of iron weights, and a radio is playing a peppy salsa tune. He’s a good-looking guy in his early twenties. He’s wearing white workout clothes that have somehow remained clean despite the griminess of his surroundings, and his upper body is bulging with muscles. His face is turned toward Roberto but he does not really see him except for his general shape. His left leg is missing at the hip. He was a soldier who stepped into a booby-trapped hut in the rebellious province of Tulcán.
“How are you, Manuel?”
He gives Roberto a big smile, showing his even white teeth.
“I’m doing great, Roberto. Something wonderful has happened!”
“What?”
“Some people from the Army came by yesterday. They said I’d been accepted into the Center for the Courageous. I’ll be going there next week.”
The Center for the Courageous is a treatment facility for soldiers who have suffered grievous injuries. Now Roberto grins as widely as Manuel.
“Hey man. I’m really happy for you.”
Manuel extends his fist and Roberto bumps knuckles with him.
“It’s because of you, Roberto. I have you to thank.”
He wrote an article about the many Manuels who have been casualties in his country’s unending warfare with guerrillas and subversives and are living on meager pensions in grubby little shitholes minus eyesight or limbs or reproductive organs or feeling below the waist or any combination of these and most of all minus a future. The Center for the Courageous has an excellent reputation but also a very long waiting list. Roberto quoted a retired Army general who called the country’s treatment of its wounded warriors “a stain on our national honor” and radio and TV talk shows went into a self-righteous tizzy and panicky officials promised reforms and launched investigations. Most of what Roberto does seems without consequence, usually a story he writes is like a stone dropped into a well so deep he never hears it hit the bottom, so it makes him feel good that he seems to have had an effect on at least one person’s life.
“I’ll miss Mateo,” says Manuel, scratching his dog’s head. “But they said he could come visit me any time I want.”
A white rabbit with gray spots hops slowly around a corner of the outhouse. Manuel’s mother got it with the idea of fattening it up and cooking it in a coconut milk stew, but Manuel has become attached to it and has made it his pet. Mateo, though, is giving the rabbit a murderous look, leaving no doubt that if it were up to him, its protected-pet status would be immediately revoked.
“What do you want them to do for you?” asks Roberto.
“Give me a new leg and teach me to walk on it. Teach me to read with my fingers. Help me find a job. My brother is a plasterer, I planned to go into business with him when I got out of the Army, but I don’t guess you can be a blind plasterer. But I’m very strong, I’m full of energy, I know I can do good work at something. And then I’ll take care of my mother instead of her taking care of me.”
Manuel had a girlfriend that ditched him after what was left of him came back from Tulcán. He has hinted to Roberto that his injuries have left him incapable of having children, and he has told him how sad he is that he will probably never have a wife. Roberto’s happy about his good news and yet he feels bad that Manuel now wants so little out of life but will have to struggle mightily to achieve even that.
Manuel reaches for the radio and turns the music down. It’s like a cloud or a shadow has passed across his face.
“What’s wrong?” Roberto asks.
“I need to see a priest.”
“Why?”
“To confess my sins. I did bad things . . . we all did . . . in Tulcán.”
Since the days of the conquistadors, outsiders have not been welcome in Tulcán. The war there has nothing to do with the PRM. The mostly Indian population is resisting the encroachment of the modern world. It does not wish to be globalized. Miners have been massacred and loggers have been captured and then dismembered with their own chainsaws. The conflict there has been exceptionally savage, even by the extreme standards of Roberto’s blood-soaked country. He’s never talked to Manuel about his service in Tulcán, but he’s unsurprised to hear him admit he did bad things. It’s hard to imagine this gentle man sitting in front of him who loves dogs and rabbits committing terrible acts, and yet he’s used to the realities of this country outstripping the capacity of his imagination to deal with them.
“I can take you to a priest now,” he says.
But Manuel acts as if he hasn’t heard him.
“This will be a new beginning for me. So I want to make a clean breast of it. Start over.”
“I understand. So you want to go find a priest? I’ll be glad to take you.”
Manuel puts the heels of his hands into his scarred eyes and rubs them, as if trying to remove the darkness in them.
“The thing I want to tell a priest . . . it’s very difficult . . . because we killed a priest.”
Roberto sits. He waits. The rabbit comes cautiously hopping over to him and sniffs his shoe. Its name is Humberto.
“It was a bad place . . . Tulcán. I know sometimes we did bad things to the people there but they did bad things to us too. I saw many of my friends die. But it wasn’t only the people, it was the trees, the animals, the birds—it was like they all hated us, they wanted to kill us. The day before we killed the priest, my best friend, Gonzalo, he was bitten by a mapaná snake and died. And then that night when we made camp, we could hear an animal walking around. Something big. We heard it growling and breathing and twigs snapping under its feet. We shined our flashlights and couldn’t see anything but we kept hearing it. Someone said it must be a jaguar, but someone else said maybe it’s the Mapinguari.”
“What’s the Mapinguari?”
“The Indians say it’s a ferocious animal that protects the forest and can’t be killed. We’d heard stories about it and we laughed about it, but that night we wondered if maybe the stories were true. The next morning we went into a little village, it was called Las Animas.” The Spirits. “We were looking for a priest who had been causing a lot of trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“They told us he was a Communist. But I sit back here all day and think, all I do is think, Roberto, and I think maybe anybody that tries to help the people they call a Communist. He didn’t try to run away or hide, he walked out of his church and met us. His name was Father Benecio. He didn’t look old enough to be a priest, he didn’t look very much older than me. He said, ‘This is a peaceful village, you are all welcome here, how can we help you?’ Our captain told him he could help us by taking off all his pretty priest clothes. He looked surprised, he asked the captain if he was joking. The captain just laughed, and then he ordered me and another man to take off his clothes for him. We stripped off all his clothes, Father Benecio didn’t resist, it felt wrong to do this to a priest but orders are orders. He was standing naked in the street. He had blue eyes and fair skin, the sun was shining on him and his body looked so white, Roberto, he reminded me of a little baby bird without feathers that had fallen out of its nest.
“The captain ordered us to round up all the people of the village. The priest began praying. The people looked at him and many of them were praying too and weeping and making the sign of the cross, because they knew something terrible was about to happen. The captain ordered the people to run and get sticks, hoes, rakes, shovels, and they just stood there and looked at each other and then we began to shoot our weapons in the air and hit them and kick them and they ran and came back with hoes and sticks. The captain ordered them to form two lines facing each other. They lined up, all the people of Las Animas: men and women, old people and children. The captain told them it was their privilege today to do a good deed; they were going to send Father Benecio to heaven. He told the priest to start walking between the two lines, and he told the people to strike him. The priest began to walk slowly. He was whispering to himself and crossing himself, but nobody struck him, they loved the priest, and the captain walked up behind a young girl and shot her in the head. He yelled at them to strike, and then a man hit the priest on the back with a shovel, and the captain screamed ‘Not hard enough!’ and shot the man in the head. And then all the people began to hit the priest with their sticks and rakes, and he stumbled forward and blood was running down his white skin, and I heard him yell, ‘Strike hard, my children! Please! End it, for the love of Christ!’”
Manuel breaks off. He turns his face toward Roberto, his usually dim eyes bright with tears.
“Roberto, how can I tell a priest about this? How can God forgive me?”
Roberto doubts there is a God but he says, “They say that God forgives everything.”
He leaves Manuel with his dog. He finds his mother in the kitchen, preparing a meal. He gives her some money. She slips the bills into her pocket without looking at them or him and mumbles her thanks. He goes out of the house and walks toward the street past Nydia, who is squatting on the ground and playing like a little boy with a toy truck.
“Good-bye, Nydia,” he says, not expecting a response, but he’s surprised to hear behind him a shy “Good-bye.”
* * *
She is there in front of him. Her blonde hair falling about her shoulders. Her green eyes looking at him. Her mother is English, that’s where she got the eyes and hair. The golden skin she got from her father. Caroline’s mother had a secretarial job at the British embassy. She went to a disco one night, where Caroline’s father asked her to dance. She was nearly a head taller than him, but he was a tremendous dancer and they fell in love fast. He was a young executive at the local Coca-Cola branch. By the time he retired to paradisal Saint Lucia, he was the chief operating officer for Coca Cola in all of South America. Roberto’s father is well off, but his future father-in-law is out-and-out wealthy. Not a bad guy either.
The first time Roberto saw her, as he and his friend Andrés were crossing the lobby of a theater during the intermission of a terrible play, he was so taken aback by her beauty he came to a stop and with his mouth hanging slightly and stupidly open just stared at her. She was standing with some guy, and she happened to glance over at Roberto, and when she looked at him again a few moments later, this time with a certain amount of curiosity, he finally had the presence of mind to close his mouth. He couldn’t even do it the first time he tried to sleep with her, he was so in awe of her. But the second time it was the opposite, the two of them were in a frenzy all night as if trying to set some sort of record for climaxes and positions.
It’s night. He’s sitting in front of his computer. He has called her on Skype. She’s telling him about something she saw on the news: a polar bear and her cub swimming in the Arctic for nine days because the pack ice had all melted.
“The mother bear made it to safety,” she says, “but her cub drowned. It’s all because of stupid global warming and nobody is doing anything about it. It made me cry for ten minutes!”
“I don’t like to think of you crying,” says Roberto.
“Too bad you weren’t here to comfort me.”
“That was too bad.”
“So what’s new with my Roberto?”
“Well, let’s see. I’m having dinner with my father and Clara on Saturday.”
“Just you and them?”
“Some other people are coming. I don’t know who.”
“Oh, one of Clara’s fancy dinner parties?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, give your father a big kiss for me.”
“What about Clara?” he says, teasing her. She’s crazy about his father but can’t stand Clara. “Should I give her a big kiss for you too?”
“No,” she says firmly. “No kissing Clara.”
“Why don’t you like her? She’s so sweet.”
“Sweet! Roberto, have you lost your mind? You know she married your father for his money.”
“Who knows why people do things?”
“Everything about her is phony. Including her teeth and her tits.”
“Her teeth, maybe. But I think her tits are real. They certainly seem real.”
“Oh, and so you’ve spent a lot of time studying them?”
“No, not a lot. Only when I’m with her.”
Caroline has three big fat cats, one of which is stretched out on her desk. Now she picks it up under its front legs and addresses it. “Roberto is so awful, Hombre. Why do I love him so much?”
“It’s simple,” Roberto says. “It’s because I’m so handsome.”
“It’s true, Hombre,” she sighs, and puts the cat down.
Roberto takes his glasses off, and cleans them with a tissue.
“What are you thinking?” she says.
“Hm?”
“You’re always thinking something when you clean your glasses.”
He smiles a little and puts his glasses back on.
“Something else is new.”
“What?”
“I got a phone call this morning. Very early.”
“From who?”
“I don’t know. But it wasn’t a pleasant call.”
“It was a death threat.”
“Oh Roberto.”
She looks at him with both dismay and reproach, as if he’s at fault somehow. He shrugs.
“You should change your number,” she says.
“What good would that do? And besides, how can I do my job if no one can get in touch with me?”
“What did they say exactly?”
“They made reference to some of the stories I’ve written. I don’t think they liked them very much. And they said if I didn’t leave the country in ten days, I’d be killed.”
“Then leave. Come, Roberto!” she says, holding her arms out to him. “Come to me!”
He doesn’t say anything. Her arms disconsolately drop.
“You’re so stubborn. All you think about is your next story. I need you here. It’s hard for me, with Mother so sick, and Daddy so sad and lost, and—”
“All right.”
“All right what?”
“All right. I’m coming.”
“You’re coming here? To Saint Lucia?”
He nods.
“When?”
“Now. I mean, in a few days. I’ve got a lot to do first. I have to quit my job, and do something about the apartment, and my car, and—”
“Roberto,” she says, suddenly leaning forward as Hombre leaps out of the way, her face filling the computer screen as if she’s about to jump right through it, “you’re really coming? I can’t believe it.”
He can hardly believe it either, he feels as exhilarated as she. It’s such a relief to have the decision made. It’s like he has just emerged from a dark tangled forest, and he sees now openness and sunlight and the pleasant path he will soon be walking on.
* * *
He falls asleep quickly when he goes to bed, and he has a dream. He’s making love to Caroline, but then she becomes Ana María, the woman whose leg he found in the rubble of the newspaper office after the bombing. She worked in the advertising department, she hadn’t been there long, he never really got to know her but she always had a nice smile and a hello for him whenever he encountered her in the hallways or the elevator. And now as in his dream he makes love to her, she begins to weep.
“Ana María,” he says. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like it? Am I hurting you?”
“I do like it, Roberto,” says Ana María. “You’re not hurting me.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because I’m afraid.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Of being alone.”
“But you’re not alone. I’m here.”
“Don’t leave me, Roberto.”
“I won’t.”
“Promise me!”
“I promise,” he says, but he is saying it to nobody. Ana María has faded away. All that is left of her is the sound of her weeping.