In Vain

I like liposuction, I’ve had my lipo sucked.

No flab to grab on my abdomen

My buttocks neatly tucked.

Implants in my pectorals, wrinkles all erased

Nosejob and a hairpiece, both eyes doubleglazed.

Zits all zapped by laser, cheekbones smashed and reset.

But sadly, my days are numbered,

I’m up to my ears…

Remember how they used to stick out?… in debt.

(For in brackets here I’ll mention

A certain glandular extension)

Penile, in fact, which increased my libido

Though senile I act like a beast

And the need, oh the greed,

Oh those nights of seedless passion!

Which will doubtless explain

The cardiovascular pain

And three-way bypass, alas, in vain.

Wearing pyjamas designed by Armani

A perfect body waiting to die.

Bewigged, butchered and bewildered

Am I,

Am I,

Am I.