Chapter 53

“Thank you.” Maw said once I had seated myself. Her color had returned, and she had recovered her composure. I wondered if her little display of weakness was just an act. After all, I was sitting down in front of her, which was what she wanted.

She raised her chin and asked, “I suppose you’re proud of yourself?”

“I could ask you the same.”

She glared at me and said, “You’re insolent. It’s a bad habit and unbecoming.”

“From your point of view; from mine, it’s called having to suffer in silence as one listens to one’s betters, or some such nonsense.”

She snorted. “Very clever, but it takes more than cleverness to get on. Knowledge and information are necessary. Had I not showed you the file, would you have worked it out?”

“It would have eluded me.”

“Which proves my point: knowledge and information are vital, but before I begin, I would like to put an end to our previous discussion. Asking for your opinion about the files a few minutes ago was a means to an end, no more.”

She paused, waiting for me to interject some comment, but I said nothing.

“Very good. Shall we move on?”

“Not yet. I think an apology is in order.” It would not absolve her actions, but it would be a step in the right direction.

“I never apologize, and I won’t start now. Each of us does what we must, and given the same circumstances, I doubt anything would change. Apologies sound nice, but they are merely social lubrication, nothing more. I had my reasons for doing what I did. Maybe I would have liked things to have turned out differently, but I doubt it. To apologize is to belittle the action and the rationale behind it, no matter how reprehensible the act might be. One always has a reason for what one does, even if it is instinctive. Apologies only serve to hide the truth from ourselves. Don’t look for an apology from me, because you’re not going to get one. I don’t expect you feel like apologizing to me for your outbursts. In this, we are equal. Now, can we continue with a civil tongue or not?”

I nodded.

“I wish to tell you a story. You may choose to believe it or not. You may choose to react to it or not. That is up to you. For my part, I will tell you what I know to be factual. Memories change over the years, so what I remember may be inaccurate. It probably is, but I don’t really care. The memory has served me well, and that’s all that matters. Are you willing to listen and not interrupt until I’m finished?”

I nodded again.

“Say it.”

“Why should I?”

“Even a lizard can nod its head up and down. It means nothing. I want to make sure we understand each other.”

“Very well. I will listen and not interrupt, but if I have questions when you’re finished, I expect to be able to ask them and get answers.”

“It depends on the question. I won’t be interrogated. You may ask, but I may not answer.”

“Then I will listen but make no guarantee I won’t interrupt.” I was being recalcitrant. I knew this, but I was just not in the mood, and having Maw compromise, even if only an inch, kept her from running me over completely.

“Very well. It will have to do. Before I begin, I will say this and hope it is plain enough: I dislike you. To be even more frank, I have always disliked you. It may be unfair, but there it is. For some time, you were happily absent. It was a gift. You have returned, and I feel the same. Am I being clear?”

“Quite; in this we are also equal.”

“I suppose I must put up with your rudeness. I have things to say, so I will choose to overlook it…for now.”

We had always had an uneasy relationship, but the depth and extent of her animosity surprised me. I had had a taste of it this morning. Had I not held her in such high regard, I might have perceived it more clearly, but I had not. It was one more error in judgment among many.

She continued. “In truth, my dislike for you is misplaced. I know this. You are an innocent, and I have tried to compensate for it to some degree in our interactions. But I am old and don’t have the time or the inclination to mollycoddle. Still, I have my personal reasons to dislike you. That won’t change, but should you harbor any ideas about mending any breach between us or getting into my good graces, I promise you: that too will never happen. You can tell that to Johnny as well. He will probably try to dissuade me, but it won’t work. You can also tell him that by being connected to you in any way, and I emphasize the word any, he will get nothing — not a penny. He’s a clever boy. At one time, I did intend to bypass my children. I may still, but it depends on him. Let’s see which way he jumps first, shall we? I will be most interested.”

She actually smiled at the thought and then said, “I will speak to Johnny separately, but those are Johnny’s terms. I have others, but they do not concern you.”

I rose and asked, “Are we done? I have things to do.”

I did not trust myself to stay in the same room with her. Much more, and it would end badly. Maw had no need for weapons. Her words were knives, and she used her cunning malice like a mace.

Maw mirrored my move and stood. “No, we’re not. And as you pointed out previously, I’m just getting started, but it won’t take long. It’s about your parents. Will that be of interest?”

I sat back down.

She smiled sweetly as she sat as well. “I thought as much. I have your complete attention at last. Oh, happy day.”

It took a force of will, but I decided to listen. She was easy to hate, and that had been the undoing of many. I would not succumb to it. I was sure she had left the worst for last.

“The time we have now and the information I will give you are the only things I will ever gift to you, and even this has taken a supreme effort on my part.

“You wanted to know the how, the who, and the why of the demise of your little business. It was me. I wanted to destroy you and drive you away. It was personal, and I make no apologies for it. Of course that alone is not enough of an answer for you, but it can stand on its own nonetheless. I made the decision. I am responsible. That may seem extreme and overly dramatic, but there’s more to it, and that is what I wish to impart. I warn you in advance: this story will not answer all the questions it will generate, but it will have to do. I won’t answer a single one of yours, I’ve decided.”

She looked out the window. It was enough for me take a breath. My parents? This could not be good. I badly wanted a cigarette, but there were no ashtrays. She looked back at me and continued.

“Bonnie and John were not my only children. There was a third. Her name was Sarah. She was a beautiful girl, intelligent, and full of life. I watched over her as she grew up. I tried to make sure she made the best decisions. I sent her away to boarding school so that she might become better educated, get into a good college, and eventually come back to me, so I might apprentice her. She was from the very beginning the one I wanted to take over and manage my affairs. We were so alike. She had courage, discipline, and determination. The other two never came close. What I didn’t plan for was her falling in love with a man who had everything to gain, while she had everything to lose. She kept it secret, but I found out about it. How could I not? She had been accepted at Vassar and was set to begin in the fall. When she came home, she was floating on air. I had seen that look. I had observed it in the mirror at one time or another. She was in love.

“I asked who she was seeing, but she refused to tell me. It took me some time, but I found out nonetheless. I had him investigated. My instincts were correct, and I was extremely disappointed with her choice. I confronted her with my discovery. The young man was a loser, and I told her that in no uncertain terms. I forbade her to see him again. We fought. Things were said between us — hard things, nasty things. We were two of a kind, you see, so you could imagine how extremely cutting and heated the argument became. Eventually, she could take no more and ran from the room.

“To this day, I don’t know how it happened. We were in her bedroom on the second floor. It opened onto a hallway that had a railing that extended along the opposite side before it connected to the circular staircase that led to the main floor. She must have tripped. They’re called balusters. I didn’t know that at the time. They prevented her from going over, but they were set sufficiently wide apart so that a head could squeeze through. Hers did. They said it was a freak accident. She died from asphyxiation, the result of a crushed larynx. I could not get her head out. I tried. Oh, how I tried, but the balusters held her like the teeth of a bear trap.”

She paused and took a breath. Whatever feelings she had for her dead daughter flashed across her face for an instant before it was replaced with the resolve to soldier on.

“It was a bad time,” she said. “Initially, I blamed myself, but that was a fool’s errand. It would never bring her back, and I had good reason to act the way I did. I was not to blame. Even if I was, the result was still the same. She was dead. One can mourn, and I did, but comes a time, you must get back to it.

“Management is my work. It’s what I do. One can debate, one can argue the pros and cons, but ultimately, it’s all about decisions. There can be no self-doubt, only the choice and then the action. Doubting is like a cancer. Once it starts, everything is affected. I held council with myself. It was the argument that led to the disaster, and the source of the argument was the young man. He was the reason. You may argue that my thinking was specious and arbitrary. It was…but all decisions are arbitrary — particularly the big ones. Uncertainty makes them so. One never has complete information. The best decisions and actions strengthen one’s power, and the organizations concerned. One can be right for all the wrong reasons. It makes no difference. I made the choice, and the results speak for themselves. I decided the young man was responsible. That was the decision, and it strengthened me. I was able to carry on, when before it had been impossible. The young man was your father. It’s no big revelation. You will have guessed that already, but there are things you haven’t.

“Your father and I met officially only once. The day you and I met. Never before and never after. That does not mean we haven’t interacted. I am happy to say I drove him from this country and into a somewhat impecunious and unhappy exile. You find yourself in front of me today because my son went behind my back and agreed to take you in as a favor to his friend. I was most displeased, but in the end, we negotiated an armistice of sorts. You would remain in the house, and I would leave your parents alone, provided they remained abroad and steered clear of this family. I have kept my end of the bargain for the most part. It is my wish to extend the same to you…Will you accept it?”

“Accept what, exactly?”

“You disappear back to where you came from, never to be seen here again, never to communicate with this family, and never to answer if you are contacted. In return, I will leave you and your family alone and untroubled. The alternative is I will make it my business to run every last one of you into the ground, even if it costs me a fortune. Make no mistake, I have a fortune to spend, and the resources available to make your lives a hell on Earth. You questioned my legacy. That can be my legacy. It will amuse me, and I like to be amused. You have my offer. Think well on it. I expect an answer tonight.”

I kept my peace. I would not be railroaded into an answer until I had thought it through.

“How can I be sure you’ll keep your end? I believe you said you had kept your end of the bargain for the most part, which implies you meddled nonetheless. I’ll expect you to make adequate and convincing representations as to how you intend to fulfill your part. We’ll talk again.”

“I make no such promises.”

“Then neither shall I.”

“We shall see.”

“That we shall,” I said as I left her and made my way to the aerie upstairs. Stanley’s family reserve and some time to think were in order. Once again I considered her name, Maw, as being entirely appropriate. I would make her gag. I just had to figure out how.