Chapter 57

I sat on the couch and thought about her.

Growing up, I would talk to Alice. My grimmer thoughts would come at night, and she would listen to them. Sometimes she would sit on the bed. Other times in the chair by my desk. It was imaginary. I knew this, but on the boundary between waking and dreaming, it was hard to know one from the other, or which was more real. I took comfort in that she was always there and took the time to listen. She never spoke, which made me think it was always make-believe, but one night at Rhinebeck as I fell asleep upstairs, I think she really was present, because it was the only time she ever said anything.

I remembered her sitting at the foot of my bed. She said, “Little man, continue sleeping if you must, but listen if you can. You and I are alike, because we are of two worlds. We live in twilight. I will not speak to you again. Farewell.” She touched my foot and left. I heard the door close and awoke. The room was dark and still. I was never sure whether I had dreamed it or lived it.

As I sat thinking, I recalled that moment. It must have been before she died if it was real, but I wasn’t certain. The episode floated, sometimes before, sometimes after. I had no idea what she meant then, but I always remembered the words.

What she had said made more sense in light of today’s revelations. I had been sitting there for several minutes and got up to go to the library, when Stanley looked in.

“Sorry,” I said to him. “I must have tripped one of the alarms. I was just sitting in here thinking about Alice.”

Stanley nodded. “I have done that often enough. You are troubled?”

“I suppose I am.” I told him briefly about Maw’s ultimatum, Sarah, and my parents.

“I see. Such is family life. On another matter, I have been meaning to speak to you privately in order to give you something. It’s in the repository and will take but a moment.”

Stanley opened the secret door and came back with an envelope in his hand.

“I have not been able to deliver this to you earlier because there were conditions. You had to be over twenty-five. It had to be delivered by my hand and with no others being aware you received it. That hasn’t happened until now. I have discharged my duty. I suggest you make your way to the library now and read it later.”

He handed it to me. I recognized the hand. It was from Alice. I put it in my breast pocket, my thoughts once again in a whirl. “This is quite unexpected.”

“It is. And one other thing, per our promise of the other night. I am invoking it. You are to accept Mrs. Leland’s ultimatum. I will inform Johnny of the same. I will take no questions. After you.”

Stanley held the door.