Chapter 70

Bruni reached over me to the side table, holding the sheet in front of her and turned on the light. A pack of cigarettes lay there, and she lit two.

“Smoking in bed?” I commented.

“Absolutely. It’s the best, and I’m wide awake. How about you?”

“Pretty awake, I’d say, and happy.”

She sighed. “Me too. We’re sexually compatible.” She rolled toward me. “You have no idea how important that is to me. I had to put that to rest before we spoke about my behavior earlier tonight. I suppose that’s manipulative, or at least calculating, but I had to know first.”

“What if we hadn’t been?”

She reached for an ashtray and held it for us. “It would have cast grave doubts on our future, at least for me, but thankfully, that’s not the case.” She hugged me. “Now, I have an apology and a confession to make. Not my favorite things to do, but I must. First, I’d like to apologize for my behavior downstairs and offer an explanation. You being the son of Lord Bromley both shocked and repelled me because the affair I had with him was not just platonic. You may have guessed that. Maybe not, but there it is.”

She looked at me for a reaction.

“Your father told me.”

Bruni sat up. The sheet slipped from her shoulders. Her eyes widened as she looked at me, and I suppose mine did too.

“Good god,” she said in German. “I had no idea he found out. He never mentioned it.”

“Would it have helped?”

“I suppose not. Mutti told him, of course. I should have figured that.”

“Welcome to my world. There are no secrets.”

“Really?”

“Around here, the staff knows everything as well.”

“Even about us?”

“Absolutely. There’s probably a betting pool.”

“I suppose that’s to be expected.”

She lay back down. “Sitting up I think was distracting you,” she said.

“Most definitely.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Did my father say anything else?”

“Yes, but not about you, other than that he wants you to be happy — both of us, for that matter. He was not overly optimistic, but he wasn’t pessimistic either.”

“That’s how he is, but I’m glad he said that. It means he approves, and that’s important. He did not approve of my first husband. Anyway, I should have been more transparent when I told you about the affair, but I wasn’t. I was embarrassed. I hate to appear stupid and foolish, and I was both. It’s hard to for me to reveal who I really am. When I realized the implications of you being Lord Bromley’s son, the unnaturalness struck me as unsavory bordering on the perverse. That did not go down well as a point of personal reflection. I felt sick. If it hadn’t been for the windows blowing out, I might have actually thrown up.”

She shuddered and continued. “I could barely get my wits around it. Knowing I had to confess the extent of that relationship to you made it almost unbearable, but you found out anyway. Horrible truths have a way of surfacing when you least expect them. It was when I was sprawled on the floor and I saw your face looming above me that I realized how utterly horrid I must appear. I even thought for a moment you were him, and I fled. I’ve never really run away from anything, but I did tonight. I looked at myself through your eyes, and I was both shocked and ashamed at what I saw. I ran. I could barely control myself.”

She stared off into the distance, lost in her thoughts. I reached out to her.

“The perversity of our circumstances was not lost on me,” I said. “When I realized who my father was, I was both pleased and horrified. You don’t know the relationship he had with Alice. It was abusive, cruel, and demonic. It started with love and ended in madness. I’ll tell you about it one day.

“There is the saying: the apple does not fall far from the tree. I think there is some truth in that. Enough for me to know that the same capabilities and tendencies lie within me, dormant and unexpressed, but they are there nonetheless. Will they crawl to the surface? I cannot say. Your father strangely enough understood that. He wanted me to embrace those elements rather than suppress them — to channel them and not be willfully blind to them. Tonight, I asked myself if you would accept me, knowing what lies inside me? I didn’t know the answer. I still don’t. You said I have a dark side. I do, but it isn’t dark. It’s black.”

She turned toward me and said seriously, “We’re the same. It’s why we’re drawn inexorably toward each other. It’s our weakness and our strength. You must understand — you’ll never drag me down. I descend. Your blackness holds no fear for me. I will always be there with you, however dark it is.”

She kissed me gently.

I looked into her electric-blue eyes and said, “Thank you. I feel blessed that you’re here. Had your life not taken the path it has, we’d not be together. I am grateful for all that has happened to you and all that you’ve done. I mean that. Other than knowing you better, your past doesn’t really concern me. When we made our promises to each other, I chose to become hopelessly biased in your favor. I will be so always.” I kissed her.

“You don’t care what I’ve done or what has been done to me?” she asked.

“No. You are who you are, and I like that well enough.”

“Since you’re biased, does that mean I can do no wrong?”

“Pretty much. You could hurt me, I suppose, but that’s the risk I take. I have made the decision to love you no matter what happens. It’s my surrender to you.”

“That’s a lovely thing to say. I like that.” She kissed me. “Acceptance is hard for me. That incident with your father was one of many that appear out of nowhere from time to time. I want to be perfect. Intellectually, it is foolish, but my heart refuses to listen. It’s stubborn, like me. Having at least one person love me in spite of all the mistakes I’ve made is a gift, and I thank you for that. On more immediate matters, you seem to be in a bit of a precarious situation. Do you know what to do? Would you allow me to help you?”

“Thank you for the offer, and I accept whatever help you might give me. I do have a question you can answer. If you make a promise as one person only to find you are somebody else, is the contract binding?”

“I take it you are referring to the promise you made to Mrs. Leland. There was no attempt to deceive, and you were competent when you made it from a legal standpoint, so it stands. The contract could be voided by the other party, but not by you. Mutual promises can be valid contracts. Enforcement can be problematic, but reneging can lead to a loss of reputation. Your best bet would be to renegotiate. I hope that helps.”

“It clarifies my position. A lot depends on my meeting with John Senior tomorrow. Stanley and I have made a start, and I’m very happy with that. Running this place without him would be out of the question.”

“Will you live here, then? Will we live here?”

“You wish to?”

“Of course.”

“Then we will. I have to pack up and tie up my affairs in California, but I’m quite sure I can transition back East. I have several clients in New York.”

“I have a place in the city. There is room.”

“Thank you. I think I’d like that.”

“We’ll work it out.” She sat up again and stretched. Her body glowed in the soft light from the bedside lamp. I was spellbound. She asked, “So, you accept my faults?”

“Absolutely,” I murmured.

“Faults imply that I have more than one.”

“Very few faults, actually,” I said carefully.

“How many? Be specific.”

“Ahh…”

She put the ashtray aside and lay on top of me. “I gotcha with that one. Admit it.”

“You did. I was distracted while on dangerous ground.”

“Very dangerous ground. What plans did you have for the rest of the evening?”

“I’m flexible, but I promised Johnny…”

“Early-morning meetings are better. Trust me; I know. I’ll set the alarm for six. How about we leave the light on this time?”

“Fine by me.”

Johnny would have to wait.