It had started to snow again and Jeanne and Bo-Bo were currently running around, both trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues, while Keeley walked next to Ethan on the way back to L’Hotel Paris Parfait. Rach had caught a cab back to the hotel a little earlier after the phone call with, what turned out to be, Roland. From what Keeley had gathered from the garbled telephone conversation she could only hear one side of, there had been another ‘incident’ at Mr Peterson’s place. Rach had rushed out something about ‘squirrels’ and ‘rabies’ and ‘are you OK to get back without me’ and after Keeley had affirmed she was OK to do that, Rach had left.
‘I apologise if I was picking your professional brains a little earlier,’ Ethan said as they continued to stroll along under the darkening skies. ‘It is only because you make the dressing of places sound such an uncomplicated thing, yet I do not find this to be the case.’
‘Oh,’ Keeley said, smiling. ‘I didn’t realise you were exactly picking my brain. If I had known I would have set out a quote for my services.’
‘You absolutely should do that,’ Ethan answered. He bent down and picked up a used takeaway coffee cup, popping it into the bin.
‘I was kidding,’ Keeley said.
‘Why kidding?’ Ethan asked. ‘I am serious. The things you say, about how people behave and what they look for in a place… the things that make them feel comfortable. These are insights and expertise that should be highly paid for.’
‘Maybe,’ Keeley said, shrugging.
‘Completely,’ Ethan answered. ‘Most definitely.’
He sounded so sincere. He was walking extremely close alongside her now and she was enjoying it so much. She looked up and observed the snow settling on his thick, wavy dark hair. Every flake was speckling the colour with white that then quickly melted into silver. He was so outwardly handsome yet also inwardly so in tune with his own spirit. That easy self-confidence simply oozed from him. But there was also an air of reticence too that Keeley found sexy as well as curiously endearing.
‘My hotels,’ he began again, ‘they need change.’
He took a long, slow breath and Keeley couldn’t help wondering what was running through his mind now. She almost yearned to see inside.
‘For quite some time now everything has been at the mercy of familiarity.’ He sighed. ‘I know how that sounds but, bear with my thoughts for a moment. In this case, familiarity that was once “comfortable” was bred out of being too scared to implement alterations. It is not the kind of “comfortable” you speak of. It is the type of familiarity that ferments and sets firm a certain way because of a lack of ingenuity, or, maybe, because of fear.’ He looked directly at her then, his gaze seeming to draw them both to a halt at the iron base of the Eiffel Tower. ‘But I do not want to be afraid of change anymore. And, if I want the business to continue, then change, it must happen.’
‘Change is always challenging,’ Keeley answered straightaway. ‘Because sometimes it’s change you want, and other times it’s change you’re dealt.’
‘Agreed.’
‘But,’ Keeley said, watching his breath dance in the air between them, ‘the challenge isn’t always the “what”. Usually it’s more the case of the “what if”.’
‘I am not sure I follow.’
Keeley smiled. ‘The difficulty lies in the procrastination that happens once a decision has either been made or has landed in your lap. Like… what if someone’s pearlescent-pink is someone else’s raspberry-ripple? Or what if someone’s promise of a special offer is more than you paid in the first place? Or what if everyone stops going to hotels forever?’
‘Do not joke about that. It was a very bad start to 2020 for everybody.’ He cracked a smile.
‘The “what ifs” are absolutely vital to decision-making. Obviously no one should make a decision without thinking through the consequences but…’
‘But?’
‘But “what ifs” are just excuses at the end of the day.’ Keeley took a breath and looked up at the tower winding its way into the sky above them, lit up now in festive red. She shuddered. ‘I’ve realised that even more since I’ve been in Paris. I’ve learned you shouldn’t leave things until it’s too late. My sister, she always said she would rather regret the things she had done than the things she hadn’t done.’ She looked back to Ethan. ‘Bea, she was always so wise. And determined. And brave. Always braver than me.’
Keeley wanted to be braver. She had pledged that to herself only this morning. She so much wanted to take this second chance at life and to hold on tight.
‘If I was braver,’ Ethan whispered. ‘I would kiss you right now.’
There was no hesitation in Keeley’s reply. ‘If I was braver… I would let you.’
Her heart was hammering in her chest as she gazed up at him and he looked down at her. She almost felt like she could pause here with him and let that moment elongate and expand and grow, maybe as far as eternity. Life suddenly felt completely suspended. The sound of the traffic had faded to a faint hum, the Christmas music from stalls around them became merely a gentle backing track to the melody of her heart. This was her time to be all in, like she had promised Erica. She leaned forward a little, holding her breath and saw Ethan do the same…
A loud whistle broke the hush and Keeley backed up, the bubble burst.
‘Ethan!’ Jeanne called. ‘Can we go ice-skating?’ The girl was bouncing up and down, pointing at the tower and mimicking gliding around on the pavement as Bo-Bo ran around in circles weaving in and out of her legs.
Keeley laughed, a little embarrassed, but more disappointed than anything else. Perhaps it simply wasn’t meant to be.
Ethan put a finger in the air and moved away. ‘Just… please… give me a moment.’ He shifted a few steps then turned back to her. ‘Wait right there.’
Keeley smiled, watching him moving away from her but also seemingly reluctant to turn his eyes away.
*
Ethan’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was out of control and overcome and… he wanted to kiss Keeley. He wanted to hold her in his arms. He wanted to feel her skin with his fingertips. He wanted to press his lips to hers… and Jeanne’s presence was the only thing stopping him.
‘Can we go ice-skating?’ she asked again, making the expression he assumed he was supposed to be rapt by the cuteness of. Ethan almost lost his footing as Bo-Bo jumped around him as if he might be meat on a stick the dog wanted to devour.
Taking his wallet from his pocket, he produced a twenty-Euro note. ‘If I trust you with this will you go to find us some food? Or will you run into the night and spend it on alcohol you are too young to be drinking?’
‘I do not like alcohol. It tastes like piss,’ Jeanne answered, making a gagging noise.
‘Pizza?’ Ethan suggested.
‘You have pizza at the hotel.’ She sniffed. ‘But… it comes with enough rocket on it to feed a family of rabbits.’
‘We are not going to the hotel.’
‘We are not?’
He saw her small face crumble then, the façade of bullishness dropping away and the reflection of the real vulnerable child appearing for only a moment before her petite features were once more poker-straight. Did she really think he was already turning her back out into the street?
‘You really cannot live in my hotel,’ Ethan told her. ‘But you can have my spare room. Just… until we think of something else.’
With that said, Jeanne snatched the note from between his fingers and was off, sprinting fast, with Bo-Bo in hot pursuit.
Ethan turned around quickly. He was suddenly scared that Keeley would no longer be there and that all they had shared in that brief moment where life had felt so incredibly heightened would be unable to be recreated. But… there she was, still standing in exactly the same spot. Her hair was gently tickling around her jawline as flakes of snow danced down from the sky. He didn’t want to wait a second longer. He couldn’t wait a second longer. But was this right? Was it OK to feel this way about someone he had only really just met? By pure coincidence. Or was the time for all thinking overrated? What? Or What if? Maybe everything was meant to be not regretting things you should have taken a chance on…
He strode forward then, wanting to close the distance between them as rapidly as he could. He only stopped when he was right in front of her, so close he could feel her delicate breath on his face. She was so beautiful. She was so intelligent. So real. He wanted to palm her cheek, feel the weight of her face in his hand…
‘I am feeling braver now,’ Keeley whispered.
Ethan watched her pupils dilate as the connection of their gaze deepened further still and slowly, but deliberately, he made his move. ‘Moi aussi.’
He touched her hair with his fingers and gently edged her face towards his. It was, he hoped, subtle, yet left no room for misunderstanding. He wanted this connection, this moment with her, possibly more than he had wanted any other connection he had had in his life before. And then, finally, Keeley’s lips met his, her intentions completely transparent and he found himself unable to hold back any longer as the depth of his passion took over. This was a kiss he had never known existed. This was every romantic movie scene he had ever watched… and all the ones he had yet to see. He wanted to live this kiss forever.
It was Keeley who broke the connection first, their mouths finally parting. But she kept her body unmoved, it was there so comfortably rested next to his.
‘I’ve… never done that before,’ Keeley breathed.
Her eyes were crisp and alive, her lips a little fuller from their kiss perhaps… and he knew exactly how she felt because it was mirrored in him. He went to make a reply but she continued. ‘I mean… I have obviously done something like that before but—’
‘It was not the same,’ Ethan interrupted. ‘This… was…’ He was caught between saying ‘different’ or ‘special’.
‘It felt comfortable,’ Keeley told him.
The biggest smile erupted on his lips as his heart took flight. Anyone listening in to their conversation, a voyeur to their kiss, might have been mistaken in thinking the moment had just been described as the least exciting, under-valued and boring meeting of mouths that had ever existed. But Ethan knew what ‘comfortable’ meant to her and his insides were dancing.
‘Keeley,’ he addressed her. ‘Would you like to go to the circus?’