Chapter Four

I cowered. I couldn’t help it. I heard the jingle of the bell and ran behind one of the sheer curtains in the lingerie room, cringing like a kicked dog. I was alone, freaked that my store was broken into and all the larger-sized lingerie was gone.

Well, not alone anymore, but I had been.

My brain finally kicked in when I heard Kitty’s strident voice singing some tune from the fifties. So she did have her own key and felt confident enough to use it without asking me first. We’d see about that.

I walked out of the back room as if I were on a mission. And I was. I was going to get that key and put Miss Kitty in her place while doing it.

The diminutive lady had dressed in black polyester slacks and a bright orange cardigan the color of that breakfast drink my mom used to make me down by the gallon. Kitty was humming now and I didn’t want to scare her, so I cleared my throat and waited for her to turn around.

Jumping a little—which pleased me, although I had just thought about the evils of scaring her—Kitty whirled around and put her hand to her heaving breast. Okay, I admit to feeling a little vindictive at this point. She was in my store, uninvited, and hopefully her imbalance would give me the upper hand in the confrontation ahead.

Was I up for it? Again, we’d see about that.

“Kitty,” I said, all sunshine and light. “What a surprise. You didn’t say you’d be in this morning.” I’d delivered the first line and waited for her response. I wasn’t going to say another thing until she did. Let her sweat, I thought. She probably had no idea I was upset about her trying to take over the store. I’d bet she was one of those women who saw herself as “helping.” And I’d be the bitch who kicked her out. Well, not kicked her out, because I still needed her. Put her in her place. Maybe later I’d go out and kick a poodle.

“Well, Ivy, good morning. I didn’t think anyone else was here. I thought I’d come in and get things going for you so you didn’t have so much to do. We could have another rush like yesterday, and I didn’t want you to be behind.”

How thoughtful, I mused. But I wasn’t falling for it again. The nice-lady act with the veiled barbs was not going to float this time.

“I certainly appreciate your concern, Kitty. But I’ve been here for about an hour, and I think you’ll find everything in order.” Please, God. “I’m taking my responsibilities to the store very seriously. You don’t have to worry about coming in early to help anymore. If you’d like to stay on for our peak season, I’d appreciate that, too, but I think normal business hours are fine from now on. In fact, why don’t you go ahead and give me your key, so I don’t scare you like I did this morning. I can handle opening the shop.” I put my hand out for the key and watched as she took her sweet time retrieving it from her purse.

“Really, Ivy. I thought you’d be glad for the help with opening.”

Jeez, she was going to drag this out. I thought I’d done pretty good on putting my foot down and didn’t want to explain myself to her. I shouldn’t have to, and I didn’t want to make enemies in my new hometown. So I throttled back my agitation and said, “As I said, I do appreciate your help, and”—I almost choked on the next words—“I would love for you to continue to help, but I think it is a good idea for me to have all the keys for the store. I don’t want any confusion over who’s doing what, where.” Like stealing all the lingerie. Something flickered in Kitty’s eyes when I said all the keys. Could she have made another one? I didn’t know, but I’d have to figure out a way to discover the truth.

She seemed to accept my decision. Finally. This backbone stuff was a lot of work. Of course we had to go through the whole thing of working the key off her enormous key ring, and then the hesitation before she put it in my hand. She started to protest again. I saw the words on the tip of her tongue and cut her off before she could utter the first syllable.

Grabbing the key out of her wrinkled hand, I said, “Thanks, I think this will work out far better.” Then I thanked my lucky stars when the bell tinkled again. This time a new customer came in, and I looked forward to another busy day. One in which I’d have to order a bunch of new plus-sized lingerie to replace what was gone and figure out who in their right mind would only take the bigger stuff and leave all the other clothes and costumes, not to mention the cash register. Plus, I didn’t want to broadcast the news of the robbery. What if Kitty had taken it all? What if Jackie had come back to exact revenge after our little That Teddy Won’t Fit Over Your Thigh tussle?

But all of that took a back seat because the bell tinkled three more times, and my little shop was off and running for the day.

The next few days whipped by in a flurry of cats and bats and vampires, oh my! Everyone in town had passed through my door, and I was happy each night when I counted the till. Kitty didn’t show up unannounced again, and we were only a little over a week from the annual Harvest Costume Ball. For the first time in a long time I felt good about damn near everything in my life. It was scary; I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I still worried about the missing lingerie, but the woman at Sass and Lace overnighted some new things and I was able to re-stock the back room without alerting anyone to the theft. I knew I should go to the police, but I wanted to sit on things for a few days before I reported anything. I mean, what would I say? Some larger woman may have made off with my undies? Merchandise was stolen from my store and, by the way, I think you can rule out anyone who isn’t at least a size 14? I don’t know that they would take me seriously. I probably wouldn’t take me seriously.

Besides, I’d read a bookshelf full of mysteries. I bet I could figure this one out myself, with my first suspect being Jackie. Maybe she’d stolen the lingerie so she wouldn’t have to admit a size two really wouldn’t fit her left thigh.

I got my chance the following Thursday. Jackie came in to pick up a kitten costume in a size Large (no argument from me), and I cornered her before she had a chance to walk back to the boudoir.

“That costume will look great on you,” I said with my professional smile on my face. No harm in buttering up the suspect before grilling her like a cheese sandwich.

I got a nod and a cross between a snort and a throat clearing in return. Okay, time to try again. “How are things going with Charlie?” I asked. I’d pumped Kitty for information on Jackie earlier, so I had some conversation openers. Of course I didn’t tell her what I needed it for, and, voila, found out Jackie was dating Kitty’s son, Charlie. No wonder I got a sense Kitty didn’t like Jackie that first day. Nothing like a mama bear protecting her thirty-five-year-old cub from the unworthy paws of the replacement for his affections.

Jackie’s whole body went stiff as a board, and I was puzzled. I didn’t come out and say “Can you please return my stock” or anything, so why go statue on me? Maybe there were problems in paradise.

But then a smile came across her face and she seemed to relax. It was a nice smile, but I could see a hint of smugness there. I was confusing myself with all these mixed messages, so I gave up the over-analyzing. I’d try later when I wasn’t being knocked off my feet with the overpowering reek of too much of Elizabeth Arden’s Red.

“Charlie’s great.” Jackie brushed her blond hair over a rounded shoulder. “Thanks for asking. Hey, I wanted to apologize for the other day.”

Wow. I hadn’t seen that one coming. Now I was the statue. For about two seconds. “Um...thanks.” So did I have to apologize here, too? No way. I had nothing to apologize for. I’d thought some unkind things about her since the Back Room Debacle, but everything I’d said to her at the time was true. Then again, I could have been nicer, and maybe I should apologize for that. She was a customer, and I wanted happy customers.

She saved me from further self-torment by waving her hand as she walked away from me. Well, that went better than I’d expected. Or did it? I pondered the smug smile as I went about the rest of my day. Did it mean she knew something about the missing lingerie, or was I reading too much into nothing? Maybe her smiles were always smirky? Maybe I’d have to check out the next person on my short list of suspects.

I locked up the store and went home to my clawfoot tub for a long soak. Bella was taking me out tonight to see the town, and she had told me to dress casual. That didn’t mean I couldn’t look damn good in casual. After all, I still hadn’t seen any really eligible men yet, and if I happened upon the one that (hopefully) existed in this town, I wanted to be prepared. Not desperate for the earth to swallow me whole because I hadn’t put on enough deodorant or my hair looked like I’d stuck my finger in an electric socket.

So I searched through my closet—and shuddered because Bella had been right about my limited wardrobe. I had brown skirts and khaki pants, copper shirts and umber blouses, cocoa tanks, and even a pair of sepia jeans.

It occurred to me, standing amidst yards and yards of brown garments, that perhaps I had taken the one compliment given to me at my old job a little too seriously. I’d worn a chocolate-hued pantsuit with a light beige blouse and my boss, for the first time in three years, had said I looked nice. Knocked me for a loop, and I guess it shut down the rest of my color sense.

Damn. What was I going to do now? Obviously, the only sane thing I could think of—I called Bella.

“Help!”

“Ah, let me guess,” she said, voice smug over the line. “You looked through your closet and can’t find a single blessed thing in any color other than brown.”

“You’re psychic now, too?” That could certainly be a big help with my lingerie thief.

“No,” she said. “I’ve seen you over the last two weeks, and every piece of clothing you’ve worn has been, in one shape or form, brown. The jeans you wore last week blew me out of the water because they were actually blue. But that’s been it as far as diversity in color.”

“I know,” I wailed. No shame in wailing when it’s over clothes. Well, clothes and shoes. I wouldn’t wail over underwear that was brown. That thought caught me off guard and I pawed through my chest of drawers, only to discover bras and panties of every cut and material, but all in shades of brown. Shit. Well at least no one would see my undies tonight. Tomorrow I’d raid the lingerie room at work, assuming the thief didn’t come back. He or she had taken everything last week, including my size—which we’ll call ten because I’m having a Jackie day.

“Hey, no whining. Look, we can fix this. Come over right now and we’ll find something for you.”

“Yeah, right. As if you have anything that would fit me.” I tried hard for the no whining, but I was pretty sure I did not hit my mark.

“I said, no whining.” Nope, guess I didn’t. “Just get over here. ASAP.”

So, after applying my makeup with an eye toward covering my enormous pores (why couldn’t I have silky smooth skin to counterbalance the weight?), I jumped into my sand-colored Hyundai Santa Fe—color police help me!—and zipped the three blocks to Bella’s cottage.

The little house was painted a bright, sunny yellow, and a bold red coated the front door. It sat nestled in a flood of color, flowers spilling from baskets and planters, from gardens and windowboxes. Thank God I hadn’t planted anything at Great Aunt Gertie’s house yet. What kinds of flowers are brown and still alive?

Even her house shouted confidence, I thought as I walked up the cobblestone pathway. Fountains with open-mouthed fish and fairies pouring water from chalices stood in the emerald green of the lawn.

I knocked, and before my fist landed back at my side, the door whipped open and Bella dragged me over the threshold into a wonderland of jewel tones and light wood. She shoved me in front of her as we walked down a short hallway, so I didn’t get a chance to admire any of the blur of colors.

“So much for hello,” I said.

“No time. Strip and start trying on the things I put on the bed.”

Hoo-kay. But when I turned to see the clothes strewn across the lavender comforter, I gasped.

“These are beautiful.” I fondled one silk blouse in electric blue paired with a long slim black skirt.

“Less talking, more trying.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice, although there was no way I was going to change in front of her and her little compact body. In her rose-and-cream bathroom, I shrugged out of my beige shirt and brown slacks and pulled on the black skirt. The silk lining under the wool slid up the length of my legs and I buttoned the side, turning toward the mirror. It’s always a test for me to see if slacks or skirts look all right by themselves without the long shirt I usually drape on.

And the skirt fit like a dream. No extra flesh hanging over the top. No smushing of my slightly rounded stomach to ruin the lines of the garment. I seriously contemplated never taking it off.

Then came the blouse. I’ll admit here that I’ve never worn bright colors because I always thought they’d drain me of what little color I possessed. I didn’t have one of those peaches-and-cream complexions. I wasn’t tanned, even though I had lived in California for all my twenty-four years. If I had to pick a color to describe myself, it would have been wheat and washed out, certainly not glowing. But when I put that unlikely electric-blue blouse on, I knew I lit up like a saloon sign on a Friday night. Bella told me as much after I stumbled out of the bathroom in a haze of excitement. Oh, and my own eyes confirmed it.

“Now, that is what I’m talking about,” Bella said, a triumphant smile on her vivid face. “You look great. That color brings out the blue of your eyes and makes your hair shine.” She made a motion for me to turn all the way around, and I did. “Yes. Definitely. You should burn all your brown clothes.”

“Absolutely not.” I liked the new colors, but I wasn’t willing to abandon brown altogether. The Masked Shoppe wasn’t bringing enough money into my checking account to allow a new closet full of clothes. Plus, I’d set up Kitty’s son Charlie with the plum job of putting a fountain in the main room. I’d looked and looked for someone else, but the supply of good handymen was way down in this town.

“Absolutely, yes. You can start by burning this brown blouse and then taking the rest of the clothes on the bed home. Right after my divorce, I gained twenty pounds from the stress, but I wasn’t going to dress like it. So I bought all these clothes with my ex’s credit card and left him with the bill.” A feral grin spread over Bella’s painted lips and I smiled with her.

“Well in that case, I guess I could be ready for a change. Wouldn’t want a whole payback shopping spree to go to waste. Should we make it like a celebration?”

“Yes.” Bella threw another pair of pants on the bed, these in a bright, almost luminescent green. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to actually walk outside in them, but it would be fun to open my closet and know they were there.

“It will have to wait, though,” she said as she emerged from the walk-in closet with a pair of black stiletto heels. “We need to get you ready for tonight. Your liberation from brown can be this weekend, but your liberation from celibacy can be this evening.”

How did she know I’d been without male companionship of the sweaty kind for a couple of years? Maybe it showed on my face or in my choice of clothes. Either way, I hoped she was right and the drought would be over soon. I stepped into the stilettos, praying I wouldn’t break my neck when I fell into the arms of a handsome stranger.