It is difficult, but not impossible, to make friends in Botswana, and there are a number of reasons for this. The cultural divide between foreigners and the people of Africa is very wide. It is perhaps for this reason that it is easier to make friends with those who have lived in the West: the gulf for them is not as wide. Generally speaking, many Batswana find it uncomfortable to attend an unstructured, informal social occasion with foreigners. It takes time to get to know one another, to overcome and understand the differences in culture and language, and often visitors do not have this time. For those staying longer or intending to work in Botswana, the secret is to show respect, be patient, not be judgmental, and, above all, to show interest.
Obviously, the first step toward making a friend is to spend some time in each other’s company, and there are various ways to do this. Working in the same office might be one way, or finding a common interest, such as sports, another. Given that sufficient common ground is discovered, there is nothing to prevent the formation of a deep and rewarding friendship. It is as well to recognize, perhaps, that in all societies there are varying levels or depths of friendship, and few people have many really close friends.
Experience in the tourist industry, for example, shows that most promises of friendship with visitors start with an exchange of photographs and end there. In this context the income gap between a visitor and the type of Motswana he or she is likely to meet is so large that there is a risk that the disparity will distort the budding relationship, leaving one side hoping to benefit considerably in material or financial support and making it unclear what the relationship is really about: is it true friendship, or is it taking advantage of somebody who appears to be offering a helping hand?
As we have seen, work and social life are quite separate, and socializing in the context of a work situation is very limited. In a small business of, say, ten to fifteen employees, there may be a Christmas meal at a restaurant, or perhaps an occasional barbecue (referred to in Botswana as a braai, after the Afrikaans braaivleis, to cook meat) on the premises. Ordinarily, senior staff will go home for lunch and workers will buy food from a vendor on the street, eating wherever they can find a place to sit. Very large businesses may well have canteens where there may be some socializing over lunch although very often such establishments have two dining rooms for different levels of staff—also serving slightly different food.
It is extremely important on all occasions to greet Batswana, who consider it very rude to ignore others. The basics are simple: a universal greeting, suitable for all times of day or night, is the word “dumela,” followed by “rra,” if speaking to a man, or “mma,” if speaking to a woman. When greeting any group of two or more (mixed or not), use “dumelang,” instead of “dumela.” Handshakes are normal among men and women.
Visitors will automatically be seen as wealthy, and therefore the expectation is that you will be generous. This thinking is not strictly traditional in origin, although it has its roots in a past era when chiefs were wealthy and, in times of crises, looked after their people, providing food and protection. Now the tradition is somewhat exploited, and visitors are often accosted in the streets, by children, teenagers, and young adults particularly, with the request to “Give me.”
Many Western societies and associations exist in Botswana, and are supported by both citizens and expatriates. They include Rotary, Lions, Transparency International, Ladies Circle, and Freemasons. Overseas membership is readily acknowledged, and new members are always welcome. Membership of such associations is a good way to make contact with local people and to begin to form a network of associates.
There are sports clubs in both cities and some of the larger towns. These include cricket, rugby, and squash, all supported almost exclusively by expatriates, and tennis and golf, which have much broader support. It is in the golf clubs that much business entertaining takes place and, as with the other clubs, provides the ground where opportunities for forming friendships might well be found.
The Botswana Society is unusual in that it produces an annual journal (Botswana Notes and Records) and holds occasional public lectures, outings, and symposia. Membership is inexpensive, and the Society’s members are a mine of information about the country and its people. The Kalahari Conservation Society, which has a focus on matters environmental, also hosts occasional public lectures.
It is not the habit, generally speaking, for Batswana to invite people to their homes other than for big occasions like weddings or christenings. Nor is it the norm to “entertain” in the same way as people from the West, for example, might do. Rather, the Motswana issues no invitation at all but expects that, if you wish to visit you will do so at a time and on a day of your choosing, without prior arrangement. One “pops in,” as they say, and takes a chance on their being at home. Invitations to dinner will usually come exclusively from the expatriate community.
Corporate companies sometimes give gifts such as a bottle of whiskey at Christmas, and there is no doubt that a small bar of chocolate or one or two sweets does wonders toward improving service at the opposite end of the scale! It is the gesture of goodwill, the thought behind it, rather than the item itself that is important. However, by and large, the giving of gifts as a means of facilitating business is not followed.
If you are invited to dinner it is customary to take a bottle of wine for the host, and perhaps also chocolates or a small gift for the hostess.
Generally speaking, Batswana are not in the least aggressive, and violence is very seldom seen or heard in public society. Under the influence of alcohol, however, which is widely and easily available, voices rise, men often become more dominating and aggressive, and it is perhaps sensible to move quietly out of the way.
Many people will not make eye contact because they are too shy to do so. For the same reason, don’t always expect a smile, especially in shops. The words “thank you” are not used as frequently as they might be in other societies, and it can sometimes be a source of irritation when small gifts and gratuities are taken without a word of thanks, but be assured that they will be very much appreciated. Without question, the general experience is that Batswana are very polite, friendly, and warmly welcoming.