“Thanks for picking me up,” Shelley said, stepping into Nicole’s Chimaera.
“You look as tired as I feel.” Nicole gave her a slight smile. “I couldn’t sleep thinking about what she said. I don’t know how I’ve managed not to call her.”
“You haven’t though, have you?” Shelley could hear the concern in her own voice. They’d agreed nothing should be said until they got into her flat. If Tara knew Nicole had already listened to the message, it would be obvious that Shelley would know about it and then most likely Tara wouldn’t let her in.
Shelley was exhausted. The weakness bestowed by a junk habit partly caused her tiredness but it was also due to the call that had disrupted her sleep at seven o’clock in the morning, only two hours after she’d put herself to bed. Resident Dicks All the Boxes had wanted to see her for a full day booking. She’d had to ask for a rain check due to her prior obligation to Nicole and, as it was Friday, she was due at her mother’s maisonette some time before dusk. The money she could have earned would have had a nominal impact on increasing her ever-decreasing savings in the cold bank – the Black Forest gateau box that had cleaned up beautifully after she rescued it from the bin at the beginning of the week. Nevertheless, the extra cash would have been enough, perhaps, for a week’s supply of heroin and crack, and looking at it from that angle, it was substantial for a day’s work.
As they passed through Kensington, Shelley became aware that Nicole’s rage was intensifying. Not only was her once soft and lyrical voice now loud and brash, but her predisposition as a fast driver had crossed the line into dangerous. When Nicole swerved off the Cromwell Road, Shelley had to grip the central console to stop the force pulling her upper body into the door.
“Take it easy, Nic,” Shelley said, as they parked up. “I know you’re angry, but if we say too much, she might grass on us.”
“That tart needs to apologise, and I’m not gonna stop until she does.” Nicole’s face was reddening and Shelley admired the vein in her neck as it throbbed. It would have been a great vein to shoot in if it didn’t lead to a stroke or paralysis. “Are you listening to me? Snap out of it.”
“Sorry, I thought there was a spider on your collar,” Shelley replied, trying to take her eyes off the vein but, of their own volition, they kept returning.
“Argh! Get it off. Get it off.” Nicole grabbed at her blouse and shook it as she jerked her body in an effort to dislodge the spider. “Where is it? Has it gone? Can you see it?”
“I can’t see it now. It must have gone.” That wasn’t a lie; I can’t see it now. Engrossed in her vein fixation, she’d forgotten Nicole’s arachnophobia. She could feel a guilty blush in the warmth of her cheeks. There could be no escaping that first statement was a lie.
***
Tara’s lack of response to the intercom was no shock to Shelley. What was, however, was the immediate buzz in that followed the brief call she made to announce her arrival. Naturally, she hadn’t mentioned Nicole was accompanying her, but she had still expected an interrogation of sorts.
Nicole tiptoed up the wooden staircase, as advised by Shelley who was skilled at listening for footsteps and knew how loud the reverberations were from Tara’s flat. Shelley motioned towards the corner, near Tara’s front door. Nicole hid, and within seconds, Tara was at her door.
“Do you want to get a rock?” Tara asked.
“Not today.” Shelley followed Tara down the first section of the L-shaped hall. She could feel the heat from Nicole’s body behind her. The door slammed and Shelley flinched. Tara didn’t seem to notice. She didn’t even turn around. Perhaps she thought Shelley was responsible.
Nicole rushed past Shelley, causing her to teeter. Her legs knocked into a low table at the corner bend. As Shelley tried to regain her balance, Nicole grabbed hold of Tara and rammed her up against the wall in the hallway.
“If you’ve got something to say, say it to my face you evil—”
“What the fuck are you doing? Put me down you mad bitch.”
“You’re fucking mad.” Nicole shook Tara’s shoulders, causing her head to pound on the wall. “Why the fuck did you leave that message? I want a fucking explanation. Now.”
“Stop. You’re hurting me.”
“You’ve fucking hurt me, more than you’ll ever know.” Tears were falling down Nicole’s cheeks, but her grip on Tara remained, as did the hammering of her head against the wall.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tara cried.
Nicole threw Tara down on the floor and stood towering above her. “You’ve fucking lost it, you stupid fucking crackhead. I’m done with you.” Nicole turned and walked toward the front door. Her face was a picture of sadness. Shelley had never seen Nicole so enraged. She imagined her sympathy for Tara had been diminished due to the poor timing of Tara’s accusations. And Shelley knew that as well as the pain Tara had caused with her verbal assault, Nicole would feel guilt for her own physical assault.
“Hold on, Nic... Wait.” Shelley reached for Tara’s hand and helped her off the sullied carpet. “Get in the lounge,” she told her.
Once Tara had vacated the hall, Shelley put her arms around Nicole and hugged her. She brushed Nicole’s blonde locks out the way and in her ear, she said, “I know what she’s done is terrible and there’s no excuse, but we need to sort this. We can’t afford to leave it this fucked up.”
“I’ve got nothing to say to that crackhead tart.”
“She might have something to say, an—”
“There’s nothing she can say. I’ll never forgive her for this.”
“Well at least get an apology.”
“I don’t care any more. It’s not gonna change anything. Nothing will change how I feel about her. Nothing.”
“Wait for me here. We can’t leave it like this.” Shelley walked through the hall and into the lounge. The fight or flight feeling was on her. Her breath was short and she felt her ribcage vibrate with the force of her beating heart.
What Shelley wanted to say she knew she could not. She wondered if with a soft tone the same words would be any less cutting. This was a time she did not want to hold back.
Tara sat in the armchair and looked up at Shelley. “I didn’t—”
“You need to shut the fuck up and listen.”
Tara snivelled.
“Yesterday, as you fucking well know, Nic went to her mum’s grave. Then we came here and we were talking about one of the most horrific experiences she’s gone through, bar the fucking court case she’s just had to testify in and talk about the sadistic cunts that molested her.
“You can stop your fucking whimpering, it’s her that’s upset. She had nothing to do with you selling your fucking laptop for crack. You did it ’cos you’re a fucking crackhead, and until yesterday, I felt sorry for you but now I can see you’re just some spoilt cunt that hits out when she can’t get her own way.” Shelley’s heart was still thumping, but her anger had been laced with a sliver of pity; Tara was a wreck.
“You don’t know what my life’s been like. You don’t know what I’ve gone through. I’ve—”
“Remember we’ve seen how you lived, your lovely house, your family, your fucking horses. If I’d had your life, I wouldn’t be in the fucking state you are.”
“’Cos I lived in a nice house that makes it all right does it?” Tara’s nostrils flared as she looked up. “It was a private school, well that’s all right ’cos I had a smart fucking uniform, a nice dormitory and it was fucking paid for by my parents.” Tara howled as if she’d just been notified of a loved-one’s death.
Shelley swallowed back her tears. She squeezed in on the armchair next to Tara and held her tightly. She felt as if she might snap – the wisp that Tara had become.
“I’m so sorry, love. I had no idea.” Nicole stood above them, her hand outstretched to Tara.
Tara clasped Nicole’s hand in hers and pulled her onto the overcrowded chair. “It’s my fault,” Tara said. “I don’t talk about anything, nothing that matters.”