It had been dark for hours by the time they made it to Nanisivik, the stars glittering and the moon standing sentry. Kin smiled to himself as Jack turned in a circle on the snow-dusted oval concrete jetty, his head tipped back. The hood of his parka slipped back off his toque.
“Look at Ursa Major. Everything seems closer somehow.”
Kin kept his gaze on Jack. He’d seen the stars a million times, and this would likely be his last chance to see this man. The morning would come all too soon, and Jack would return to Ottawa and his life. Kin wished he could ignore the ache that accompanied the thought. We just met. I should just be glad I got some action for a change. It was fun while it lasted.
But it wasn’t. It wasn’t fun. And the emotions he’d experienced having sex with Jack weren’t what he’d felt in the past getting laid. Even now, his stomach fluttered, and he wanted to drag Jack close and kiss him until they couldn’t breathe. He wanted to get him naked again, and fuck him senseless. He wanted to see him peaceful after an orgasm, the wrinkles in his forehead temporarily smoothed away, and his jaw slack.
“What were the stars like in the desert?”
Eyes on the sky, Jack smiled sadly. “It was my favorite part of being there. The sky was so dark, and if there were clouds, they looked like black holes in the sea of stars. Parts of the Milky Way actually cast shadows on the ground at times. And in late winter there was the zodiacal light.”
“What’s that?” He liked watching Jack talk about astronomy. It brought a peace to his expression that Kin felt mirrored inside.
“About an hour and a half after sunset, a faint glow would reach up from the western horizon. It was like a huge slanted pyramid of yellow light, and sometimes it would stretch so high. It’s caused by sunlight reflecting off meteoric dust. Can’t compare to the northern lights, but it was beautiful all the same. Grant said once—” He broke off, swallowing hard. “He said it looked like the path to heaven. Then he laughed, and said the dust was affecting his brain.”
Kin waited silently, tamping down the immediate flare of unfair jealousy. Jack still stared at the stars, and was quiet for a minute before he spoke again.
“Going out there that day, it was recce by death, you know?”
“I’m not sure I do,” Kin said quietly.
“Sorry. Reconnaissance by death. Like reconnaissance by fire, but worse. We’d go into the desert in a few G-Wagons, and there was no protection if you got hit. If someone ahead doesn’t report back once they go over a hill, and then there’s smoke rising, it’s a good bet the enemy’s over there. Not the kind of recon anyone wants to do. We were in the lead vehicle, and there was a kid up ahead on the road. A little girl.”
Kin’s gut twisted.
“I had to send Grant. I couldn’t play favorites, or make it seem like I was. I had to be fair.”
“Of course.”
Jack’s breath hitched, and he dropped his eyes to the horizon, his gaze distant. “I’d known him for years. He was a good man. We’d hooked up on leave when we got the chance. We never snuck around while we were on duty. That was a strict rule. We were both officers, and then he became my lieutenant. It had always been casual until then.”
“And then it wasn’t?”
“Grant wanted more. We knew the mission in Afghanistan was wrapping up, and we were starting to think about life back home, or on a base somewhere like Germany. Grant wanted to move in together. He…he said he loved me.” Jack shook his head. “But the thing is…I didn’t love him.” As the words came out in a puff of frozen breath, he shuddered. “I wanted to love him,” he whispered. “But I didn’t.”
Kin took a step toward him. He hated seeing the torment that creased Jack’s face, and wanted to hold him and kiss him until it disappeared. But he stopped an arm’s length away. If Jack needed to talk, he would listen.
“The worst part is that he knew it.” Jack’s eyes shone in the starlight, the nearly full moon rising above him. “I liked him. I really did. But it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to live with him, and I didn’t have the guts to tell him. He was from Toronto, and he’d talk about moving to Ottawa, and I’d nod and smile, and hope that he’d change his mind. Then I sent him onto that road and got him killed.”
“No. It wasn’t your fault.”
Jack swung around to look at Kin now. “How do you know? You weren’t there. I should have sent the new guy, or I should have gone myself.”
“I know because it was war. Because you didn’t plant the bomb. You were doing your job. It wasn’t your fault. And you almost got killed yourself.” He thought of the scars on Jack’s back, and wanted to kiss them all again.
“I went after him. I could hear the little girl wailing.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I can still hear her. Then there was nothing but burning.”
Kin did take Jack in his arms then, holding him close and wishing there were no winter layers between them.
Jack’s voice was muffled against Kin’s shoulder. “I woke up in the hospital, and I knew he was dead. They didn’t have to tell me. His mother wrote me, saying how happy I’d made him, and she was glad he’d had me there with him.” He shook, and his voice broke. “But I didn’t love him, Kin. I didn’t.”
“It’s okay.” He murmured little Inuktitut lullabies, rubbing Jack’s back.
Even when Jack finally stopped trembling, Kin still soothed him, wishing he could take all the pain away forever. He thought of his brother, and fought the lump that formed in his throat. Sniffing, Jack raised his head. His eyes were red and wet, but he managed a little smile.
“I’ve never told anyone that. I think you’ve cast a spell on me. Thank you.”
Kin brushed Jack’s cheeks dry with his glove. “For what?”
“Everything. For listening. For…being you.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been going through the motions for a long time. You changed that. This place changed that.”
Kin reached for him, wanting to kiss him again and again, but Jack stepped back. Kin dropped his arm and tried not to feel hurt.
Jack cleared his throat. “So, this is Nanisivik.”
“Yes.” Kin tamped down the disappointment. It was back to business, and it was for the best. He’s leaving. Don’t get attached. Of course it was far too late for that, but that was his problem. He kept his voice even. “This is it.”
Aside from the concrete jetty, all that was left of the old mine was a small tank farm where several large cylinders of fuel for the navy ships were stored. The land was rocky, all dirt and stone beneath the drifts of snow. The wind was quiet, providing a respite from the biting cold. The ice was forming on the water, and soon it would be completely covered.
Sniffing, Jack smirked at the battered, weather-beaten government sign nearby on the jetty, which had been triumphantly unveiled by the prime minister years ago during a visit. It read in English and French: Future Site of Canada’s Arctic Deep Water Port.
“Or not, as the case may be,” Jack said.
“They said it was too expensive to construct a full base in the permafrost north of the Arctic Circle.” Kin tugged on his red toque where it had started to ride up over his earlobe. Apparently they didn’t realize where Nanisivik was when they made the plans.”
Jack chuckled. “Apparently not. It happens—places move around. It’s very confusing for the government.” He gazed around. “I think this is…”
“Desolate? Depressing?” Kin suggested. He tried to keep his tone light. He loved his home, and it was understandable that Jack wouldn’t.
“Perfect.”
Kin blinked. “Huh?”
Jack took a deep breath. “I said it’s perfect. I spoke to Colonel Fournier this morning. Etienne. He’s been a friend for a long time. Anyway, I told him we need to establish a training center here. Our soldiers can learn so much in the Arctic. We’re protecting a country with a massive amount of land in the north, and we’re not prepared. We need to be. Training missions, drills, search and rescue—we can do it all here. There’s a port to bring in supplies, and a road to Arctic Bay. We could work with the community. Use your expertise. Provide jobs. But we’d be far enough away that it wouldn’t impact daily life. It would—” He broke off. “Well, what do you think?”
Kin’s heart was beating double time. “You’d consult the council on the plans?”
“Yes. On everything. I’d want full cooperation with the community. Make it a partnership. Fournier agrees. We’d get your help in building the dorms and the admin buildings. Use the same prefabs you have in Arctic Bay. We’d keep it small. The idea is that we’d be training out on the land most of the time. I’d need an office and—”
“You?” Kin’s mouth was dry. Were his ears playing tricks?
Jack smiled tentatively. “I’d be the commander.”
“The commander,” Kin repeated. He tingled all over.
Jack’s smile faded. “Well, nothing’s confirmed yet. The colonel was enthusiastic, and he thinks he can get the go-ahead by December for me to come back and start planning. He was happy to hear me excited about something again. Since I came home, it’s like…like I’ve been frozen. But now I’m feeling again. Thawing out, I guess. Which is all ironic and whatever since it happened in the Arctic.”
Kin chuckled. “Alanis Morissette should write a song about it.”
“I haven’t been able to connect with anyone in so long. Just Neville, but he’s easy.”
Kin’s gut tightened. “Neville?” The name was familiar, but his spinning mind couldn’t place it.
Jack regarded him seriously. “Yeah. He sleeps with me most nights. Incredibly loyal. Enjoys licking me. Drools a lot, but it works for him. I’d be bringing him with me when I come back.”
The tension evaporated as quickly as it had come. “Hmm. So you’re looking for a threesome?”
“Absolutely. Pugs make great thirds, or so I’m told.”
“I guess I’m open to some kink,” Kin said, laughing.
Jack regarded him intently. “But in all seriousness, it wouldn’t have to be me commanding the training base. Either way I think the project is important.”
“But it does.” Kin closed the few feet between them. “It has to be you.”
The lines around Jack’s eyes crinkled as he grinned. “You’d want that? You’d want…me?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.” He could hardly believe this was happening. “You’d really want to stay?”
Nodding, Jack brushed their dry lips together and ran his gloved hands up and down Kin’s arms. “I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to be anywhere. Then it all changed. I met you, and…and I don’t understand what it is about this place. It’s fucking freezing, and dark, and a million miles from anything, and somehow I don’t want to leave.” He laughed. “I really don’t want to leave, Kin.”
Kin’s heart soared. “Then don’t. I mean, I know you have to go back to Ottawa first, but…come back.”
“I will. I know it’s only been a few days, and I’m not expecting anything. This is all new. But when I’m with you, I feel…I feel good. Whole again in a way I can’t explain. Is that crazy?”
“If it is, I’m crazy too.” Kin took Jack’s face in his hands. “I want to know you—every little last thing.”
They kissed on the old jetty under the stars with icebergs standing watch, heat flaring between them like the puffs of their breath in the Arctic air. Jack’s mouth was wet and warm, and Kin never wanted to stop kissing him.
An insistent little voice reminded him that it wouldn’t be easy. They barely knew each other, and how would he keep it a secret from his family and the community? Could they hide it? Do I really want to?
But he pushed the worries away as Jack pressed his nose and lips against Kin’s cheek in a kunik, inhaling deeply. Kin held Jack fiercely. They’d cross those bridges soon enough. Tonight, all that mattered was that they were together.
Tonight, he was falling in love with Captain Jack Turner.
Read more sexy M/M romance from Keira Andrews
His mission was seduction—not falling in love.
When young Sebastian Brambani meets a sexy and exciting older man, he’s easily seduced. But for spy Kyle Grant, it’s all business. Sebastian is simply a pawn in Kyle’s mission to acquire a dangerous chemical weapon from Sebastian’s criminal father. Kyle’s life is his work for a shadowy international agency protecting the world from evil, and he can’t worry about what will happen to Sebastian when the job is done.
Sebastian’s unwitting role in Kyle’s plan is the last straw for his ruthless father, who has been embarrassed by his gay son for the last time. But when Kyle discovers Sebastian could be the key to finding the deadly Chimera, he rescues him from his father’s hitman and fights to keep him alive. Can a hardened spy and naïve college student take down a criminal kingpin, stay one step ahead of the killers on their trail—and fight the scorching attraction between them?
This gay romance from Keira Andrews features sexy spies, an age difference, a sheltered and passionate virgin, action and adventure, and of course a happy ending.
BONUS STORY INCLUDED: The Argentine Seduction, a sequel for Kyle and Sebastian featuring unexpected jealousy, protectiveness, and a dangerous mission in the simmering heat of Buenos Aires. (And of course a happy ending!)
To be home for Christmas, they must bridge the distance between them.
Charlie Yates is desperate. It’s almost Christmas and his flight home from college has been delayed. For days. Charlie promised his little sister Ava he’d be home for her first holiday season since going into remission from leukemia. Now he’s stuck on the opposite coast and someone else grabbed the last rental car. Someone he hasn’t even spoken to in four years.
Someone who broke his heart.
Gavin Bloomberg’s childhood friendship with Charlie ended overnight after a day of stolen kisses. With years of resentment between them, they don’t want to be in the same room together, let alone a car. But for Ava’s sake, Gavin agrees to share the rental and drive across the country together.
As they face unexpected bumps along the road, can Charlie and Gavin pave the way to a future together?
If Only in My Dreams by Keira Andrews is a gay holiday romance featuring enemies to lovers, forced proximity, steamy first times, and of course a happy ending.
If I risk my heart, can I keep my head in the game?
I’m going to win gold in figure skating. I imagine it again and again: Olympic champion Alex Grady. I train harder than my competitors. I’m in the rink morning, noon, and night. The lack of filter between my mouth and brain affects my ability to make friends, but I don’t have time for a social life anyway.
As for a boyfriend? Forget it.
So what if I’m still completely inexperienced at twenty? The Olympics are only every four years—everything else can wait.
But for some inexplicable reason, I can’t stop checking out my boring new training mate Matt Savelli. Calm, collected “Captain Cardboard” is a nice guy, but even if I had time to date, Matt’s so not my type. I don’t even know what my type is!
Until I do.
Beneath Matt’s wholesome surface, there’s a sexy, tender man who awakens a desire in me I’ve never experienced. This is the worst possible time to be tempted. The worst possible time to let someone get close to me.
This is the worst possible time to fall in love.
The Next Competitor by Keira Andrews is a gay sports romance featuring grumpy/sunshine opposites attracting, sizzling first times, and of course a happy ending.