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Ronan stood at the bedroom door.
‘I fell in love with you on sight.’ He watched the pile of blankets that hid his wife. ‘I saw you on the beach that day, sitting alone, your gaze focused on the sea, and even from that distance I could feel how sad you were. All I wanted to do was make you happy.’
Myna gave no response.
‘When you agreed to marry me, well, I think that was the happiest day of my life,’ he continued. ‘And there was light in your eyes, and I thought maybe it was the happiest day of yours, too. And then you told me we were having a child, and I felt the movement in your belly, and I know I’ve never felt such joy as I felt then, with that promise of life to come. You bloomed for all those months. You were so radiant. In all my life I never imagined I’d be lucky enough to experience such wonder.’
A muffled sob emerged from the beneath the bedclothes.
‘When the midwife bundled our little one in a blanket and passed it to me, I—’ Ronan stopped. He had been going to say how perfect their infant was, but he couldn’t lie. He took a deep breath and moved across to the bed, resting a hand on the pile where he guessed Myna’s shoulder might be.
‘Our child wasn’t well, Myna. Its face and body were...squashed.’ He couldn’t bring himself to admit it had been alive. ‘I didn’t know what to do. Oulde said it would be best if you didn’t see. She said it would be hard enough...but to see it...’ He stopped, fighting the catch in his throat. Under the blankets, Myna stirred.
‘I did it for you, Myna. I didn’t want you to see...that. But after she took it, I...I felt such an emptiness. Our dreams of the future, gone. But most of all, your happiness, torn away. I’d give anything to see you smile again, love. I’ve missed you, so much.’
As he spoke Myna pushed the covers back, and her puffy face peered up at him.
‘What was it?’
‘What was what?’ Ronan frowned.
‘The baby! Did we have a son or a daughter? You keep saying ‘it’, why not ‘he’ or ‘she’?’
‘Oh.’ Ronan thought back to their child’s birth. He’d been so shocked by the baby’s face he hadn’t thought to check its gender. Then he thought of the legs, fused together. ‘It was a girl. She. We had a daughter.’
Myna’s head fell back into the pillow. ‘Ebba,’ she whispered.
‘Ebba?’
Myna bit her lip. ‘It’s the name I picked out for a daughter.’ She looked up at him. ‘Can we build her a cairn? Somewhere I can visit, and place some flowers? Can we stop pretending she never existed?’
Ronan nodded, so grateful to hear Myna speak, to have her look at him.
‘We can,’ he said. ‘Do you want to come outside? You can select a place.’
Myna nodded, and Ronan helped her out of bed, and out into the sunshine.
