6
SHADOW WORK
Honoring Darkness and Finding Light in the Shadows
Darkness isn’t a vacuum one can avoid entirely, nor is it necessarily a bad thing. In it, there is truth and growth and potent self-actualization. Our shadow selves want to be seen and heard—but delving into their subterranean caverns requires work. These practices help us forge a path through (and beside) the darkness, lighting embers along the way.
As children, we were much more comfortable living in that liminal space. We could believe in goblins and faeries and other-worlds; we were tapped into the goings-on of things beyond our sight.
As we grew up, a sort of binary assortment took place. Suddenly things become real or not real, bad or good. In fact, we’re taught to believe that we should fear what we don’t understand.
By now, you’ve probably cast a few spells and tried your hand at some of the practices in this book. If you feel a little more comfortable with your inner power, then you can use this section to gaze into the dark for answers, confront parts of yourself that you’ve hidden, and identify archetypes to indulge your shadow self.
Women and femmes in particular are taught that we are only valuable when we are good and happy and bright and easy to talk to. But we can have darkness and nuance and complexity and a little bit of madness. We can be multilayered, we can move between the layers, and we can indulge in the underbelly if we want to.
No matter your belief system or what you’ve been taught to discard as mythos and madness, you end up seeing a lot more when you wander into the dark. But let it be known that darkness cannot exist without light, and vice versa. They are interwoven, flowing like water around and through one another.
As they say, in darkness, light.
A Red Rose Ritual for Aging Acceptance
There’s no way to erase social pressures around aging, especially when it comes to women and femmes; the beauty ideals are brutal, unhealthy, and toxic, and no spell or ritual can change that. But accepting that we all grow, age, and eventually leave this earth is one way we can take back the beauty narrative and our own response to the toxicity.
Maybe you don’t feel those pressure, though. Maybe you feel only love and excitement about the future and your body and your skin, and their beautiful, natural changes. Whatever the case, this ritual will help you honor and confront aging changes, both in the short term and in a more existential way.
Materials
A white candle
A mirror
Tape or ribbon
A single, natural, undyed red rose free of formaldehyde and chemicals
Light your candle and sit with it before you. Gaze into the mirror and look upon yourself. Speak aloud some of the things you notice:
I accept my eye color.
I accept the way my skin wrinkles when I smile.
I accept my freckles.
I accept my natural hair.
I accept my sun spots.
Hang the single rose upside down—tape it to a wall or use a small ribbon to tie it up somewhere. Look at its beauty and admire its shape, color, and scent.
For the next few days, watch the rose decay. Observe its changes: the way it curls inward and loses shape, the way its color deepens or fades. Spend time thinking about the processes of nature, and of how you, as a natural being, fit into that cycle. See how the rose is not the same—and yet the same; still beautiful, but different.
A Ritual for Getting Comfortable with the Shadows
Many people believe that our shadow selves hold the key to understanding our true nature. So why not peer into the abyss and find it for yourself? (Sound easy? It’s not: Shadow work is the hardest work to do, and many people resist it because it’s uncomfortable.)
This ritual will help you confront that darkness, which might take the form of bloodlust, possessiveness, or extreme fear. With my shadows, I have worked on my intense need for approval from others. It’s not something I like about myself, but gazing into it has been helpful, and I’ve learned to recognize when I’m doing it.
You’ll want to set aside about an hour, in the evening, for this ritual.
Materials
Three black candles
Something to write with
Your shadow journal
Sit in a dark room and light three black candles—preferably near a wall so it can catch the shadows’ dance. You may want to envision a circle of safety around you. Take several deep breaths and know that you are in control. You can stop this ritual at any time. Watch the flames move—they represent that feeling of jealousy, or a messed-up idea you have about a friend, or a negative stereotype you hold that you want to confront.
Watch the shadow move, talk to it, ask it questions, and ask it to transmute your negativity into something else, something you can work with and learn from. Think about ways you can dismantle whatever it is that haunts you. You may not have a clear answer. If your mind wanders, just breathe and come back to your focus. Write your ideas down in a shadow journal.
When you’re finished, blow out the candles, watching the shadows leave. Ground yourself by taking a moment to notice the here and now. It may take several sessions before you come to terms with the shadow—be patient with yourself.
A Spell to Summon Your Inner Hecate
The Greek goddess of magic and in-between spaces, Hecate is all about ghosts and portals and crossroads. Hecate herself led Demeter into the underworld. She is also a common representation of the Crone, or the third stage of a woman’s life.
In this spell, you will use Hecate as your guide—to shrug off the fabric of the day and step into the cloak of darkness, to trespass into shadow territory. This spell can be used to:
• Pass a message to the dead
• Come to terms with death or dying
• Meditate on a deep, dark truth you hold
• Contemplate or ideate on a journey you will take
Perform this spell on the night of a dark moon or a new moon.
Materials
A gray candle
A key to be used solely for this spell
Ground yourself and light your candle. Hold the key in your left palm. Gaze at the flame and ask Hecate to guide you into the darkness. Envision the key opening a portal between what you can see and what you cannot: other realms, the underworld, shadow spaces. Envision yourself walking into a dark space. Let the door close behind you. Stand in the darkness and focus on your intent: to talk to the dead, contemplate death, meditate on your dark truth. Do not leave the room until you feel a resolution. Once you do, open your eyes, snuff out the candle, thank Hecate, and bury or dispose of the key.
A Practice for Finding Your Shadowy Archetype
Have you ever been attracted to a character, goddess, femme fatale, villain, or bad boy? Yeah, we all have. It’s complex because we’re taught what’s right and what’s wrong, and we never want to be on the wrong side of an issue.
This ritual will let you explore that shadowy archetype—not simply because it’s fun but also because there’s something to be gained by it. These dark characters are the very representation of parts of ourselves: They’re confident, bossy, creative, no-bullshit, and sexual. They’ve disregarded the boundaries of what’s good and acceptable and clean. And they speak to parts of ourselves that we rarely mention out loud. This ritual will help you identify that shadow figure and incorporate aspects of their personality into your life.
Materials
Your shadow journal
Something to write with
A picture of your shadow archetype
Think about your shadow archetypes. Pick one to focus on.
In your shadow journal, write about what you like about them (and what you don’t).
Think about small ways that their qualities could play out in your life. Can you ask more often for exactly what you want? Do you want to stop accepting no for an answer? Do you want to up your glamour because it makes you feel powerful? Do you want to stop giving a shit about glamour altogether? Do you want to learn tai chi? Do you want to get to the finish line, no matter what?
Keep a picture of your shadow archetype in your bag or purse. Turn to it when you need to indulge in their dark wisdom.
A Ritual to Confront and Resolve Cognitive Dissonance
Often, aspects of our lives contradict our morals, ethics, and pleasures. It could be that you work for a company you despise, or that you wear oodles of expensive, fancy leather goods but secretly feel this goes against your beliefs around animal cruelty. This is cognitive dissonance, and it can split a hole in your soul the size of Hades. Sometimes it’s hard to resolve: You need a paycheck, so you can’t quit the job you hate. Sometimes, it’s a little easier—but you have to take the time to make the change.
Here’s where shadow work comes in handy. You’ll use your shadow journal in this ritual to record instances of dissonance and brainstorm how to replace them with resonance.
Materials
A piece of paper
A fireproof bowl
Matches or a lighter
Your shadow journal
Start by grounding yourself. Ask yourself: What do I feel split about? What is the cause of my dissonance? Settle into your discomfort and go deep—don’t accept surface answers or avoid the full, glaring intensity of the answer.
On a single piece of paper, write:
I feel cognitive dissonance about_____because it makes me feel_____.
And then write:
To resolve this dissonance, here is what is in my power:_____.
After you’ve spent some real time going deep with these feelings, finish writing. Then burn the entries in your fireproof bowl. Afterward, write about the entire experience in your journal. How do you feel? Do you feel empowered? Uncertain? Why?
When you’re done, take a few moments to send love to yourself for being conscious and willing to make needed changes.
A Practice for Building Your Own Underworld
Does the title of the spell feel a little heavy, a little impossible? I couldn’t tell you how to connect with the underworld in a real way, because we all have different beliefs. But this practice can help you create a symbolic connection to that place of death, darkness, and secrets. In this practice, you’ll build your own underworld where you can go to grieve, when you want to get rid of something, or to store your negativity—for eternity, or even for a little while. It can be a place you visit regularly.
Materials
A mason jar with a screw-top lid
A handful of stones (obsidian or smoky quartz will do, too)
Whenever you have a dark thought—anger, grief, existential despair, hatred for your job, fear—you’ll want to create a place for it, somewhere where it doesn’t interfere with your everyday world. This place is inside your mason jar. It’s your own little representation of the underworld.
Find a stone to represent a feeling you’d like to say good-bye to or bury or keep out of the light. Place it in your jar and say:
In my underworld, I place feelings of_____.
You might choose to place feelings of insecurity or grief in your underworld. Each time you put a stone into the jar, concentrate on pouring that energy in with it. Every stone that you place inside your jar is an encapsulation of those feelings or energies. Make sure you’re able to close the lid tightly. When your underworld jar is full, cleanse the stones under the moon and start again.
A Santa Muerte Death and Rebirth Spell
Shedding our skin is natural and necessary, but that doesn’t make it easy or even desirable. We often resist change, especially at times when we need it the most. But as a Scorpio, the sign of death or transformation, I often hunger for change and adaptation, to kill off the part of me that is no longer necessary and to conjure the part of me that needs to crawl out of its shell: codependence shed for self-love, anger shed for patience, fear shed for intuition, obsessive grief shed for peace of mind.
My good friend Leza Cantoral is a Mexican writer and a witch, and she performs a spell in the name of Santa Muerte (in Mexico, Santa Muerte is the personification of death itself) to aid in transformation and to accept the phases of life. Leza kindly allowed me to adapt her spell for this grimoire.
Materials
A black candle
Skull imagery
An offering of some sort (e.g., candy or a shot of liquor)
Something you can shed (e.g., a single strand of hair, an article of clothing, a piece of jewelry you can remove)
Begin by creating an altar. Light your candle, position your skull imagery, and make your offering. Leave this altar up for a week or more (just do not to leave the candle alight while you’re not home). You want to spend some time with death and let its presence take up space.
When you are ready to start the spell, light your candle and remove something from yourself—a piece of hair, a nail clipping, your shirt. Place it on the altar.
Sit or lie down, as if dead—all while picturing Santa Muerte reviving you with light and love. Say:
Death is rebirth; I transform; I am reborn; I am darkness and I am light.
A Spell for Disposing of Serious Psychic Garbage
Has a negative idea been haunting you forever? Do you feel jealous of your friends or shameful about your finances? Do you feel worthless at work or in your relationships? Do you think of yourself as undeserving? Do you punish yourself for eating too much?
You know these ideas and feelings don’t serve you—but they’re in there, swirling around and creating a storm of silence and exhaustion and cyclical self-hatred. On the flip side, maybe these feelings have pushed us to succeed, to be more empathetic toward others. It’s important to recognize that, even if you are disposing of the feeling.
Aside from speaking to a therapist, you can get to the root of the issue with shadow work. It’s almost never easy, and sometimes it can be triggering—so read through this spell first to decide if it is right for you. Know that it might become an ongoing practice, one that you chip away at. Maybe you want to perform this on each new moon, just to give yourself the space and time to feel these feelings.
Materials
A black candle
A small object, like a button or a coin
Black yarn
Rose quartz
Light your candle. Quietly think about the feeling you’d like to let go. Really get down into the muck of it. Hold your small object in your open left palm. Imbue the object with those negative feelings. When you feel you’ve let it all out, take the yarn and mindfully wrap it around the object. Do this for as long as you can, until the object is totally encased in black yarn.
Once it is, say:
[Feeling or idea], you do not hold power over me.
I am more powerful than you.
I choose self-love and light.
Now, hold your rose quartz and envision it spreading love and light through your body. Dispose of the object as soon as you’ve snuffed out your candle.
A Ritual for Illuminating Your Shadows
One of the most radical acts of magic is the act of self-honesty and naked vulnerability. This ritual is exactly that: It’s designed to help you say hello to your shadows (things you don’t want to think about or talk about often, events you don’t have closure around, memories you bury) and bring them to light, literally.
If you are not comfortable yet with shadow work, save this for a time when you feel more able to confront your deeper truths. This ritual may leave you emotionally exhausted or even a bit off-balance right afterward, so be ready. In the end, this ritual will move your shadows from their depths to the surface, which ultimately can be a good thing. You have the control to summon whatever shadow you’d like. You may leave others in the underworld of your shadow space.
Materials
A shower or bath
Paper
Something to write with
Several small candles, with which to surround yourself in a circle (one for each of your shadows)
An obsidian or amethyst
Cleanse yourself in a bath or shower and sit naked (if you are comfortable with this) on a blanket on the floor or in a chair.
Write down your shadows on small pieces of paper, such as “My self-doubt,” “Childhood memories of my mother,” “Feeling inadequate at work,” or “My shameful secret.” Be explicit and specific.
Arrange the candles around you, unlit, in a circle, one for each shadow. Place each paper before the corresponding candle.
Sit in the middle, thoughtfully contemplating each shadow. Give each a moment; breathe into it and acknowledge it. You don’t need to make peace or forgive—simply listen to its voice.
Light each candle. This is the symbolic act of bringing your shadows to the surface and finding strength in your own honesty.
To amp up this ritual, keep nearby an obsidian, which balances darkness and light, or an amethyst, which is used in meditation and raising consciousness.
A Practice for Building Intuition
Intuition is a liminal thing—it’s something we all have but that’s influenced by any number of factors, like external pressures, learned responses, self-doubt, and a disconnect from the self or nature. But it’s there, inside each of us, as a well of knowledge. It’s in our fight-or-flight instinct; it’s our gut feelings about a person; it’s when we think about a person a moment before they call. (Does this happen all the time for you? That’s your intuition working!)
This practice will help you tap into that—get down into the dark spaces and shadows where you’ve probably hidden your intuition (because we’re taught it’s not reliable or scientific or objective enough). Developing and learning to trust your intuition is integral to powering your magic.
For me, learning to listen to my intuition changed my life. It helped me make better choices about who I keep as friends, and helped me make major life decisions when I just “felt off” about something. And it is has never let me down. Here’s how you can hone your intuition.
Materials
A candle
Amethyst
Paper
Something to write with
Set aside an hour to ground, meditate, and focus. Quiet all sounds. Light a candle.
Get into a comfortable position. Hold the amethyst in your hand or set it before you.
Close your eyes and focus on your breath. It’s okay if your thoughts wander. Bring your attention back to your breath.
Imagine a long cord running from your spine down to the inner core of the earth. Feel the energy connecting you. Connect with the amethyst as well. Amethyst is commonly used (and beloved) for developing and strengthening psychic abilities, intuition, and visionary powers.
Think about something that you’re curious about or worried about. Is there someone you feel unsure about? Is there a life move you’re hesitating to make? Ask yourself: What does your gut tell you?
Swim in that gut feeling for a few moments. Write it down on paper.
Do this practice a few times per week to develop your intuition. Keep tabs on how the feelings unfold and what you might be right about.
Developing and learning to trust your intuition is integral to powering your magic.
