TRAINS

Friends are there for the good times, the bad times and the times when we can’t remember how we got home, so they have to give us a carefully edited recap of our missing hours. Nothing has more of an impact on us than the way we relate to those around us. Our relationships bring joy to our lives, so how can we make the most of them? And nothing hurts more than a relationship in trouble, so how can we fix things when they go wrong?

Make sure that you share some quality time with your friends by planning something specific – and fun – to do together. Why not try one of the following ideas?

Learn something new: Whether it’s rock climbing or pottery, a sailing trip or a karaoke session, the experience will bring you closer together.

Make an open invitation: Phone your friend and ask them what they have always wanted to do. You might end up trying something you’ve never considered before.

Throw a party together: You could be celebrating your friendship, a birthday – or nothing in particular. (Who needs a reason for a party?!)

Plan a wild night in: Invite your friend over for dinner and spend the night eating, drinking, playing board games or watching your favourite movies.

Keep all your relationships happy and healthy by following these five golden rules.

2 Don’t expect other people to change: It won’t happen (or if it does, it won’t last!).

3 Treat your friends as you would want to be treated yourself: Listen to the way you speak to others and what you say.

4 Make sure your friendships are a two-way street: Are you the only one making the effort? Balanced relationships should involve give and take.

5 Be present: The greatest gift you can give a friend when you are together is your attention. Active listening is a great skill to practise, so try to focus on real-world communication and turn off your phone when you’re spending quality time with your friends.

No relationship is perfect, but if you often feel drained after catching up with one of your pals, your friendship may need some attention. It’s natural to want to support our friends, but make sure that you don’t end up in a supporting role all the time. If you are constantly feeling stressed after hearing the latest details of your mate’s break-up/house move/lost hen fiasco, it’s a warning sign that your friendship is out of kilter.

Limit the time you spend in this role: you are not doing your friend any favours in the long run if they become dependent on you as an outlet for their woes. Listen and offer advice if asked, but don’t take their worries away with you. Your friend may lay their troubles at your door, but you don’t need to pick them up and add them to your own burden. (It’s also important to make sure that you’re not overburdening your friends in the same way. Don’t become someone else’s excess baggage!)

We all have the odd niggle in our friendships, but what can you do if things escalate? How can you patch up an argument?

2 Try to see your friend’s point of view, too. Taking time to do this can transform the way you respond to the situation.

3 Write down how you feel (on a piece of paper, not a device with a ‘send’ button). Offloading will make you feel better and help you to re-evaluate what’s happened.

5 If you’re ready to offer an olive branch, text your pal and suggest meeting up for a chat. Make it clear that you want to move forward.

6 Meet on neutral territory, stay calm and describe your feelings (without re-enacting them!). Ask how your friend is feeling, too.

Getting our shit together usually involves decluttering and careful planning to achieve our goals, but when it comes to looking for love, it’s time for a different approach. Declutter by all means – no one should be dragging enough baggage from a previous relationship to fill a seven-piece Louis Vuitton luggage set – but once you’re over your ex, your mission is not to go forth into the streets and leap on the first available passer-by. In fact, you shouldn’t be leaping on anyone at all. A decluttered heart may feel empty at first, but you don’t need to find a rest-of-your-life soulmate to fill it with happiness.

Your mission is to go out and live life to the full. Do the things you love. Make new friends who love doing those things too and you’ll be so busy enjoying yourself that you won’t have time to think about whether Mr or Mrs Right will appear. Finding a partner may not be your end goal after all, but whatever your goal is, you should be having too much fun to worry about a deadline.

Like bicycles and boilers, relationships require regular maintenance. You can’t run them into the ground for decades and expect to avoid the odd puncture or leaky valve. Keep things fresh with these tips.

Dating: You’ve lived together for years, so you don’t need to go out to meet up, but spending quality time together is super-important. (And no talking about retiling the roof!)

Be surprising: Write your partner a love note or cook them a meal… Just don’t be too surprising! ‘I’ve sold the flat – we’re going to live in a lighthouse,’ may be a step too far.

Visit new places: Going somewhere new together will freshen up your dynamic, as you’ll both be on unfamiliar territory.

Set a new goal: Couples often stop having goals once they’ve ticked the obvious ones off the list. Strengthen your partnership with a new dream to pursue together.