“You look like you’re feeling better,” Dawn said.
Amelia was mainly glad that it was just her and Dawn at the pub after practice. Turnout had been scant and even Sophia had somewhere else to be afterward. “Maybe I am. I don’t know.” The walk she’d gone on the other day had lifted Amelia’s spirits. Although, since then, she had been wondering what Jill wanted to talk to her about. Clearly, something had been on her mind. But then she’d just waved it off. Amelia couldn’t shake the impression that something was going on but, for the life of her, she couldn’t guess what it might be. She’d have to wait until tomorrow to find out.
“Therapy working?” Dawn, on the other hand, sounded as though she could do with some therapy herself.
“Maybe. A bit. It makes you think, you know. Makes your thoughts go into a different direction than they’re used to, breaking out of the endless loop of gloom. Which, I guess, is the whole point.”
“Any spectacular breakthroughs?” Dawn sipped from her pint.
“It has made me think about forming that 40+ team again.”
“Team? Not league?” Dawn sounded as though she might quit soccer altogether instead of enthusiastically joining the team Amelia wanted to put together.
“A whole new league is too ambitious. I thought I’d start with a team.” Amelia leaned a little closer toward her friend. “What’s going on, Dawnie? Earlier, during practice, you were the life of the party. In fact, there were times I worried for your health, what with the way you tried to tackle Sophia.”
Dawn waved her off. “It’s nothing.”
“Fight with Cindy? Something going on with the kids?”
Dawn huffed some air out of her nostrils. “I’m just being silly. Don’t mind me.”
“Last year, I would have taken that answer and moved on, but not today. Not after all the hours and hours you’ve listened to me going on about how I hate work and how I have no energy left to do much outside of it and how much that has made my life suck…” Amelia tried a smile.
Dawn shrugged. “Hardly anyone showed up for practice and now, for what’s supposed to be the fun bit, it’s just you and me.”
Amelia furrowed her brow. She tried to read between the lines. Had Dawn grown completely tired of her? It was possible, of course. Or she could just be having a bad day. “Do you need me to crack a few jokes?”
Dawn shook her head. “You’re rubbish at punchlines, Melly. We both know that.” A small smile appeared on her face. “I just…” She exhaled dramatically. “I don’t know if I can tell you this.” She took another sip of her beer.
“What could it possibly be that you can’t tell me?”
Dawn scrunched up her face. “Promise not to judge.”
“Dawn, come on. It’s me. After all the support you’ve given me, I’m in no position to judge you.” This did make Amelia wonder if her friend believed her to be a judgmental person, but this was not the time to inquire.
“The reason I’m a bit miffed it’s just you and me is not a slight on you, okay? It’s about who’s not here.”
Amelia’s brain had struggled to put two and two together the past few months. This situation required her to push her worn-out brain cells to the limit. But, again, for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what Dawn meant. It was as though the burnout had given her emotional intelligence a huge hit as well. For this reason, Amelia believed that she would know she was on the road to recovery when she was able to read people properly again. Clearly, that time had not yet come.
“The rest of the team? I think some of them are slacking as well, but it’s that time of year, you know. It’s like this every year when spring turns into summer. You know it will pick back up again.”
Dawn chuckled but not heartily. “I know that. I’ve been a member of the Double D’s as long as you have. I know how it goes. What I’m trying to say is that not everyone on the team has the same motivation as me to show up.”
“Look, Dawn, I’m very sorry. I’m not back to my old self by a long shot and I’m going to need you to spell this out for me, because I honestly have no clue what you’re getting at.”
Dawn glanced at her, then looked away. “Sophia’s not here.”
“And thank goodness for that,” Amelia blurted out. Then the penny dropped. “Oh. You’d like for her to be here.” She paused. “Oh!”
“I know I’m being an utterly idiotic middle-aged twat,” Dawn said. “It doesn’t even mean anything. You know I love Cindy and our life with the kids but, you know…”
Amelia didn’t know. Amelia’s life was the opposite of Dawn’s. “You have a crush on Sophia?”
“I guess you could call it that.”
“It didn’t come about because I asked you to deflect her attention from me, did it?”
“Nah, don’t be silly. I liked her as soon as she turned up. I just like how she is. As though she doesn’t have a care in the world. And I know you don’t see it, Melly, because you’re looking at everything through your black goggles of doom, but she’s fit. As in H-O-T. Earlier, on the pitch, when she pulled up her jersey to wipe the sweat from her forehead, I thought I might pass out.”
“Oh, shit. Dawn.” Her friend was right. Amelia didn’t see it.
“I’m not going to make a move or anything. I swear to you. It’s just a bit of fun for my weary Mommy brain, to get the juices flowing. I’d been looking forward to shooting the breeze with Sophia, but now she’s not here. Did she say she was going on a date?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Does it matter?”
“No, of course not.” Dawn took a large gulp of beer. “Not that she’d ever be interested in me, anyway.”
“Oh, come on, Dawn. Don’t say things like that.”
“Why not?” She took a strand of hair between her fingers. “Look at this? Half-gray and limp as a you-know-what.” Next, she pointed at her chest. “And these… look about the same as the pancakes I make for the kids on Sundays.” She shot Amelia a glance that wasn’t instantly decipherable.
Amelia lined up compliments in her head. She didn’t need any extra brainpower to say lovely things about her best friend. “Dawn—” she started, but was cut off.
“Look at you, Melly. We’ve just had practice and you still look as though you could go out into the night and pull any bird you wanted. All you’d have to do is bat those long lashes of yours, paint on one of those half-crooked smiles, and you’re settled. No wonder Sophia’s going so gaga over you. Honestly, I’ve seen her look at you and, I swear, she’s salivating.”
Amelia didn’t really know what to say to that, except that was not how she saw herself at all. But that wouldn’t help Dawn much right now. “Are you sure you and Cindy are okay?” Amelia had to ask. She had to know. If something was up in her best friend’s marriage, she had to help.
“We’re fine. We’re just… busy and not really each other’s main focus at the moment. With a six- and a four-year-old. This time here, tonight, with you and with the team, is all I have to myself. Cindy has her choir. Between that and the kids, there isn’t a lot of time left for the two of us.”
“Anytime you need me to babysit, I’m there.” Amelia offered.
“Really?”
“I know I haven’t really been there of late, but—”
“It’s okay. I don’t want you to apologize for that. You’re not our free babysitting service. I know what you’ve been going through is no joke.”
“Next week. I’ll take the kids for an evening. Or a day at the weekend, if you want. So you and Cindy can go on a proper date, sleep in, the works.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that? For the record, that is not why I was telling you this.”
Amelia was far from certain—minding two children for a day would wipe her out for the next few days. But she didn’t have anything else to do. She just wanted to help Dawn and Cindy.
“I’m sure,” she said, sounding much more confident than she felt. “Julian’s easy. I’ll just kick around a ball with him.”
“Milly’s a right nightmare. It’s like the terrible twos have become the fearsome fours.” At least Dawn followed up with a chuckle.
“It’s about time I put in some decent godmother time.” Amelia was already racking her brain for what to do with the kids. But she’d think of something. This wasn’t the first time she’d be minding small children, although it would be the first time since her panic attacks.
“You would tell me if you weren’t up for it?” Dawn put a hand on Amelia’s upper arm. “I’d need to know.”
“It’s going to be fine. I promise.”
“Thanks.” Dawn gave her arm a quick squeeze, then went back to work on her pint.
“Does this mean I no longer get to moan about Sophia?” Amelia asked.
“Moan all you want, but don’t expect me to feel sorry for you,” Dawn said.
“I should say something to her, though. Flattery can only go so far until it becomes massively annoying. I also don’t want to get her hopes up in any way, shape, or form.”
“Are you sure?” Dawn chuckled. “You don’t want to take one for the team?”
“What? Sleep with her so I can tell you what it’s like?” Under the table, Amelia hit Dawn’s knee with her own. “Wow.”
“Just kidding, Melly.” Dawn grinned again. “And don’t worry. I’ll be there for her after you’ve let her down gently.” She fixed her gaze on Amelia. “When are you getting back in the saddle? Now that you’re feeling better, maybe you should think about that.”
Amelia shook her head. “It’s too soon. I’m not ready for any of that.”