Jill greeted Sheryl. It wasn’t the first time she’d run into her on the street outside her office. Tonight, Sheryl was trying to entice her to join one of the Pink Bean open mic nights.
“It’s a choir,” Sheryl said. “They’ve only just started. I’m here to quietly usher in any stragglers.”
While Jill considered the offer, Sheryl added, “There’s wine and, apparently, we also have a bunch of female soccer players in. The choir leader’s wife is on the team.” Sheryl waggled her eyebrows as though that was the kind of information that would tip Jill over the edge. Little did Sheryl know that the mention of female footballers made Jill’s ears perk all the way up. Might Amelia be here tonight? And if so, was it a good idea for her to go inside?
“I have work to finish at home,” Jill said. Her head knew she really shouldn’t set foot inside the Pink Bean tonight—the rest of her could hardly be stopped.
“Oh, come on, Jill. Live a little. Kristin will be chuffed to see you. Not to be blunt, but apart from work, what or who is waiting for you at home that’s so terribly exciting you’d miss a beautiful choir singing angelic songs?”
Jill didn’t know Sheryl all that well, but she did know she could be very persuasive. However, from what Jill could hear from inside, the choir members’ voices weren’t all that angelic.
“Okay. Wrong argument.” Sheryl took a step back, as though wanting to let Jill pass.
With the possible prospect of Amelia being inside, Jill didn’t need a lot of persuading. Even if the chances of Amelia being there were only 50/50, Jill wanted to go in. It wasn’t a rational decision by any means. It certainly wasn’t ethical. But that didn’t mean Jill didn’t want it as badly as anything she’d ever wanted.
“You had me at hello.” Jill let Sheryl guide her in.
They sneaked behind the gathered crowd and made their way to the counter. From her new vantage point, Jill scanned the audience. Almost all of the tables were filled. She recognized a few faces she sometimes encountered at the Pink Bean, but no one she had any sort of relationship with.
Sheryl offered her a glass of wine. She held up the glass of sparkling water with lime she had in her own hand. “Apologies to your ears. I don’t know why Kristin didn’t make them audition before letting them sing here.” She sent her a crooked smile.
After having taken a sip, Jill resumed her scanning of the audience. Almost instantly, her breath stalled.
Amelia was looking straight at her. Jill’s heart thud-thudded in her throat. Her chest felt like it might explode. The iffy choir soundtrack faded into the background. Jill took another sip. Amelia must have seen her and Sheryl sneak in. Had she followed her with her gaze? What was she thinking? Jill hoped Amelia didn’t conclude that Jill was stalking her or something outrageous like that. It was perfectly plausible that she would be here tonight, what with her office being next door.
Jill tried a smile accompanied by a small nod of recognition. Amelia smiled back, although Jill wasn’t sure she could classify it as a smile. It came across as a touch forced. Oh, Christ. Jill was making a right tit of herself once again. What was it with this woman? Jill couldn’t remember ever feeling this silly, so out of control of her emotions before. It was as though Amelia had this hold over her, made her go a little unhinged when she was near. At least she knew she had made the right decision by ending their therapist-client relationship. That was a definite no-go. Jill stood there, her gaze glued to Amelia’s half-smiling, pillowy lips, her ears wanting nothing more than to hear her improbably sultry voice again. It was obvious she could never offer Amelia anything in the way of counseling again. If anything, Jill could very much do with a bit of counseling herself.
When the song stopped, Sheryl asked, “Are you okay, Jill? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Jill looked away from Amelia. “I’m fine.” She took another sip of wine.
“If you’re sure.” Sheryl pointed at a free table toward the back. “Do you want to grab a table?”
If she did, Jill wouldn’t be able to spy on Amelia anymore, which, surely, made it the right thing to do. “Sure.” Again, she followed Sheryl.
The choir started up again. Jill was glad that silence was required from the audience. Her voice would betray her, just like her face had done so earlier. Being near Amelia was such an excruciating but exciting challenge.
Jill took the time the song lasted to figure out, if she had the opportunity, what she would say to Amelia and, more importantly, how she would keep her cool. She had low aspirations for the latter.
The song ended and the woman at the front said that they would take a break, during which they would be available to speak to anyone interested in joining the choir.
“They’re recruiting,” Sheryl said. “Interested?” She had one eye on the counter. “I predict a run on booze more than people signing up to join. Are you okay here on your own? I’m going to lend a hand behind the counter.”
“Of course,” Jill lied. “No problem.” Then she found herself alone, unprotected by another person’s company. She could only see the back of Amelia’s head. She was talking to a younger woman. From the younger woman’s body language—her chest fully turned toward Amelia, her chin dipped low—Jill could pretty easily deduct that she was interested in more than Amelia’s friendship. Jill’s first thought was that the other woman must be Sophia. Her second thought was that she shouldn’t know this. She looked a little closer. She couldn’t help herself. Were Amelia and Sophia here together because they were on a date or because they were on the same soccer team? The prospect of the former made something in Jill’s stomach contract. For crying out loud. Was she jealous now? She rolled her eyes at herself—at her own utter foolishness.
She took a deep breath and let the air escape from her lungs slowly in a bid to get a grip. If she wanted to, she could leave. All she had to do was get up and walk out. She would pop in tomorrow and let Sheryl know that she’d had to leave. It was as easy as that. But as long as Amelia was sitting a few tables away from her, Jill was staying put.
The woman who Jill thought was Sophia stood and made her way to the counter. Not long after, Amelia turned around, and looked straight at Jill again. What should she do? Jill gave a limp wave, which didn’t make her feel any less ridiculous. Should she go to her? Have a quick, polite chat? Was that even an option?
The decision was made for her. Amelia walked toward her. Jill didn’t even have time for another relaxing deep breath.
“Hey,” Amelia said, her voice low and easy. “Is this okay? For me to come talk to you?”
“Of course. We can hardly pretend to be strangers.” Jill’s palms were going clammy. “Would you like to join me?” The chairs around the small table were much closer to each other than the chairs in Jill’s office.
Amelia sat and glanced at Jill from under her lashes. “I, uh, wanted to thank you for what you said the other day, about you being able to see what I’ll be like again once I’m over this burnout. I’ve been mulling it over. Even though I’m not there yet by a long shot, it was a lovely thing to hear.”
It was also incredibly out of order, Jill thought, but she couldn’t help but smile widely. The corners of her mouth just pulled themselves up as if Jill had no command over them. “I meant it,” she said. There were so many other things she’d like to say to Amelia, but, apart from a Pink Bean open mic night not being the time or place, Jill knew she shouldn’t. “The woman you’re sitting with,” she said instead. “Is that your teammate Sophia?”
Amelia nodded and cast a quick glance at the counter. Sophia was still queueing.
“How did the babysitting go?” Jill asked, just to say something—to keep Amelia in that chair and close to her as long as possible.
“Absolutely fine.” A smile bloomed on Amelia’s face. “I’ve missed those kids so much.”
Did you ever want any of your own, Jill wanted to ask, but swallowed the question down. “That’s great.” Amelia might not know it yet, but Jill sensed that it wouldn’t be too long before she was back on her feet. All the signs were there.
“Unlike tonight’s entertainment.” Amelia curtly shook her head. “I love Cindy dearly, but that choir is a mess.”
“They’re charming in their own unique way, I guess.”
“They most certainly need some fresh blood.”
“Have you ever thought of joining?” Jill asked.
“Cindy begs me every time I see her, but… I never used to have the time when I was still working. And after work, I was busy with soccer. And I haven’t really been up to new things lately, so.”
“Maybe they’ll succeed in recruiting you tonight.” Jill offered a smile. Behind her calm mask, every atom in her body was spinning out of control. This sort of small talk was all well and good, but it was driving Jill more and more crazy as it continued. If she was really, truly honest with herself, what she really wanted to do, was cup Amelia’s jaw in her hands, pull her near, and kiss her on those dreamy lips. Jill really had to get a grip.
“I doubt it.” Amelia glanced at the counter again. Jill followed her gaze. Sophia was heading back to their table with fresh drinks. “I’d better get back.”
“Sure.” Already, the euphoric sensation inside Jill was turning to utter deflation.
“Bye, Jill.” Amelia rose, took a step away from her, then turned around again. “Are you staying until the end? Maybe we can talk some more after?”
“Yes,” Jill said quickly. She had forgotten how utterly exhausting it felt to be this smitten. “I’ll be here.” And how damaging it was to her self-esteem.
“Good.” Was that a flirty smile that Amelia had just drawn her delicious lips into? It was too late to figure out because Amelia had turned away to join Sophia.
Despite desperately looking forward to it, Jill wasn’t so sure whether it was a good thing that they would be talking later. She would be turning fifty in a few weeks’ time and this was no way for a woman of that age to behave. Nor should she entertain thoughts of kissing other women like that. Amelia had never given her any hints that she might even be interested in Jill. If anything, she’d been flummoxed when Jill had told her about her feelings.
Until, perhaps, tonight.