Amelia’s heart beat in her throat. Could confusion be felt in the blood? No, of course not. Could warring desires provoke a sudden spike in high blood pressure, then? Amelia had read about much more far-out occurrences in the scientific periodicals she subscribed to. As she straightened her posture, her head swam. There could be any number of reasons for it, but Amelia had to logically conclude that the real reason was the conversation she’d just had with Jill.
Either way, she had just announced that she was leaving, so she should at least do that—make a start on heading toward the door. If only her legs would cooperate. Come to think of it, not many of her muscles seemed keen to take her home.
“Are you okay?” Jill asked, keeping a respectful distance. She had done so all night, at least with her body. Maybe not with her words—they had made serious advances toward Amelia.
“Could I have some water, please?” This would give Amelia time to take a few deep breaths and gather her wits.
Jill hurried out of the office.
While she was alone, Amelia tested her legs. She could stand up just fine. With Jill out of the room, the sensation of light-headedness seemed to have left Amelia as well. She inhaled deeply through her nose and exhaled through her mouth a few times. Amelia’s body had reacted unexpectedly before during this period of burnout, giving her enough sense to take things easy.
Jill returned with a glass of water. “Do you live far from here?”
“A ten-minute walk tops.”
“Do you want me to get you an Uber? Or walk you home if you need the fresh air? Just to be sure.” Jill’s voice was full of concern.
Amelia wasn’t sure being in Jill’s company longer was what she needed. An Uber would be the correct choice. But making the correct choice wasn’t really at the top of her list, it would appear. She drank from the water Jill had offered her. “Burnout is no joke,” she said by way of an explanation. “It’s so physical. As I’m sure you know. But before I actually suffered from it, I believed it was purely mental.”
“Why don’t you sit for a bit.” Jill made to put a hand against Amelia’s arm, but retracted it before it could touch her. “Come on. You’re absolutely right. This is no joke. I’m a doctor. I can’t let you leave like this.”
Amelia fell back onto the couch.
“Does this happen a lot?” Jill asked.
“It’s been a while. I’ve been feeling a lot better, but…”
“I was probably being a touch too intense with you.” Jill smiled, but it was no flirty kind of smile. Although warm, it was laced with worry.
“Maybe I’m not ready for the dating scene just yet.” Amelia shrugged. “Doesn’t make much difference to me. I haven’t been out with a woman in years.” She glanced at Jill. She could tell Jill was biting back a question. “It’s okay, Jill. You can ask.” Maybe sitting here with Jill had been too much for her exhausted brain to process, but it had still amused Amelia. It was the most fun she’d had in months.
“I wasn’t going to ask anything.” The kindness in Jill’s eyes amazed her. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. How about I ride in the Uber with you? Deliver you to your doorstep.”
Amelia waved off Jill’s proposal. “I’m fine.”
“With all due respect, I can’t accept that. I won’t sleep a wink if I don’t know you’re safe. It’s no biggie. I’ll take the Uber to my house after. I didn’t much feel like walking anyway.”
Amelia chuckled. Jill was quite something. Instinctively, she knew not to fight her on this, because she couldn’t win this one—she couldn’t go against a doctor’s advice. “All right. Thank you. I’m impressed with the service of this practice. Given the chance, I will leave you a five-star review.” She glanced around the room. “For mood lighting after hours as well. Very cozy.”
“Just let me know when you’re ready to leave.” Jill held out her hand and Amelia gave her back the empty glass. “Do you want some more?” Amelia looked at the glass. Jill’s hand was curved around it. So was Amelia’s. Why wasn’t she letting go?
“No, um, I—” Amelia couldn’t tear her gaze away from the glass in their hands. Was this some sort of out-of-body experience? Had she fainted and was she dreaming? Imagining things?
“Amelia.” Jill’s voice was soft. “Can I have the glass, please?” Jill crouched in front of her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I must not be,” Amelia mumbled. Because I’m about to do this. She leaned forward, slanted her head, and looked into Jill’s blue eyes. Jill didn’t move. The glass was still clasped in both their hands.
“Amelia, please,” Jill whispered. “Don’t make me have to say no to this.”
“Then don’t.” Amelia leaned in a little closer.
Jill didn’t pull back, but she didn’t move toward Amelia either.
“I want to kiss you,” Amelia said.
“You’re in no state to make a decision like that right now. I’m sorry. You know how much I want to, but I can’t.”
As the tension in her muscles deflated, Amelia finally let go of the glass. Jill had obviously released her hold too, because it fell to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Ouch.” Jill reached for the side of her hand.
Oh shit, she was bleeding. After all this time, when Amelia tried to kiss someone, this happened. Maybe she was still far more broken than she believed herself to be, like the glass on the floor.
“I’m so sorry.” Amelia stood, trying to avoid stepping on the broken glass. “Where’s your first aid kit?”
“It’s just a little cut.” Jill examined her hand.
“It looks like a lot more than that.”
“Tiny cuts usually look much worse than they are because of all the blood.”
“Can I see, please?” Amelia asked.
Jill showed her the side of her palm.
Amelia couldn’t get a proper look. “We need more light.” She marched to the wall and flipped on what she hoped were the overhead lights. She returned to where Jill was standing and, without asking, took hold of her hand. This was no time for gingerly faffing about. Amelia had to see what kind of damage she had inflicted.
“It looks like there’s a tiny piece lodged in the flesh.” Amelia looked a little closer. “I’m really going to need that first aid kit, Jill.”
“I’m a doctor. I can deal with this myself.”
“But you don’t have to.” Amelia sent Jill an apologetic smile. If only she hadn’t held on to that damned glass in the first place. What had come over her? “I’ve got this, Jill. I take a refresher first aid course every year. This is nothing. I’ll just remove the piece of glass, disinfect the wound, and bandage it. Which would be quite hard to do with one hand, in case you were still thinking of doing it yourself.” Amelia made sure her smile was confident now.
At work, she was always the one her co-workers turned to when someone had a little accident. Amelia was also the designated person for emergency evacuations or any other crises. She wasn’t cut out to be an idle bystander. In that way, also, this burnout had screwed her well and good, because it had made her feel like a bystander in her own life.
But not tonight. She was going to bandage up Jill whether she liked it or not. Although, if she were to hazard a guess, she suspected that Jill wouldn’t mind too much—if the wound wasn’t too painful, of course. Years of soccer had increased Amelia’s pain tolerance significantly—she wasn’t one to double over in pain when a striker hurtled toward her feet-first and collided with her body instead of the ball. She stood and got on with it. Not everyone was like that.
“The first aid kit’s in the kitchen. In the cabinet above the sink.”
“I’ll be right back. Hold up your hand.”
“I know what to—” Jill swallowed the rest of her sentence. Amelia hurried to the kitchen. She wasted no time looking around at the decor, but went straight for the cabinet where the first aid kit was kept. She rushed back and assessed the damage. She’d need to get to work with a broom and dustpan after she’d taken care of Jill’s hand.
“Do you have a vacuum cleaner here? I want to make sure every last piece of glass is cleaned up. I wouldn’t want your cleaning staff to hurt themselves. When do they come in?” Amelia rummaged through the first aid kit. Antiseptic cream. Tweezers. Gauze. This should only take a few minutes.
“Before you get to work on me,” Jill said. “Can I ask you to take a breath?”
“Why?” Amelia ripped the tweezers out of their sterile packet and grabbed for Jill’s wounded hand.
“You’re so… I don’t know. Only a few minutes ago you had to sit and have some water. I was going to accompany you home in an Uber. I just want to make sure you’re okay before you start removing a shard of glass from my flesh. I’m rather attached to my hands, especially the right one.” Jill’s eyebrows were arched all the way up.
“It’s just adrenaline. Better use it while it’s hot.” Amelia made a show of breathing in deeply. “Now, can I do this?”
A grimace on her lips, Jill nodded.
Amelia worked quickly and methodically, her hands as unshakeable as she felt in that moment.
“An ER doctor has nothing on you,” Jill said, as she studied her bandaged hand. She made to get up.
“Maybe I am in the wrong profession.” Amelia shook her head. “Sit for a bit longer while I clean this up.”
“Bossy,” Jill said. “That’s the word I couldn’t find earlier. I had no idea you were so bossy.”
“It’s not because you have a crush on me that you know me,” Amelia blurted out. “Sorry. I’m just, uh—”
“It’s fine. And you’re right. Just another side of you I like then.” Jill glanced up at her.
Amelia had almost forgotten that Jill had stopped them from kissing a mere ten minutes ago. Without responding, she made her way back to the kitchen. She left the first aid kit on the table so Jill would remember to restock it the next day. She found the cleaning tools she needed and got to work. While she scouted for glass particles that might have escaped her scouring of the floor, she thought about that almost-kiss again, if you could even call it that.
Jill had been right. Amelia had been in no state to kiss anyone. Fifteen minutes ago, she would have kissed Jill for a slew of wrong reasons—not all of them were wrong, though. Amelia liked Jill. But did she like Jill or did she like the fact that Jill was, in her own words, crazy as fuck about her? Most certainly, she didn’t like Jill with the same lightning bolt intensity that Jill was experiencing, but that didn’t mean Amelia wasn’t keen to find out what it would be like to kiss her. By the time she had finished cleaning, she wasn’t any the wiser.
After she returned from the kitchen, she plopped down in the couch, and said, “What a night. I could sure use a nightcap right now.”
“Do you often use alcohol to unwind before bed?” Jill had a smirk painted all over her face.
“Do you?” Amelia asked.
Jill smiled, paused, then said, “About before… before the glass broke. That was not a rejection, but I think you know that.”
Heat rose to Amelia’s cheeks. How had she become the bashful one in this equation? “I guess that I… I wasn’t thinking. And yes, I do know it wasn’t a rejection.”
“It wouldn’t have felt right for me to kiss you in that moment,” Jill clarified.
Oh, the joys of your therapist having a crush on you. “Yeah. I get that.”
“That doesn’t mean that I’m not immensely flattered by your overture. Flattered doesn’t even come close to how I feel. Terribly excited would probably be more accurate.”
Amelia felt like she had a decision to make. The glass breaking had been an unfortunate accident, but it had also redressed the balance between them somehow. She weighed her options: either she went home and analyzed this evening to death, or she did something else.
“I think I’m ready for that Uber now,” she said. “How about you still come with me and we have that nightcap? Or should I be the one taking you home now that you’re wounded?”