At last, Jill thought. The kiss she’d been hoping for, waiting for. The kiss she could allow, and the kiss Amelia didn’t need to pull away from. Even though they’d kissed before, it still felt like this was their first proper kiss.
How Amelia had been sitting at the restaurant when Jill had arrived—waiting for her. How Amelia had whispered in her ear, her voice even lower than usual, her lips moving against Jill’s skin as she spoke. It all still felt like a dream. To think it had all begun so awkwardly. But Amelia was here, in Jill’s house. What had started as a sweet and gentle kiss, a tentative exploration, was quickly turning into something much more urgent.
Jill’s fingers tightened as the urgency manifested itself. She seemed incapable of a restrained caress. All her fingers wanted to do was tug at Amelia’s clothes so Jill could see even more of her. So they could come even closer.
Even though it went against her every instinct, Jill managed to control herself. She had to. Overwhelming desire was never an excuse for anything. Amelia had to lead the charge. Jill had to remain receptive to her cues, to what her body signaled when her voice couldn’t form the words. Although, right now, all Amelia’s body language conveyed was how much she wanted Jill. One of her hands roamed through Jill’s hair while the other held Jill close. Not an inch of space was left between their bodies.
Amelia’s lips drifted to Jill’s cheek, her jaw, and down to her neck. Jill feared that the divine sensations Amelia elicited inside her might prevent her from exercising the one percent of alertness she had left.
Amelia’s body swiveled and she pushed Jill against the bookcase so that the shelves pressed into her back.
Even if this was all Amelia could ever give her, it would be enough. But no, that was absolute nonsense. Jill wanted so much more. She wanted her hands all over Amelia. She wanted her out of those clothes, no matter how elegant they looked on her. She wanted Amelia in her bed, as ready and hot for Jill as she was for her. Because Jill was more than ready. The stubborn pulse that ran through her told her so. Her entire being throbbed with desire for Amelia. For more of her kisses, more of her touch. For her ultimate surrender.
But even as Jill stood with her back against the bookshelf with Amelia all over her, her hair silky against her cheeks, her lips like the smoothest velvet on her neck, deep down, Jill knew that more patience would be required. That Amelia was still vulnerable and that a bout of kissing, no matter how passionate, would not magically make her ready to open herself up completely to another human being. Not after what she’d been through. Burgeoning romance could have a touch of magic to it—how else to explain how two people could find each other as they had and lose themselves in each other like this mere weeks after? But it wasn’t magic in itself.
Amelia’s hand slid down from Jill’s hair to her shoulder, inching ever lower. Jill felt its gentle push against the side of her breast. Her nipple reacted by straining hard against the inside of her bra. Maybe Jill should have dealt with this pent-up friskiness before she left for this date, although it wouldn’t have made a difference. Her body stood no chance against Amelia’s allure, no matter how much sexual energy Jill might have spent beforehand. Amelia was like a hurricane of the most exquisite sultriness, with her moody glance and her broody voice and those lips, oh those lips. To feel them on her skin with such abundance was more than enough to make Jill’s clit rise to attention as much as her nipples.
If Jill was going to check in with Amelia at all before this spiraled totally out of control, she had to do so now. A few more minutes of this and Jill would no longer be able to account for her actions. Not that she would ever cross any of Amelia’s boundaries willingly, but she wanted to make sure that Amelia wasn’t rushing into something she might later regret—that she wasn’t pushing past a line she wasn’t ready to cross. That she’d suffered a burnout meant that she might have a history of not always recognizing her own boundaries. Being Amelia’s former therapist didn’t release Jill from the duty to ensure Amelia was 100% okay with where this was going—no matter how much she wanted her.
“Hey,” Jill whispered. “Let’s take a second.” She ran a hand through her hair while she let Amelia compose herself.
“Are you okay?” Amelia asked.
“Can we sit? Maybe have that nightcap?” Jill made sure the smile she shot Amelia was the warmest she could muster.
“Sure.” Amelia straightened her posture.
“What can I get you?” Jill asked.
“Just some water is fine.” Amelia strode to the couch. “I forgot that kissing is a thirsty business.”
Jill fetched a bottle of water and two glasses from the kitchen. She took the opportunity to think about what she would say. It was really hard not to sound like a therapist when that was what you were. But this was a delicate moment. Apart from that, Jill also had the incessant throbbing between her legs to deal with.
When she walked back into the living room, Amelia was standing next to the sideboard where Jill kept a picture of her and Rasmus.
“Is this your ex?” Amelia asked.
Jill nodded.
“He couldn’t look more Swedish if he tried.”
While Jill waited for Amelia to join her on the couch, she poured them a glass of water.
“Did you live here with him?” Amelia seemed to study the picture in detail.
“No. I moved here not long after we broke up. I didn’t want to stay in the house where we lived together. Fresh start and all that.”
Amelia smoothed a wrinkle out of her blouse, cleared her throat, and then, finally, came to sit next to Jill. She took a sip of water.
“Did I come on too strong?” she asked, after she put her glass back down.
“Heavens, no.” All Jill wanted to do was pull Amelia close and kiss her again. “I just wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if we rushed into this… into something we’re not ready for. With what I know about you, I need to be certain this is what you really want.”
Amelia nodded. “I get it. And I appreciate that.”
“Besides, we have time.” Jill reached out her hand. Amelia took it in hers.
“You’re so considerate. It’s quite rare, in my experience.” Amelia traced a fingertip over the lines in Jill’s palm.
“It’s not only consideration for your feelings. I’ve been single for almost a year and while it’s very enticing to just lose myself in this avalanche of feelings I have for you, I’m not without trepidation. On the one hand, it’s hard to shake that you were in my care. And then there’s the tiny fact that I haven’t been with a woman in a very long time.”
“Are you nervous?” Amelia lifted Jill’s hand and planted a kiss on the heel of her palm.
Oh, goodness. Yes, Jill was nervous, but she was also extremely aroused. “A bit.”
“Because of how long it’s been for you or because of what I told you in therapy?”
“Both.”
“Let me assure you that when we were kissing earlier, I felt very in touch with my body.” Amelia painted on a slightly wicked grin. “I felt alive. I felt like… being with you was all that mattered.”
Jill could only smile.
“Maybe…” Amelia shuffled a little closer. “You worry about me a little too much.”
“I can’t help it.”
“At least I know you’re not just after my body.” Amelia followed up with a chuckle.
“It’s been so crazy, this whole thing.” Jill wrapped her fingers around Amelia’s knee. “I knew I was in some sort of trouble from the minute you walked into my office. That has honestly never happened to me before. It was like this instant attraction that I didn’t know what to do with. A part of me still believes that me sitting here with you right now, in my house, having this conversation about where to go next, is fundamentally wrong. I’ve been in this job for a long time and some things get drilled into you. You learn how to keep your distance, how to keep that wall intact. I’ve never had any trouble with that, until you came along. Part of me can’t help but see that in a pretty bad light.” Like a blatant failure, Jill added in her head.
“Life’s hardly ever as clear-cut as we’d like it to be.” Amelia covered Jill’s hand with hers. “I’m pretty sure I should be focusing on me right now, on my recovery and on getting better, yet you’re all I think about.” She shrugged. “But I’ve chosen not to obsess about that. Because I do have that choice. And yes, last week, when we kissed in your office, I couldn’t deal with it. But today, I can. Today, I’m ready, although I don’t know what ‘ready’ actually means in this context.” Amelia locked her gaze on Jill’s. “When we kiss now, it takes away all the doubt instead of adding to it.” She huffed out some air. “What I’m trying to say, in my very own convoluted way, is that I appreciate your concern for me, I really do, but I can assert myself. I think you know that I can. I’ll worry about me. You worry about you.”
“So beautiful and so smart. How’s it even possible?” Jill scooted a little closer to Amelia.
“You only have to look in the mirror to know all about that.” Amelia smiled. “Too corny?”
“Hell no.”
“But, um…” Amelia’s smile faded. “All of that being said, I don’t think I should stay tonight. I mean, I want to. I want you, but, you’re right, we have time. We don’t have to rush.”
Relief and disappointment warred within Jill, although she knew that Amelia was making perfect sense. She nodded. “Of course.”
“As much as I enjoy kissing you, I also really enjoy talking to you,” Amelia said. “Maybe we can do some more of that.”
“As long as we start with kissing.” Lips already pursed, Jill leaned in.