My name is Vincent Joseph Sweeney and I am an alcoholic. Just kidding about that second part. No one calls me Vincent, or even Vince, except sometimes my mom when she’s really pissed. Last Friday I graduated high school. In ten years I’ll be dead. That’s according to the ninth-grade me, a Jim Morrison disciple. Death at twenty-seven looked good then. Now I say here’s to the future, here come the fun times. College, beer, job, marriage, babies, debt, divorce, nuclear annihilation.