I would like to thank all of my patients who have shared their lives, thoughts, and feelings with me as I have constructed this book. Their willingness to enter into dialogue and to range far afield of their own immediate concerns has been a source of continuing inspiration and exhilaration for me. I developed this book in collaboration with them and am grateful for the opportunity they have given me.
I would also like to thank a number of people whose conversations have sparked ideas that have found their way into this work: Michael Eigen, for thoughts on unintegration, Jeffrey Hopkins on sexual tantra, Stephen Batchelor on emptiness and imagination, Manny Ghent on surrender and aggression, Helen Tworkov on emotions in Buddhism, Joseph Goldstein and Sharon Salzberg on practice, Kiki Smith on writing and speaking, Wes Nisker on the four foundations of mindfulness, Jack Kornfield on relationships and the Dharma, Richard Kohn on the goddesses at the doorway, Daniel Goleman on the whole process of making a book that works, Robbie Stein on fear of breakdown, Jack Engler on mourning, and Michael Vincent Miller on disappointment and empathy. I owe particular thanks to Adam Phillips, from whose inspired writings on the British analyst D. W. Winnicott I appropriated my title.
Anne Edelstein, my literary agent, meticulously steered this project through sometimes rocky waters, and Janet Goldstein, Daisy Alpert, Charles Conrad, and William Shinker at Broadway Books saw fit to give their time and energy to making it come to be. George Lange took great pictures and continues to teach me about play.
My children, Sonia and Will, have discussed many aspects of this book with me since its (and their) inception and have done a great job of giving me support and showing me their pride in my endeavors. My wife Arlene, who has made the Dharma come alive for me and been my equal partner in ways that suffuse and transcend this particular book, has helped develop all of the major ideas in this work. I thank her for her innumerable contributions and for the hours of conversation that we have enjoyed. My parents, Frank and Sherrie, have been wonderfully supportive and interested throughout this process and have shared in its execution from start to finish. My in-laws, Jean and Dave, have encouraged my writing from the beginning, and our babysitter and friend, Sheila Mangyal, has made all of this possible.
Except in the case of well-known figures introduced by first and last names, I have changed names and other identifying details or constructed composites in order to protect privacy.