Yawning, Lucia makes the promised hot chocolate from the hospitality tray in their room and gets into bed to wait for Polly to finish her bath. The gentle rhythm of Reggie’s snores and the distant whoosh of the waves as the tide comes in over the pebbles at the top of the beach are the only disturbances, and both are such peaceful sounds that Lu feels herself drifting off to sleep. She sits bolt upright – mustn’t miss this chance to see if Polly really does want to unburden herself. If not, she’ll back off and leave well alone. As she rubs her eyes, stifling yawns, she hears a faint tap on the door.
‘Lucia? Lu, darling? Are you in bed?’ Tommy’s voice is low but carries just enough for her to hear. Lu reluctantly leaves her warm nest under the duvet, tiptoes to the door and opens it a crack.
‘What’s up? Is something wrong?’ she whispers. ‘Don’t wake Reggie, he’s only just settled.’
‘I need to talk to you.’
‘What, now? Can’t it wait until morning?’
Lu can see from Tommy’s expression that it can’t. Sighing, she props the door open with a slipper and slides out into the hallway. Tommy looks ruffled, as if he’s been running his fingers through his already wild curls. There’s a delicious waft of the familiar aftershave, light and crisp.
‘Have you been speaking to Isaac?’ Lu says, trying not to sound defensive. ‘Has he told you to warn me off upsetting Polly? I’ll be careful, honestly.’
He shakes his head. ‘No, I haven’t seen him. This is about something Angelina said. I went back to ask her advice. She guessed I was anxious, and she’s made me realise a few home truths. I’ve known her for years. She’s one of the few women I’ve ever been able to bare my soul too.’
‘I gathered that.’ Lucia can hear an unpleasant tone in her own voice. Waspish. What’s all that about? Of course Tommy knows Angelina well. They’re old friends.
Tommy starts to say something else and then seems to change his mind.
‘I’m glad I gave you the compass,’ he blurts out eventually.’
‘Des and me, you mean.’
‘Let’s not pretend, I knew it would choose you. For reasons of his own, which we won’t go into now, Des isn’t the right one.’
Lucia’s tired mind tries to think of the right question to ask but Tommy’s brilliantly blue eyes are on hers and she can’t think straight.
‘Lu? What are you doing out there?’ Polly’s voice breaks the spell so brutally that they both flinch and take a step back.
Before Lu can think of an answer, Tommy’s gone, raising an arm and striding away down the corridor with a spring in his step that belies his seventy years. She turns back into the bedroom and kicks the slipper away, catching the door just before it bangs. Polly is waiting, frowning slightly.
‘Was that Tommy? What did he want?’
‘Erm … nothing much. Just … stuff. Actually, I haven’t got a clue what he wanted. Did you have a good bath?’
‘Oh, it was blissful,’ says Polly. ‘My skin’s all wrinkly now. I stayed in there so long I thought you’d be asleep already.’
‘It was a close thing, my eyes kept closing, but I wanted to talk to you. And then Tommy turned up. Anyway, that doesn’t matter now. We’ve got things we need to discuss.’
‘Ah.’ Polly sits on the edge of her bed to towel her hair dry. ‘I thought we might have.’
Lucia takes a few deep breaths, willing herself to get her thoughts away from the compass and the disturbing encounter, back to the matter in hand. ‘Look, Poll, if you really don’t want to tell me about your past I understand, but sometimes you look so sad. Would it help to let some of it go, whatever it is that’s troubling you?’
Polly goes to hang up her towel and begins to drag a brush through the long tangles of her hair. She looks very young in her short nightshirt and Lu’s heart goes out to the troubled girl. She waits as patiently as she can. Does Polly trust her enough to come clean about what’s on her mind?
‘I don’t mind talking to you,’ Polly says eventually, getting into bed and reaching for her mug, ‘but you’ve got to promise not to pass any of this on to Isaac. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. We’re friends, on equal footing. I need to know he likes me for myself, not because I’m some sort of tragic figure to be pitied.’
‘I’m sure he wouldn’t change the way he treats you. Polly, you must be able to tell that Isaac’s getting very attached to you?’
‘Is he? I hardly know him really. He hasn’t … you know … made a move or anything.’
Lucia hesitates, loyalty to her son fighting with the desire to put Polly in the picture to save any future misunderstandings. ‘Isaac’s always been different to the other boys his age. My little brother was the same in a lot of ways. You remember I told you about Eddie dying when I was fifteen and he was twelve?’
‘Yes, and I always wanted to know more about what happened but I didn’t want to upset you. I think about him every time I look at that happy family photo. Your Eddie was like Isaac? How?’
‘Well, they both tended to be obsessive about things when they were young. Of course, Eddie never had the chance to grow up so I’ve got no way of knowing if … if he’d …’ Lucia blinks tears away and holds up a hand to stop Polly getting out of bed to hug her. ‘No, don’t be nice to me, I’m trying to say things I’ve never told anyone except Des.’
Polly settles down again, eyes large with sympathy.
‘Isaac finds it hard to make friends,’ Lu says quietly, in control again. ‘Just like Eddie did. When he was younger, we tried to help him by asking other children round to play, but they didn’t understand him. He couldn’t cope with anyone but me in his room in case they disturbed his toy cars or his collection of bird books. He would lose his temper very quickly, shout and scream and then go and hide. Eventually, we gave up. It was upsetting him too much.’
‘That’s so sad,’ Polly says. ‘I know he’s kind of quirky but I see it as a good thing. He’s intuitive and clever. The way he’s tackled inventing that new computer game … well, it kind of blows my mind, Lu.’
Lucia pauses. ‘What did you say? New game?’
‘Yes, I thought you knew. He’s creating something really special. He’s hoping one day he can leave his job and go out on his own, marketing his own stuff. I reckon he can do it.’
Lu’s torn between pride in her son’s talents and mortification that he hasn’t confided his hopes for the future in her. Pride wins.
‘I’ll wait and let him tell me himself. He probably held back because of not wanting to go through a whole load of questions from his dad. Des would’ve wanted to know all the financial ins and outs and ignored the dreams, it’s just the way his mind works. He’s very practical and he doesn’t get Isaac really. He thinks he needs to man up and throw himself into life more. But this is Isaac’s life. He likes it this way.’
There’s a long silence. ‘Lu, how did Eddie die?’ Polly asks eventually. ‘Don’t tell me if you don’t want to,’ she adds quickly.
‘No, I want to talk about him tonight. There was a school trip to France. We were both meant to be going but I got glandular fever at the last minute. My mum and dad had only ever said Eddie could go if I was there to keep an eye on him. So they tried to cancel but the teachers said they couldn’t have a refund and anyway, it wasn’t fair on Eddie to spoil his fun.’
‘I guess they were right, weren’t they?’
‘The ones going on the trip didn’t know Eddie well. He was … dangerous. Oh, not to other people, but he just had no brakes, do you know what I mean? No common sense. Without me to rein him in, he was a loose cannon. Anyway, that’s enough about Eddie.’
‘But … how did he … I mean how did he actually die?’
Lucia tries hard but she can’t get the words out. The lump in her throat is too big. She breathes in and out slowly, the way she’s been told to do. A panic attack now wouldn’t help at all. ‘We’ll come back to that another time. Tell me about you now, Pol,’ she says, when she’s sure she’s back in control.
Polly reorganises the duvet over her raised knees and sighs. ‘So … you promise this is just between us?’
‘Of course it is, pet, if that’s what you want.’ Lu waits again. Reggie rolls over and grumbles to himself and they both glance over to the cot, but he’s soon sound asleep again.
‘Right. Here goes. I told you I had a sister. Her name was Alice.’ Polly swallows hard. ‘But I called her Owl.’
Lu smiles. ‘That’s a sweet nickname. Why?’
‘She wore those little round glasses when we were growing up and she always had her nose in a book. And also, her favourite book character was Owl from Winnie the Pooh. She always called me Lark because I woke so early. Still do. Our mum was Pigeon because she’s round and comforting and she clucks. We used to say we were like three birds on a branch.’
Nothing else seems to be forthcoming. Lucia perseveres. ‘Did you and Alice look alike?’
‘No, her hair was bright auburn, like our dad’s was. Like Reggie’s, although he hasn’t got much of it yet.’
‘Oh, so Reg takes after his aunty? That must be bittersweet. How old was Alice?’
‘Nineteen.’ The whisper is so faint that Lu can’t be sure she heard it, but Polly’s voice gains strength as she carries on. ‘I’m so sorry about Eddie. I had a feeling you and me were on the same wavelength from the start but I had no idea why at the time.’
Polly puts her mug down and wraps her arms around her knees, hugging them tightly. Her face is turned away from Lu and her voice is so quiet when she speaks again that Lu can barely hear the muffled words.
‘You’re wrong about Reg looking like his aunty though,’ says Polly, ‘Reggie looks like his mum. He isn’t mine. He was Alice’s baby.’
The silence stretches between them for a long moment. Lu clears her throat and murmurs ‘Oh, Poll.’
‘It’s okay, I want you to know about it. Alice died last September when Reg was a month old. She’d kept saying she wasn’t coping, and she’d moved back home to live with Mum. I was in Spain, just kind of bumming around working in bars at the time, having some sort of pathetic finding myself experience.’ She laughs bitterly. ‘What a loser. I didn’t come home even when Mum said how low my sister was. I’ll never forgive myself.’
‘But what happened? I don’t mean to pry, but it might help to tell me everything now you’ve started.
‘I doubt it. Thinking about her makes it worse. I’m sorry I bit your head off about the breastfeeding, Lu. It was just that Alice struggled so much with it, and Mum said it was the last straw for her when she had to give up. She thought it meant she was a failure as a mum.’
Polly angrily brushes away some of the tears that are pouring down her face and Lu hands her a tissue. She waits patiently until Polly takes a shuddering breath and carries on.
‘One day Alice waited until Mum was out shopping, pretending she was going to have a lazy morning at home with Reg. Then she took him out to the local fishing lake. She walked into deep water with him in his pushchair.’
Lu feels frozen to the spot as the shock of this hits her. After a moment or two she forces herself to get up and moves over to Polly’s bed, pulling her into a hug. ‘Oh, my love, that’s awful. But go on, if you can. I think you need to get all of this off your chest.’
‘Someone raised the alarm and they got them both out. Reggie was lucky. He survived but Alice didn’t. She’d weighed herself down too thoroughly. The pushchair saved Reg. It bobbed up to the surface.’
Polly’s sobbing now, a harsh, heart-breaking sound, and Lu holds her close, murmuring endearments into her hair. When the worst of the storm has subsided, she presses on, determined to release as much of this poison as possible from the girl’s troubled mind.
‘What happened with Reggie?’
‘Our mum is his legal guardian and I came home as soon as I heard, but what use was that? It was too late. I should’ve got on a plane as soon as I knew Alice was struggling. Anyway, we managed to stagger on together for a little while but then Mum broke down completely. The pain was too much. Finally, I managed to persuade her to admit she needed help. My dad left when I was five, so she’s been on her own. Alice and Mum never really got over it. I think the two of them are … were the same in a lot of ways.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Fragile. Easily hurt. Volatile. Thin-skinned. All those things. Dad always seemed steadier somehow. He kept us all on an even keel. He was so funny. You couldn’t be down for long when my dad was about. God, I miss him so much. I’ve spent years being furious with him for going but I think living with mum nearly drove him mad. She can be violent.’
The last four words, spoken in little more than a whisper, seem to sum up everything Polly’s been saying. ‘Where is your dad now?’ she asks.
‘Shropshire. He lives on a smallholding in the middle of nowhere with his new woman. She’s a few years older than him, apparently, and she doesn’t have any encumbrances except chickens and goats. He gets in touch every now and again. He came to Alice’s funeral but Mum was so bitter and angry, she wouldn’t even let him come inside the house, let alone the church.’
Even if there are reasons for Polly’s dad leaving, Lu’s heart goes out to this woman who was abandoned with two young children and now has to face such an awful bereavement and cope with a small motherless baby, not to mention a desperately grieving and guilt-ridden sister. ‘I can see how terribly hard it’s all been for you … and for your mum,’ she says sadly, wishing she could think of something more useful to say.
‘Mum’s gone to stay with an old friend in Scotland for a while. I said I could look after Reggie for now, but it’s not been easy. I didn’t know anything about babies when Alice … died.’ The last word is a croak, and Polly buries her face in Lu’s shoulder.
‘But what about Reggie’s father? Didn’t he want to be involved? You haven’t mentioned him at all.’
Polly disentangles herself from Lu’s arms and goes into the bathroom. Lu can hear her splashing her face with water. She waits. Polly comes back in and goes over to the window, opening it a crack to let in the sea air.
‘Reggie’s dad?’ prompts Lu, gently.
‘Reggie’s dad has no idea that he’s a father at all. And for now, that’s the way it’s going to stay. Lu, thanks for listening but I’ve got a banging headache and I really need to sleep. I’m glad I told you though. You’re such a lovely person. Coming to your house was the best thing that’s happened to me for years.’
‘You never did tell me why you ended up in Chandlebury.’
‘Oh … well … it was a random choice, really.’ Polly is still gazing out to sea and she doesn’t look round. ‘You know the sort of thing – stick a pin in the map and go where fate takes you?’
‘I see.’
‘Lu, I’ve changed my mind about this being a secret. Will you tell the others all this sometime? I’d like them to know, especially Isaac, but I can’t face going over it all again.’
‘Of course I will, love, if that’s what you want.’
Lucia has a very strong feeling there was more to Polly’s arrival in Chandlebury than coincidence, but now’s not the time to dig any more. She tucks Polly into bed just as she used to settle her own son and smooths back her still-damp hair. ‘You have a lovely big rest now and everything will seem better in the morning. Sleep tight, my love,’ she says, using the words she’s said so often when Isaac has been troubled.
Polly snuggles down, heaves a huge sigh and is asleep in seconds but Lu lies awake in the darkness as the hours pass. This journey is wonderful but she can’t help her mind returning to the problem of her marriage. Des might return to their home at any moment. Bob can’t be that enthralling, can he? And her husband has never strayed far from his family before. What will she say to him when they finally meet? And will she really be able to welcome him back and set to work to make everything right? What’s more important, does she even want to?