Early the following morning, Lucia takes her first coffee of the day out to the garden with the compass in its case and sits on the brand new swinging seat in the sunshine. It hadn’t taken Polly and Isaac long to put it together while Tommy made two kinds of cottage pie and Peter entertained Reggie with a range of animal noises and a few books. Lucia had felt a bit useless for a while but then realised that this was her chance to re-read the letter that had preoccupied her since the great sorting out of the blanket chest.
Now, with the letter safely in the pocket of her jeans, she has time to give it even more thought. Most of the contents of the laundry basket ended up in the fire. The little notes through the years from Isaac had been saved and a few postcards from her grandparents dating from their travelling days, but the rest had been burned without a second glance. Apart from this one, that is.
Lucia checks that nobody else is about. Peter must still be fast asleep after the late night they’d all had, and no sounds have filtered down from Polly’s room so far today. Reggie hasn’t moved into the box room yet. Polly and Isaac are planning to decorate it first and then Polly is going to paint a Bluebird of Happiness mural all along one wall. Lucia feels a ripple of joy at the thought of the old house being spruced up. She’s sure when Polly gets the bit between her teeth she’ll galvanise Isaac into carrying on right through all the bedrooms. And about time too. Meanwhile, Lu plans to begin downstairs. Decorating has never been her strong point but she’s sure she can do it if she tries.
The compass is on her knee now and she tries to relax into her usual companionship with it. What lies in store? She thinks about Tommy, and the buzz of excitement is immediate, like the first gulp of an ice cold gin and tonic, the lemon giving it a sharp, enervating zing. The needles are moving. Lucia knows where the barometer one will end up. It’s no surprise to see it settle on change.
The compass needle wavers for a while, spinning lazily, but never really rests on any direction. What can it mean? Suddenly, she realises that she doesn’t care. It’s time to make up her mind about the next steps, without constantly needing affirmation that she’s right. The compass has been a crutch; a necessary comfort an support at a very tough time. Now she must begin to work out a way forward under her own steam.
Getting the letter out of her pocket, Lucia unfolds it and begins to read it again. She knows the sender so well that his voice comes through the words, making it feel as if Tommy is actually there in the garden with her.
Dear Des,
I use the term dear for want of a better one because as I’m writing this, you don’t feel particularly dear to me, and that’s sad. We’ve always been friends, haven’t we? But what you told me yesterday and your aggressive response to what I said in return, have made me think I don’t really understand you at all.
Hopefully you’ve thought more about this in the cold light of day now. Can you honestly say that marrying the lovely Lucia is the right thing to do? Des, that girl is more vulnerable than anyone I’ve ever known. She’s still grieving for her little brother and you’re not helping by taking her away from her parents when they all need to get through this together. I’m not daft, I’m aware Lucia’s mum and dad aren’t an easy couple to like but they’re all she’s got, and I’m worried that you’re driving a wedge between the three of them.
The other thing is that in my opinion, if Lu is going to fly the nest, she needs to see something of the world before you tie her down to marriage and children. Des, you hate travelling, you always have. You’re not the one for her. Let her go now. She’s only 17 and getting married next year as you plan to do is just not right for Lucia.
Finally, let’s not forget a reason that probably puts the rest into shadow. I am very much aware that you have already had a relationship that’s rocked your world. Is it fair to let Lu commit to a lifetime of you looking over your shoulder?
I’ll phone you later. Maybe we can go for a pint and discuss this?
Your almost Godfather,
Tommy
Lucia drinks her coffee and thinks hard. She’s contemplated ringing Des to discuss what he said to Tommy all those years ago. The letter has touched her deeply. To care so much about a 17-year-old who he’s only known for a few months is amazing. She remembers Des introducing Tommy to her parents at one of the few gatherings that they’d attended after Eddie died, to celebrate their neighbours’ golden wedding. It was an open house, with half the street there, and her mum had the vapours after half an hour and had to be taken home and given smelling salts.
Des volunteered to go back with Lucia’s dad to help. He was still in the phase of trying to ingratiate himself with them, no easy task. Tommy stayed at the party with Lucia to keep her company, and they’d found a quiet corner of the garden to share a bottle of disgusting Lambrusco and talk about travelling.
‘Don’t you want to see the world, Lu?’ Tommy asked, passing her the bottle. ‘There’s so much fun to be had out there. You should have a gap year and go and get stuck in.’
‘A gap year from what? I’m not planning to go to uni.’
‘Why ever not? I had you down for a shining future.’
‘I can’t really leave Dad to cope with my mum. She’d go to pieces if I wasn’t here, or at least nearby. I’ll get some sort of job in a school. There’s one just up the road from the house Des is buying.’
‘But you don’t live with Des.’
She remembers the hot blush that must have been so unflattering. She’d already promised to marry Des at that point, and she was looking forward to moving into his house and helping to make it theirs.
‘You’re not going to actually move in with him, are you, Lucia?’
Tommy’s voice was urgent in its panic. Why did he care so much anyway? They’d only met in the previous autumn.
She shrugged, something she could still get away with, as a teenager. It was almost expected of her. After that, she and Tommy had talked about neutral things. His next camping trip around Europe in the summer holidays kept them going for a while and after that, Lucia’s dream of getting a puppy or a kitten.
Soon after that, Tommy had stopped coming round to see Des for quite a while. Lu had asked him several times why this was and Des had palmed her off with some story about Tommy being up for promotion and having to put in extra hours at his secondary school.
‘He wants to be head of the Art department,’ Des said scornfully. ‘He’s bound to get it. He always gets what he wants. Well, usually,’ he corrected himself with a smile. ‘I’m glad you don’t want to do all that, Lu. We’ll be happy together just being at home, won’t we?’
As Lucia tucks the letter back into her pocket, she sees Tommy approaching from around the corner of the house. He looks better today. He’d refused paracetamol for his headache last night, saying the champagne would perk him up, and his dinner was devoured with many compliments to the chef.
‘Morning, darling,’ he says, and Lucia is relieved to hear he’s back to using the term of address she’s come to expect. ‘How are you today? Looking as stunning as ever. Thanks for last night, and for all of you being so supportive about my next steps. We really are family now, aren’t we?’
Lucia’s not sure how to answer this. She’s finding the closeness of Tommy disturbing as he settles down next to her on the seat. His mop of curly white hair still wet from the shower and the faint scent of shampoo and soap sets all her senses tingling.
‘I’m glad you don’t mind me saying I’m settling in the village for good,’ Tommy continues. ‘And Lu, I’m really sorry I made you so uncomfortable while we were away, with all that talk of … well, you know what I mean. We can be friends, can’t we? Family friends? I can be around to help you with anything, if Des definitely isn’t coming back. I’m happy with that. What do you think you’ll do?’
Lu is suddenly unable to speak. What exactly is her life going to be like now? She’s adamant she won’t go back to the school. Those days are over. But there are so many other possibilities. Suddenly breathless at the thought of all that might be possible, she turns to Tommy.
‘I want to go on a narrow boat trip, and I want it to be with you,’ she says.
‘Oh Lu, that’s the very best news you could have given me. You’ll love it. There’s plenty of space. I’m going to sleep in the old boatman’s cabin but there’s a very decent spare bedroom too.’
‘Right … well, thank you … and I also need to ask you something. Do you remember writing this letter to Des? I found it when I was having a sort-out.’
Tommy stares at the now rather tatty letter Lu has pulled out of her pocket again. He nods slowly.
‘You mention that Des didn’t react well when he told you we were engaged and you made some comment?’
There’s a silence that goes on so long that Lucia has plenty of time to wish she’d just burnt this letter with the others. Then Tommy shakes himself, as if he’s waking up.
‘He accused me of having ulterior motives for trying to protect you. He said I was just jealous because I wanted you for myself. And it was true, darling, I was yearning for you more than you can ever imagine, but it was so much more than that. You were being caged before you’d even had chance to fly. I thought you deserved a taste of freedom.’
‘I know. I was so scared, Tommy. The guilt about not having saved Eddie by going on the trip to keep an eye on him was eating me up. My mum blamed me until the day she died and my dad was almost as bad. The thought of leaving home to go right away from them was so exciting in comparison. Moving in with Des was an adventure.’
He pulls a face. ‘Not much of one.’
‘As it turned out, no. But I honestly thought I could change him, and later we’d set off on lots of exciting journeys. And there would be children, lots of them. It didn’t happen though,’ she says sadly, ‘at least, there was Isaac but not for a very long time, and I didn’t know you loved me like that. I assumed we were just friends.’
‘And we were. We are.’
‘Yes, but … anyway, since Des went away, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my life with him. It wasn’t always much fun, to be fair, but we did have some good times and we had Isaac together. It wasn’t wasted, after all. Did you know he’s moved in with Bob and they’re together?’
Tommy nods. ‘He rang me.’
‘You don’t sound surprised?’
‘That was another reason I told him not to marry you. I knew about his fling with Bob. He said it was just a phase, one of those things some blokes go through, and I tried to believe him after you were married. It wasn’t though, was it?’
‘No, and it must have been hellish pretending all those years. He adores Bob and the feeling’s mutual. I’m getting over being so angry now. I’m hoping we can be friends again one day. Proper friends.’
The garden is full of birdsong now, and through an open upstairs window, Lucia can hear Reggie’s whoop as he wakes up. Peter is singing some sort of operatic number in the kitchen as he makes tea. The peace is about to be shattered. She’d better move quickly.
Feeling as if she’s right at the highest point of a giant roller coaster, poised to swoop, Lucia says, ‘But after all this water under the bridge, Tommy, do you still feel the same about me?’
‘Loved you then, love you now, will always feel the same. It doesn’t matter though, I can live with that if you can. I won’t embarrass you again.’
‘I don’t want you to stop saying it. Tommy, I want us to go somewhere in your new boat together.’
‘You’ve already said that, darling. You know you’ll always be welcome to come travelling with me. We’ve proved without a doubt we don’t drive each other mad on a trip.’
Lu groans inwardly. He still doesn’t understand what she’s getting at. She tries again.
‘That’s great, but I mean together, as in … you know … together? I’m not intending to live my life by the compass but I get the feeling we’ve definitely got more places to go before we settle down, you and me.’
Tommy doesn’t say anything at first. Then his arms go around her and the kiss that follows makes it very clear he’s got the message. When they come up for air, he holds her so tightly that she has to push him away to breathe.
‘My goodness,’ she gasps. ‘Before the other day in the garden I didn’t know a kiss could be like this. Can we make sure we do it again, lots?’
He laughs, such a joyful sound that Lucia wants to cry with happiness herself. ‘Oh yes, that’s how a kiss should be, my love, and we’re only just starting to get into training. You just wait.’
Tommy kisses Lu again and only stops when they hear the sound of the back door opening. They move apart. There will be plenty of time for explanations later.