[What vain, unnecessary things are men!]

	What vain, unnecessary things are men!
	How well we do without ’em! Tell me then
	Whence comes that mean submissiveness we find
	This ill-bred age has wrought on womankind?
5	Fall’n from the rights their sex and beauties gave
	To make men wish, despair, and humbly crave,
	Now ’twill suffice if they vouchsafe to have.
	To the Pall Mall, playhouse, and the drawing room,
	Their women fairs, these women coursers come
10	To chaffer, choose, and ride their bargains home.
	At the appearance of an unknown face
	Up steps the arrogant, pretending ass,
	Pulling by th’elbow his companion,
	Huff, Cries, ’Look, by God that wench is well enough,
	15 Fair and well-shaped, good lips and teeth, ’twill do;
	She shall be tawdry for a month or two
	At my expense, be rude and take upon her,
	Show her contempt of quality and honour,
	And with the general fate of errant woman
20	Be very proud awhile, then very common.’
	Ere bear this scorn, I’d be shut up at home,
	Content with humouring myself alone,
	Force back the humble love of former days
	In pensive madrigals and ends of plays,
25	When, if my lady frowned, th’unhappy knight
	Was fain to fast and lie alone that night.
	But whilst th’insulting wife the breeches wore,
	The husband took her clothes to give his whore,
	Who now maintains it with a gentler art;
30	Thus tyrannies to commonwealths convert.
	Then after all, you find, whate’er we say,
	Things must go on in their lewd, natural way.
	Besides, the beastly men we daily see
	Can please themselves alone as well as we.
35	Therefore, kind ladies of the town, to you
	For our stol’n, ravished men we hereby sue.
	By this time you have found out, we suppose,
	That they’re as arrant tinsel as their clothes,
	Poor broken properties that cannot serve
40	To treat such persons so as they deserve.
	Mistake us not, we do not here pretend
	That like young sparks you can condescend
	To love a beastly playhouse creature. Foh!
	We dare not think so meanly of you. No,
45	’Tis not the player pleases but the part;
	She may like Rollo who despises Hart.
	To theatres, as temples, you are brought
	Where Love is worshipped and his precepts taught.
	You must go home and practise, for ’tis here,
50	Just as in other preaching places, where
	Great eloquence is shown ’gainst sin and papists.
	By men who live idolators and atheists.
	These two were dainty trades indeed, could each
	Live up to half the miracles they teach;
55	Both are a