JENNA WANTED to tell Adam the truth, to admit she’d been thinking about him almost constantly for the past two weeks, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come. She’d closed the distance between them in the water because she couldn’t remember why she’d wanted to stay away. Their day together had been so perfect, so right. She wanted to take the opportunity to be with Adam again, even if it was only for one night.
Unfortunately he wouldn’t accept that. He wanted more than her body. He was trying to capture the part of herself she’d learned to protect, to hold well beyond a man’s reach. And after fifteen years spent building barricades, one night couldn’t tear them all down.
“I’m sorry, Adam,” she said. “I’m not the same person I used to be.” Moving away, Jenna got out of the Jacuzzi, toweled off and didn’t look behind her as she headed back inside. She needed to close her eyes and sleep and forget how Adam made her feel, how he tempted her away from her carefully laid plans for the future.
She stripped off his wet shirt and wrapped herself in her towel, waiting for him to come in and lend her something to sleep in. But she couldn’t forget the way he’d looked at her in the Jacuzzi, as if the whole world hung on her answer.
He left me, dammit. This is not my fault!
It always seemed to come back to this—the years of hurt and betrayal.
Adam didn’t say anything when he came in wearing a towel around his waist and holding his swimsuit in one hand. He simply walked past her, looking like a dark Adonis. His naked chest and legs, crafted as beautifully as any statue, made Jenna’s heart trip over itself. And still she couldn’t make herself utter the words that would bring her into the comforting circle of his arms.
A moment later he returned from his bedroom wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and holding out the matching top, along with a new toothbrush.
“Thanks.” Accepting the articles, Jenna closeted herself in the bathroom, showered, changed and brushed her teeth. Then she blow-dried her hair, hoping Adam would be in bed asleep by the time she finished. When she stepped into the hall, however, she could see him sitting in the living room. The television droned in the background.
Apparently he’d only been waiting to do the polite thing, because the moment he saw her, he stood and flipped off the TV. “You can take your pick of the bedrooms. They’re right this way.”
“You don’t have to show me. I know where they are.” Jenna bit her lip, reluctant to allow the night to end at such an impasse. Physical intimacy was far more than she’d been willing to give him even hours before. Didn’t he know when to quit? Wasn’t an affair what he’d wanted in the first place? Certainly he wasn’t interested, couldn’t be interested, in anything more permanent, especially with someone who was pregnant with another man’s baby. “I appreciate your letting me stay here.”
“It’s no problem.” His face looked grim. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He disappeared down the hall, entered his bedroom and closed the door. Jenna heard his shower go on. After a few minutes the house fell silent.
She chose the room decorated in denim contrasted with yellow plaid, because it was farthest from Adam’s. Jenna climbed into bed; the sheets felt crisp and smelled new, as did the fluffy goose-down duvet, but she couldn’t get comfortable. The aching need to be close to Adam kept pulling at her, tempting her to go down the hall, and even when she did finally doze off, she awoke only minutes later.
“Damn,” she grumbled, throwing back the covers and getting up to pace the floor. She’d seen how rigidly Adam had held himself in the hot tub. He’d been aroused at other times during the day, too. She’d felt his intense regard, seen his pupils dilate and his body grow hard. He had to be as tormented as she was. So what was he trying to do? Was he truly after her heart?
Jenna let her breath go on a long sigh. She didn’t want to give her heart to him or anyone else, at least not now. Not yet. She only wanted things to feel the way they used to, when she and Adam were in love. For just a little while…
Shutting out logic and any thought of tomorrow—when she’d have to go back to being a responsible parent—Jenna padded down the hall and slipped into Adam’s room.
He wasn’t asleep. At the soft click of the door, he angled his head up but didn’t say anything.
“Are you going to send me away or will you take what I can offer?” she asked.
The covers fell down to his hips as he sat up in bed. Judging from his bare chest and the pajama bottoms in a heap on the floor, Jenna knew he was naked between the sheets.
She ventured closer, until she stood within reach of his arms.
“What are you offering?” he asked.
“Tonight.”
He hesitated, as though considering. “You know me too well to think I’ll settle for less than what I want.”
Why was he making this so difficult? “Problem is, I don’t know what you want, Adam. Or what I want.”
His teeth gleamed in a smile. “It’s simple for me, Jen. I want it all—your heart, your soul, your body. But I’m not an idiot. For now, I’ll take what I can get.” Reaching out, he pulled her swiftly down on top of him, and their mouths connected in a fierce passionate kiss.
* * *
JENNA AWOKE in the morning with a smile and a contented yawn. She was now alone in Adam’s bed, but every inch of her body still tingled from his touch, and his scent lingered in the room. He’d aroused her and satisfied her again and again throughout the night, in a variety of ways. But it was the memory of his gentleness and the murmured endearments that had moved her the most. He seemed to take their intimacy more seriously than she’d anticipated and openly expected something to grow from it.
Jenna wanted the same thing. She couldn’t deny it any longer. She didn’t remember a time when she hadn’t wanted to spend her life with Adam. But how many days would pass before he realized that a long-distance relationship was too difficult for a busy lawyer? That she and Ryan would only get in the way?
Rolling over, Jenna buried her head in the pillow, trying to shut out the inevitable intrusion of rational thought as it once again asserted itself in the ongoing war with her emotions. She wanted to enjoy the relaxed aftermath of their lovemaking, not face hard realities. But the night was gone, and in the cool light of day she could see that they’d never make their relationship work. She couldn’t expect Adam to stand by her while she had another man’s baby. Besides, the everyday life of a mother had more to do with loyalty and devotion than it did with sex or excitement. Such routine days would eventually bore someone as vital and charismatic as Adam, a man who hadn’t been able to make a commitment in all the years they’d been apart.
He’ll leave, just like he did before, Jenna decided. She’d been a fool to let her guard down. The memories of making love with him would only make things awkward when he came to Mendocino to see his grandparents. She’d blush whenever one of them mentioned his name, and Laura would tease her unmercifully.
“Dumb, dumb, dumb,” she muttered, getting out of bed, hoping she could throw on some clothes before Adam returned. She couldn’t find her panties in the tangle of bedding, but she managed to don Adam’s pajama top just before he came striding into the room, wearing a pair of sweats and carrying a white wicker breakfast tray.
“Why are you getting up? It’s still early and I brought you my sourdough waffles like I promised.” His boyish smile nearly melted her heart, but Jenna steeled herself against it.
“It looks great, and I’ll have a few bites, but then I should be getting back.”
His smile disappeared, and his eyes narrowed. “Something’s wrong.”
“No, nothing. Last night was…well, last night was fantastic, but I have a son waiting for me in Mendocino, and—”
“Jenna, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just have to get back. I have some things I need to do for Gram and Pop. I do most of their bookwork, you know, and some of the extra cleaning. Pamela’s had to take a lot of days off, and Gram’s getting too old to do the heavier stuff and—”
Adam slammed the tray down, rattling the silverware and sloshing juice over the sides of the glass. “Cut the bullshit, Jenna. You told me Dennis could never really reach you, not deep down, in here.” He thumped his chest. “You’re shutting me out, too. Or is this just another one-night stand?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Then what are you doing?”
Leaving you before you can leave me. “Adam, I have a lot going on right now. I can’t devote myself to a relationship that’ll probably never work. I’ve told you that before.”
His jaw clenched, with anger or pain, Jenna didn’t know. “And what if I said you’re not getting rid of me that easily?”
“I’d say of course not, because you’re better at walking out when it suits you.”
He stiffened as though she’d slapped him. “So we’re back to that. This is some kind of get-even, turnabout-is-fair-play game, isn’t it?”
Jenna pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to gather her fractured thoughts. “No, I didn’t mean that. I’ve already told you I don’t hold the past against you anymore. It’s just that…it’s just me. I’m broken, somehow, Adam, and I don’t know how to fix myself.” She swallowed hard, trying to ignore the tightening in her chest and fighting the tears burning behind her eyes. “Don’t you understand? I just can’t believe,” she said softly.
The telephone rang and Adam sent it an irritated glance. “Then I’ll teach you how to believe again, how to believe in us.”
Resisting the tenderness of his words, Jenna focused on the phone. “That might be Gram or Ryan.”
With a frustrated sigh, Adam strode to the nightstand and snatched up the receiver. “Hello.”
Jenna was tempted to flee the room so she could shower and dress. With luck she could avoid finishing their argument. But she paused long enough to see if the caller really was Gram or Pop or Ryan, and then she couldn’t move because the look on Adam’s face froze the blood in her veins.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered as Adam’s hand tightened on the receiver until the muscles of his arm stood out. He extended his other hand to her, and she went to him, feeling her heart start to pound until the sound of its beating seemed to echo off the walls. “Is it Ryan? Tell me!”
“We’ll be right there, Gram. Calm down. It’ll be okay. I’ve got Jenna and we’re leaving now.”
Tears filled Jenna’s eyes and streamed down her face. She stared at Adam, terrified to hear what his grandmother had said, yet too desperate not to ask. “What happened?”
Quickly replacing the receiver, Adam pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to her temple. “Jen, it’s Dennis. He’s taken Ryan.”
* * *
ADAM FELT JENNA sway as though she might collapse and tightened his grip.
“Oh, God. I never should have left him,” she sobbed. “Dennis came to the house yesterday. He was angry, but I thought…I thought…What was I thinking?”
“Jen, you couldn’t have stopped Dennis, anyway. He snatched Ryan from school. Ryan forgot his lunch this morning and Gram drove it over, but when she got there, Ryan was gone. Some kid on the playground saw him getting into a beat-up old car with a man who fits Dennis’s description.”
“That bastard!” Jenna’s tears continued to flow, but now her body grew rigid with what Adam could only imagine to be white-hot rage. “If he hurts Ryan…”
“He won’t, Jen, because we’re going to get Ryan back. I promise you that.”
Pulling away, Jenna closed her eyes and made fists of her hands. “I can’t go to pieces,” she said with a stifled sob. “Ryan needs me. We’ve got to go.”
“Get dressed and meet me in the garage,” Adam told her. “I’m going to call Todd.”
She nodded and ran from the room. The phone rang again, and he grabbed up the receiver, hoping to hear that his grandparents had already found Ryan. “Gram?”
“Who?”
Adam nearly cursed when he recognized his partner’s gruff voice. “Mike, I’m going to have to cancel our meeting today. And I can’t talk right now. I’ve got an emergency.”
“Damn right! We all do. You get your ass down to the office right away, or there’s no more partnership! Roger’s in trouble. The police have arrested him, and now they’re investigating the rest of us.”
“What?” Adam shook his head. Somehow he’d known it would come to this.
“You heard me! I don’t know exactly what’s going on—the bastards won’t tell me anything. But from what I can figure, someone tipped them off that Roger manipulated Whitehead’s records, and now we’re all under suspicion. Especially you, since you had the case before Roger.”
“I tried to warn you, Mike. Roger was too ambitious for his own good.”
“I thought you were just being uptight. I never dreamed—”
“What? You’re the one who coached him, Mike.”
“I only told him to win. And I’ve told you the same thing often enough. Regardless, we all need to be here to put on a united front.”
“I can’t be there. Give the police a key to my office and let them dig through whatever they want. I don’t have anything to hide.”
“I’m depending on you, Adam. It’s time to defend yourself and the firm and—”
“And Roger? Sorry, Mike. He’s a big boy. He knew what he was doing.”
“I don’t care what you think of Roger,” Mike barked, “he’s one of us. You have to come in.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then it’s over. I’ll dissolve the partnership. You know I can. It’s in the agreement.”
Adam closed his eyes. His career. Fifteen years of blood, sweat and tears. He had to go back and defend his little empire.
But he couldn’t abandon Jenna again, not now, not ever.
“Then I’ll be in to pick up my things when I can,” he said. Feeling a door close somewhere in his heart, he hung up.
“What did Todd say?” Dressed in the clothes she’d worn the day before, Jenna stood in the doorway, looking drawn and pale and more fragile than Adam had ever seen her.
“I haven’t been able to get hold of him yet. Grab my keys and get in the car. I’ll be right there.” She hesitated and Adam wanted to take her in his arms and croon softly in her hair that everything would be all right. He wanted her to nod and look up at him with trust shining in her eyes. But she didn’t believe in him. She’d said as much, and her lack of faith kept them as separate and alone as though an ocean stood between them.
“I can’t expect you to…” Her words dwindled away and she tried again. “I mean, he’s my son. I know you probably have to work today. I’m too frightened to take the time to get a rental, so if maybe you could rent a car and let me use yours…I’ll pay all the charges, of course…”
How could she be so formal after everything they had shared last night? “I’m going with you,” he said in a voice that brooked no argument. “Get in the car.”
This time she obeyed without question, and Adam paused only long enough to call the Fort Bragg police department. Gram had already reported the kidnapping, but Adam wanted to make sure Todd knew what had happened to Ryan in hopes he’d take a personal interest.
Todd was out on patrol, but Adam asked the dispatcher to give him the message. Then he grabbed his day planner, which contained his money and credit cards, and dashed out to the garage.
Jenna was waiting for him in the car, staring straight ahead with her hands knotted in her lap. Adam got in and covered her hands with one of his own, noting the coldness of her fingers. “You okay?”
She nodded, but Adam guessed she was seeing all sorts of unpleasant things in her head—things he cringed to even think about. He started the car and backed out into the street.
Mendocino was usually a three-hour drive, but he had no intention of letting it take that long.