RYAN SAT IN THE PASSENGER SEAT of his father’s old car and felt Dennis staring at him as he ate a Happy Meal. They were parked outside a McDonald’s, in some town Ryan didn’t recognize.
“What surprise did you get?” his father asked.
Ryan hadn’t even checked. He was eight, almost nine, and much too old for such small toys. He couldn’t summon much joy over it, not when more than anything he wanted to be home with his mother. To avoid making his father mad, however, he dug through the wrapping his hamburger had come in and pulled out a small metal car. When he held it up, Dennis whistled.
“That’s nice. McDonald’s beats the hell out of school lunch, huh?”
Ryan’s stomach twisted with longing at the thought of school, but he nodded because he didn’t dare disagree.
“You okay here for a minute?” his father asked.
He looked around at the other parked cars and the drugstore across the lot. People came and went, but no one seemed to be paying them any attention. “Sure.”
“Good. Shouldn’t be too long.”
The door squealed as his father climbed out. Then Dennis ducked down to talk through the crack in the window. “Don’t go anywhere,” he said. “I don’t want to have to punish you on our first day together.”
“Promise?”
Ryan nodded, then turned to watch his father walk toward the glass-fronted McDonald’s. He went back to eating and quickly finished his lunch, but a long time passed without any sign of Dennis.
Growing more and more frightened, Ryan unbuckled his seat belt and got up on his knees to gaze through the dirty back window. Where had his father gone? He’d spent the morning telling Ryan how they were going to live together now and what great care he was going to take of his boy, but it wouldn’t be unlike him to change his mind and simply disappear.
There was a light dusting of snow on the ground outside. Ryan had on a coat, but cold air seeped into the car and numbed his hands and feet. He waited for Dennis a little longer, then got out to check for his father inside McDonald’s.
Raising a hand to shade the glass, he peered into the brightly colored room. He was afraid Dennis would catch him out of the car, but he was equally afraid of being abandoned.
It was crowded inside, so it took a few minutes to decide his father wasn’t there. Biting the skin around his nails, Ryan checked the parking lot behind him and began to circle the building.
Dennis’s voice, coming from around the corner, froze Ryan’s tennis shoes to the concrete. Peeking around the beige-painted brick, he saw his father standing with his back to him, clutching a paper cup that he held out to the people who entered and left the restaurant.
As Ryan watched, Dennis approached a man and a woman. The man took some money from his pocket and stuffed it into the cup. Dennis thanked him, and the couple ambled away.
Didn’t his father have any money of his own?
Remembering Dennis’s search through the car for the coins he’d used to buy the Happy Meal, Ryan decided he must not. That would explain why his father had said he wasn’t hungry and why they weren’t driving anymore.
Blowing on his hands to warm them, Ryan turned around and headed back to the car. His father would give him a beating like the kind he’d seen his mother take if he got caught disobeying. But before he wedged his door open to climb back onto the cracked vinyl seat, he glanced at the drugstore, and a longing so sharp it stung rose up inside him. He wanted his mom. He wanted to be home where it was warm and where he knew he was safe.
Fighting the tears that threatened to make him sob like a girl, he studied the pay phone glinting in the sun in front of the store. It was clear across the parking lot, but if he ran…
Could he call for help? Would his mother be able to find him? He shoved his hands all the way to the bottom of his pockets. A pay phone cost thirty-five cents. His mother had taught him how to use one at the mall once, but he had no money.
Climbing into the car, Ryan dug through the wadded clothes, empty bottles and fast-food wrappers that flooded the back seat, looking for change. If he could only find a quarter and a dime…Evidently all the quarters had been spent on the Happy Meal, but he did manage to find three nickels and two dimes. He knew the coins added up to the right amount of money—they’d done math problems like this one in school—but he wasn’t sure nickels would work in a pay phone. His mother had used a quarter.
Leaving the car door slightly ajar because he couldn’t bear to hear it slam, Ryan checked to make sure Dennis was still standing on the other side of the restaurant, then began weaving his way through the parking lot. His mother had always told him not to run where cars were moving, but he was too frightened to go slow. His brisk walk turned into a trot and then a full run as he neared his goal.
“Be careful, kid,” someone called from a truck as he darted across its path.
Ryan didn’t even look up. The sidewalk shimmered before him, and he leaped to safety, grabbed the hand-held part of the telephone and dropped in his money. He dialed the Victoriana’s number and waited, hoping he’d dialed it right and his father wouldn’t catch him before someone answered.
“Mom…Mom…Mom…” he begged under his breath, but heard no ringing, nothing. Just then an old lady got up from a bench in front of the store and with the help of a cane tottered toward him.
“That silly phone doesn’t work, dear,” she said. “It just took my money. I told them inside. It’s good to report things like that, you know. Otherwise, it doesn’t get fixed. You might want to do the same.”
“No need. He’s just playing around, anyway.”
Ryan whirled at the sound of his father’s voice and saw Dennis coming toward him. Gripping the side of the phone pedestal as his stomach dropped to his knees, he wondered if he was going to throw up the hamburger that churned in his stomach.
Dennis gave the old lady a polite smile, then turned to him. “Ready to go, son?”
Ryan glanced at the woman. He wished he had the courage to run to her and beg for help, but she looked so old and frail. He knew she was no match for his father. “Yeah…um…I’m sorry. You were gone so long I thought you weren’t coming back.”
Dennis raised his hand and Ryan flinched. Instead of striking him, however, his father took him by the neck and started guiding him back to the car. “I’m sorry,” Ryan told him again, and sent another pleading glance at the old lady.
She stood and peered after them. “Wait a minute,” she called. “Who are you? Does that boy belong to you?”
Dennis ignored her and increased their pace until they were nearly running. “Now look what you’ve done,” he hissed. “I told you to wait in the car.”
Too breathless to speak, Ryan nodded.
“And you promised you’d obey.”
The old lady was yelling at them, but Ryan could no longer turn around to see her.
“I expected better from you, Ryan,” Dennis snapped. “I can see your mother hasn’t taught you anything, but discipline’s a father’s job, anyway. It’s a good thing we’re together now. I’ll get you shaped up in a heartbeat.”
“I’ll be good,” Ryan promised, willing his wobbly knees to support him as his father dragged him along. He wanted to yell for help, but fear clogged his throat. He’d really done it this time. His dad would beat him for sure. “I didn’t mean to do anything wrong.”
“Then why did you leave the car? You’ll have to face the consequences, you know.”
Ryan blinked rapidly as he searched for an excuse his father might accept, something to diffuse his anger. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that Mom’s pregnant and she’s been sick, and I wanted to call and check on her, that’s all.”
It worked. As soon as the words were out, his father froze. But his eyes took on a dangerous glittery look, and the hand clamped on Ryan’s neck eased.
Ryan could no longer hear the old lady. Had she gone for help or had she given up? He jerked, breaking his father’s hold, but before he could run, Dennis grabbed him again, this time by the arm. “Whose baby is it?”
Wishing the old lady would hurry if she was bringing help, he said, “It’s Mom’s—”
“Who’s the daddy?” His father’s nails bit so painfully into his arm that Ryan couldn’t hold back the tears.
“She said you’re the daddy!” he cried.
Dennis finally loosened his grip but didn’t let go. “No kidding!” Suddenly he laughed and dragged Ryan the rest of the way to the car. “Well, that’s all the more reason for us to be a family again, don’t you think, son?”
Then he shoved Ryan in and shut the door.
* * *
JENNA SAT ALONE in the Durhams’ office, battling the panic that had threatened to immobilize her since she’d heard about Ryan’s disappearance. She and Adam had arrived at the Victoriana in record time. But she’d spent the first hour at the police station, providing a more recent picture of Ryan than the one Gram had taken from her room, filling out forms, answering questions about the color and make of Dennis’s car.
Now it was nearly one o’clock. Ryan had been missing for almost five hours, which seemed a lifetime to Jenna, an eternity for her child to be at risk. Trying to ignore the ominous ticking of the clock on the desk, she focused on the names and telephone numbers in the tattered address book she’d retrieved from a box at the bottom of her closet. This book, with its dog-eared pages, belonged to the years she’d been married. Jenna had thought she’d never need it again. If not for Ryan’s blood connection to Dennis’s relatives, she would have thrown it away.
Thank God she hadn’t. Dennis could be anywhere, and contacting his friends and family, anyone who might hear from him, was her only chance of getting her son back quickly.
Because Dennis had mentioned his cousin Joe, Jenna had tried him first. But something about the earnestness in Joe’s voice led Jenna to believe him when he said he hadn’t heard from Dennis since Wednesday, the day they’d talked about getting him on at the mill.
Reaching for the telephone, Jenna took a steadying breath and dialed Kim and Meredith Livingston, Dennis’s parents. It had been three years since she’d spoken to either of them. They’d moved from Mendocino more than ten years ago and, last she knew, lived a peaceful, quiet life in a mobile home on the outskirts of Elko, Nevada. Jenna hadn’t really kept in touch. They’d never wanted to be bothered by Dennis or his little family. Especially after the problems started.
At one point, when she and Dennis were going for counseling, Dennis had admitted that his father had been an alcoholic and had sometimes beaten up on him and his mother. But this news had come as a complete surprise to Jenna. When they were kids, Kim had seemed strict but not violent, although Mr. Durham had once mentioned that he’d had his suspicions.
From all the evidence, Kim Livingston had kicked his habit and learned how to control his anger, but now Meredith would tolerate no more pain resulting from alcohol. If she didn’t hear from Dennis, it was easier to believe her son was well and happy. She had her daughters and several grandchildren living close by and seemed to dote on them. There was a time Jenna had resented the Livingstons’ treating her and their youngest son so differently, never reaching out to Ryan. But in the end, she’d given up trying to build a relationship between them.
“Hello?” The quaver in Meredith Livingston’s voice made her sound much older than Jenna remembered.
“Meredith? This is Jenna.”
There was a long awkward pause.
“Dennis’s ex-wife.”
“I know who you are. What do you want, Jenna?”
“It’s about Dennis—”
“Whatever he’s done, I don’t want to know about it.”
In the background Jenna heard Kim Livingston ask who was on the phone, then a low hum in her ear as Meredith covered the mouthpiece to respond.
“I wouldn’t have bothered you without good reason, Meredith,” Jenna continued. “Dennis has taken Ryan—”
“He called ’bout a month ago. Said you wouldn’t let him see his kid. Maybe if you’d treated him fair in the divorce, he wouldn’t have had to resort to doing something like that.”
“Fair, Meredith? Dennis is abusive. I had to do what I could to protect Ryan and myself.”
“I don’t think Dennis will hurt him.” Her voice was dismissive, as though she didn’t want to face the possibility that maybe he would.
“You don’t know that. He could have an accident while driving under the influence, or he could leave Ryan in an unsafe situation. You obviously don’t know that Dennis is in really bad shape.”
Another long pause. “I stuck it out with my man and he came around. You could have done the same.”
Jenna put a hand to her forehead, refusing to let this woman’s probing of her deepest pain bring fresh tears. “Maybe you’re a better woman than I am, Meredith. I tried to hold our marriage together, but our problems were bigger than I was. Dennis became too violent. I wasn’t willing to risk the safety of my son.”
Silence greeted this statement, and Jenna wondered what Meredith was thinking. The woman seemed to feel that staying with Dennis’s father and letting him vent his anger on her and their children was the right thing, the self-sacrificing thing, to do. And maybe it was, although Jenna doubted it. More likely Dennis wouldn’t have traveled the road his father had if he hadn’t experienced the same kind of abuse in his youth. If Meredith had left her husband, maybe the cycle would have been broken. Who could say? Jenna had no intention of placing herself in the lofty position of judge. She only knew that sometimes it took greater courage to leave, and to live with the failure of a marriage, than to stay.
“We haven’t heard from him,” Meredith said at last, but her voice had softened ever so slightly, and Jenna hoped that in some small way she’d reached her.
“Will you take down my number and let me know if you hear from him?”
In the background Kim’s voice intruded again. “Let me talk to her. I’ll tell her what we think of a woman who leaves her husband and then refuses to share their child—”
“No.” Meredith sounded surprisingly forceful. “I’m taking care of it. Hand me that pencil.”
Evidently Kim did as he was told, because Meredith cleared her throat and said, “I’m ready.”
Jenna gave her the number, then the phone clicked and Dennis’s mother was gone.
“Any luck?”
Jenna glanced up to see Adam leaning against the doorjamb, looking as tired and worried as she felt. The sight puzzled her in a vague way, but she was too preoccupied to examine it. “I was talking to Meredith, Dennis’s mom.”
“I remember Meredith.”
“I’m not sure, but I think she’ll call me if she hears anything.”
“And his brothers?”
“I’ve only talked to his cousin, who hasn’t heard from him. His brothers are next on the list.”
Turning back to the faded writing in her address book, Jenna found Gary’s number, the brother who’d lived just across town from them for most of their marriage, and dialed. Three beeps and a recording played in her ear.
“The number you have dialed is no longer in service….”
She frowned at Adam and hung up, wondering if Gary and his family had moved, then tried his work number.
“Henley’s Autobody.”
“Is Gary there?”
“Just a minute.”
Jenna tapped her foot as Adam crossed the room to sit on the corner of the desk. Finally Gary came on the line.
“Gary? This is Jenna, Dennis’s ex-wife.”
“Shit. What’s he done now?”
Jenna had occasionally called Gary, when things with Dennis had gotten really bad. But she’d soon realized there wasn’t anything he could do to help her, not really. By the time he arrived, Dennis had usually stormed out. The one time he hadn’t, Dennis had broken Gary’s nose, along with a window and two doors. Jenna had never called Dennis’s brother for help again. He had a wife and three kids of his own. It wasn’t fair to involve him.
“He’s taken Ryan from school,” she said simply.
“God, he’s a mess. Will he ever quit?”
“I don’t know. I’m terrified, Gary. I’m afraid he’ll hurt Ryan.”
“Where are you living now, Jenna?”
“I’m back in Mendocino. Dennis followed me down here, making all kinds of threats. He went to jail for a week for violating his restraining order. As soon as he got out, he took Ryan.”
“When?”
“This morning, before school started. Do you ever hear from him?”
“Not often. Every once in a while he comes by here asking for twenty bucks, but the last time I wouldn’t give him any money. I tried to get him back into AA, even got him a job here with me. And what does he do? He takes his first paycheck and goes on a drunken binge and gets fired for not showing up at work.”
The story didn’t surprise Jenna. She’d heard it many times before. “Will you call me if you hear from him? For Ryan’s sake?”
“Sure.”
Jenna gave him her number and hung up as Adam rounded the desk and started to knead her tense shoulders.
Dennis had one other brother, Russ, but he’d always taken Dennis’s side, and Jenna had much less confidence he’d help her, even if he could. She dialed him next, anyway, and an answering machine picked up. She left the Victoriana’s number and the number of Adam’s car phone, then called Dennis’s sisters, both of whom treated her distantly but promised to call if they heard anything.
“Do you think any of them will really contact us?” Adam asked when she slumped in the chair.
“I think Gary would. The others? Who knows? Dennis is a convincing liar when he wants to be. If he told them he’d gone clean and I was being vindictive in not letting him see Ryan, he could probably sway their sympathy.”
Adam’s strong hands continued to smooth the knots out of Jenna’s shoulders and neck. But her head still throbbed with the pressure of tears, both shed and unshed.
“Well, I finally got hold of Todd,” he said after a moment, and Jenna could tell he was trying to infuse some positive energy into his voice. “He said Dennis has no address down here. My guess is that he’s on his way back to Oregon, trying to put some distance between us and him. He’s got to get back to familiar ground where he might be able to lay hands on some money. If he couldn’t post bail, he doesn’t have much.”
Jenna winced. “Which means he might not have what it takes to feed Ryan or get them a place to sleep at night.”
“You can’t think of that, Jen. Only of finding them. I’m going to head up to Oregon and see what I can dig up, ask a few questions along the way. Give me the numbers of his family, and I’ll contact each of them again once I get there. You call me if you hear anything on this end, okay?”
The telephone rang and Jenna snatched it up. “Hello?”
“Jenna? This is Todd. I think I’ve found something.”