Sunday
I slept like the dead that night, exhausted physically by the avalanche, emotionally by Jamie’s request and magically by listening in to the people who were trapped. Magic looks easy but it can be draining if you do too much and I’d definitely done too much.
I woke up at ten a.m. to an empty bed and grey light flooding the room. Carefully, because I still pretty much hurt all over, I swung my legs out of bed and headed for the shower. Then, feeling marginally more awake, I went downstairs in search of Jamie and coffee – in that order.
I found the coffee first, in a cafetiere in the kitchen. I poured myself a mug, then stuck it in the microwave to warm up. I’d obviously slept a lot later than anyone else. When the microwave pinged I took my mug, and Harry’s iPad, which I’d found on a chair in the kitchen, into the living room.
‘Ez, you’re up,’ Harry said. She was sitting on the floor with Parker on one side and Lou on the other, playing dominoes. I gave them all an uncertain smile.
‘Morning,’ I said. ‘Where is everyone?’
Parker laid a domino down and punched the air in triumph.
‘I win!’ he called. ‘Mom went out with Daddy Jamie,’ he said, not looking at me.
‘She did?’ I said, not happy about the rekindled friendship between Tansy and Jamie. ‘Where did they go?’
‘They’ve gone to help check on some of the people who were hurt yesterday,’ Harry said. ‘Mum and your mum are at the café and we’re just hanging out with Parker.’ She gave him an adoring look and I tried to hide my smile.
‘How are you feeling?’ Louise asked me.
‘Sore,’ I said. ‘But not as bad as it could be. Any news on the people who were buried?’
‘They’re all fine,’ Louise said. ‘The two walkers are going home today – they’re both from down south somewhere.’
‘And the driver?’ I asked, remembering his bloodied face.
‘He’s going to be in for a while longer but he’s okay.’
Relieved, I slumped onto the sofa and leaned back against the cushions to drink my coffee.
‘Sooooo,’ Harry said, super casually. ‘What are your plans for the next couple of days?’
I shrugged.
‘Trying to sort out this bloody wedding I suppose,’ I said. ‘I’m not sure where to start now Jamie’s vetoed…’ I paused. I knew Chloe spelled out words she didn’t want her kids to hear, but somehow I didn’t think that would work with Parker. Fortunately he was busy organising the dominoes into odd combinations and didn’t seem remotely interested in our conversation.
‘He’s vetoed you know what,’ I finished lamely. Harry and Lou glanced at each other.
‘So you’ve got nothing definite on?’ Harry said.
‘Nooooo,’ I said, wondering where she was going with this. Harry and Louise scrambled to their feet.
‘Could you stay with Parker for a little while,’ Harry said, ruffling the little boy’s hair. ‘His mum will be back soon.’
‘Oh I’m not sure,’ I began, but Harry and Louise were already halfway out of the door.
‘Thanks Ez,’ Harry called. ‘See you later.’
I heard them talking and laughing as they put on their thick coats, and then the front door slammed and there was silence.
I looked at Parker who was still rearranging his dominoes. He really was as cute as a button. His skin was the colour of milky coffee – a shade or two lighter than Tansy’s but his mixed-race heritage was still obvious. He had dark silky curls, with glints of auburn when the light caught them and startling hazel eyes. Sensing my run-of-the-mill blue eyes on him, he looked up at me and gave me an awkward smile. I tried to smile back but I wasn’t really feeling it.
‘I did some math,’ Parker said. ‘Want to see?’
Knowing I had to make an effort with this odd little boy who’d soon be my stepson, I nodded.
‘Go on then,’ I said, sliding off the sofa to sit next to him on the floor.
What he’d done wasn’t obvious to me at first. I stared uncomprehendingly at the groups of dominoes.
‘It’s all just adding,’ Parker said, patting my hand in a reassuring manner. ‘It’s quite easy.’
I blinked at him, then looked back at the dominoes, finally grasping what he’d done. He’d grouped them into three. I added up the dots on each domino and realised he’d done a sum – the total number of dots on each domino in the final group was equal to the other groups put together.
‘Pretty nice, huh?’ Parker said, looking at the dominoes in pride.
I was lost for words. I’d always been a bit awkward around kids but Parker had unleashed a whole new level of awkwardness within me.
‘What would you like to do now?’ he said. ‘Shall I do some more adding up for you? Or, if you like, you could do some?’
I looked at him, his little face full of pride, and felt overwhelmed with sympathy for him. It can’t have been easy coming all this way to meet his dad for the first time, then having his mum dump him on a bunch of strangers while she went off to play Florence Nightingale.
‘I think that’s enough sums for one day,’ I said, scooping up the dominoes and putting them back in the box. ‘Why don’t we go outside and build a snowman?’
Parker looked out of the window doubtfully.
‘It looks kinda cold,’ he said.
‘That’s part of the fun,’ I said. I tugged gently at his sleeve. ‘Come on.’
Parker stood patiently as I wrapped him up like a parcel in his cold weather gear and pulled a hat over his curls. Then he followed me outside.
‘Let’s make a whole family,’ I said. ‘You start on a kid and I’ll make the parents.’
Parker nodded and obediently started rolling a snowball in his mittened hands.
The snow was deep – above Parker’s knees in some places and deeper on the side of the garden where it had drifted in the wind. It was quiet and still except for our voices.
I was still sore from everything that had happened yesterday but I forced myself to throw myself into making our snow family. Part of me wanted to show Tansy and Jamie and everyone else just how fine I was about Parker being in our lives, and part of me wanted to prove to myself that I was fine. But the truth was, I thought, as I heaped snow up on my pile, I wasn’t fine at all.
‘That’s right,’ I called to Parker, whose snowball was up to his waist. ‘A bit bigger, then make a head.’
I smoothed out my snowman’s body and watched Parker as he giggled his way round the garden, his snowball growing all the time.’
There was no doubt he was a lovely little boy. He was sweet and affectionate and so clever. But he wasn’t mine. He was Jamie’s, but he wasn’t mine. And that was proving pretty hard for me to deal with.
I’d always thought that Jamie and I would embark on the parenthood journey together. That I’d carry his first baby. That I’d be the one his parents would adore for giving birth to their first grandchild. But now all that had changed. I’d gone from dewy-eyed bride to evil stepmother literally overnight and I wasn’t happy about it.
Tansy and Parker turning up hadn’t changed the way I felt about Jamie. Not one bit. But it had completely changed the way I looked at our future together. It was as if the whole world had shifted and I was seeing things differently.
‘We need a nose,’ said Parker. ‘And some eyes.’
I smiled at him. Bless him. He looked so cute with his cheeks flushed and his little pompom bouncing on top of his hat.
‘You carry on and I’ll go and find some carrots for the nose,’ I said. I left him admiring his handiwork and went into the kitchen, tramping snow all over the floor. But there were no carrots in the fridge – Mum must have used them all up in the lasagne. I peeked out of the window to check Parker was still occupied, then I waggled my fingers once… twice. In a sparkle of pink, a bunch of carrots appeared on the table along with a small hessian bag full of lumps of coal. I paused, thinking about snowmen and waggled my fingers once more. A bag landed at my feet – one of Harry’s old rucksacks, which I knew was filled with all sorts of fancy dress apparel and which, until five seconds ago, had been stuffed in the back of her wardrobe in the immaculate city centre flat she and Lou lived in. Harry, contrary to appearances, really, really loved dressing up. I grinned, then picked up all the bits and went to the back door. Just before I turned the handle, I shot more pink sparks at the kitchen floor and watched in satisfaction as the slushy snow I’d trailed to the fridge and back, disappeared.
I stomped my way across the garden to where Parker was looking at the two big snow parents and one snow child we’d made.
‘We need another one,’ he said, waving his arms at the icy family.
‘Another wee one?’ I said. ‘Of course…’
Parker looked at me in pity.
‘No, Esme,’ he said. ‘There’s only one kid in my family and that’s me. We need another grown-up.’
I must have looked confused.
‘I need one for Mommy, one for Daddy Michael and one for Daddy Jamie,’ he said.
I hadn’t realised we were making his actual family, but that was fine.
‘Okay then,’ I said. ‘Let’s make another one. You do the head and I’ll do the body.’
In companionable silence we rolled our snowballs round the garden and then, when they were the right size, I positioned the head on top of the body.
Parker stepped back and regarded the four figures in silence, nodding his head. Then he went to the first big snow figure.
‘This one’s Mommy,’ he said.
‘Okay,’ I said. I stuck in a carrot nose and two lumps of coal for her eyes, then I gave her a smiley mouth with my index finger.
Parker was rummaging through Harry’s rucksack.
‘This hair,’ he said, pulling out a wig made of strands of bright pink sparkly foil. It had a blunt fringe like Tansy’s so I could sort of see where he was coming from.
I arranged the wig on the snowwoman’s head and Parker clapped his mittens together in glee.
‘Now Daddy Michael,’ he said, rummaging again.
‘Well, I don’t know what he looks like so you’ll have to be in charge of this one,’ I said.
Parker showed me a pair of plastic glasses that I thought had once been attached to a comedy nose and moustache.
‘He wears glasses,’ he said, frowning. ‘But these ones are round like Harry Potter’s. Michael’s are more square.’
‘I think these ones are fine,’ I said. I took the glasses from him and put them on the second snowman, along with a carrot and two pieces of coal.
‘And this one is Daddy Jamie,’ Parker said. He looked sad suddenly. ‘I don’t know what he likes.’
I took the rucksack from him. ‘He likes rugby,’ I said. ‘I expect he’ll tell you all about it if you ask him, and even take you to a match.’
Parker looked pleased. I turned away from him slightly and waggled my fingers inside the bag. And there was Jamie’s old Scotland rugby shirt – a bit paint splattered because he only wore it for DIY now. I pulled it free of the bag and held it up for Parker to see.
‘This is Daddy Jamie’s favourite old rugby shirt,’ I said. ‘Let’s put it on his snowman.’
Together we managed to gently pull the shirt over the snowman’s head without knocking it off. I did the honours with the carrot and coal, then Parker did the same with his snow child.
I reached out and took off his woolly hat.
‘Snow Parker needs to keep his head warm,’ I said, plopping the hat onto the snowboy’s head.
Parker chuckled in delight. Then he looked at me, back to the snow family and back to me again. He furrowed his little brows.
‘What about you, Esme? You and Daddy Jamie are getting married, right?’
I really hoped so.
‘We are,’ I said.
‘So does that mean you’re part of my family now?’
I made a face.
‘I guess it does,’ I said. ‘We’re all family.’
‘So you should be there too,’ he said, gesturing to the row of snow people.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to become “Mommy Esme” but of course I didn’t want to tell Parker that. Instead I ruffled his hair, which was flattened from being under his hat for so long.
‘It’s cold huh,’ I said, deftly changing the subject. ‘Why don’t we go inside, make some lunch and maybe some hot chocolate and sit by the fire to get warmed up. Then maybe we can have a chat about families.’
I helped Parker shed his layers, then pulled the bread out of the fridge to make a sandwich and poured milk into a pan to warm up. I was still feeling a bit odd after yesterday’s avalanche so I wasn’t hungry, but I knew Parker had to be ravenous after all the fun we’d been having in the garden. I felt sorry for the small boy. I was the self-proclaimed queen of the unconventional family. Back before she got pregnant with me, my mum had fled an unhappy relationship in Glasgow where she’d been living. She’d gone home to Claddach to lick her wounds and stay with Gran, Suky and Harry, who’d only been about nine at the time. She’d met my dad who was a pilot in the RAF, training in Inverness, and fallen for him hard. On the rebound it seemed, but even so. But their mismatched romance came to a halt when he was sent to the Falklands, where the war was just beginning. One unexpected pregnancy, one injury and one unwanted desk job later and I was being brought up by two parents who lived at opposite ends of the country, had very different approaches to childcare, and who both adored me in their own way.
And that was before you even considered the whole witchcraft thing.
All that had led me to specialise in family law – helping smooth a path for disjointed families. And now I wondered if my expertise could help. Maybe I couldn’t yet make sense of my feelings about Parker and the fact that he was Jamie’s son, though I hoped I would sooner rather than later. But in the meantime I would throw myself in to making all this official. I’d draw up papers, research US law, outline custody and access arrangements and generally make sure everyone knew exactly where they stood.
‘I make the best hot chocolate in the whole of Scotland,’ I told Parker as he perched on a kitchen chair, his little feet swinging in their stripy socks. ‘You wait ‘til you try this.’
Yes that’s what I’d do. I’d get legal on everyone’s ass and hope it helped me cope with the wreck my wedding had become.