On the whole, I reflected, as I trudged through the snow on my way home, it was rather lucky Mum had met Douglas. My first reaction to her having a boyfriend – if you call him a boyfriend seeing as he was in his sixties – seemed to have happened so long ago, to someone else, even though it had only been a few days ago. Before the avalanche, before Tansy arrived…
I told Mum that when I finally got home after the long trek up the snowy hill.
‘I’m sorry I was so horrible to him,’ I said. ‘He’s a good one.’ I peeled off my coat for what felt like the twentieth time that day. ‘I’m so sick of this cold,’ I wailed, hanging my damp gloves on the radiator to dry out. ‘I’m going to tell Jamie we’re moving to Africa. It’s hot there, right?’
‘Sweltering,’ Tansy said, coming out of the kitchen into the hall. ‘And it’s a dry heat, that gets in your throat.’
I scowled at her.
‘Australia,’ I said to Mum. ‘We’ll go to Australia. Or Spain. Or California.’
Mum laughed.
‘Don’t you dare,’ she said. ‘I didn’t even like it when you lived in London.’
She bustled me into the living room, with Tansy following. Parker was sitting close to the television, watching what seemed to be a David Attenborough documentary on insects.
‘Hi Parker,’ I said.
‘Esme,’ he said, not taking his eyes off the screen. ‘Did you know honey bees have hair on their eyes?’
‘I did not know that,’ I said truthfully. ‘Goodness.’
Tansy smiled at Parker proudly.
‘He loves bugs,’ she said. ‘Loves them.’
I ignored her. I knew I was being childish, but I was still so angry with her, and so mixed up about how I felt about Parker, and Jamie’s relationship with him, and I wasn’t ready to deal with it yet.
My phone rang. It was Chloe.
‘Guess who’s here?’ she sang when I answered. ‘Your dad, your step-mum and your brothers.’
‘Really?’ I shrieked. ‘Where are they? Can I speak to Dad?’
‘He’s just in the loo,’ Chloe said. ‘He says he’ll facetime you in five minutes.’
‘Dad’s here,’ I told Mum. ‘He’s at Chloe’s.’
She smiled at me as Chloe talked.
‘Rob’s gone to sort out the cottage and get the keys from my parents,’ she said. Then she lowered her voice.
‘What’s happened to Mitchell?’ she asked. ‘He’s grown up very well.’
‘Eurgh Chloe,’ I wailed. ‘He’s my little brother.’
‘I know,’ she giggled. ‘I’m just pointing out how handsome he is.’
She was right. Mitch – who was an amazing musician – had a definite Jared Leto style look that girls seemed to adore.
‘Anyway,’ I said, giving Tansy a pointed look. ‘I’m going up to my room so I can chat to Dad in peace. Get him to call as soon as he can.’
I took the stairs two at a time and was sitting on my bed when Dad called.
‘Hello angel,’ he said, his smile broad and his eyes crinkling at the corners. I was biased, I knew, but Dad was ageing really well. He was older than Mum – in his late sixties – but he could pass for ten years younger. His once thick hair was receding a bit and it was speckled with grey at his temples – more so every time I saw him – but he looked good on it.
‘Oh Dad,’ I said, waving like a loon at the tiny screen on my phone. ‘It’s so good to see you. It’s been a nightmare.’
‘I know sweetheart,’ he said. His voice made me want to cry. Or reach through the phone and give him a huge hug. Instead I told him what had been happening. My words falling over each other, I explained the avalanche and how scary it had been.
‘I’m proud of you,’ he said. ‘I bet Jamie is too. How’s he doing?’
‘He’s great,’ I said. ‘Considering.’
‘Considering what?’ Dad said.
I thought about how to say it and decided just to go for the facts.
‘We had an unexpected visitor on our first night,’ I said. ‘Tansy. She’s Jamie’s ex-fiancée.’
‘Bloody hell,’ said Dad. He always sounded extra posh when he swore and it made me giggle despite myself.
‘Oh it gets better,’ I said. ‘She brought her little boy with her. His name’s Parker and Jamie’s his dad.’
Dad narrowed his eyes.
‘Bloody hell,’ he said again.
Just talking about it with him was making me feel better about things, I thought.
‘Are you sorting it out, Ez?’ Dad said. I was touched by the faith he had in me.
‘I am,’ I said. ‘At least, I’m going to. I’m planning on getting everything done officially.’
‘Good girl,’ Dad said. He paused. ‘I’m not sure if you know this, but when your mum found out she was expecting you, she wrote me a letter – I was off in the Falklands by then of course.’
‘I didn’t know that,’ I said. I’d never known my parents as a couple. I’d never even known them living in the same part of the country, so I’d never really thought about the circumstances of Mum’s pregnancy, strange as that may sound.
‘I was terrified and thrilled in equal measure,’ Dad said. ‘But I didn’t have much time to think about what it really meant because of the war. But in my darker moments – and believe me, you have a lot of those when you’re at war – in those moments I thought about this baby, you, and you gave me strength.’
I was speechless. Dad didn’t talk much about the Falklands, where he’d flown in troops on helicopters, though I knew he’d lost a few friends there.
‘Then we crashed,’ he said. ‘My leg was knackered and my back wasn’t much better. When I came home Tess came to see me in the hospital. We knew it wasn’t going to work between us – not then, not ever. But she told me not to worry, that I’d always be a part of your life. And then she took my hand and put it on her bump – and you kicked me.’
He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
‘You soppy old thing,’ I said fondly. Dad smiled.
‘Knowing you were on the way helped me get better,’ he said. ‘At least it helped me mind about my injury less. Helped me cope with being stuck behind a desk. And eventually I grew to love it. You anchored me.’
He took a deep breath.
‘I had mates in the RAF who’d had kids and lost contact with them,’ he went on. ‘I was determined that wasn’t going to happen to me.’
‘You did brilliantly,’ I said, feeling a bit teary myself. ‘You’re an amazing dad.’
‘Your mum was amazing,’ Dad pointed out. ‘She didn’t even need to tell me she was pregnant – I’d never have found out because we didn’t have any mutual friends.’
‘Like Tansy,’ I mused. ‘She didn’t have to come – although I wish she’d not come this week.’
Dad nodded.
‘Your mum was determined to keep me in your life,’ he said.
‘She didn’t want me to grow up not knowing you, like Harry and her dad,’ I said. ‘She knew you were a good man – not like Suky’s ex.’
‘Well, it was all very amicable,’ Dad said. ‘But my friends’ experiences had made me nervous. So whenever we made arrangements about me having contact with you, I always wrote your mum a letter outlining it all – and I’d keep a copy too. I even kept that first letter she wrote me saying she was pregnant.’
‘Blimey,’ I said. ‘I see where I get my brilliant legal mind from.’
Dad chuckled.
‘Just cover your own back,’ he said. ‘Put everything in writing and make sure Jamie knows exactly what he wants from this Tansy.’
‘I will,’ I said, feeling so close to Dad and so far away, even though he was only a couple of miles down the road. ‘I wish you were here, Dad.’
‘We’ll get there, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘It’ll take more than a pile of snow to stop me walking my girl down the aisle.’
There was a noise behind Dad and he turned away from me.
‘Come and say hello,’ he said and suddenly my screen was filled with my brothers’ smiling faces.
‘Hey ratbag,’ said Mitch. ‘That’s a bit of a dramatic way to stop us coming to your wedding, you know.’
Mason waved.
‘Hi Ez,’ he said. ‘See you soon.’
I blew them both kisses, and waved at Olivia, my sleek, stylish step-mum who was lurking in the background.
‘Hello,’ she called, giving me a measured smile. Olivia was always nice to me in a reserved kind of way.
She said something to Dad that I didn’t catch and he turned back to me.
‘We have to go,’ he said. ‘Rob’s ready to show us to Chloe’s parents’ cottage apparently. Shall we catch up tomorrow?’
I nodded.
‘I’ll call you in the morning,’ I said. ‘Thanks Dad.’