I walk faster and faster, trying to outrun my fear. Fear that Sean will come after me. Fear I’ll give into temptation and go back to him. Fear I’ll lose my resolve to do the right thing.
I should never have let him kiss me tonight. I absolutely never should have kissed him back! But he felt so strong, so safe, so…right. For a moment, I almost believed he could somehow fix the awful mess I’ve gotten myself into. But he can’t.
Less than an hour after I left the arboretum this afternoon, I received the promised message from Allister.
Tomorrow night, 10pm your time. Confirm when you’ve found a secure location.
I didn’t answer right away, I was so rattled by everything M had told me about Allister and Lennox. All through dinner I agonized about what I should say to them—and whether I should take the Sovereign’s word over theirs. When I got Sean’s text, it occurred to me he might know the truth. Whether he confirmed or contradicted M’s accusations, it could help me decide what to do.
Unfortunately, what I just found out is even worse than I imagined. Not only did Allister and Lennox try to murder Rigel, they’ve been using the Populist movement, maybe even actual Populists, to help them get rid of the Sovereign once and for all. Not, as they claimed, so our people can elect a proper leader, but because of their own personal vendettas against her and Rigel. With her out of the way, they probably hope they can return to positions of power.
I writhe inwardly at how incredibly gullible I was to trust them without question, even knowing they were basically under arrest in Dun Cloch. They claimed that was only because the Sovereign had a grudge against them—and I was so eager to believe, I never probed further. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Oh, they were clever. I wonder now if Crevan Erc ever contacted them at all. Could be they just heard from someone in Dun Cloch how gung-ho I was about the Populist movement, since I didn’t exactly keep it a secret. Then they told me exactly what I wanted to hear—that I could be an important part of things after all, that Emileia was an even worse choice for Sovereign than I already thought. And I just lapped it up, promised to do everything I could to help them.
Well, no more. I’m done. I’ll tell them so when they call tomorrow night. When I reach the Diamond View Terrace courtyard, I pause just inside the entrance to send my response.
Secure location found. I’ll be there.
Feeling marginally better now that my decision’s made, I exit out of the “special” screen on my phone and head upstairs to our apartment.
Even though I’m positive I’m doing the right thing, I have a hard time sleeping that night. I keep remembering all that Sean told me—not just what Allister and Lennox tried to do to Rigel, but everything they’re suspected of. Like sending an assassin after the Sovereign last month…and that would-be assassin’s unexpected death.
How will men that ruthless react when I tell them I want out? Do they already have a backup plan to keep me from incriminating them? In the dark watches of the night, it seems not only possible but probable. Maybe if I promise never to mention them to anyone…
“You look awful,” Adina observes over breakfast, eying my face critically.
“Thanks, Sprout. I, ah, didn’t sleep very well. Couldn’t seem to get comfortable.”
“Really? Even after going out to meet you-know-who again after dinner last night?” She’s grinning mischievously now.
Of course, Mum jumps on her comment immediately. “Did you see Sean O’Gara again last night, Kira? You didn’t mention that when you left for your walk.”
“He, ah, texted me just as I was leaving, so we met up and walked together for a little while, that’s all.”
Mum’s eyebrows go up. “Just the two of you this time? His sister wasn’t with him?”
“No, but so what? Sean and I do have three classes together, after all. We’re getting to be friends.”
“That’s wonderful, Kira!” She’s clearly delighted now. “Didn’t I say you were bound to make friends once we moved here? I’m so glad I was right. But goodness, first Molly and now Sean O’Gara! Their family is second in importance only to the Sovereign herself. I hope they don’t think you’re trying to curry favor now?”
She’s obviously still bothered by that whole asking-M’s-uncle-to-dinner thing.
“I know Sean and Molly don’t. Molly’s really nice and Sean—”
“Gets all goo-goo eyed around you,” Adina finishes, her eyes dancing. “Don’t worry, Mum. From what I’ve seen, Sean’s at least as interested in being friends with Kira as she is with him.”
I glare at my sister and she finally shuts up, though with another knowing grin.
Sean is on the bus again today. He holds my hand all the way to school and I draw welcome comfort and courage from his touch. By the time we get off the bus I’m nearly convinced everything will work out after all.
That certainty lasts until we have to separate in Physics, where Alan does his best to undermine it.
“You can’t possibly believe he’s serious about you,” he whispers as soon as class starts. “He’s just using you to pass the time until another Royal girl comes along. Or maybe to make the Sovereign jealous. I’m sure he’s still hoping to get her back.”
“Stop it, Alan,” I mutter back. “It’s none of your business.”
“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He doesn’t speak to me for the rest of the period, barely even looks at me, but his words linger. They’re way too similar to what that tiny voice in the back of my mind whispers whenever I’m not with Sean.
As the day goes on I grow more and more distracted, thinking about my looming confrontation with Allister and Lennox. What will they say? What will they do? Will they send an assassin after me to keep me quiet?
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sean asks me worriedly over lunch when I more than once fail to respond to something he says.
For a second I’m tempted to confess everything to him—how I agreed to help Lennox and his uncle and what I plan to do tonight. Maybe, given his parents’ influence, there’ll be some way to keep them from— No. I’d have to tell him why I started being friendly with him in the first place and he’d never trust me again. Why should he? Why should any of them?
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Sorry. I guess I just have a lot on my mind.”
Time seems to speed up after that. Next thing I know, I’m out at NuAgra helping my mum, who also notices my distraction.
“No, Kira, the control group goes in this bed. Honestly, I’m starting to think Adina was right this morning about you and Sean O’Gara. Your head seems to be in the clouds today.”
I don’t have much appetite at dinner, I’m so nervous by now. I keep rehearsing what I plan to say to Allister and Lennox, trying out different phrasings, hoping if I can just explain my feelings well enough they’ll let me off the hook. Every version I come up with sounds worse in my head than the one before.
I’ve just finished helping Adina with the dishes when I get a text. Half-fearful, half-hopeful, I check my phone. Maybe they’re postponing tonight’s meeting, maybe even canceling it…
The text is from Sean.
Want to take another walk? Get an earlier start so we’ll have more time?
I’m even more tempted than before to let him help me solve my problem. I’ve already started texting him back that I can meet him right now when I realize if word about what I’ve been doing gets out, it could reflect badly on him, too. It’s common knowledge at school we’ve been spending time together.
Quickly, I erase my unsent text and type a different one.
Sorry, can’t tonight. Too much homework.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stuff my phone back in my pocket and glance at the clock. Barely two hours to wait…