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Things for me and my family were going great until one day I got an unexpected call in the middle the night from one of my former freak buddies. The phone rang twice, and I quickly answered it. "Hello? Hold on for a second," I whispered.
Being a heavy sleeper, my wife, Mariah, was unmoved by the sound of my chiming phone, so I cautiously rolled out bed, snuck into the bathroom and closed the door. "Hello? Who is this?" I questioned as I glanced at the clock hanging over the vanity mirror.
"Is this Wes?" the unknown caller spoke with uncertainty.
"This is who?" I asked in confusion.
"Is this Wes?"
"Yeah, it's Wes. Who this?" I pondered.
"Hi, baby! How are you?" the caller asked me.
"I'm alright. What up, baby?" I said in response.
"You don't recognize the voice?” the caller taunted me.
"Nah, I know you?" I asked, peeking out the door. Lucky for me, there was no sign of Mariah.
"Yeah, you know me. I guess you don't recognize me when I'm talkin' on the phone."
"Where do I know you from?" I questioned as the suspense started to get to me.
"Just from around the way," she naughtily answered.
"Where? Talk up. I can barely hear you," I requested.
"You know me from when we were...you know... intimate."
"Oh, we fucked?" I replied, suddenly feeling myself.
"Oh baby, did we ever!" she confirmed as she moaned.
"Tell me about it baby. What’d I do to the coochie?"
"Hmm...you rocked it," she continued to whisper.
"Did I?" I questioned with sense of excitement.
"Yes, you did."
"Hold on, what's your name?"
She sighed, disgruntled. "My name is Allison Baranski. But if you don't remember me by now, then you probably won't. After all, it’s been quite a few years since we’ve seen each other."
"Sorry Allison! I'm drawing a blank at the moment. I actually know quite a few chicks named Allison. You gotta help me jog my memory. Where did we meet?"
"We met like five summers ago at the Barnes and Noble on Park Avenue. We went out like twice but the first time we slept together was after a super-lit 2 Chainz concert. We were so stoned, drunk, and horny that we ended up having sex in the men's room at Chick-fil-A. That was an unforgettable night for me. I can't believe that we did it in a public restroom, but I can definitely say that that was some of the best sex I've ever had!”
"Oooh weee! Now I remember you, Ally from the Valley. Yeah! That was a wild night. I remember you let me...well, you remember. How have you been?" I asked, replaying the events.
Allison sounded relieved to finally be acknowledged. "I've been okay, I guess. I'm actually in transition right now. I just recently moved back to town. I don't know if you realize it or not, but I've been following you on Instagram. I can't lie; you really crack me up with some of those memes you post. I be scrolling through my timeline dying with laughter. I swear that stuff is..."
"Whoa! Hold up a second. It's 2:14 in the morning. I know you didn’t call to talk about IG memes. I mean, click on the heart and keep scrolling, baby. Now if you trying to hook up for a booty call, let me know when and where. I mean, I'm married now, but what my wife doesn't know won't hurt her. Anything else that's on your mind, you can say on my comments. For real, for real, so if that's all you wanted, then I'm about to go back to bed, okay?" I interjected. I peeked out the bathroom again, looking for any indication of my wife.
Allison giggled. "Ahhh! Wes, I see much hasn't changed. You're still the same self-centered, egotistical jerk I met five years ago. Ugh! No, this is not a booty call. All you ever were good for was a roll in the sack, and that's as far as I intended for it to go with you. Unfortunately, a life was created out of our reckless sexual encounters with each other."
"Hold on, run that by me again. What do you mean that a life was created? Ally, don't call me with this nonsense, please. I'm not in the mood for the games or the lies. I've been down this road before as you've probably seen; I've appeared on Maury a total of three times. Yes! Three different times for three different women all accusing me of being their kid's father, and each and every time, the results came back negative. So you if you think you gonna put a baby on me, you got the right one. You can be number four if you want to, Ally. I promise you will be falling out and running backstage with the rest of them!" I declared as my voice started to elevate slightly out of outrage.
"Look Wes, I promise you, I never intended on getting pregnant by you. I was just having fun for the moment, but when I found out, I was already six weeks into my first trimester. I contemplated getting an abortion, but when I saw the sonogram picture, I just fell in love with him," Allison confessed with admiration in her voice.
"Him? Oh, so you had a boy? Okay Allison, hypothetically speaking, even if I did believe that I was the father of your kid, which I don't, why would you wait so long to tell me about him?" I questioned out of suspicion because I ain't no sucker.
"Like I said before Wes, we were just having fun. I've never met any of your friends or family. I don't even know anything personal about you besides what your penis looks like in the upright position. Hell! I don't even know your middle name or if you have one for that matter. I would look like a complete fool trying to raise a child with a complete stranger. To be perfectly honest, I personally don't want anything to do with you, but this isn't about me, it's about my son.
“He's the primary reason why I'm reaching out to you. Lately, Charlie has been asking me about his dad and wants to meet you. I mean, I can't blame him; he's four years old now and sees most of the other kids at his school with their dads, so he comes home and asks me who you are and why you're not around. It breaks my heart to see him look me in my eyes with that sad, disappointed look on his face when I don't know what to tell him," she explained.
"Hey! Why don't you just be real with the boy and tell him what really happened between us Have you ever thought about that, huh? Check this out, I got a great idea. Why don't you be a woman and a real mother and be honest with the kid. I'm pretty sure, he’ll find out on his own anyway, so you make might as well tell him before somebody else does. Trust me; the truth always has a way of coming to the light," I advised as I heard a slight thump coming from the hallway.
Allison's sobbing transformed to frustration as she replied, "see! This is exactly why I didn't want to call your ignorant behind! You’ve always got something stupid to say. Ugh! You know, I've been doing okay being a single mom up to this point, but lately, I've fallen on some rough times and I just need a little bit of..."
I wasn't trying to hear all the jibber jabber she was talking, so I swiftly ended the call as the bathroom door squeaked open. I shuffled and fumbled around in an attempt to play off the fact that I was just on the phone. Once the light from the hallway illuminated the dark bathroom, Mariah's image emerged. "Were you just on the phone with someone?" she immediately investigated.
I admit I wasn't a very good liar, but I managed not to freeze up and let her catch me slipping. "Was I on the phone? Just now? Aw yeah! That was nothing. It was just my boy Devon from high school calling to remind me about the reunion. I think he got my number from Jared. I'm getting more and more excited as the day draws near. I still can't believe it's been ten years since I graduated from good old St. Luke's. I'm really looking forward to seeing the old crew. My gut tells me this reunion is gonna be epic!" I declared as I rinsed off my hands in the sink in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Mariah.
I could feel her from the corner of my eye examining my body language as she exclaimed, "ummmm! Hmmm! Well, you remember to be on your best behavior when you get around the old crew because we both know that once you, Jared, and Malcolm hook up, one of y'all always ends up in some kind of mess. On that note, I'm going back to bed. You should come with me, Mr. Thomas. Your wife as an itch that needs to be scratched. You think you can scratch that itch for me, baby?"
I nodded my head with confidence as I smiled, showing all my teeth, and followed her back to the privacy of our bedroom.