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It took thirty minutes for Penny to work up the nerve to get out of the car once she reached her destination. She spent that time gathering her resolve and looking out over the tidy expanse of green grass. The clumps of colorful flowers dotting the landscape might have said garden to some. All it spoke to her was a soul deep misery. This is a waste of time. She nodded, admitting to herself the validity of the thought. But so much of the last four months...longer if she started counting from the day of that girl's initial accusation... had been wasted on negative and unproductive emotions. What did one more afternoon matter? One thing rang true in her heart. She'd fallen as far as she could afford to. I have to start climbing out of this hole, and I am the only one who can take that first step.
With a final exhale of determination she collected what she needed from the seat beside her and opened the door. Bird song flooded her ears, further reinforcing the sense of a garden. She did her best to block the cheerful sights and sounds. This wasn't a place for cheerful, this was a place for tears. Maybe if God were willing, today it would be the first step in healing.
If God were willing? The thought had tears pressing against her eyes. Her family and Scottlyn Rich weren't the only ones she'd mistreated. God, I've been so wrong. If you're still there for me, please help me do this.
She turned back to the car and tugged four large, helium filled balloons free, careful not to burst them on the door frame. The light spring breeze sent the red orbs twirling and had the attached ribbons tangled before she completed the twenty steps to the bench. Twenty steps...it's amazing how your mind latches onto the mundane when you can't face reality.
Penny sat, the same breeze still twisting the balloons on their ribbons lifted the hair from her neck and sent the brand new leaves on the trees above her head dancing in the sunlight. The shifting patterns of shadow and light reminded Penny of her heart the last few months. Moments of clarity mixed with despair. No more. Please God, no more.
She fastened her eyes on the headstone of her son's grave. If one's life truly was measured by the dash between the dates, then Bradley's life had been too short. To most of the outside world, he'd be remembered as a nameless young man who raped that girl and later died in prison. Penny refused to define him in that way, choosing instead to cling to the countless memories of a mother and her first born.
"You were such a good boy. I remember the day you were born as if it were yesterday. Just one of thousands of babies born into the world that day, nothing special in the grand scheme of things, but when our eyes met for the first time, you changed my life forever." The hand that wasn't busy taming the balloons held the baby blanket to her heart.
"I became a mother. Responsible for your behavior, proud of your accomplishments, and totally in love with every breath you took." A brisk burst of wind tugged at the balloons and drew her attention upward.
I love you in just the same way, daughter.
The words echoed through her heart and brought a sad smile to her face. She took a deep breath. I can do this. I have to do this. She turned back to the grave marker.
"Do you remember when you were eight-years-old and your puppy died? You were so heartbroken. I couldn't seem to do anything to put a smile back on your face. You spent days moping around the house and picking at your food. There were days when you sat next to that small mound of dirt in the back yard, just bouncing Dover's nasty tennis ball while tears ran down your face. After a week or so of that, you came running in the house one day and asked me to take you to buy some balloons. You wanted to send a message to Dover." She brought the bright red balloons down to bounce in her lap.
"When we got home you took those balloons and wrote messages on them. I love you. I miss you. Good dog. A few I don't remember. You took them outside, stood by that tiny grave, and released your thoughts to the wind. You didn't come back inside until they floated completely out of sight. Once you were done, you never cried for Dover again."
Penny put the blanket aside and juggled one of the balloons free. There were four, all in the brightest red she could buy to represent the fury of the emotions she was battling. There wasn't any healing in the balloons, but it was a symbolic start.
She'd written messages on all four. The one she chose first read GUILT. She fixed her son's face in her mind. "Bradley, I love you. I'll never forget you. I can't promise that I'll never cry for you again, but you made your own choices. I'm not responsible." She released it. The color was glaring against the blue of the sky. She allowed her eyes to follow its progress until it disappeared from view.
BLAME came next. ANGER. Then GRIEF. She prayed as she watched each one float away. "Father, I'm so sorry. Please take these things I can't live with any longer out of my heart and leave the sweet memories of my child and the comfort of your lasting love and peace."
Penny settled back on the bench and watched until the last red dot winked out of sight. She stood, took a deep breath, and walked back to her car. Her fingers trailed along the top of the marker as she passed. It was time she went home. Gabe would be worried. She had things to share with him and an important errand for him to run.
***
THE DOORBELL RANG.
"Scottlyn can you get that, my hands are covered in flour."
Scottlyn looked up from her place on the floor next to her daughter when she heard Diana's muffled request from the kitchen. "Got it." She laid the doll aside and scooped Mercie up and into her crib. "Wait right here, baby," she said and ran to answer it. The moment she pulled it open, she found herself engulfed in Grant's arms.
"Scottie, I'm so sorry. Does admitting I'm a colossal idiot count as an apology?"
Unable to raise her head, she spoke into the front of his shirt. "Ifs a part." The words were unintelligible, even to her.
Grant released her from his embrace and held her at arm's length. "I didn't hear what you said, but you haven't kicked me off the porch, so I'm going to take that as a good sign."
Scottlyn crossed her arms and lifted her chin. "I said, it's a start. And the only reason you're still on the porch is that we seem to agree on the idiot question."
He ducked his head, and Scottlyn pressed her lips into a stern line to keep from giving into the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. That embarrassed blush is so adorable. "So...you're an idiot..."
"And I'm really, really sorry. I was wrong to stand you up. I was wrong to think I could make decisions for you and Mercie. I don't deserve to have such an incredible woman in my life. If the time ever comes in our relationship where I can be a part of the decision making process for Mercie's future, I promise we'll handle it together with mutual prayer and discussion." Grant stopped to take a breath and finally looked up. "Those decisions are not all about me and what I want. We both need to listen to what God wants for her and us."
"Wow." Scottlyn tilted her head and studied him. "It's only Monday. You figured all that out in just three days?"
"Three days of thinking on my part and the silent treatment from my mother." He shrugged. "She likes you almost as much as I do. I haven't had a hot meal since she found out I stood you up. If you don't forgive me, I might starve."
Scottlyn studied the dismal look on his face, taking time with her thoughts before spelling it all out for him. "It's not just me that's taking a risk here. If we continue to see each other you have to understand that Mercie, young as she is, has a stake in this too. I can't be with someone who's going to jerk either of us around. I'm a big girl, but I won't have my daughter hurt. I like you, but I'll live the rest of my life alone if that's what it takes to keep her heart safe."
Grant nodded. "I do understand that." He reached up and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I'm an idiot, like I said, but part of that is because I have feelings for you. Like is too mild a word, and it's too soon to call it love, but..." He spread his hands. "I'd never hurt either of you intentionally. Will you give me a second chance to prove that?"
Scottlyn searched his eyes. He met her gaze without flinching, obviously waiting for her to tell him to go or stay.
"You haven't had a hot meal in three days, huh?"
"Mom can be vicious when she's trying to teach me a lesson."
This time when she felt a grin threaten, she gave in to it. "You're forgiven. Now come in the house. Diana's cooking dinner. I can fix that hot meal deprivation thing." She turned to open the door and looked back when he didn't follow. She jerked her head toward the front room. "Are you coming?"
"I bought...I mean...I have a surprise for Mercie. I didn't want to bring it in until I knew you didn't hate me." Grant rolled his eyes. "I don't mean hate, exactly." He motioned for her to stay put. "Just wait right here for a second, OK?"
Scottlyn nodded. Grant turned, jumped from the porch, and raced to his truck. She watched as he extracted a box from the passenger seat. He came back up the walk holding the box flat in one hand, the other hand balanced on the top. Is he holding the lid down? She studied man and gift. When he reached the porch, she heard the scrabbling of nails from the box and leaned down to listen. It wiggled and she jumped back. Hamster or guinea pig?
She blocked the door and frowned. "Let me just go on record here. If there's a rodent in that box, you're a dead man."
Grant's face fell. "You don't like rats?"
Her jaw dropped. "If you bring a rat into this house, I won't have to kill you. Diana will do it for me."
Grant chuckled and leaned to plant a kiss on the end of her nose. "No rats, and the contents of the box have been Diana pre-approved."
"Diana knew you were coming?"
"Some surprises require thought and pre-planning. Now, would you let me in and go get Mercie. I promise, it's a good surprise." The scratching from the box intensified. "Albeit an impatient one."
***
SCOTTLYN LEFT GRANT standing in the living room and went to fetch Mercie. She detoured into the kitchen. "Grant's here, but I'm thinking you expected him to drop by."
Diana grinned, turned the fire down under the chicken she was frying, and grabbed a dish towel for her hands. "Yea! Go get the baby."
"What—"
"Scoot." She glanced back at the stove. "And hurry. I've got about ten minutes before I have to be back in here. I don't want to burn dinner, but I don't want to miss the surprise."
Scottlyn threw her hands up in surrender and continued to Mercie's room. She stopped in the doorway. She hadn't been gone ten minutes. Mercie had escaped the crib. The one-year-old sat on the floor surrounded by a dozen baby dolls. The baby and the dolls were all stark naked."
She crossed her arms and leaned against the door facing. She was raising an exhibitionist Houdini. "Baby girl, what are you doing?"
Mercie looked up with a radiant smile. "Bath?"
Scottlyn shook her head, stooped to pick up her daughter, and grabbed a diaper from the stack by the crib. "You're a mess, but it's not bath time yet." She fastened the diaper and retrieved Mercie's discarded shirt. "You want to see Grant?"
Mercie squealed, flailed her arms, and kicked her chubby legs on the changing table. "Gant...Gant!"
She smiled down at the excited little girl. "I'll take that as a yes." Scottlyn scooped her up and bundled her off to the living room. She found Grant and Diana on the sofa, the lid off the box and their heads together, whispering excitedly. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?"
Grant slammed the lid back into place, handed the box to Diana, and reached for Mercie. "Come here, Squirtling." He plucked the baby from Scottlyn's arms and lifted her high over his head. "I missed you. Have you been a good girl?" His question was answered with a string of baby gibberish. He lowered her to the floor. "Wow, that good, huh?" He reached for the box and sat it next to the curious child. "Can you open it, Mercie?"
Fresh from a round of birthday presents, Mercie knew the drill. She scrambled to her feet, grasped the bow on top of the box, and pulled the lid free. She leaned over to peer inside and raised round eyes to her mother. She sat hard on her diapered bottom, tipped the box onto its side, and clapped her hands. "Baby!"
Something small, black, and curly scampered from the box and attacked Mercie's bare toes with a tiny pink tongue. The baby's laughter filled the room.
Scottlyn hurried to sit next to her daughter, scooping up the excited ball of fur. She held it close and the little tongue went to work on her nose. "Oh..."
Grant joined them in the floor. "She's a teacup poodle, almost eight weeks old and well on her way to being house trained." He put the puppy back on the floor, and she immediately left the adults and scampered back to play with Mercie. "Mom has a friend who raises them. You mentioned you were thinking about a puppy. I thought this little lady might be the perfect fit. She's on loan for the evening, pending mommy approval." He laughed when Mercie toppled to the floor with the puppy on her chest. "Just so you know, I have a kennel and everything else she needs in the back of the truck."
Scottlyn shook her head. "It's a generous gift." She looked at Diana. "You're good with this?"
Diana angled her head toward the two babies playing in the floor. "How can I say no to that?" She stood to return to the kitchen. "Watching them grow up together will be an adventure."
Grant stood and offered a hand up to Scottlyn. They sat on the sofa while Mercie and her puppy continued to get to know each other. He rested his arm on the back of the sofa and propped his left ankle on his right knee. "Hey, Squirtling, can you tell me her name?"
Mercie jabbered, the only intelligible word in her response was "baby."
Scottlyn laughed as she settled in the curve of Grant's outstretched arm. "I think she's named her baby, Baby."
Grant tightened his arm, pulling Scottlyn closer to his side. "I'm glad you're OK with this...and everything. Let's promise never to fight again."
The pup backed up a short distance from Mercie, lowered her head, raised her hindquarters, and barked at her new human. Mercie rolled into a crawl and mimicked the pose and the bark.
When Scottlyn recovered from the fit of laughing, she wiped her streaming eyes and patted Grant on the knee. "I don't think promising never to fight is very practical. How about if we promise to make up quickly instead?"
"Speaking of." Grant placed a finger on her chin and turned her head to face him. He met her eyes, and Scottlyn felt her heart plunge to her toes. Her jumbled brain registered his intent a second before his lips joined hers. They jumped apart like guilty children when the doorbell chimed through the room.
Grant groaned, and Scottlyn scrambled to her feet. "Hold that thought."