Why couldn’t James have picked an earlier time to meet, or another night? Sarah listened for Rachel’s key in the front door. He knew she sketched from home. And he also knew that Rachel would probably come back before it was time to leave for their date. What was she supposed to do, hide in the closet for three hours to avoid her housemate?
This had seemed like a good idea at the party when he’d asked her to meet him, but now she wasn’t so sure. She just knew she’d bottle it if she had to look Rachel in the face.
She ran her hand over the new dresses in her closet. Black and white polka dots or the watered silk one with cancan girls? The black and white was more elegant but the girls were flirtier. No contest, she thought. It’s definitely a dancing girls kind of night. She wriggled into the cinch-waisted frock and popped on her trusty boots. Rachel was right. They did go with everything.
She was right about most things. It didn’t take long to get used to the make-up. Now Sarah felt weird without it. The other morning she nearly put on eyeliner before her jog. Step away from the slap, she’d told herself. The squirrels don’t give a toss how you look.
Just as she was tonging one side of her fringe, Rachel shouted from downstairs.
‘Ow!’ Sarah cried as the tongs came down on her forehead with a painful sizzle. ‘I’m up here!’ she yelled back with her hand over the rising welt.
‘Couldn’t help but notice that the banister is missing,’ Rachel said as she reached Sarah’s doorway.
‘Oh, that. Nate’s replacing it. Apparently it’s come loose.’ She rolled her eyes. It wouldn’t be loose if the workmen didn’t swing round the newel post every time they ran up or down the stairs.
Nate had finally shown up again (a week after he said he would) as if they’d never had a falling-out. Sarah still blamed herself for making them quit. But then Rachel asked her dad about it and found out that that’s just how builders worked. Nate probably wasn’t even mad at her. He’d just taken another job, so it suited him to be away for a few weeks. Now he was back in the house, destroying as much as he fixed, and there was probably another family across town waiting hopefully each morning for a white van.
‘So they removed the whole thing?’ Rachel asked.
‘He didn’t want us falling through. He thinks we’ll be more careful if there’s no banister to rely on.’ She’d always doubted Nate’s building skills but now she wondered about his intelligence too. She couldn’t wait till they were finished. In about a month, Nate promised.
‘Getting ready for your date?’ Rachel asked.
Sarah inspected the question for any anger, but Rachel kept it neutral. She was just about to say it wasn’t a date. But she couldn’t do that. ‘Yes, nearly ready.’
‘What’s happened to your forehead?’
‘I burned it on the tongs.’
‘Ouch. That might blister. Did you put burn cream on it?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think we have any.’
‘Hang on, I know what to do.’
She ran back downstairs, leaving Sarah a moment to compose herself.
Should she ask Rachel if going out with James was okay? What if she said no? That would stop them in their tracks before they even got started. No, she had to stay strong. She couldn’t let herself be talked out of this.
‘Here, put this on,’ Rachel said, handing her a kitchen towel.
Sarah sniffed it. ‘Butter?’
‘It helps with burns.’
‘Plus it’s tasty on toast,’ she said, smearing her forehead. ‘Do I have to go out like this?’
‘No, it soaks in. You may want to wash your forehead though before you go. You might get a bit whiffy otherwise.’
‘Thanks,’ Sarah said. ‘I’m ordering from the Noodle Shop. Want something?’
‘Sounds great. Number sixteen for me, please.’
So they were both going to ignore the elephant in the room.
James looked really cute. She’d always thought so, but the past few years had added something extra. He was more man than man-child now. She supposed he was just dressed as he would be for work, since he went to see his prof straight after, and then came to the bar, but he looked stylish. He and Rachel had made an attractive couple.
‘You look great,’ he said, taking in her dress, the boots, the make-up and half-curled hair. She couldn’t face those tongs again after the scalding. ‘What happened to your forehead?’
Her hand flew to her head. ‘Is it still shiny?’
‘No, it just looks like a blister. Why would it be shiny?’
‘I burned it. Rachel said butter would help. I’m pretty sure it’s a myth, but she seemed really keen to help so I let her.’
‘Hmm.’
‘What?’
‘That’s funny. I’m lactose-intolerant.’
Was he also wondering if Rachel disapproved? ‘You don’t think she …?’
‘No, no. I mean, come on. I’m hardly going to lick your forehead, am I? What do you want to drink? My round. It’s the least I can do.’
They found a little table against one of the walls in the half-empty wine bar. Within a few sips of her wine, Sarah knew she’d been right not to cancel. They settled easily into the same banter they’d had at the party.
It felt nice to be comfortable. Being on the website reminded her how stressful dating could be. Not that she wasn’t enjoying her dates with Jeremy. She just felt a bit like a performing monkey sometimes. Tonight she was simply Sarah.
When the conversation turned to RecycLove, James told her about his date.
She wasn’t shocked when he confessed to his sleepover, but it was a little insensitive given the circumstances. Still, the more she knew about him the better. ‘So will you see her again? I’m asking for a friend.’
‘No, but in fairness that’s not my fault.’
‘Well you would say that, wouldn’t you?’
He chuckled. ‘It’s like you know me already, but as it happens, in this case I mean it. We went out, had a nice time and then, you know. And I did mean to see her again. I even called the next day to arrange something. She said she’d let me know and never called back …’
‘Maybe you were having an off night,’ she said.
‘Wow, straight in there, thanks, Sarah, for questioning my manhood.’
She shrugged. Sometimes the truth hurt.
‘To be honest, it did bother me,’ he said. ‘Rachel assassinated me in her evaluation. I guess I’ve taken it to heart. As usual she was right about most of it.’
‘I think you just weren’t right for each other.’
He looked stricken.
‘I mean you and the woman you went out with. Not Rachel. It feels weird talking about other dates to each other, don’t you think?’ she asked. ‘It’s like …’ She thought for a moment. ‘It’s like telling your hairdresser that you’ve had a cut somewhere else.’
‘Do you cheat on your hairdresser?’
‘Well, I have once or twice,’ she admitted. ‘I’ve used the same salon for years and sometimes my usual girl goes on holiday or whatnot when I really need a cut. I have used other stylists … always at that salon though! I haven’t gone to others.’
James laughed. ‘The salon’ll be grateful for your loyalty, I’m sure. I go to SuperCuts and couldn’t tell you the name of anyone who’s cut my hair in the past decade. Maybe I should though. I might look better then. What do you think?’
She thought he looked quite cute as he was. But thanks to Rachel she knew he sometimes fished for compliments.
He did seem like a different person than the one Rachel described though. A skinflint wouldn’t have got his round in without a fight, for one thing. And he was listening to her, not waiting till she took a breath so he could interrupt.
‘I feel like we should talk about Rachel,’ she said. ‘Only I feel guilty doing it, like I’m betraying her. I saw her tonight before I left. She didn’t say anything, but that was the worst part. It was really uncomfortable.’
‘I’m sorry about that, but I did talk to her about it today. I told her. She says she’s happy we’re out tonight.’ A shadow briefly crossed his expression.
By the time it was last orders, Sarah was tipsy and happy. ‘Go ’ed, lad, gizza nother,’ she said when James offered more wine.
‘You’ve gone all Scouse,’ said James. ‘You’re not from Liverpool though.’
‘No, me mam was,’ she said, sounding like she’d been born directly into the Mersey. ‘I guess I picked up some of her expressions.’
‘I like it. There’s nothing exotic about my accent, coming from Bucks.’
She laughed. ‘I wouldn’t call Liverpool exotic! It’s not like it’s Marrakesh or Timbuktu or the Outer Hebrides.’
He laughed, then said, ‘You’re intriguing.’
‘Am I?’ That was very nice to hear. No matter the circumstances, it was nice to hear it from James.
‘And you’re not nearly as bad as Rachel makes out,’ she said.
‘Cheers to that. It’s nice to know I’m not horrible.’
No, she thought later as they made their way together to the Tube station, he wasn’t horrible at all.
It wasn’t until the next morning that she realised she hadn’t rung Sissy. She got straight on the phone to her.
‘Hello? Who’s this?’ Sissy asked.
‘It’s Sarah.’
‘Who?’
‘Your sister? Sarah? The one who bakes you bread?’
‘Sorry. I don’t remember you.’
‘Come off it, Sissy, I’m sorry I didn’t ring last night. I was busy.’ She felt like an arse as soon as she said it. ‘I was stupid not to ring. I’m sorry,’ she said again. ‘Will you let me off if I bring you a nice loaf tomorrow?’
‘You’d bring one anyway. I want muffins.’
The little breadmailer.
* * *
The loaf still held a tiny bit of warmth when she got to Whispering Sands, but Sissy wasn’t waiting as usual at the entrance. She really was mad, Sarah thought.
She found her hunched over her coloured pencils at her desk.
‘Playing hard to get?’ Sarah asked from the doorway.
‘I’m busy, that’s all,’ she said, pushing back her chair. Then she went to Sarah and wrapped her arms around her big sister. ‘It’s nice to see you.’
Sarah felt herself well up.
They ate their toast in the garden, where the cherry trees were starting to bloom. Sarah didn’t let herself think about where she might be next. Every time she glanced at Sissy she wanted to tell her what was going on. But sometimes change was hard for her, and knowing about it before anything was certain only stressed her out. So instead they sat munching their toast in the sunshine.
‘Look, Ben’s here!’ Sissy announced. ‘Hi Ben, we’re eating Sarah’s toast.’
He came across the garden from the conservatory doors. ‘Can I have some?’ His big brown eyes pleaded with Sissy.
Sissy wavered, then said, ‘Okay, a small piece. Sarah will cut it. She won’t let me.’
‘It’s not that I won’t let you cut it, Sissy. It’s that I can’t leave you alone with it or you’ll eat the whole thing.’
‘Guilty!’ she sang.
Where did she pick up these things? Sarah went inside to make more toast for Ben.
She was just leaving when Kelly caught up with her. ‘Hey, Sarah, I’m glad I saw you. You’re not usually here on a Wednesday?’
‘Special circumstances. I brought Sissy some muffins. The front desk put them away for her for breakfast. What’s up?’ She dared to hope for good news.
They automatically started walking outside.
‘They’re sending out the letters tomorrow,’ she said. ‘Thirty days. Have you had any luck?’
Sarah’s heart sank. Now it was real. ‘Robin’s looking into more places but they’re further away. Will the facility have any recommendations or anything?’
Kelly shook her head. ‘They’re being useless. They even dragged their feet on a reference for me. I have found something though.’ She looked away for a second. ‘I’m going to miss everyone.’
Her heart went out to Kelly. Not only did she have to find another job; she was leaving all her colleagues and patients who probably seemed a bit like family. ‘I’m so sorry that you have to leave, Kelly, but it’s ace that you’ve found another job. Will it be as nice, do you think?’
She nodded. ‘I think so. It’s up near Cambridge though, so it means moving. I’ll put my flat on the market, so hopefully it’ll sell soon. I can’t afford to rent and pay a mortgage for very long.’ She blew out her cheeks. ‘This sucks.’
‘It does suck.’ In the back of her mind Sarah had hoped that Kelly would find another home close by, one that was as good as Whispering Sands and had a space for Sissy. But Cambridge was too far. They had a month to find an alternative.