He longs to let you go down on him, but he has deep-seeded concerns about his genitals. Trust me, he’s not alone. A number of people wonder if they’re normal or if there’s something wrong going on down there. People are reluctant to receive oral sex for a number of reasons, with lack of body confidence and knowledge about their genitals major barriers to such sexual pursuits. Many are worried about whether they smell or taste bad. Some fret over whether or not their genitals are unsightly. Some stress over the potential of performance issues, like problems with attaining erection, given personal issues they have with what’s between their legs. This is so unfortunate given the attitude you — and your partner — have toward your genitals is an important component of your sexual experiences and your ability to let go and fully enjoy yourself.
A study in the Journal of Sex Research reported that favorable perceptions of one’s genitalia not only correlate positively with engaging in sexual activities, like oral sex, but enjoying such as well. How your partner feels about his private parts may, in fact, be more important than how he feels about his look overall. One study conducted at Old Dominion University found that perceptions of the body during sexual activity may be more influential on one’s sexual functioning than the self-assessment of one’s physical appearance. In addition, individuals who are content with their bodies also report more sex and are likelier to attain orgasm.
While recent years have seen a lot of efforts focus on boosting female perceptions of their genitals, not nearly as much has been done for males. Can your guy say that he has made friends with his genitals? Men are often really hard on themselves when it comes to what’s below-the-belt, flustered that they don’t look perfect down there. And your guy won’t even feel perfect if he’s comparing himself to the altered and airbrushed visuals of waxed, makeup-covered, and even surgically manipulated genitalia portrayed in porn magazines and flicks. Ironically, nobody looks like those porn stars, including the models themselves. Yet many of us are guilty of holding everyone up to unrealistic, unattainable standards!
When it comes to the penis, no two are the same, with the vast majority nowhere near the “third leg” erections flaunted by porn stars. Studies have suggested that viewing sexually explicit material contributes to men rating their penises as smaller than average. Ultimately, the social and psychological consequences, like low self-confidence, sexual anxiety, fear of relationships, and social maladjustment, can wreak havoc in the bedroom and in relationships.
What guys need to realize is that penises come in a host of shape and size combinations when flaccid or erect. The same goes for balls, with one side often hanging lower or slightly larger than the other. Yet many men are obsessed over the size of their penises, convinced that they need to be well hung. Others are self-conscious about whether their nuts look normal. Add to that the misinformation and stereotypes circulating about the penis when it comes to performance and you have many men harshly judging themselves.
The most ironic and troubling thing about this issue is the fact that the perfect size penis is itself an illusion. The vast majority of men are “average,” or within 2 inches of the average length, which falls at 3–4 inches in length for a flaccid (nonerect) penis, and 5–7 inches in length for an erect penis. While many men think that they have a micropenis (a penis that is less than 3 inches erect), this condition affects only 0.6 percent of men. Most men afflicted with “small penis syndrome,” a.k.a. “locker room syndrome,” actually have average-sized members.
Unbelievably, despite no reliable data regarding the criteria for success or complications of penile enlargement procedures, between 1991 and 1998, 10,000 men in the United States paid thousands of dollars to undergo penile augmentation. One unpublished study at New York University found that men who described themselves as having large genitalia had a more favorable genital image, body image, and beliefs about their sexual abilities than those men who saw their genitals as average or small in size. While this is great for men who feel that they’re well-endowed, this is a shame for men who beat themselves up for not being hung like a horse, especially when you consider that most women don’t care about the size.
Some women have been known to judge their partner’s genitals based on unfair societal standards. Not knowing any better, they get turned off that their guy doesn’t look like the latest Playgirl centerfold. It’s important to remember that every guy is different and beautifully unique when it comes to what’s between his legs. That’s part of what makes every individual sexy and enticing. Bigger, smaller, thinner, fatter, longer, shorter … your guy needs to embrace what Mother Nature has given him; he needs to work on his self-confidence instead of trying to fix something that isn’t broken. He needs to learn to love and appreciate the gems he has between his legs if he ever expects to awaken their full potential. The pay-offs are huge!
Research in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality examining the genital perceptions of Canadian college students found that men had consistently more favorable views of their genitals than did women. Males and females who had had intercourse further reported more favorable genital perceptions than did virgins. Self-esteem was positively correlated to favorable genital perceptions, and negatively with sexual anxiety and feeling self-conscious about one’s body. For those experiencing genital dissatisfaction, penis size was the main issue for men.
So take the time to sit down with your guy and appreciate his body; get to know what gives his genitals character and highlight what you like about them. This could be his penis’s color, shape, folds, plumpness, protrusions, and so on. Ask him to do the same for your parts. Remember, what’s normal is to be different and your partner’s ability to respond sexually and experience and share pleasure has nothing to do with the way he looks, but how well he can embrace his sexual self in its entirety. You can support him in this by letting him know that you’re perfectly happy with what he has.
Most men around the world are uncircumcised, meaning their penises are intact; their foreskins have not been removed. For the past few decades, the majority of infant males in the United States have been circumcised, though this is changing. With the uncircumcised fellow still the exception to the rule, however, women are often surprised or taken aback, at least initially, in dealing with his “extra” part. For some, it’s a matter of aesthetics. For others, there’s a concern over how to play with his foreskin during oral sex, especially given that this delicate area is packed with nerve endings and must be handled with care.
Personal preferences aside, once you’re comfortable with the foreskin, there’s plenty of fun to be had with this highly sensitive thin layer of skin. If you’re having trouble with the fact that he’s uncut, educate yourself on the myths that run rampant about the uncircumcised penis. For example, an uncircumcised penis is just as clean as its circumcised brothers when washed on a daily basis.
Learn, too, about the potential sex play, and in some cases better sex, to be had with Mother Nature’s original form. If you’re turned off by the look, realize that the foreskin typically retracts over the shaft, exposing the head of the penis when your lover is erect, giving him a more circumcised look. This “sleeve” acts like a natural lubricant during all types of sex, gliding in its bed of movable skin so that chafing is minimized, while providing both partners with pleasurable friction.
People sport all sorts of “looks” when it comes to their pubic hair, with color, amount, and texture varying greatly. Some go completely bare, while others strive for a specific style and others keep what Mother Nature gave them. For lovers pursuing passion amidst pubes, getting a hair stuck in your throat can happen, causing much discomfort and distress to those who have been there. So how do you avoid this hairy situation? The easiest way involves combing through your lover’s pubic hair with your fingers ahead of time. Massage his pubic area prior to going south as a part of foreplay, shaking loose any stragglers that could try to trump your game.
If the hair down there continues to be a problem — or if you’re of the opinion that less is more — suggest hair removal as a form of foreplay or a sexy intimate session in and of itself. You can spend a leisurely afternoon or evening with your lover removing his hair, and pampering him with a sensual bath and erotic massage to boot. Hair removal can be as simple as a good trim of the hair covering the pubic bone using manicuring scissors, to snipping the hair around or on the scrotum, to shaving, waxing, tweezing, or using depilatories along the bikini line. Have fun experimenting with different looks on occasion, and even color, given that, no matter what the form of hair removal, your partner’s pubes almost always grow back, albeit itchy and uncomfortably initially.
Every one of us has a distinctive “signature scent,” and we would perhaps do a better job embracing this natural aphrodisiac if it weren’t for the smell-like-roses messaging we’re bombarded with regularly. As you probably well know, sweating can cause a stronger genital odor. People can minimize unpleasant smells by avoiding synthetic (polyester) underwear and Spandex clothes that do not allow the genitals to breathe. Cotton underwear and exercise clothes, as well as loose clothes in general, are best in circulating air around the groin. Otherwise, bacteria can further set up shop, growing in a sweaty environment that causes undesirable odors.
The odor of your partner’s sweat can also be influenced by his diet, so if smell is a problem, mention that he avoid consuming too much sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. No matter what he does, tell him not to use deodorants of any sort down there since these are not made for use on the mucous membranes of the genitals and may have chemicals that can irritate and cause an undesirable reaction.
Men need to be mindful about washing their genitals daily with warm water and soap. If your guy is uncircumcised, you may notice a distinct scent when getting up close and personal to his genitals. This is normal, even when he washes under his foreskin daily. The foreskin’s sebaceous glands secrete emollients, lubricants, and protective antibodies that help to keep the surface of the tip of the penis soft and moist. A strong odor may just require a wash with a gentle, antibacterial soap, especially if there’s a build-up of smegma, the fatty matter that collects between the glans and foreskin. This is not only important because of dirt and bacteria build up, which can have his penis smelling and tasting bad, but it decreases your risk of acquiring an STD. For any male, redness, irritation, or an offensive odor, among other unusual symptoms, may indicate an infection, e.g., yeast infection. Be sure to recommend that your guy is checked out by a healthcare provider if that’s the case.
When you initially go down on your guy, unless you’re using protection, your taste buds are likeliest to detect some degree of saltiness, though he may taste tangier or muskier at times. A guy’s taste most often boils down to his sweat and discharge, which is in part dependent upon his diet. Garlic and onions, for example, can result in strong odors that influence taste. His taste can also come down to what you’re used to. If you have a diet high in soy sauce, for example, you may not pick up on salty influences on bodily fluids as much as those who only use it on occasion.
The taste of a man’s semen can be a turn-off if he is a smoker, has been drinking, or recently consumed asparagus, broccoli, or curry. To make sure he’s appetizing, he should avoid these products, as well as coffee, beets, cauliflower, red meat, fish, and vitamins for twenty-four hours prior to sex if possible to neutralize the scent of his ejaculate as scent ties strongly into how things taste. Have him try consuming celery and parsley instead. Furthermore, he should drink lots of water and sweeten his cum by consuming melons, blueberries, pineapple juice, lemon, cranberry, pineapple, raspberries, and strawberries. Cardamom, cinnamon, and peppermint are also said to make him tastier.
At the end of the day, your lover needs to experiment with his diet to see how it affects his semen. This not only includes the foods and beverages themselves, but the amount consumed. If he’s concerned about the way he tastes, he may want to taste his ejaculate the next time he masturbates or the next time the two of you fool around (provided he’s in good sexual health). Ultimately, however, just how yummy he is comes down to your palate, which you can’t be faulted for.
Spit versus swallow preferences vary from lover to lover and from one sex session to the next. Some women are perfectly happy to have a guy ejaculate in their mouths and have no problem with swallowing. Others, however, are not keen on either activity.
Despite there being a wide range of preferences on this matter, the “spit or swallow” debate rages on. This is in large part because swallowing semen is often ranked highly on the intimacy scale. It’s seen as a form of bonding and a test of devotion and love, with some lovers putting pressure on a lover to receive in an effort to feel closer. If this describes your relationship, know that taking someone’s sperm into your mouth is not a testament of love. Not wanting to do so does not mean that you don’t care about him.
There are a number of reasons why people choose not to swallow a partner’s semen. They may not like the taste or texture, and worry about gagging or throwing up. They may be concerned about acquiring a sexually transmitted infection. Or they may be hesitant in not knowing what they’re swallowing (over 95 percent of semen is water) or want the extra calories (your average ejaculation has 10–30 calories).
To spit or swallow is a question that should be answered before you go down on your guy. If you don’t want him to ejaculate in your mouth, let him know ahead of time so that he can withdraw or let you know when he’s close to ejaculation. If you don’t want him ejaculating in your mouth, you have several options in helping him to peak following withdrawal:
If your partner has finished in your mouth, but you don’t want to swallow, have tissues or towel close by for a discreet one-tablespoon spit. Alternatively, you can make a quick beeline for the bathroom sink or engage in snowballing, where you kiss it right back to its owner. At the end of the day, no matter what a pair’s issues, lovers need to talk.