April, 1813

 

Grace trembled as she knocked on the door to her father’s study. Rationality had never been his strong suit, and the few servants remaining in his employ considered him anything but kind. Delaying this discussion, however, would only mean putting off the inevitable, so she braced herself for the task at hand as well as possible.

A muddled grunt from behind the door seemed to be her invitation to enter. In the absence of a footman, she pushed the dusty-covered, heavy doors open and proceeded into the library.

Her father stared the books of his estates with a sinister grimace on his face as he passed over the same figures time and again. He pushed the papers about, placing them just so against each other, in an apparent attempt to make the numbers line up properly. The stench of whiskey and an overused chamber pot permeated her senses.

“What is it, girl? Can you not see I am busy?” He barely spared her a passing glance.

The impending confrontation would not be a pleasant one.

“Father, there is something I must discuss with you.”

He rearranged his papers once more before spilling his glass of whiskey on the mismanaged ledgers and notes.

Grace stood her ground, bent on avoiding assisting in the cleanup process. Father had created the problem, and he could very well fix it himself. She was far more concerned with how he might choose to handle her own situation. He mopped at the spilled whiskey with his shirtsleeve while she waited for him to acknowledge her.

“Yes, yes. Well. We are still waiting on Barrow to return so your betrothal can be announced. I am quite certain he will not wish to wait for the banns to be called. The earl can obtain a special license. Your marriage will take place in due time, Grace. Never fear.”

Ha. Never fear.

Father took a swig from the bottle and then eyed her from across his battered desk. “Why have you left your bedchamber? I told you to stay put. If you are even thinking of asking to leave Chatham House for any reason, the answer is no. I dare not add to the gossip.”

Father did not seem to realize, through his ever-present veil of drunkenness, that hiding until the gossip blew over would only add fuel to the gossipmongers’ fire, not quench the flames. She wished there were someone she could talk to, but he had kept her in veritable isolation her entire life. She never knew exactly why. Grace could only assume he did not want her to see how the rest of society lived. How could she think something wrong when she knew nothing different?

His wobbly hand reached again for the whisky decanter. “Barrow will surely put things to rights upon his return from the continent.”

Grace knew without a doubt that while the Earl of Barrow may put things to rights in the eyes of her father, her life would become anything but right. A life spent with the man who had so foully abused her was the last thing she wanted, but under the current circumstances, marrying the scoundrel might be the only option to salvage her reputation.

Not that it would be Grace’s choice, even if she had myriad options at her disposal. Doubtless, Father would simply make his decision and force her to comply. She had once thought she would do anything to be away from Father. But a marriage to Barrow? She fought to conceal the shudder that coursed through her veins, chilling her to the core.

What about running away? Now there was a thought. Grace would have to hold on to the idea. She might need to make use of it after telling her news.

Which brought her back to her current purpose in speaking to him. “Father, there is something you should know.”

He waved her off impatiently.

“Please. A—allow me to speak.” Her shaking increased to the point of visibility, perhaps in anticipation of his reaction to her news, or also possibly due to fear of his retaliation. There was no way around telling him—he would discover the truth for himself in time, and his wrath might be deadly if it came to that, or at the very least violent.

How revolting, that she had been lowered to begging him for anything. But she must tell him, whatever the cost to her pride.

“Go on then. I do not have all day.” Her father downed another large swig of his whiskey, somewhat missing his mouth in the effort. A stream of the liquor trailed down his chin and onto his already stained shirt.

His large hands grasped the glass. The image served as a reminder of the mark on her cheek. Better to just get it over with. “Father, I am with child,” she blurted out.

The glass fell to the desk and Grace jumped. Her eyes followed it as it spilled its contents and dropped to the floor, shattering into a vista of miniscule shards that glinted in the dim candlelight.

Father stared out at nothing, his face growing redder by degrees. The twitching in his eye increased to the point she thought a vein might burst at any point. Good. He deserved to be angry. The man could not even be bothered to love his only child. But what would he force upon her now? She wished she were bolder and could dare to speak her mind with him.

His breath quickened to short rasps. He staggered to the window, never deigning to look at Grace. “Barrow is still away. Lord knows when he will return. Walsingham will not have you. After Barrow’s announcement of your indiscretions at White’s, no other man of title and means will have you either.”

His frosty words fell heavy in the room and hurt Grace more than a slap to the face ever could. Those words proved what she already knew—her father’s prestige and position were more important to him than she.

He paced through his library, stumbling at times, never glancing in her direction. “You will return to your chamber where you will remain until Barrow returns, and then you shall be his problem, not mine. If he does not return before the bastard is born, it will be given to some family that needs another set of hands. And you will wait for him to marry you.” He stared out the grimy window, his head nodding at varied moments. “If he refuses to marry you, you will leave Chatham House and never return. Seek employment as a paid companion or a governess if you wish. Or as a whore, since you seem already inclined to that profession.”

Grace’s chin rose in vehement defiance.

“But you will never step foot across my door again, unless you come as the Countess of Barrow. You are a disgrace.” Father stumbled back to his desk and picked up the decanter of whiskey. He rang for a servant to clean the mess he had caused, cursing when none arrived. For years, he had employed no more than his personal valet, a cook, and the occasional butler, yet he rarely remembered such pertinent details when drunk as a wheelbarrow, as in this particular moment.

Why, if he kept servants, he would have to pay them! Father preferred to spend his money on gambling or whores to keep him warm, or any number of other things on which a wastrel might spend his blunt.

Grace’s nervous trembling subsided, replaced by anger. If he believed he could hide her away only to take her child from her, he was sorely mistaken. She could not allow such a vile circumstance to come to pass.

But if he managed to marry her off to Lord Barrow, her lot would become far worse than it already was. The earl had already shown her the sort of villainous treatment she could expect from him.

She left the library and returned to her room. Her father could not win this battle. She refused to let him take her child away from her, and she would be damned if she would marry an abominable lecher such as Barrow.

Grace had only one option.

Lord Alexander Hardwicke borrowed a curricle from his eldest brother Peter, the Duke of Somerton, for his jaunt across town. His good friend Derek Redgrave, the Earl of Sinclaire (a bloody handsome chap, even if Alex must risk his virility to make such an assessment) passed by in a phaeton as he left Mayfair on Piccadilly Circus.

“And just where are you off to in such a hurry on this fine spring day?”

Alex glanced about to be sure no one was within earshot. “To see Priscilla and Harry. Come with me. I’ll explain. I need to speak with you, anyway.”

Derek’s eyes darkened with curiosity, then he changed the direction of his vehicle and followed behind.

After a good ride, including several unnecessary, and only slightly erratic, twists and turns to throw off anyone curious about Alex’s destination, they pulled into a drive before the functional home where he housed the woman and her small son.

Their companion, Vivian, opened the door to his insistent knock. “My lords, how delightful to see you today. Come in.” She stepped aside to allow their rather bulky bodies through the small doorframe.

“Awwiks!” Harry’s delighted squeal assaulted them when they ducked beneath the entrance to the cozy parlor. “And Dewik, too.” The two-year-old boy dropped his wooden toy and waddled across to where they stood. When he arrived at their feet, he raised both arms to the sky and demanded, “Up!”

“Yes, sir. Up indeed.” Alex lifted the giggling child high into the air and pretended to drop him, only to catch him again at the last moment. Of course, this elicited another peal of mirth.

“If you do not greet him properly, Harry, I fear he might drop you on your head.” Priscilla sat on a window seat at the far wall, where she was at work sewing a garment that could be for none other than her son. Her brown curls fell into her eyes and she blew at them, only to have them fall immediately back into their previous position.

“Nooo, Awwiks not dwop me.”

At the challenge, he took the bait and lifted Harry ever higher and caught him just before his face brushed the floor. The boy’s laughter threatened to rob Alex of all his breath.

Priscilla looked up for just a moment before she busied herself in her work again. “And to what do we owe the pleasure of your company today? I didn’t expect you before the weekend.” Her face filled with inquisitiveness.

Alex placed the boy on the floor and gave him a wooden block to occupy his attention before he and Derek took seats at the neat writing table near where Pris worked. Everything here always seemed so dainty to him here, even with the toddler around to make messes.

He took a breath and looked Pris in the eye. “I have to leave you.”

“By Jove, man. What will you have her do?” Derek pushed back from his seat, his dark eyes flashing with fury.

Alex lifted his hands. “Easy, easy. You know me better than that. This is not permanent. Far from it.” He tugged at his cravat so he could breathe again. Blast the fussy things. “I am traveling to Somerton for awhile. Lord Rotheby sent for me. He wants me to visit him, and I want to get away from London for a time. Perfect situation, if you ask me.”

“Get away from London?” Derek asked, perplexed. “Why? Good God, there is nothing of interest to do in the country. And Rotheby’s a fussy old goat.”

“There is nothing of interest to do in town, either! Truth be told, it is more Mama that I want to get away from than London.”

Priscilla raised an eyebrow in an unasked question.

“Ah…well, she’s matchmaking again, you see. Peter believes she will start with me, even when he is the far worthier candidate.”

“Ha!” Derek’s burst of laughter filled the small room.

“You needn’t be so jolly about it.”

“But what could be better? You, Lord Alex Hardwicke, are running in fear from your mother. Why is that, I wonder? The only reasonable answer I can see is you fear she’ll be successful in her bid.”

Good Lord, why had he shared what he did about Mama? He would never hear the end of it from Derek. The dolt would probably go tell Sir Jonas and the rest of the crowd at White’s that evening, passing it all on like the latest on dit.

“I am most certainly not afraid of my mother, or that she could be successful. She can’t very well make an offer for me, can she?” She had better not get such an idea in her head. He shuddered and a pregnant pause filled the air, loud and unwieldy.

“How long will you be gone?” Trust Priscilla to get things back to the point at hand. She pulled her stitch tight and knotted it before she looked at Alex again, ever at work at something. Dear God, he wished he could change things for her, make things easier for her—something.

“I don’t know. For that matter, I’m unaware why Rotheby wants to see me. I only know I need to get away and he’s given me the perfect reason to do so without upsetting Mama.” Deuce take it, why did he have to bring Mama back into this conversation when he had just got her out of it?

“You’ve been unhappy here for a long time, Alex. This is a wonderful idea.” Priscilla smiled across at him with genuine warmth lighting her eyes. “Don’t fret about me and Harry. We’ll be just fine.”

“But I do worry about you. I will continue to worry about you. I made you a promise, Pris—”

“You made a very foolish promise a very long time ago.” She forcefully pushed her stitchery away and struggled to her feet, reaching for the cane resting next to the bay window. “You know what I think, Alex? I think it’s high time you found a wife, settled down, and stopped ambling through your life. Perhaps you ought to stay in London, after all, and allow your mother to do what she will.”

Derek earned a glare when he barely stifled a snicker. Priscilla ignored him. “Now why would marriage be so ghastly? You cannot go on like you are forever, you know.”

“But if I were to marry a lady from society, what would I do with you and Harry? How could I continue to care for you?”

“I told you long ago we do not need you.”

“That is bollocks, and you know it, Pris. What would you do for money? Harry will need to go to school someday. How would you pay for that? Christ, you cannot even walk without assistance, so what kind of work could you do?” He flinched at the sharp look she gave him, then rushed on. “I cannot sit by and allow you both to fall by the wayside. I will not.”

She frowned at him. “Alex—”

Why did the blasted woman even think he would consider it? “No, I told you before and I am telling you again, I will take care of you. Mama must accept the fact that I will not bow to her every whim.” Alex paced through the room, careful to step over Harry and his toys. “Derek, I need you to look after them while I am away.”

“But—”

“But nothing. I swore to you I would care for you, and I intend to do just that. Derek will help.” He hoped he was right.

“Of course I will. If you need anything before he returns, you need only send for me.” He leveled a glare at Alex. “I will ensure you keep your promise to Pris and Harry. They need you.”

“I realize that. And you know I’ll come back to you as soon as I can.” He strode over to where she stood near the window and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. “I promise.” He took the cane from her hands and guided her back to her seat.

He would not leave them alone for long.

Grace waited until she was absolutely certain her father had passed out from his drink. She could not risk discovery. For once, she was glad he kept very few servants. It made her task this evening much easier.

She chose a small valise and packed her meager belongings into it. When all her clothes were inside and still she had more room, Grace chose a few books to take with her as well.

Reaching beneath her mattress, she retrieved a few bank notes. Not much, but it should cover coach fare, at the very least. After taking one more cursory glance around the chamber, the only thing left to pack was her battered doll. She placed it gingerly inside amongst the clothing and books. Her child might someday need a doll, and she might not be able to provide one, otherwise.

Before she closed the valise, she dashed off a brief note to her aunt and uncle.

 

Dear Sir Laurence and Lady Kensington,

I realize this is terribly short notice, but I have a need to visit you. Please accept my apologies, but I have no time for further explanation now. I shall strive to explain myself upon arrival in Somerton.

Your loving niece,

Grace

 

She stashed the note in her bag and climbed down the dark stairwell, careful to avoid the creaky steps and the missing planks, before she let herself out the oak front door. It thudded to a close behind her and she scurried down the path to the street with her satchel at her side.

Bustling along the dark streets, she prayed she was traveling in the right direction. Grace had spent far too many years cooped up inside her chamber at Chatham House. The time had come for change.

Finally, she spotted the posting inn where the coach was preparing to leave. She took a moment to deliver her note to the postmaster and prayed the mail coach would arrive before the stagecoach. The Kensingtons needed at least some warning of her looming arrival, however little it may be.

The driver signaled to her time had arrived for their departure. He assisted her aboard and she settled in for the three day journey.

Grace hoped her travel would not be in vain.