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There are limits to what we should expect from one another

In an ideal world everyone would live in harmony, and it would be possible to meet everyone’s needs and fulfil everyone’s desires at all times. In reality, we constantly have to compromise: one or other member of a partnership has to sacrifice what they want at any given time, or both agree on an alternative. For example, there will be times when all that you want to do after a long, stressful day is put your feet up in front of the television – but your dog just as desperately wants a walk and food before settling for the evening. Likewise, from your dog’s perspective, there will frequently be times when he would like to have the freedom to explore, interact, and run around freely when you would rather he stayed close and calm.

It is important to balance the times when each member of the partnership gets their way, because if one side always wins out there is a risk that the welfare of the other may be compromised, or that the one who constantly wins forms expectations that this will always be the case – which may be a dangerous assumption. For example, if your dog has learnt that he can always have his pick of the best seat in the house and refuse to move, it could result in him defending this learnt right if a visitor tries to insist that he move: one reason why setting boundaries and teaching dogs to comply with polite requests is so important.

Learning to recognise and, where possible, anticipate where our needs might conflict with our dog’s can help us find the best way to help him accept compromise, and it is fairest to do this by identifying clear boundaries and rules at an early stage, as these will ensure everyone’s wellbeing.

There will be times when either you or your dog is reluctant to engage in a specific activity at a specific time. As long as, in general, both parties’ needs are being met, it’s fine to simply accept this and engage again at a time or in a manner which suits you both. If, however, your needs are so at odds with one another that it is a common occurrence, and it is impacting on the welfare of one or both of you, it is important to take stock and consider what changes should be made so that expectations are met and needs fulfilled in the longer term.

Boundaries and rules

Before we can expect our dog to behave in accordance with our wishes, we have to ensure that he knows what these are, and understands them. It is important for the whole family to have a common set of rules and boundaries which your dog can then be taught. So, for example, one rule may be that he may not climb on the furniture; another that he should greet people without jumping up, and a third that he needs to listen and respond appropriately when he’s asked to do something. Rules for the family are that each member ensures the house rules are consistently implemented in a manner which their dog can understand, whilst at the same time being certain that –

• He can still get the fuss he desires on the floor.

• People will acknowledge him and give him the attention he craves if he manages to keep all four paws on the floor.

• People will consider carefully before asking him to do something which may be at odds with what he wants, and also acknowledge this fact by rewarding him when he complies.

• His needs are met adequately on an ongoing basis.

Most dogs enjoy digging (especially when they are young), but most owners don’t like their lawns or flower beds being destroyed! These opposing needs can be met through creative planning: for example by creating a digging pit in the garden. Demarcate the digging area using logs or stones to create a visual border, loosen the soil in the centre and half-bury chews, treats or toys to encourage him to focus his attention on this spot.

If one of your rules is that your dog is not allowed onto the furniture, he will find it easier to comply if you provide him with a comfortable bed on the floor near to where you are sitting.

If it’s likely that you will sometimes want your dog on the furniture and at others you may not, it’s better to teach him the rule that he can only get on the furniture when invited, rather than risk conflict. This is what we mean when we talk of finding an approach that keeps everyone happy. However, we have to recognise that this puts the responsibility on us to teach our dog this rule in a compassionate way.

Writing a list of house rules and placing them in a prominent place will make it easier for the family to consistently apply them.

The concept of ‘don’t do something’ is difficult for dogs to grasp, and it is much better for them to learn what TO do in every situation. Teaching your dog that if he goes to lie on his bed when you are busy and he might interfere (eg when you are cooking or eating, and he might be tempted to beg for food) he will earn treats, means that he can learn to make the right choice in these situations. Over time, the treats can be faded out, and this well-behaved behaviour will become a self-rewarding habit.

Tips for consistency

• The whole family must agree to and be prepared to implement the rules. Write them down and display them in a prominent place.

• Rules must be implemented consistently, every single time by every single person – just one titbit fed from the table can set back your training by weeks. This takes self- discipline, especially on the part of children and soft-hearted visitors!

• Think through strategies in advance so that these can be implemented to enable your dog to make the right decision – that is, to follow the rule. For example, if you don’t want your dog to beg at the table at mealtimes, place a dog bed a little distance from the table, and toss tasty dog treats onto it while you are eating your meal. Over time you will see your dog automatically go to his bed when you sit down to eat, and eventually you can fade out the rewards, and simply tell him how good he has been at the end of the meal.

• Manage the situation to prevent unwanted learning if you think a situation will arise where a mistake might occur – for example, if a toddler who is likely to drop food under the table is coming for a meal. Keep your dog away from the table with a desired food toy or chew to occupy him.

It is also important to appreciate that dogs won’t know instinctively when rules change. For example, if they are allowed on the furniture in your house, they may well expect to be allowed to get on the furniture when visiting a friend’s house, or when you are in holiday accommodation.

Tips for adapting rules

• Ensure that your rules will easily translate to different environments and situations your dog may encounter. This is where teaching him that the boundary can only be crossed upon specific instruction (for example, when he is invited onto the furniture) can be useful. This is, however, more complicated to teach and maintain, so it’s important to think through all aspects of rules ahead of time.

Remember!

It is much easier to do something specific than simply to stop doing something, which leaves a dog with many other choices, some of which may still be the wrong one. Always have a plan so that you can direct your dog towards what’s wanted.

• Have a plan of action for every situation where he will encounter the rule change, so that it pays off for him to follow the new rule whilst ensuring that people do not get angry with him when he makes mistakes. For example, if he is no longer going to be allowed into a certain room because of the arrival of a new baby, install a stair gate across the doorway, and make it enjoyable for him to stay on the other side – by providing him with a food toy or chew every time you close him out. If installing a stair gate is not possible, place a comfy dog bed away from the doorway, and teach him to stay there whenever you go into the now-forbidden area.

Remember!

For some dogs learning things like ‘I mustn’t jump up at the kitchen counters’ takes time (even many months), so ensure the family has strategies to reinforce alternative, appropriate behaviour until it becomes habit for your dog to do this.

• The longer he has been used to the old rules, the more his behaviour will have become habit. We all know how difficult it is to change habits, so if your dog has learnt one set of rules that, for unforeseen reasons, have to change, it is important to appreciate that new rules need to be taught with kindness and compassion, and also recognise that errors will be an inevitable part of the learning process. Support success and ignore or gently redirect failure.

Recognise when your dog needs help

Dogs are not spiteful, and nor do they ‘know better,’ but they can be distracted and confused. When it comes to our dog’s responding appropriately to requests from us, there will be times when, no matter how well he has learnt something, he may not comply as well as we would like him to. There are many reasons why this may be the case; understanding some of these can help us, firstly, to keep calm in the face of his perceived disobedience, and, secondly, to understand how to make it easier for him to follow our instructions in the future.

Although it is often natural for us to learn something in one situation and then apply it in another, this sort of extrapolation is not that easy for dogs. For dogs, especially in the early stages of learning, but also with established responses, what they learn is at least partially connected to the situation where they have experienced it. So, if you teach him to ‘sit’ on cue in the kitchen, it takes a little bit of practice before he realises that ‘sit’ also means ‘put your bottom on the floor’ when he hears the word in the living room, in the garden, or in the park. Over time it becomes easier for him to generalise new behaviours to new places, but in the beginning it is really important to help him.

Once your dog has learned to ‘sit’ in one situation (for example, in your kitchen), it is important to re-teach it in a number of different situations, until he realises that ‘sit’ means ‘sit’ anywhere, at any time. Lots of practice means that he will then be able to respond quickly and reliably if required, even in exciting or difficult situations.

Practising controlled behaviours, such as ‘lie down and stay’ in a range of situations means that you will be able to manage him more easily in risky situations: preventing him from jumping out of the car, for example.

Tips for aiding generalisation

• Once you have taught a behaviour in one place, practise it in many different places, if necessary re-teaching it in new environments to start with.

• Make sure different people practise asking him for the behaviour, too, so he realises he can respond to requests from different people (assuming this is what you want).

• If your dog appears confused when you ask him to do something, perhaps you are asking him in a way that may be confusing to him. For example, if your hands are normally free when you ask him to ‘sit,’ he may not respond as you wish if you ask him when your hands are full of shopping bags. When we interact with our dogs, our body posture provides a lot of information about what it is we want, so be aware that your dog may pay more attention to this than to actual words.

Even if you don’t believe it is necessary for your dog to perfectly respond to verbal as opposed to body language cues, there are times when this is really useful: if you have your hands full (so can’t give him a hand signal), and you need him to ‘sit,’ for example. As dogs focus more on our body language than our verbal requests, explicitly teaching him how to recognise verbal cues is important.

Another reason our dog may get it wrong when we ask him to do something is that it is just too difficult for him – physically or mentally. For example, if he has pain in his back or legs, sitting at every kerb as we walk through the streets may be very uncomfortable. Alternatively, if he is worried by workmen at the side of the road, then asking him to lie down quietly while you chat to a friend might be just too scary. Finally, and especially when he is young, the motivation to do something else rather than follow the rules or your instructions – like trying to grab the toy from your hands instead of politely waiting for it to be given to him – may simply be too great at this time.

It is difficult for your dog to come back to you if you are calling him away from a situation where he is having fun. It is important to train for this type of situation, as immediately coming when called can be a life-saving response. It is however important to FIRST teach him to come in easy situations – when there are no distractions around (see above image). Only once he can reliably come back in these situations is it time to introduce distractions (as in the image below, where his friend is having a game). It takes many hours of practice to train a reliable recall.

If you do need to call your dog away from something that is really important to him – such as exploring with a friend – make sure that you reward him with something he really values – a special toy, say. Of course, as with all behaviours, it is not necessary to reward every correct recall, but when we are asking him to do something difficult, we stack the odds for repeated successes in our favour if we teach him that responding to us really pays off. And it’s fun for owners to engage in these games, too!

Tips

• Make learning as simple as you can and build up behaviours in simple steps, so you keep his learning within his ability at all times. Every time your dog feels good about something, he is likely to do a similar thing in similar circumstances, whether or not it pleases you. So, if you have a dog who finds chasing intrinsically rewarding, every time he chases, his tendency to chase in future gets stronger, and he may learn to ignore your calls too! To teach him to come when called instead of running off after moving objects, you need to teach him in a way that is easy for him not to make a mistake (see Appendix 3 for texts on teaching recall training). For example, find a safely fenced area and a willing friend. Arm yourself with his favourite treats or toys and practise first calling him away from your friend just standing still, then walking away, then jogging away and finally, if he can manage it, your friend can run away playing with a less favoured toy while he comes back to you for a really good game. Always teach the easy stuff first!

• Always make it very clear that it is worth his while to comply with your requests. Using a reward that he really values can help, so saving special food treats or toys for training sessions, especially in more challenging environments, can help him to be more motivated to listen to you than to follow his conflicting desires. With most dogs, over time, you can fade out the extrinsic motivation as he learns to derive enjoyment from working with you. However, if you know you are taking him into a situation which he may find particularly challenging (for example, if he likes to chase moving objects and you need to walk him along a cycle path), ensure that you take precautions to prevent him from being able to make a mistake (keep him on his lead), and that you have a high value reward to give him for remaining calm and paying attention to you (treats or a tug-toy as he exercises self-control and does not try to lunge at the passing bicycles).

• Take time to consider whether something physical (eg joint pain) or emotional (fear) could be impacting on your dog’s ability to respond to your request whenever he doesn’t seem to react as you expect. This is especially important if you are sure that he understands your request and that he should be motivated to comply (ie: you are not aware of anything in the environment that is more attractive than doing so).

• Or maybe something is just not pleasant to do right now – like sitting on cold, snowy ground, in which case, maybe we should brush it off, not insist, and just move on. Yes, ideally, we don’t ignore non-compliance with our requests, but in a well-trained, generally obedient dog, a single episode of ‘disobedience’ that is without consequence is unlikely to undermine all our hard work. Of course, this should not become a habit, so we must learn from it to avoid repetition, by either modifying our requests in a similar situation or setting up things differently to ensure compliance. However, getting angry at that point is unlikely to achieve anything constructive.

A reality check

Finally, we also need to appreciate that, just as we have off days when we forget to do something, don’t pay attention, or are finding it difficult to motivate ourselves to comply with someone’s reasonable request, so, too, do our dogs. Let’s accept this and treat them with sympathetic understanding, helping them to make the right choices, rather than impatiently insisting on instantaneous obedience.