Chapter Thirteen

Your Secret Heart

Kami’s family still went to the flat above Claire’s restaurant. Even if their mother was lost, the boys still needed sleep.

Her father tucked them into the bed Kami’s mother had been sleeping in, and he slept on the floor beside them and insisted Kami sleep on the sofa in the little sitting room. The flat was only three rooms, four if you counted the small bathroom. There were memories of her mother everywhere that Kami looked. A hairbrush with her glinting light hair in it, a book that she had left open and would never finish, a smudged mirror. Kami wandered the house for most of that night laying her hands on each object, as if she could somehow get one last touch from her mother, passed on through these last small things she had handled. But they remained lifeless and meaningless in her hands. Love was not magic: it could not transform anything.

Kami crawled back onto the sofa when the sky was pale gray, like white stained so badly that no matter how many times it was washed it would never be clean again. She went to sleep holding Matthew Cooper’s key tightly.

When she woke up, new light striking the old metal in her hand was the first thing she saw, and the key seemed like a talisman. She could not allow herself to think of anything else. She had a mystery to solve, and so she could get up.

She had to go somewhere, but she did not want to go alone. So she fished her phone out of her pocket and called her first choice for company.

“Hey, Angela,” she said. “Want to come with me to the graveyard?”

“I absolutely do not,” Angela told her. “But I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

Angela met her outside Claire’s. Kami sneaked down the dark narrow stairs as quietly as she could. She tried not to look at the quiet restaurant her mother had been so proud of, but she had it memorized: the swinging doors that hid the kitchen, the little colorful paintings, the one big blank white wall that her mother had always wanted Dad to paint a mural on, the tables with their white circular tabletops and curling iron table legs.

When Angela opened the door and handed in a dress and a bra, the large glass front of Claire’s immediately became a problem.

“I think this might fit,” Angela said. “And this is my sports bra. Obviously, as I have never participated in any sport, it has never been worn.”

“Thank you! Be my lookout, okay?”

“Sure,” said Angela. “If somebody comes by, I’m happy to say ‘Kami, you’re changing your clothes in front of a giant window on the main street of town, someone is going to see you naked, and I’m going to laugh.’ ”

“Your unfailing support means the world to me!” Kami said, pulling off her pajama top, which was basically charred rags at the back.

It turned out that Angela being so much taller meant that there was extra fabric to go over all of Kami’s extra flesh. The dress fit: it did not matter that it was black and plain and spoke to Kami of nothing so much as beautifully tailored boredom.

When Kami emerged, Angela looked at her for a considering moment.

Kami spread her hands in a self-deprecating gesture. “Not really me, is it?”

“You’re always you,” said Angela, and linked her arm with Kami’s, something she would not have done on any other day. “And you’re all right. For a lunatic nudist.”

Kami tucked her cheek against Angela’s shoulder and walked leaning against her as they went into the town square. It must have rained sometime after Kami had fallen asleep: the air had a fresh, damp springtime feel to it, and all the dust on the cobblestones had washed away. The fragments of Matthew Cooper’s statue were still there, washed clean and scattered like unearthed bones on an archaeological dig.

Kami saw the gleaming statue that was her mother out of the corner of her eye, but she did not dare look at it head on. She could not betray her mother by shaking and weeping and doing nothing else, by despairing and losing her mother’s only chance to survive. She had to carry on, so she did, walking fast and leaning against Angela until they were past the square and turning up Shadowchurch Lane. Angela supported Kami’s weight and let Kami set the pace.

“So what are we searching for?” Angela asked as Kami unlinked their arms and stepped under the stone horseshoe arch into the churchyard and round to the graveyard.

“Anne Lynburn’s grave,” Kami answered. “We have to dig it up.”

Angela blinked. “Oh, great,” she said slowly. “I was definitely hoping you were going to suggest grave robbery. I would have been disappointed if it had been anything else.”

“There was a key hidden in Matthew Cooper’s statue, and there was a note in the books that said their memories lay in Matthew’s stone and Anne Lynburn’s silk. I think they used silk for her shroud. I think whatever this key opens will be with Anne.”

Kami drew the key out of Angela’s exercise bra, which just about fit with some brimming involved and yet was where she had to keep things because Angela’s dumb dress had no pockets. She showed the key to Angela.

Angela sighed. “All right, Nancy Drew, let’s go grave-digging. Should be jolly larks.”

“The book said it would be along the farthest wall,” Kami said, and they both moved toward the wall encircling the little graveyard, where the oldest stones were leaning, as if away from the wind of time.

While Kami was searching, she remembered a promise she had made.

“So … how are you and Holly getting on?” she asked tentatively, skirting around a gravestone.

Trying to decipher a name almost worn away on a lichen-covered stone, Kami traced it with her fingers. She was fairly certain it said either Elizabeth or Hepzibah. For the dead lady’s sake, she hoped it was Elizabeth.

“Fine,” Angela said.

“Really,” Kami said encouragingly.

“Fine, and that’s final,” Angela snapped. “You may have decided this is the perfect time to be worrying about romance, but some of us actually have our priorities in order.”

Kami was silent.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” Angela said, after a pause. “It’s a sore subject with me, but I’m glad you have someone. I am.”

“I have a lot more than just one person,” Kami told her, and patted her arm. “I’m sorry too,” she added. “I should know better than to talk to you about feelings before noon.”

“Nothing’s happening,” Angela said. “I don’t want anything to happen. And I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” said Kami.

There was a skull and crossbones on one of the graves. Kami hoped that meant there was a pirate buried here. She hoped even more that one of the last remaining stones would be Anne Lynburn’s.

“How are things going with young what’s-his-face?” Angela asked, in what for Angela was conciliatory fashion, which of course meant not very conciliatory at all. “You know the one. Blond. Scowly. Bad attitude, which I have some sympathy for. Sloppy dresser, which I have no sympathy for at all.”

“Also a terrible driver,” Kami said. “Wild about the eyes. Daddy issues so numerous the issues may be compiled into a book called Who’s the Daddy? Both Options Are Evil.” She sighed and touched another gravestone, which was for someone cursed with the name of Edgar Featherstonehaugh. “Well, I’m pressuring him into having a relationship with me, and I don’t know how into it he is, and there are even worse problems than that, but apart from that, it’s okay.”

“Anyone would be lucky to be emotionally blackmailed or physically forced into romance with you, friend,” said Angela. “What a jerk.”

“Thanks,” said Kami. “Anne Lynburn’s grave isn’t here.”

“It sure isn’t. What a pity, I was really looking forward to my first experience violating a resting place.”

Kami punched her in the arm.

“It must be in the Lynburn crypt,” she said.

“Which is located in the evil lair of evil?” Angela asked. “Terrific.”

“Let’s go get Holly,” Kami proposed.

“She’ll be in the Water Rising, going through the books as usual,” said Angela.

Angela sounded a little resigned, maybe upset that she wasn’t seeing more of Holly—Kami couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but there was an emotion there that was not annoyance or anger, and with Angela that was unusual enough to be remarkable.

Kami said nothing, though, besides a mild “I think it’s awesome she’s become a blond bombshell research ninja. Her powers have multiplied!”

She rested her head against Angela’s shoulder again as they passed her mother, and again they said nothing.

“So you’re going to walk through fire again?” Holly asked, looking dismayed.

Holly and Kami were alone in the back room of the Water Rising, but everyone else—including Kami’s father and the boys—had congregated at the inn as well. Kami was pleased that Angela had stopped to talk to Ash, because otherwise she felt like they would gang up on her with their judgment of her lifestyle choices.

“Probably,” said Kami. “I hear you’re a sorcerer who held off Rob’s people when they burned our house and came after me and my family. I think that’s terrific. Want to come with me?”

Holly swallowed. “I’ll come, but I’m not very good.”

“I trust you. And I want to tell you something real quick before Angela comes in,” Kami said.

“We don’t have to talk about anything like that now,” Holly said, looking at Kami with soft, sympathetic eyes.

Kami turned her face away. “Sure we do,” she said, insistently chipper. “I tried to talk to her but she stonewalled me. The thing about Angela is that she’s really private and really straightforward at the same time, so, and I totally understand if you don’t want to do this, but I think the only move might be—”

“Telling her,” Holly filled in.

“That move,” Kami said. “Yes.”

Holly nodded, her curls bobbing and the face framed by those curls resolved. “It’s my fault she thinks I don’t like her. I’ll do it.”

Kami got up, ostensibly to look at the book Holly was studying; she hung over her shoulder and got hold of her hand.

“It’s not your fault,” she murmured. “You went at a different speed from someone else emotionally. That’s not your fault or their fault.”

“On that topic, how are things going with Jared?” Holly inquired.

“I want to interfere horribly in my friends’ love lives and keep my own embarrassing and pathetic one private, is that so much to ask?”

“Mmm,” said Holly, and gave Kami a grin that reminded Kami of when Holly had been the sunny confident school goddess she had barely known and envied a little. “Now that you know that I’m not at all interested in Jared, is it inappropriate to say that I did get the impression that he might channel all those simmering repressed emotions in a useful way? I mean being explosively good in bed.”

“Viking tiger in the sack, I have no doubt,” Kami said lightly, and felt a blush stage a hostile takeover of her neck and march up to claim the territory of her face.

Holly stopped grinning and added in a low voice, “Kami, I can see you don’t want to talk about it, but I can’t just joke around. I have to tell you, I’m so sorry about—”

Kami wanted to say that she appreciated it but did not want to talk about her mother, but feared even trying to say that would make her throat tighten up too much for her to speak. Instead, she looked at the drawing on the page Holly’s book was open to. “I know you are. How’s the research going?”

Holly was tactful enough to stop talking, and disconsolate enough to sigh. “I keep wishing that there could be a movie montage. And I could put on a pair of glasses and flip pages at appropriate moments, until the music gets dramatic and I spot the crucial thing and I say ‘Voilà!’ ”

“I used to think that there was an awesome investigator lady called Viola, and when people made a discovery they would shout ‘Viola’ in her honor,” Kami said reminiscently. She turned a page and frowned at the sketch of a wall. “Is this about architecture?”

“It’s about the changes made to Aurimere over the years,” Holly said. “Basically a whole lot of ‘then we added essential drowned-lady décor’ and ‘then we turned the farthest wall into a rockery’ and ‘then—’ ”

“Oh,” Kami said.

“What?” Holly asked, somewhat apprehensively.

Anne was drowned and lost, the book had said, and Lynburns since then had filled their house with images of drowning women. The graveyard and the Lynburns’ crypt were both sacred ground, and Anne had died in a time when that mattered. She stared at the drawing of the wall, and remembered the wall she had knelt beside once, with Jared on the other side of it. She remembered the flowers strewn over the ground.

Kami felt her smile spread and warmth spread within her, the sudden sweet joy of discovering the truth. “Viola.”

The first thing to do was slip away from her father, who might have questions about why she kept insisting on going back to the lair of ultimate evil. Kami saw why so many teenagers who had adventures in books were interestingly tragic orphans. Parents were a real buzzkill, adventure-wise.

She would take fewer adventures, though. She would pay any price, she thought, if she could only find a way to free her mother from Rob Lynburn’s spell.

She thought she was getting out of the Water Rising clean, because she didn’t see her father anywhere around: there was only Ash and Lillian sitting at a table, and a few other patrons at as much of a distance from Ash and Lillian as they could get. She made for the door, at which point Lillian caught her arm.

“Where are you going?”

“Uh,” said Kami, eyeballing her wildly. “I’m going to buy some drugs.”

Lillian stared. “I beg your pardon?”

“This is a really stressful time for everyone,” said Kami. “So I thought maybe I could buy a little weed, take the edge off. I might be a while. This is a very clean-living town, apart from all the murders, so I don’t actually know any drug dealers. I realize Jared kind of looks like one, but he’s not, which is a shame because I think the drug dealer’s girlfriend gets her drugs free.”

“I realize you are attempting to be humorous,” said Lillian, after a pause during which she stared some more. “I don’t understand it.”

“Hey, you’re not the only family with a legacy. ‘Glass’ rhymes with ‘sass.’ Have you met my dad?”

“I have had that dubious pleasure,” said Lillian. “He is, in fact, meant to be meeting me in order to, and I quote, ‘teach me to integrate better with society, display leadership skills, win over the populace, and stop acting like a robot princess from space.’ I admit that the humor in his humor escapes me as well.” She paused and suddenly looked determined. “I’m going to start without him.”

She climbed off the stool and headed toward the group of people in the corner. Kami and Ash watched as they collectively shrank away.

“Come on, quick,” said Kami, and as if summoned by some spirit warning him of his child’s intended reckless behavior, her dad appeared through the inn doors.

He looked distracted. “Where’s Lillian?”

Kami checked over her shoulder. “Appears to be trying to wrest a screaming baby from the arms of her frightened mother in order to kiss it.”

“Oh no no no,” murmured Jon, and raised his voice as he made his way over. “Libba, we’ve talked about this!”

“The good news is the grown-ups are distracted by politics,” said Kami.

You mean that your poor father is distracted by my awful mother, said Ash, who was far too polite to say such a thing out loud and looked vaguely embarrassed to be thinking it.

Kami grinned. “Why quibble when we have the results we want!”

I wish I could ask you what you’re planning, but I know what you’re planning, said Ash. Lucky me. I know this is important information, but going to Aurimere at all is a huge risk.

“See, the thing is, if I ran a business it would probably be called Risky Business,” said Kami, and smiled at him. She felt affection radiating from Ash, so strong that she was startled.

He was right, though. The risks they were taking were worse now. Kami’s mother was lost. Jared had been tortured.

She didn’t know how to do anything than take greater risks in the face of greater danger, and hope that somehow they could all be saved.

As they walked out of the pub, Jared fell in with them. Kami let herself be weak and grasped for his hand. Jared linked his fingers with hers and matched her steps.

“We’re going to—” Kami began.

“I know,” said Jared. “Ash told me while it was happening. I was just grabbing my jacket.”

Kami felt wariness and something close to guilt pass between herself and Ash, as if Ash had been telling secrets about the things they both wished they had not done. She felt the urge to exchange a glance with him over her shoulder, but stopped herself from doing so because she didn’t want Jared to see the look, and then felt bad about that.

“You two are getting on well these days,” she said lightly instead.

“Bros before hoes,” said Jared. “By which of course I mean gardening tools, because I hold all the fine ladies of Sorry-in-the-Vale in the highest regard.”

Kami glanced up in time to catch the end of one of his shy, almost-not-there smiles. She smiled back at him, held on to his hand, and wished they were alone together.

But they were not alone together. They could never really be alone together.

“I don’t know how to take you guys through the fire,” she said. “But I think I have enough power. Rob always underestimates what a source can do. I can go through, and I think Holly can too, if I help her. We have to walk through alone, and you all have to wait outside. Is—is that all right?”

“It’s not all right, but I will try to stand outside of and radiate moral support.”

“Like a true gentleman should,” said Kami, patting his arm.

“You don’t have to come with me,” said Kami.

Holly had not wanted everyone to know that she was a sorcerer. It had not escaped Kami’s attention that only Angela had not seemed surprised.

Kami was very much in favor of their great love, and she had tried not to be hurt that she had been left out of the sorcerous information loop. She was not entitled to know everything just because she wanted to know everything … and take detailed notes and ask personal follow-up questions.

She knew she was a pushy person, but that didn’t mean she wanted to push Holly too far. She did not want to make Holly do anything she did not want to do.

Holly stood with her hand in Kami’s. The firelight gilded her curls, turning them from sunshine to real gold.

“I also realize that I could have brought this up before dragging you all the way here,” Kami said. “Sometimes I get too caught up in charging.”

“I like seeing you charge,” said Holly, and grinned. “And I want to do this.”

Her voice was firm, but her hand in Kami’s was trembling slightly. Kami got a firmer grip on it.

“It’s okay if you’re scared.”

Holly lifted her chin. “I’m trying not to be.”

“You don’t have to try. I mean, you’re still awesome if you’re scared. You can do it anyway. Being scared is okay, because it won’t stop you.”

Holly looked at Kami out of the corner of her eye, a little shy and a little doubtful, as Holly was when complimented on the things she believed were her faults.

They walked into the fire together. Kami felt the heat of it, like lifting her face up to the sun on a hot day and feeling its warmth spill onto her face, its light beat against her eyelids.

She heard Holly’s shocked, scared gasp before she felt the pain slice through her own body. It was a new pain, one that seemed both numbing and profoundly more agonizing than the burning that had come before. Every atom of her body seemed turned to crystal and stabbed with knives.

Rob had learned from their two escapes. He had determined he would not be made a fool of a third time.

Within the ring of fire, they had laid a ring of ice.

She was so cold she felt she was burning inside in reaction to it: her blood boiling to nothing, her bones turning to lightning.

All Kami could do was cling to the thought that Rob had so much vanity, and no experience with sources. He had underestimated her, had underestimated her power, over and over. She had to believe he was still doing it. Kami held on tight to Holly’s hand, stopped her retreating back into the fire that waited for them both. Fire hissed behind them, ice tore at them, the pain stretched on, and Kami thought for a moment that she had killed Holly by keeping her captive in this dual ring of pain.

Then suddenly it was over. The cessation of pain was as stunning as the bright wave of agony had been. She opened her eyes and they were standing on the cool grass.

Kami did not hesitate. Every moment was a moment that Rob Lynburn could discover them. She dashed around the back of the house and heard Holly’s footsteps flying after her.

She wanted to slow down as she entered the garden, remembering its late-summer splendor when she had walked into it once before. She had had her first real conversation with Jared here. But she couldn’t let herself be delayed by sentiment, shouldn’t even be thinking of something so silly.

The colors of the budding spring flowers at night were nothing but a blur until she was on her knees by the crumbled stone wall, at the very end of the wall where she had knelt once, where the wall stopped in the center of the garden rather than meeting another wall. Loose stones and flowers were all around her, like a sweet-smelling sea lapping at her knees, and she said, “Here, I think.”

There was no time for spades and shovels, for the childish joy of digging up buried treasure. Kami sent her power into the earth, made it break into a tiny localized earthquake. She found herself sinking in swelling soil, and she scrabbled in the hole she had made, sent her thoughts down into the earth until she found something that was not earth, and then she followed her power with her fingers until her fingers found it too.

A little box, far too small for a coffin, the wood under Kami’s palms slick with a patina of slime. There was a symbol carved on the top of the box, but she could no longer make it out. She tried to undo the rusty catch: it broke off in her hand. When she opened the top of the box by force, it came off in pieces: Kami discarded the lid and looked at what lay at the bottom of the chest in her hands.

It was a pool of shimmering material. Kami remembered reading a book in Aurimere, listing the gifts given to the sorcerers. She remembered one item on the list now, very clearly: silk for Anne Lynburn’s shroud. But if Anne Lynburn had drowned in the river where her sister’s bells had been sunk, never to be seen again, her body had never been found. Her shroud had been used for another purpose.

The spelled silk was like finding a pearl in the heart of the oyster, glowing in the muck and silt of the bottom of the sea. It looked fresh and new as if it was a second away from being laid on a bride’s shining hair.

Kami wondered at the love and loss that had been put into this enchantment, to keep it shining after centuries buried in the dark. She touched it, and something rustled under her hand. She drew back a layer of material, and she heard Holly let out a soft sound near her ear: surprise as much as triumph.

Lying in the pool of cool white silk at the bottom of the rotted ancient box was a letter. The paper was yellow as old bones and the ink was faded as brown as old blood, but it was written by Elinor Lynburn, and it told Kami everything she had been aching to know.

To the Lynburn who discovereth this last relic of Anne Lynburn, I leave a story and a warning.

Our need was dire. Our good king Richard was dead, to the great heaviness of the town. The soldiers of the usurper king marched themselves upon the town we had taken a holy oath to protect. Through mist and enchantment the soldiers came marching, and ere they reached us we acted to keep our vows.

Whereupon under the moon in springtime, before the start of the new year, we went down to the pools. They are made twain, for a sorcerer to go in each. I can scarcely bear to write what was decreed by fate to happen next.

The three of us went down to the Crying Pools and performed the ceremony together. There is a way for sorcerers to help each other during the ceremony of the Crying Pools, and Anne and I shared power so we could do so. There is a way for a source to help a sorcerer complete the ceremony of the Crying Pools. Matthew helped Anne, and then reached through the bond between Anne and me to help me too. Matthew was Anne’s source. Matthew came to be my source. Anne belonged to me and I to her. We married two enchantments, and came away with power in abundance not to be described.

Great power comes with such joining. No soul can bear being so joined. They were doomed to die from the moment that we cast the enchantment. They emerged from the pools cursed to madness and ruin. They did not live to see another dawn.

Remember Matthew and Anne, loving souls and passing well beloved. Farewell sister, farewell love. I live on alone and am called fortunate by fools.

To go three into the lakes is to go into a charnel house.

I pray you do not take this course. Do not do this unless there is no other choice. If you want to live, do not do it. If you want those you love to live, do not do it.

Yet I know that those in their last extremity will do what they must.

When the bells ring, when the first moon of the new year shines, when the cost of keeping your word is breaking your heart, you will go down to the lakes, down, down, down, to your great sorrow.

Elinor Lynburn

In the year of our Lord 1485

Kami looked up from the paper and into Holly’s eyes, wide open with shock, green as the Crying Pools in summertime.

But Holly did not say a word about the letter; instead she said, “Watch out.”

And she grabbed hold of Kami’s arm and hauled her upright, turned her around, so that they were both facing Holly’s mother. Alison Prescott was standing with her feet buried in yellow flowers and her hands shimmering with magic. She was wearing an old, worn green dress, the faded green the same color as her eyes.

Rob had not only put in another circle to cross. He had posted a lookout.

“I won’t let you hurt her,” said Holly, her voice and hands both firm now. She tried to push Kami behind her, but Kami dug her heels in.

Alison hesitated. “I don’t want to hurt either of you.”

“Terrific!” said Kami. “Then we’ll just be going.”

“You know I can’t let you leave with that, dear,” said Alison Prescott, and bent her gaze on Elinor’s letter.

The letter seemed fine for a moment, then one end turned into dead black and warm violet, blurring into flame. For a moment the words “your great sorrow” were lit and highlighted in the waking flame. They became written in shadow against a burning light.

The paper was ashes, crumbling away into charred flakes and soot, leaving Kami with nothing but soiled hands.

Kami could not help but feel a pang. It had been a last relic of Elinor Lynburn, the keeper of all the old secrets Kami had been working so hard to discover ever since the Lynburns returned. They were all lost now, the three who had gone down to the lakes. Matthew Cooper’s statue was dust, and Anne Lynburn had disappeared under water and from all memory. It didn’t matter, Kami told herself. She knew the secret. She could remember it. She could write it down again.

“Come on,” said Holly in her ear. “We were lucky it wasn’t someone else.”

But Kami felt like there had been someone else. Kami still felt watched. Kami looked up, and behind glinting glass she saw the flash of fox fire that was Amber Green’s hair.

In spite of Elinor’s letter, in spite of Holly’s anxious shepherding away, Kami found herself smiling a tiny smile. There was a guard at the window and a guard at the gate, but neither guard had raised the alarm. Two of Rob’s people had let them go.

Kami grasped Holly’s arm as they stepped into the fire. She whispered, softer than the hissing flames, low enough so that nobody on the other side of the fire could hear them: “Don’t tell Jared what the letter said.”