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“I relieve you, sir,” Lee said as she rendered a crisp salute.
“I stand relieved,” Ben replied. “On the Bridge, Petty Officer Lee has the Deck and Conn!”
“Aye!” replied everyone on the Bridge.
Ben turned back to Lee, now taking a visual sweep of the horizon with the OOD binoculars. Something was off that he could not quite put his finger on. “Are you OK, Shelley?” he whispered.
Lee, startled, turned to look at him and hesitated briefly before whispering back. “Um, I’m a little worried about tonight, XO.”
“Just a little? I envy you. What are you worried about?”
She looked down again. “I’ve never been a towmaster before, sir. I mean, I’ve done a few tows of sailboats or pleasure craft, but nothing this big or important. If I screw it up, that’s the ballgame.” She looked up at Ben with an anxious expression.
Ben smiled back. “I have some worries too, and your role in this is definitely not among those. In fact, knowing you’ll be the one setting up and tending to the towline that will save my ass is a considerable comfort to me.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. You’ll do fine, believe me. We’ll all get through this.” He leaned in with a broad grin. “I have too many ‘blue’ jokes left for anything bad to happen.”
Lee rolled her eyes and smiled. “Well, when you put it that way....” She nodded again. “Thanks, XO.”
“You’re welcome. Have a nice watch, and I’ll see you later.”
Ben stepped over to stand beside Sam, saluted, and said, “Captain, I’ve been relieved by Petty Officer Lee. Request permission to lay below for lunch.”
Sam stood and returned the salute. “Very well, thank you. Can I keep you company?”
“My pleasure, sir.”
“Right.” He turned and headed down, with Ben following. Once they were off the Bridge, he said over his shoulder, “Everything OK with Lee?”
“No worries, Captain.”
“Good. No sign of a reprieve, I’m afraid. How’s it going with your team?”
“As well as it can be, sir. We’ve studied the latest pictures, what-if-ed, and talked everything pretty much to death. I finally think I’ve pried the smile off of Lopez’s face with the reality of it.”
“You’re not bringing him along to talk down any Salinas guys, I hope. If so, I’ll be happy to re-clarify the rules of engagement for you.”
“No, sir, but there might be some crew left alive, and my Spanish just isn’t up to it.”
“OK, good thinking.” Sam nodded as they stepped onto the messdeck. Regular cooking was out of the question with the crowd of visitors aboard Kauai, so Sam and Ben raided the freezer for microwave meals. Ben looked around as they waited. The two army specialists were working on setting up an autoclave in the corner. Jenkins was sitting at one table chatting with Bondurant over a meal, and Gerard and Simmons were sitting in silence at the other. Sam and Ben moved over to the table with the boatswain’s mates when their meals were cooked, Sam waving his hand as the two petty officers moved to stand. “Relax, guys.”
“Thank you, sir,” Bondurant replied. “Anything new?”
“Nope. Still heading south, no change in plans,” Sam said as he opened his meal. “The SEALs are on the island now. At least we know that much.”
“That puts things in perspective,” Bondurant said. “Don’t know if I could jump into a nest of armed psychos hoping someone would sneak in and pick me up.”
After that preamble, the conversation was mainly light with a discussion of kids, the latest basketball news, and the new baseball season’s start. By unspoken agreement, anything but what awaited them that night. After working through the meal, Ben excused himself and headed for his stateroom. In the passageway, he saw Hopkins and called out, “Hey, Chief, got time for a question?”
“Yes, sir.”
After they stepped into his stateroom, he asked, “I noticed Williams, Zuccaro, and Bunting seem to be on an odd schedule with the FC3 watch. Anything I should know about?”
“No, sir, nothing you need to know about officially.”
“OK, I’m officially not listening. Now, what’s up?”
“I’m trying to keep Natalia and Shelley from standing watch together.”
Ben frowned and said, “Um....”
“Relax, XO, it’s nothing like that. Shelley found out Natalia was getting ogly-eyed with Joe while she was up north, and they had words. There are still hard feelings, and I’m trying to keep them undistracted while on watch, which translates to they shouldn’t be on watch together. I put a stop to ogly-eyeing after Natalia tried it on you when you got back. Fortunately, you were impervious to her attempt.”
“More like oblivious. What the hell does ogly-eyed mean? I’ll bet there’s no such word.”
“Is so! It’s been about ten years for me, but allow me to demonstrate.” Hopkins took off her glasses, opened her eyes wide, looked at him from the side, tilted her head, and said in a throaty voice, “Oh, sir! You just slayed those drug guys. I would have been soooo scared.” She batted her eyelashes at the last sentence, then put her glasses back on and resumed her expressionless look. “Ogly-eyed. Got it?”
“Got it. Wow, I must have been wicked tired. I don’t remember anything like that.”
“She was more subtle. I was exaggerating for demonstration purposes. Anyway, Shelley’s still mad, though no longer homicidal, and I’m just trying to keep the temperature down. Welcome to chief stuff, sir.”
“Actually, it’s a relief to know that normal life is still happening. Joe and Shelley? How long has that been going on?”
“Sir, you are just adorable, you know that? Try about a year. And again, no need for you to worry. Nothing physical is happening on the boat. COB and I made it clear to both of them that we would kill them if they crossed that line.”
“Does the captain know about this?”
“Nope. You need to tell him?”
“Not as long as it stays like this. Any change, and I need to get the word, please.”
“Naturally, sir. The chiefs of Kauai will always ensure the officers know everything they need to know.” She winked.
Doing his best imitation of Hopkins’s ogly-eyed shtick, Ben said, “Oh Chief, you and COB are just soooo Mom and Dad!”
Hopkins smiled and shook a finger at him. “Now, careful, sir. You know I can straighten out commissioned officers just as thoroughly as third-class petty officers!”
Ben laughed. “That I do. Thanks, Chief.” As she turned and walked away, Ben recalled the respectful but scathing dressing down she had given him for not putting a stop to Simmons’s recklessness during their last encounter. Although Sam never spoke to him about it, Hopkins had made it clear that Ben had put their lives and careers in danger. It was a turning point for Ben in his view of personal responsibility.
Simmons appeared at the end of the passageway, and as they passed, Hopkins delivered a cold nod. “Doctor.”
“Chief,” Simmons replied with a smile.
When he reached Ben’s door, he said, “Can we have a private chat, please?”
“Come in,” Ben replied. Simmons shut the door, and they sat in the cramped room.
“Brrrrr. I guess I have a way to go before I get on her good side.”
“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?”
“Browning, no less. Well played, sir!” Simmons smiled, then leaned forward. “You looked pretty worried yesterday. We’re pretty well supported on the ground this time.”
“Shit, ya! If that KPV gets into the game, it will cut us to pieces. Where in the hell did a bunch of looney dopers lay their hands on ordnance like that?”
“Bought it in Nicaragua, probably. A nice leftover from the Sandinista days. Everyone’s a capitalist now.” He looked at the pictures on the bulkhead over Ben’s shoulder. “I’d like to continue on a more personal note, if you don’t mind.”
“Personal? I wonder what that could be about,” Ben said with a raised eyebrow.
“I think you know.”
“Well, I think your worries about Victoria were unfounded. I’m a goner for her, but it’s not mutual. We have built up a strong friendship, but that’s it, as far as she’s concerned.”
“Is that what she told you?”
“No, I didn’t ask her straight out, but she’s an open book. If she felt something beyond that, she’d tell me. She doesn’t hold back on anything. I was going to take leave to pitch my case with her when we got back from AUTEC, but then we got assigned to this op, and I’m having second thoughts.”
“Why? You love her, right? That’s what you mean by goner, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but it’s complicated.”
“Complicated? With Victoria? She’s the most straightforward person I’ve ever known. You’ve told me yourself you could talk to her about anything. Explain, please.”
“It’s because of this,” Ben said, sweeping around with his right arm. “I don’t mind telling you, I’m pretty scared about what we’re going into tonight, but I wouldn’t even think about being anywhere else when my family here is heading for a fight. And this won’t be our last one. Captain Mercier made that clear when she put the question to us—we’re the go-to guys for ‘dangerously light footprint,’ as the admiral put it. You told me Victoria doesn’t take loss well. How can I lay something like that on her and then run off whenever there’s a call?”
“I think you misinterpreted what I said. Victoria’s bad experiences were because of being discarded, not from a loss. Let me explain: her last emotional attachment was an analyst in another office up in Bethesda who thought he was God’s gift to women. He wanted to have his cake and eat it with her—when she told him she was in love with him, he told her she was ‘too clingy’ and dumped her. Can you imagine what that did to her?”
“Bastard!”
“Indeed. It gets worse. He had the nerve to hit on her again after she recovered, intimating that ‘word might get around’ about her if she didn’t consent.”
“Is he still alive?” Ben asked in complete seriousness.
“Yes, but after I learned of it, well, let’s just say Lashon and I paid him a visit at his apartment. He became convinced that he would end up doing a federal prison term in a wheelchair if he continued to pursue anything like that course of action. Being hung upside-down by your ankles off your sixth-floor balcony by Lashon Bell can really focus your attention.”
Ben nodded. Bell was a former US Marine Recon Sergeant and one of the DIA team present when Ben had first met Victoria. The day after that meeting, he single-handedly tackled and captured a 252 fugitive after being shot twice. You did not want to get on the wrong side of Lashon Bell.
“So, you can see the difference between the risks associated with your job and what that scumbag did. Let me ask you this. If the roles were reversed and Victoria had a dangerous job, would you want to be with her?”
“Yes.”
“Even if it meant she might not come back one day? You could accept that loss?”
“It would kill me, but yes. I would take that risk to be with her, even if it was only for a while.”
“Then how can you justify taking that choice away from her?”
Ben looked at Simmons intently. “That’s not the choice. The choice is whether I want to win her over. To make her need me and then not be there when she does.”
Simmons put on an icy scowl. “Wow, you really are a noble son of a bitch, aren’t you? You could flip on your charm and have her fall at your feet anytime, but you want to spare her poor little broken heart when you strap on that body armor and sail away. What an awesome guy you are!”
“Screw you!”
“You need to get over yourself, boy. Do you think you can manipulate her like that? Why? Because she is not ‘neurotypical?’ Do you think so little of her?”
Ben was shocked into silence. Simmons had just held up a mirror, and Ben was ashamed of what he saw. “No, I don’t think that. The fact is that I’ve gone from being worried about hurting her to worrying that she might have passed me by because I didn’t reach out.”
Simmons’s face softened into a smile. “Now there’s the Ben I remember. Sorry, friend, but I needed to show you are overthinking things. She needs to know how you feel, and she needs to hear it from you. And you don’t need to worry about her passing you by.”
“Thank you for saying that, but I have a tough road ahead. Victoria would have told me if she felt that way, and she hasn’t.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I were you.”
“What are you telling me?”
“That you should not conclude she is not in love with you. She’s not a robot, you know. There are some things even she would hold back.” He glanced at the picture on the bulkhead. “That picture of you two together on the Mall in DC—how did you feel about her when it was taken?”
“That was the day that removed any doubts for me.”
“I see the same thing in her face. It’s not wishful thinking. Look at the picture!”
“But if that were true, why doesn’t she tell me? She shares everything else, good and bad.”
“Think of what happened the last time she told someone she loved him.”
“She can’t think I would do that!”
“No, no, I’m sure she knows you would let her down kindly if you didn’t feel the same. But you have to see her dilemma: she would be afraid of driving you away if she led the disclosure. And she does feel something for you.” He pointed at the DC Mall picture. “I have it on good authority that she had that picture on her desk at work for a time, and then she took it home because it was too distracting for her to work.” He shook his head, still smiling. “I think we have two people in love with each other but afraid they’ll drive the other away if they admit it. Remarkable.”
“I am glad you’re so amused, Obi-Wan,” Ben said with a frown. “Can you find a point somewhere among the laughs?”
“My point, young padawan, is that you need to pick up my satellite phone this evening after I accidentally dial her number and tell her how you feel. Don’t worry about the mission; you’re going to come back. I was right when I told you that on Resolution, and we were in much deeper shit there than we will be tonight. And in the tiny chance that you stub your toe or something over there, she will remember that you told her you loved her. Not somebody else. I had only one regret with Julie about this topic: I didn’t tell her sooner.”
“I’ll bet you picked an extraordinary place, just the right time, and took a lot of prep with the setup, didn’t you? Would you care to explain how to do that on a satellite phone, please?”
“No, actually, I didn’t. The moment came when we were waiting outside of a seminar. Do you know what Julie said after I blurted it out? ‘Took you long enough! I love you too.’ Now, the marriage proposal, you need to put some effort and prep into that baby.
“This is one of those situations where Victoria’s condition will work for you. She couldn’t give a rat’s ass about music, bluebirds, or fancy restaurants. She will assess value in every additional second she knows your genuine feelings.”
Ben knew this was all correct. He was thinking of flowers and another trip to the Mall to get the mood just right when all that would only be a distraction. Ben would at least have liked to hold her hand and look in her eyes when he said it, but he knew Simmons was right. He had to take what he could get. “Alright, you win. But it will need to wait until 19:00. We have an arrangement to call between 19:00 and 21:00, and I want to stick to that.”
“Good call. I’ll see you then,” Simmons said, standing up and walking out of the room.
Victoria’s phone rang, but it wasn’t Benjamin’s callback number. Instead, the caller ID said, “INMARSAT Unk.” She was annoyed. What if Benjamin were to call while she was tied up with this person? She willed herself to settle down. I will keep the call short, and if Benjamin calls, I will switch over to him or call him back. Now it was past the third ring and approaching the fourth! No, no, no! She picked up the phone and said, “Hello?”
“Hello, Victoria, it’s me.”
Benjamin! What is he doing? Why isn’t he using his cell phone?
“Hello, Benjamin. I am astonished it is you. I almost did not answer the phone.”
“Yes, I’m sorry about that, Victoria, but we are at sea, and I can’t use my mobile. One of the people we are working with has a satellite phone and was gracious enough to offer it up so I could call you.”
“Oh, how wonderful!”
“Yes, so, let’s return to normal. Hello, Victoria. How was your day?”
After about ten minutes of her chatting on the details of the day, she turned the call over to him as usual. “So, Benjamin, you are at sea. Can you tell me about your mission?”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s one of those that I can’t discuss. I would like to talk about something very important, though.
“Of course, whatever you like.”
“Are you at your desk where you can see the pictures of our day together?”
“Yes. I always sit here when I am talking to you.”
“Good. I’m outside of my room. The satellite phone must be in the open air to work, but I’m holding the picture of the two of us on the Mall that day. I would like to be there with you right now to hold your hand and look into your eyes, but this picture will have to serve as a proxy for me. Could you please pick one of your pictures and do the same?”
What is happening? Why is he saying this? Is he breaking up with me?
“Victoria, are you still there?”
“Yes, Benjamin.” She looked at the single picture of him, the beautiful blue eyes and the smile. “I am looking at your picture now.”
“Good. I love you, Victoria Carpenter.”
She gasped. “What did you say?”
“I said, I love you, Victoria. I know it’s wrong to tell someone the first time over the phone instead of in person. But I couldn’t wait any longer. I hope you will forgive me for that.”
“Forgive you? Oh, Benjamin! I have been in love with you since that day we spent together.” Her eyes welled up. Oh, no, no, no! I cannot choke up, not now! “I was so afraid to tell you because I thought it might drive you away.”
“Well, it was earlier for me than that day, but I had the same fear. It’s just incredible. I thought we could talk about anything, yet an entire month went by because I was afraid to say it. I feel like the biggest fool on Earth.”
“No, no, no. Please do not say that.” She wiped away her tears and went on. “I wanted to tell you too, but it is so hard for me to tell how people feel, even you, and it was too important for me to get it wrong. Can you forgive me?
“Every day Monday through Saturday and twice on Sundays!”
Victoria laughed. “That is funny. I did not expect you to say that.”
His voice became more subdued. “I love the way you laugh. It’s beautiful, like everything else about you.”
“Oh, Benjamin!”
“Victoria, I’m sorry, but these satellite calls are obscenely expensive, and I have to go. We have a lot to talk about when I get up there. I can’t wait to see you and hold you and, well, you know.”
“Benjamin, I love you. It feels so good to say that to you, and I cannot wait until you get here.”
“Goodnight, my love. I used to say that after every phone call since our wonderful day. I’m glad I can say it to you now. Goodnight, my love.”
“Goodnight, my dearest Benjamin!”
The line disconnected, and Victoria sat in the chair, gazing at Benjamin’s picture, replaying the conversation in her mind like a video clip on loop playback. After an hour, she got up, brushed her teeth, changed into her nightshirt of the day, and went to bed. Victoria would not fall asleep thinking of mathematical algorithms tonight. She would not fall asleep thinking of mathematical algorithms ever again.
Ben ambled up to Simmons on the messdeck and handed him the satellite phone. His expression was inscrutable, and eventually, Simmons couldn’t take it any longer.
“Well?”
“You called it. She’s been in love with me since that day on the Mall. We’re all set; God help us.”
“Good for you, both of you!” He clapped Ben on the arm. “Now you can relax and get on with the job. I know it’s tough, but try to get some sleep. Every bit will help.”
“Right. I’ll see you in a few.” He turned and headed for his stateroom. The most important issue of his life had been resolved. Now on to the most urgent.
