16

When we got back home, Jordan and I – surprise, surprise – weren’t really getting on. Ibiza Weekender aired and I started getting sent tweets hinting he was up to no good out there. He never admitted to anything, and I believe he was genuinely in love with me, but he was so young, he didn’t really know how to behave, and I was starting to do my own thing.

The things I had to deal with in my life at that point were starting to be grown-up ones – looking for a flat, sorting out my career, dealing with our family’s bereavement – and he was still a little child, really. He didn’t have his own home, he was still living with us, and he was loving all the attention Ex on the Beach had brought us both.

Why did I accept his proposal? I can see now I wasn’t in love with him, and I think I knew it then, but my acceptance of the whole thing does sort of give you an indication of what happens to you when you enter one of these reality TV shows for any length of time. You have to be really strong and really careful, and, if I’m honest, I was neither one of those.

I’m not the first person to say that it’s not like real life in there. You’re in this little bubble – you have no phone, no access to your real friends who actually care about you, and you get told what time to get up, when to go out and who to go out with. As a result, you end up getting really close to the other people in there, just because you’re with them every hour of the day, every day, and that becomes your life.

I did have a really good time with Jordan, but it wasn’t real, and I probably gave it far more time and attention than I would have done in the real world. Back here, I’d have just carried on being heartbroken about The Dip, and eventually got over it. Jordan wouldn’t have been in the picture. Instead, in there – with producers winding you up, everyone else winding you up – your judgement goes out the window. Or mine did, at least. So by the time he did the whole proposing thing, it just seemed like one more unreal thing.

What was I going to say on national television to my nice boyfriend, who’d been living with my family for months? It was a very difficult situation for me and I felt a lot of pressure, but I knew deep down getting engaged was wrong. When he lied about the price of the ring, well that just summed up the entire situation for me – I realised it had all got a bit out of control, and it was time to rein it back in. By then, Jordan was getting carried away by all the airtime – like a lot of other people I know, he absolutely thrives on all of it – but I know that when it matters, I’m real.

So guess what? Jordan and I broke up. Not the biggest shocker you’ve read so far, I bet, but it was exhausting all the same. It involved breaking up, getting back together, then breaking up again for about three weeks before we actually called it quits, and it became really tiring, because he was such a liar.

At one point, he went off to film something called Release the Hounds, and his ex-fling – yes, ANOTHER previous fling – went on it with him. I said to Jordan before he went how on edge I felt about her being there; I said, ‘I don’t want any flirting behaviour.’ Is that a lot to ask of someone you’re in a relationship with, when they’re even living with you in your family home?

He said, ‘Don’t worry, Megan,’ and off he went to film. When he got back, I asked him, ‘Is there going to be anything on the show I don’t like?’ Of course he said that there was nothing to worry about, that it was all fine.

And then I saw the ad – which was him and the girl being too close for my liking. The one thing I’d asked him not to do, he’d done. And the ad was one or two seconds long – what was the actual show going to be like? Typical Jordan – it was just like walking up that beach again.

I’d had enough, and I thought at that point, ‘Nope, you’re out.’ I started to pack his bags and put them in his car. He’d been living with my family for six months – rent-free, may I add. When he came back, I didn’t even let him in the house. Instead, I waited for him to come back, opened the door, gave him his car key and shut the door again, telling him, ‘We’re done.’ His whole body went red in panic, but I was completely over it. If I’m honest, I had been for a while.

Off he went, until he came back a while later. He’d been staying at his mate’s place, and we met in his car. He begged me to take him back, saying he’d changed and all that bollocks. But I said no, and that was the last time I saw him.

Jordan always claims that I dumped him in order to go on Celebrity Big Brother. That wasn’t true, so I want to clear up once and for all exactly what happened.

Before we split up, I got the chance to go for an interview in London, just to have a chat about possibly going on CBB at some point in the future.

At that stage, it was literally only a discussion – I wasn’t allowed to tell anybody because it all had to be kept totally secret, and, besides, I never like to tell anyone about stuff I’m going for. I don’t like to get my hopes up in case it doesn’t happen, and also I don’t like to jinx things by talking about them. I’ve always been the same.

So I went for CBB, and during that initial chat, the producers knew I was with Jordan and that I could possibly be in a relationship during my time on the show, if I ended up going in the house. However, they knew and I knew that they wanted me in there for one reason and one reason only – they wanted the lunatic I’d shown myself to be on Ex on the Beach.

So when I got back from my meeting, I didn’t feel the need to say anything to Jordan – there was nothing definite to say, plus I’d been sworn to secrecy and I didn’t want to blow my chances.

One of the producers knew Jordan, and not long after this first meeting, they told him I’d been for an interview. I still hadn’t told him, plus it was made more awkward because I knew he had his own heart set on appearing in CBB. It can start to get awkward when you’re both going for the same things, so when he asked me, I said, truthfully, ‘I’ve been for an interview but that’s it. It’s early stages.’ He was really angry, saying, ‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’ But there was nothing to tell. I’d been for a meeting but that was it.

He didn’t take that very well, but then we had all the Release the Hounds shit and we broke up anyway.

Soon after that, my manager called me and said, ‘Are you sitting down? You’ve got CBB.’ I replied, ‘No I don’t. You’re joking? Surely I haven’t got this? I don’t believe it.’

Then it hit me. I was jumping up and down and screaming. I literally couldn’t believe it. Plus, by sheer chance, it was going to be on screen on Channel 5, while Ex on the Beach was going out on MTV. Megan McKenna, coming to you from Essex, on two channels at the same time.

So, despite what Jordan says, there was no fib, there was no intention to get rid of him in time for my big debut on CBB, it was just a random bit of timing, which meant that when I went into the house, I was completely single and ready to go.