Picton News:
TOURISTS GIVEN WARNING AFTER INDECENT EXPOSURE
A couple have been let off with a warning after police were called to a South Island campground amid numerous complaints from locals.
The couple, on holiday from Sweden, were seen engaging in various sex acts at a DOC campground on Wednesday in full view of the other holidaymakers.
“They were definitely dogging,” said Mr Larson, who was staying with his wife in the encampment.
Under the 1961 Crimes Act, public nudity and sex in a public place is an illegal offence, but when questioned the pair claimed not to be aware they were doing anything wrong and no charges were laid.
Faith cracked open the van doors and Anna scrummaged in the plastic box to see if there were any glasses. She found a metal mug and used the top of a thermos to pour them both a drink. They sat at the picnic table and looked out at the river. It was close to a full moon and it’s light illuminated the water.
“Gosh, this is lovely,” Faith said with a sigh.
“It is, isn’t it?”
It really was. Despite the fact that Anna was fuming over Greg cancelling her credit cards, she was actually enjoying herself. Faith seemed lovely, and she was glad to be out of Auckland and looking forward to seeing the twins.
They sat in silence for a bit, enjoying the quiet.
“There’s baked beans in the box,” Anna said after a while, “and pots and things. We could heat some of those up for dinner.”
“Yeah, okay. I wonder if there are showers?” Faith said. “I feel a bit gross.”
“We could always have a swim in the morning. That water looks gorgeous.”
“It is, ve have been in zere earlier,” a man said from behind them, making Anna lurch against Faith in surprise, clutching her mug to avoid spilling her wine.
They both turned to find an older couple standing behind them, both with long grey hair in ponytails and wearing identical tie-dyed harem pants.
“Jesus, you scared the shite out of me,” Anna said.
“Ve thought ve might join you for a drink.” The woman held up a bottle of wine. “I am Helene and this is Klaus,” she said as she sat across from Faith.
“Ve ’ave sausages.” Klaus held out a large package of sausages like an offering. “Zere is a fire. Everybody likes a nice sausage, ya?” He winked in their direction, or perhaps Anna was imagining that and he just had something in his eye. While Helene poured wine for herself and Klaus, Anna fossicked around in the van and found the baked beans, a small pot and a can opener.
“… the ranger, he is not a nice person, how you say, intolerant,” Helene was saying to Faith when she returned. “Last night he came by late while Klaus and I were enjoying ourselves very much by the river and told us ve should be not in public and to return to our van.”
“Like a curfew? I’ve never heard of that before,” Faith said.
“That doesn’t sound right. He sounds a bit power-hungry.”
“He said he would call ze police. Ve vere not ’arming anyone. Zere was nobody around. Ve vere sure to check zis time.”
The barbecue was more of a simple fire pit with a grill. Luckily someone had left wood and pine cones in a neat pile next to it and Klaus quickly got it lit and, once it had died down to an acceptable level, started to cook the sausages. Anna took the beans over and tipped them into the pot. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such a simple meal, but washed down with a couple of glasses of wine it wasn’t too bad. Greg would have turned his nose up if she’d cooked sausages for dinner. It reminded her of when she’d been camping with her parents and brothers as a child. She and Greg had never done camping trips with the kids and she regretted that now. She felt they’d missed out.
When they’d finished eating, Helene filled a large pot with water and put it on the fire to heat up for the dishes.
“Only cold water in ze showers, I can heat more if you want to take your clothes off and wash in ze warm,” she said.
“I don’t think I’ll bother tonight. It’s getting a bit chilly.” Faith had her arms wrapped around herself. “I’m going to get my cardigan from the van — do you want me to grab you something, Anna?”
“Yeah, thanks, I have a jumper in my bag. It should be on top, a grey one.”
“If you are cold at the night, our van is very warm. A foursome of bodies would produce a nice heat,” Klaus said. He threw another couple of pieces of wood onto the fire and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Anna turned the choking sound that came out into a cough. When Faith came back she pulled her jumper on. It was angora, way too nice to be sitting in front of a fire really.
“You ladies, you are not sisters? You are together?” Helene indicated between Anna and Faith.
“Yes, we’re together, not sisters.”
“Not together, together. We’re just friends,” Anna clarified.
“We’re still getting to know each other. We’re on a bit of a journey of discovery,” Faith beamed.
“A road trip,” Anna told them hastily. She drained the last of the bottle into their glasses and gave a loud fake yawn.
“Must be almost bedtime. I get very ornery if I don’t get enough sleep.”
Klaus drained his glass and he and Helene stood. “You know vere ve are if you do feel ’orny. You are velcome to join us, either of you. Or both.” He winked again. It was definitely a wink this time and they headed for their van, leaving Anna gaping.
“Oh God, I said ornery, as in grumpy, not bloody horny.”
“I thought it was just me. They were kind of giving off weird vibes, weren’t they?”
“Maybe it’s just the language difference? Hopefully.”
There was the crunch of tyres on gravel and headlights illuminated the campsite as a car swung around the bend in the driveway.
“Oh gosh. Is that the ranger?” Faith asked.
“Shit, the weed. What if he finds it and calls the police?” Anna went to jump up but Faith was already on her feet and halfway to the van. She returned, waving the bag of marijuana, not very discreetly, eyes wide with panic. The car came to a halt nearby.
“Oh heck, I don’t want to go to jail.” Faith flung the bag onto the embers of the fire. There was a faint sizzle and a pungent smell of burning plastic, and then an earthy, herbal aroma filled the air.
The car door opened and two people got out. “Evening,” someone called, and then they heard the sound of the tent unzipping.
Faith breathed in deeply, huffed out as though relieved and then giggled. “It’s just the campers. At least if the ranger comes we’ve got rid of the …” She leant towards Anna and whispered dramatically, “… paraphernalia.”
“When you think about it though, what would a ranger have done? It’s not like he’d have authority to search the van, is it? We probably overreacted.” A breeze blew smoke from the barbecue directly into her face and she coughed, then picked up her mug, holding it towards Faith in a toast. “Cheers, here’s to getting to know each other.”
“And not in a biblical way,” Faith added, causing Anna to almost choke on her wine.
They sat silently for a bit, enjoying the last of their drinks, listening to the faint sound of the river and the near silence of the night. Despite the slight temperature drop it was still lovely out. A morepork hooted nearby, out on the hunt for its evening meal.
“I’m glad I don’t have to eat mice,” Faith said suddenly.
That sounded very profound to Anna. She nodded in agreement. Her head felt heavy and she was suddenly not sure that she was nodding at all so she put her hand up to feel whether her head was moving or not. It didn’t seem to be.
“Do you think the stars are looking at us?” she said.
“They are. With their shiny little faces.”
“Shiny happy faces. Or is it shiny happy people?”
“I think my feet are numb. Anna, can you have a look and see if my feet are numb?”
Anna had flopped back onto the grass and now heaved herself into a sitting position. “Faith? I think maybe we’re just a teeny bit high.”
“High on life?”
“No, high on the weed you just burnt.”
“Wow. I’ve never been high before.” Faith stood and spread her arms as wide as they could go. “I think I like it. We should go for a swim.”
“You’re nuts, it’ll be freezing. Anyway, I don’t have any togs,” Anna replied stupidly.
“I don’t have nuts,” Faith said earnestly, making Anna laugh loudly. “Anyway, who needs togs?” Faith had started to throw her clothes off. Her shirt narrowly missed the still-glowing barbecue. “I’ve also never been skinny-dipping before.”
Anna felt suddenly drained. She had an odd sensation that she was both floating and grounded. “I need to go to bed,” she said, heaving herself up with some difficulty.
“I’m just going to dunk myself in the water first. It will be my un-baptism.”
“Do you think I should watch you to make sure you don’t drown?”
“It’ll be fine. My sisters and I used to swim in the river at home in full-length dresses and enormous flannel bloomers. We were the epitome of modesty.”
Anna made her way to the van, fumbling around until she found the door to the back. She had no idea whether there was a light anywhere so she groped around until she found one of the narrow beds, feeling her way up it and then quickly stripped off her jeans and slid under the musty duvet. Her elbow whacked the wall as she shuffled about trying to get comfortable. The bed was lumpy and she was glad she was too drunk and stoned to think about what the bedding might contain. Although, now that she’d thought about it …
There was a sudden clatter, jolting Anna from her state of almost-sleep. The back door of the van was flung open and Faith stumbled inside, the moon at her back illuminating her. She was clutching her clothes in a heap to her chest and breathing rapidly as though she’d just swum an entire leg of a triathlon. Anna raised her head and looked blearily at her.
“Holy cow, we weren’t imagining things,” Faith said.
“Which bed am I in?”
She patted her way around, found her bag and pulled something out of it, seemed to establish which bed she was sleeping in and then pulled the door shut. They were plunged into darkness again and Anna heard Faith shuffling about as she got settled.
“I went for my swim — it was so nice, by the way, you should go in the morning — and then I got a bit mixed up and I got into the wrong van.”
“What wrong van?”
“Klaus and Helene’s. I got into their van by mistake. I was standing there, stark naked, and Helene said,” — Faith put on an accent that sounded remarkably like Helene — “‘Ahh, you do vant ze meat and two vag.’”
“Two vag? She did not.”
“I swear, she did. I don’t think it was a language thing either. I didn’t know what to say so I just got out of there. Oh my gosh, we’re going to have to leave before the sun is up. I’m so embarrassed.”
Anna let her head fall back onto the pillow. She started to giggle. Faith joined in and soon they were laughing so hard she was sure Rizzo must be rocking from the outside. Anna had to get up to pee in a very undignified manner in the grass on the other side of the van and then they finally settled down to go to sleep.
“’Night, Faith,” she said, once she’d finally stopped snorting.
“’Night, Anna. At least these beds are more comfy than they look.”
“You must still be completely out of it,” Anna told her.