The Star:
STUDENT PRANK MISTAKEN FOR ART INSTALLATION
A plumber’s van was mistaken for part of an art walk today, after what the owners suspect was “just a bit of fun” from university students overnight left the pink-painted van graffitied and a large toilet concreted to its roof.
Owners Anna Sinclair and Faith Coleman were bemused to return from lunch to find a group of tourists taking photos of their Hiace.
The art-loving group had been following a SCAPE tour app and assumed the van, parked in front of a mural, was an installation piece.
Anna and Faith are heading to Invercargill in the van on Monday and say they were unsuccessful at having the lavatory removed.
“I guess it’s coming with us,” Anna said.
For more details on the art walk, visit scapepublicart.org.nz.
Anna groaned and half rolled out of bed. Not difficult to do when the mattress was about as wide as a plank and just as uncomfortable. For a moment she felt disorientated like she’d fallen asleep on a park bench but she thanked whatever gave her the sense to take a sleeping pill the night before because at least she’d had a decent night and hadn’t even woken up to pee.
“Morning,” Faith mumbled from across the van, “how did you sleep?”
“Great thanks. You?”
“Pretty good. I had a weird dream that there was an earthquake and the ground was rumbling and swaying though.”
Silently they grabbed clean clothes and whatever they needed for a shower. It was still early but Niamh had assured her that she’d be up and, if not, they’d leave a key under the doormat for them. Faith stumbled out into the street first, Anna following closely behind.
“I could do with a cup of tea …” Faith was saying and then stopped abruptly, her mouth forming a comically perfect ‘o’ shape. Anna followed her gaze.
Sitting on a lean in the middle of Rizzo’s roof was a white, porcelain toilet. Something thick and porridgy was slapped underneath, anchoring it to the van. The ‘R’ from ‘Rick’s Plumbing’ had been spray-painted over so that it now read ‘Dick’s Plumbing’. On both sides. There was also a crudely shaped penis on the passenger door.
“What the hell? Why would someone do that? And how? How did we not wake up?” Anna said.
“I heard a party down the road last night. Someone probably thought it would be funny. I can’t believe I slept through that though.”
There was a renovation happening next door to the twins’ flat. A broken bathroom cabinet and several sheets of plywood leant up against the front wall. Yesterday there had probably been a discarded toilet sitting in the junk heap too.
They both stared dumbly at the van. Anna felt some surprise that it could have made itself any more conspicuous than it already was, but there you have it. She half-heartedly tried to climb up onto the roof and felt around. The cement was set dry. They headed up the steps towards the flat.
Niamh was stretched out on her yoga mat in the living room. Faith went off to have the first shower.
“Did you hear a party down the road last night? Someone seems to have cemented a toilet to the roof of our van.”
“What?” Niamh got up lithely from her downward dog.
“An actual loo? That’s a bit random. There are always parties going on around here, so many that we don’t really notice them any more. You should get Martin to have a look at it.”
“Martin?” Anna asked.
“Our flatmate. He’s a mechanical engineer, he’s good with stuff like that. Do you want a cuppa?”
“I’d love a coffee,” Anna sighed. “What have you got planned for the day?”
Martin came into the kitchen as Niamh was pouring the milk and she told him about the van vandals. He went off quite eagerly to have a look and came back shortly, grinning and clearly trying not to laugh.
“I got up and had a look but it’s really well cemented down,” he told them, popping four slices of bread into the toaster. “I could try to chisel it off but it’d probably break through the roof. Only thing would be to get some hydraulic shears and cut it off — but then you’d still need to replace the roof.”
“We can’t afford that,” Anna groaned, just as Faith came in, towel wrapped around her head.
“I’ve sent a photo of it to a mate of mine to see if he has any ideas,” Martin added.
“Rizzo,” Anna explained to Faith. “Seems like we’re stuck with the new renovation.”
Faith looked thoughtful. “I wonder if that makes her compliant as a self-contained motorhome. A bit tricky to get to in the night though.”
“And no privacy.” She and Anna grinned at each other.
“You’re still well under the height restriction. So unless you’ve got some kind of proof of who did it …” Martin’s toast had popped up and he offered to put more in for them.
“… We’re stuck with it. Dick’s Plumbing. Always on the job,” Anna said, topping up her coffee from the pot.
Anna had a shower and then she and Niamh sat on her bed for a chat. Niamh told her about her classes and then mentioned she was seeing a guy casually but it wasn’t serious yet.
“I’ll let you know if it’s meet-the-parents-worthy,” she told Anna with a grin.
“Well, it might have to be separately,” Anna said, watching her daughter’s face.
“Yeah,” Niamh said quietly. “Cameron mentioned that.”
“You okay?” Anna asked.
“I dunno. I guess. It’s weird to think of you guys not together, but I suppose I’ll get used to it.” She picked at the tassels on a cushion as she spoke. “I’m worried how Dad will cope without you. And what if he hooks up with some bimbo my age or something?”
Anna gave her a hug.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, honey,” she said, but she hoped for her daughter’s sake she was right. Niamh had always been a daddy’s girl, and Anna had suspected she would take their split the hardest.
“Things will work out,” she reassured her. “Don’t worry. And you know we both love you to bits.”
“Yeah, and I do want you to be happy, Mum, and I know you haven’t really been.” She gave Anna a watery grin. “At least I’ll get twice the birthday and Christmas gifts now.”
Anna laughed. They hugged again, and although Anna felt emotional about telling them, she also felt hugely relieved, like a weight had lifted from her.
Cameron and Martin seemed keen to go for a spin with them in Rizzo later in the morning so they all headed off for the local farmers’ market with Anna driving. It was busy and she finally found a park in front of a large mural that depicted some kind of abstract Picasso-style face before she locked up and slunk away from the curious looks they were getting from passers-by. While the boys shopped for their weekly fruit and veges, Faith and Anna wandered, looking at the stalls, but Anna was conscious she didn’t have a lot of cash until she’d sorted things out at the bank the next day.
Faith bought them homemade kombucha from a stall and Cameron and Martin turned up with spicy bean burritos which they ate sitting on the grass while they listened to a lone singer crooning about deadbeat lovers and broken dreams. It occurred to Anna that she didn’t feel at all heartbroken about the end of her marriage. She’d been holding on for the sake of the kids for so long that it was a relief to have made that final step. Greg would just have to accept it, and if he had a hard time with that, it wasn’t her problem. As well as trepidation about her future, there was also an underlying excitement. It might take a while to find where exactly she fit into this new world but she was sure that she’d figure it out eventually. Anna glanced at Faith, leaning back on her elbows sipping her drink, eyes half closed against the sun.
She gave Anna a huge smile. It seemed she already had a new friend and being here with Faith reminded her of the things she’d given up since she’d married Greg. The simple things, like eating from a food truck, shopping at an op shop, camping by a river. The expensive house and friends who only cared about what labels they wore and who they were seen with seemed so insignificant suddenly.
They wandered back to the van, only to find a group of about twenty people surrounding it. They all had lanyards around their neck and most had backpacks and cameras. A man in his late twenties with a scruffy beard was standing with a notepad, talking to one of the group and taking notes.
“Umm, excuse us,” she said , pushing through them to get to the driver’s door.
“Wait, is this yours?” notepad guy asked.
“Yep, and we’re off, so …”
“Do you have a few minutes, just for me to ask about the creative process? Can I get your name? What was the inspiration behind the piece?”
Anna looked at his earnest face, pen poised. How odd.
“Anna Charnichael, and I imagine the inspiration was alcohol?”
“Right, right, and how long did it take?”
Faith spoke up beside her.
“It was like this when we woke up,” she told him. He looked a little lost.
“Are you one of the artists too?” he asked. The group were moving off down the road now, a woman with a clipboard herding them along. There was a lot of animated chatter and laughter.
“I’m Faith, Faith Coleman, what is this about?”
“Oaky, are you one of the artists too?”
“No, I imagine it was kids,” Faith said, sounding bemused.
“What is this about? Are you a reporter?
“Sorry, yes, I’m Dean Logan of the Star. I’m doing a piece on the SCAPE city art tour and this has been the most unexpected installation so far.”
Anna started to laugh.
“Buddy, this isn’t an art piece. It’s some drunk students’ idea of a joke.”
They spent a few minutes talking to him about the van and their trip and cleared up the confusion.
“Do you mind if I included this in my piece anyway?” Dean asked.
“Go for it,” Anna said.
They all got in the van, Cameron and Martin snorting with laughter in the back as they sat on the beds making jokes about how crap art was these days.
As they drove away, still chuckling, Faith said; “Well, there’s something for our bucket list. Get our names in the paper.”
“Yeah, but for driving around in a great big pink dunny?
Could it not have been for something a little less embarrassing?” Anna laughed.
“What a shitty day,” Cameron said, making Martin snigger.
“The Pink Loo Ladies,” Faith said with a grin and they spent the drive home recreating the lyrics for ‘Beauty School Dropout’ to things like ‘Booty Loo Longdrop’ and cracking themselves up.