Chapter 45
Zach flipped the page on the calendar on the kitchen wall and stared at the new one with dismay.
December.
It used to be one of the best months. Two weeks off from school. Lots of candy and other sweets. Lights and decorations. His favorite holiday songs — Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Jingle Bells, Frosty the Snowman. Christmas presents.
Now it seemed like the Month of Doom. Soon everything would go down for Bo. He would either make it back to his world and his people, or be forever stranded on Earth.
The weather turned cloudy and colder over the next few days, the sky grim and overcast like a gray shroud. Zach couldn’t seem to keep his eyes from it, glancing up repeatedly, half-expecting to see snowflakes drifting down, and dreading that he would.
Saturday, Zach and his friends went to visit the white giant, and no one spoke as he led them through the woods to his cabin. Zach watched as Bo palmed the door to unlock it, and wondered if it would be the last time he’d witness that.
I hope so.
That would mean that the machine in the lab had worked and Bo had gone home where he belonged. The thought made Zach sad, though. I’ll miss him. A small part of Zach hoped that Bo would be around forever, even though that meant the worst for Bo. No, that’s selfish. He forced the thought from his mind and followed the others inside.
They settled in their usual places, Bo in his huge chair, Zach and his friends on the long bench. No one seemed to want to talk at first. Bo appeared to be tired and cheerless, without the familiar brightness in his wide eyes or the positive lift to his chin.
He dropped his gaze to his chest and placed his hand there, flat, with his fingers spread. “It has begun.”
Shelby’s brow fell and her lips parted. “The…the feelings, the sadness and emptiness?”
He nodded and took a moment to speak. “I first noticed it two days ago. Slight, but undeniable.”
Zach swallowed hard. “What’s it like, exactly?”
Bo turned his head and stared out the window. “It is hard to put into words. It is like a dull ache and a deep hollowness together.”
“You sure that’s it?” Jason said. “It’s not like you’re getting sick or something?”
“I am certain. The timing of it coincides with this.” He lifted his forearm and touched the dark circle that was imprinted there. “This is nearly filled in. There is not much white left. I can barely detect it, even with my keen vision.”
“Oh, Bo,” Shelby said, her voice cracking. “Is there anything we can do to make you feel better? I mean, besides sending you back to your world?”
He shook his head, and his gaze fell again. The room got quiet and Zach drummed the fingers of one hand against his thigh while he tried to think of what to say. “Did…um… are you ready to go when the time comes, if we get the machine working?”
“I will wait until I sense you in the woods.” Bo gestured toward the back wall, where his canvas bag hung from a peg near his bow and quiver. “The things that I wish to take with me are in that, including the picture you gave me.”
“That’s not much stuff,” Justin said.
“It is enough.”
Zach leaned forward and placed his hands on his knees. “Grandpa said to keep a positive attitude. The tubes could come any day now, and he’ll stick them in the machine and send you home.”
“I do not know how many days I have left.”
Days. It’s just days. Not weeks anymore. “Don’t give up.”
“Yeah, don’t.” Justin bobbed his head at Bo. “You be ready for us. Zach’s Grandpa said he’ll drive us to come fetch you, but we might have to come to the woods on short notice, so don’t go runnin’ off on one of you trading trips or anything.”
“I will do as you said. If I sense that you have entered the forest and remain in one place, I will get my bag and my bow and come to you.”
“How quick can you get to us?” Jason said. “We’d probably stop at the edge of the woods instead of hiking all the way to the bridge.”
“I will run to you faster than I ever have. I can run very fast in the forest.”
“We’re counting on it.”
* * *
Snow flurries began to swirl on Monday and Tuesday, and the temperature dropped so far that Zach had to wear his heavy winter coat.
On the way to school on Wednesday his mother said, “They may send us home early today. It depends on what the cold front does. There’s an ice storm heading this way, but it may pass just north of us.”
“Why don’t they just go ahead and cancel school?” Zach said, looking out of the passenger window at the dark, roiling sky.
“They don’t want to do that unless they absolutely have to. We only have a few days built into the schedule to allow for weather closings, and they don’t want to use them up too soon or we’ll have to extend the school year in May to make up the time.”
“What about Jason and them? What will they do if school closes?”
“They’ll ride home with us. I talked to Tina about it earlier this morning. I’ll drop all of you off at our house and then I’ll have to go to the grocery store real quick before it runs out of everything. I need to pick up bread and milk and stuff in case we get stranded.”
“Stranded?”
“If the storm is as bad as the forecasters say it might be, the roads could be closed, and we could be without power for a while. Dad said that happened last year, and it was almost two weeks before the electricity came back on. Be prepared to be chilly because the temperature’s not supposed to get above single digits for the next several days.”
Zach wrapped his arms around his chest and shivered at the thought. “That’s cold.”
School closed at noon. It had already begun to sleet as Jason, Justin, Shelby, and Zach crowded into his mother’s Honda and rode back to his house while the frozen precipitation peppered the roof and windshield at an alarming rate.
She dropped them off in the driveway and left for the store, promising she’d hurry.
As soon as they entered the kitchen, Zach heard Grandpa call him from the basement. Zach and his friends went to see what he wanted, and they found him kneeling beside the control station, which had its front panel removed, and he had one hand deep inside it. He looked up at them and withdrew his arm. “I’m glad you’re here. The tubes came in first thing this morning, and I just finished installing the last one. Let’s power it up and test it, and if it works, we should go get Bo.”
Zach’s pulse quickened. “You mean today? Right now?”
“As soon as possible. What’s the weather doing? Are the roads clear enough?”
“They’re okay,” Jason said, “but not for long. The sleet is supposed to change over to snow and ice pretty soon.”
“That means the power might go out.” Grandpa grunted and shook his head. “We’d better hurry, then. If we don’t do this now, it might never happen.”
“So…um….” Zach fluttered one hand and glanced about the room. “What do we do?”
Grandpa set the front panel back on the control station and put in the screws to hold it in place. He stood and pressed the main switch and the meters on top swerved to the right and the machine began to hum.
Each of the cylinders filled with the shimmering fields, and Zach stared at one of them with his fists clenched, fingernails digging into his palms, afraid that the device would shut down at any second. After a couple of minutes, the machine still worked, and Grandpa turned it off. “That’s enough testing. I don’t want to push our luck. I put a regulator and a breaker in the control station, but I’m still worried about it burning out. I don’t know long we can keep it running.”
“Do we go get Bo, now?” Shelby said.
Grandpa turned to Zach. “Is your mom here?”
“She went to the store.”
“Maybe we can fetch him and send him home before she gets back, but we’ll have to hurry. We’ll take my truck. Can you show me where to go?”
“Same place we went last time, but we can’t all go because we can’t fit inside the cab, and it’s sleeting pretty hard now. Too hard to ride in the back.”
“I don’t mind,” Jason said.
“No,” Grandpa said firmly. “That’s not a good idea. Just Zach and I will go, and we might be able to squeeze Bo in with us. The rest of you wait here. If Zach’s mom gets back before we do, tell her that Zach’s with me, helping me with something. If she asks you what, play dumb and tell her you don’t know.”
“Jason and Justin are good at playing dumb,” Shelby said, “only they’re not playing.”
Zach waited for an angry retort from one of her brothers, but none came. They seemed too nervous to say anything. I’m nervous, too, Zach realized as he followed his grandfather out of the lab.
Grandpa’s truck fishtailed on the slippery road when he turned out of his driveway, and Zach gripped the armrest fiercely. “Are we going to make it, Grandpa?”
“Relax.” He turned the wipers on and they swept the freezing slush from the windshield, but more immediately spattered onto the glass. “I’ve been living here all my life. I know how to drive in this.”
The sleet was coming down harder since Zach had last been outside, and much of it had accumulated on the hood and in the bed of the truck. More fell away from the bumpers as they slowly accelerated up the road. Grandpa glanced at Zach and said, “Make sure you’re buckled up.”
“Don’t worry. I am.” He tugged on the seatbelt anyway, just to be sure.
They were the only vehicle on the road, though there were tracks from where some had recently passed. The twin dark streaks were rapidly filling in with tiny white crystals, and Zach knew they would soon be covered completely.
Zach guided Grandpa to the dead end street where he and his friends always entered the woods, and Grandpa backed his truck next to the long barricade and turned off the motor. “It’ll be easier to get out this way, if the road gets slicker while we’re gone.”
He reached behind the seats and produced a black umbrella. “Do you think Bo has one?”
“I doubt it. He’s tough, though.” They zipped up their coats and climbed out, and Zach hurried to his grandfather’s side and the protection of the umbrella, which Grandpa had already opened.
They walked around the barricade to the beginning of the trail and Zach led him up the path. The woods looked surreal and unfamiliar, with sleet and ice already blanketing the narrow course between the trees. More white powder was accumulating in thick clumps on the stark, bare limbs.
Grandpa pointed at one. “That’s how the electricity ends up going out. The branches start getting too heavy, especially during an ice storm, and they fall onto power lines and knock ’em down.” He grimaced as the wind blew stinging sleet into their faces. “How far we gotta go? This is awful.”
“Just a little bit more, I think. Just so nobody can see us from the road.”
“Nobody’s out right now but us.”
“We still have to be careful.” They walked a little while longer until they were completely hidden by the trees and Zach said, “This is good.”
They stopped and waited, sleet rattling off the umbrella in a relentless drum roll. Zach pressed closer to his grandfather to stay dry and warm, or as warm as possible under the circumstances. It was miserably cold, even wearing his heavy jacket, and his teeth chattered while he hunched his shoulders.
A few minutes later, Bo appeared. He had his canvas bag and his quiver full of arrows draped over his shoulders, and he carried two bows in one hand, his regular one and the smaller one he’d made for Zach and his friends. He wore no coat, even though he was being pelted by the sleet. He didn’t seem to notice.
“That was fast, Bo,” Zach said.
“I was already in my cabin, sheltering from the inclement weather.”
“How far is that?” Grandpa said.
Bo shrugged and looked at Zach, and Zach said, “He doesn’t think in terms of our distances, but I think it’s at least a couple of miles.”
Grandpa furrowed his brow. “You ran two miles in that little bit of time? Probably wasn’t but six or seven minutes.”
“I would’ve been here sooner, but I had to shut down the stove and secure my cabin.”
“You must’ve flown, then.” Grandpa gestured with his thumb back toward the road. “If you’re ready, let’s go.”
They hurried to the truck, which was now covered with white, including the windshield, and they climbed in. Grandpa got behind the steering wheel and Zach slid to the middle of the bench seat, but Bo hesitated for a moment, assessing the situation. “There’s not much room.” He dropped his bag, the quiver, and the two bows in the bed and stepped inside.
It was a tight fit in the suddenly small cab. Even scrunched down as low as possible with his neck bent, Bo’s head pushed against the upholstered ceiling and his knees pressed up to his chest. He had to turn nearly sideways to keep from squashing Zach, and ended up rolling the window down at Grandpa’s suggestion and leaning one huge arm and shoulder out over the door. The biting wind blew in and Zach shivered and clenched his teeth.
“Are we all in?” Grandpa said.
“Think so,” Zach said. “Let’s go.
Grandpa started the engine, turned on the wipers, and Zach looked out of the cleared windshield to see another pickup truck drive all the way up to them and block them in, its bumper against the front fender on Bo’s side.
“Now what?” Grandpa said.
The driver of the other vehicle rolled his window down and poked his head out. He wore a camo cap and had a scruffy beard.
Uncle Marty.
“I thought I seen some tracks in the road,” he drawled. “I come here to see what fool would be driving in this mess.”
Bo turned to Zach and whispered, “I know that man.”
“It’s Jason, Justin, and Shelby’s uncle. He’s bad news.”
“What do we do? It appears that he is obstructing our way.”
“And I don’t have my gun,” Grandpa said quietly. “And he has his. I can see it in the rack behind his seat. I hope he’s not high.”
Zach and his grandfather were partially hidden from view by Bo’s enormous form, and Uncle Marty leaned farther out of his window and squinted at them through the sleet, which pelted off the bill of his cap and his shoulders. “Who all’s in there, anyway?” Then a look of surprise crossed his face when his eyes focused on Bo. “Hey, I know you! You’re the…you’re the white giant!” He hooted and grinned. “The Bigfoot of the Nantahala. I’ll be damned! I been huntin’ you for a long time.”
Bo’s reaction was swift and fierce. He snapped his head forward and growled out of the window, “You callin’ me a Bigfoot?” His southern accent was perfect, like a man who’d just walked out of the hills. “Them’s fightin’ words. How ’bout I get out of this here truck and whup yer ass?”
Uncle Marty didn’t respond immediately except for wrinkling his brow, so Bo shouted, “Let’s have at it, right here and now, me and you.” He jabbed a finger in Uncle Marty’s direction. With his arm fully extended, it became obvious how big it was. His sleeve didn’t reach his elbow, and his massive muscles were clearly visible, even in the sleeting storm.
Uncle Marty’s eyes flared and he retreated into the safety of his cab. He turned and glanced at his rifle in the rack behind him, as if considering using it, but seemed to change his mind. He leaned his head back out of the window and said, “Uh…not in this weather. I guess I was wrong, so sorry about that, and, uh…I gotta meet somebody right now. I just come down this street to see what was goin’ on, that’s all.” He quickly rolled his window up and threw his truck in reverse, then drove away, slipping and sliding as he rushed down the frozen street.
“Wow,” Zach said, “you sounded just like a local, Bo. Jason and Justin would be proud of you. I think you just fooled their uncle.”
“I have been practicing.”
“You sound like one of us,” Grandpa said with a wide, appreciative smile.
“He is one of us, Grandpa,” Zach said.
“I’d say so.” He put his truck in gear and said, “Let’s go home.”
* * *
Liz cradled the phone between her shoulder and her ear so she could keep talking with her hands free. She pulled her refrigerator door open and looked inside. “No, I’m sure we have plenty, Tina. Don’t bring any food.”
“What if the power goes out and stays out for days, like it did last year?” Tina said.
“Put your meat and milk and anything else like that in your garage. It’ll stay cold enough.”
“But if we eat all your food, you won’t have enough.”
“Then we can walk back to your house and get some of yours. Now hurry up and get here! You won’t be able to drive much longer because of the slippery roads.”
“What do I need to bring besides some clothes and toothbrushes for me and the kids?”
“Sleeping bags, if you have any. I figure we can all sleep in my living room by the fireplace if the power goes out. I have plenty of firewood and blankets, and my new windows are well insulated. We’ll be warm enough.”
“Is everybody there?”
“Your kids are, and Zach is with my dad at his house, I think. They might be getting some of his firewood or his propane camp stove.” She heard voices coming from the terrace and she said, “I think I hear them now. How quickly can you get here?”
“Ten minutes.”
Liz hung up and turned as the back door opened, and Zach and her father stepped inside. Surprisingly, a third man followed. “What?” she said, stunned by what she saw.
He was huge, the biggest man she’d ever seen. He had to duck to fit under the top of the doorway, and once inside, he straightened to his full height, and her mouth fell open at the unexpected sight.
He towered over her so that she had to look almost straight up to see his face. His eyes were wide and neon-blue, and his ears swept up and back, nearly pointed. His short, spiky hair was white-blond. His shoulders were unbelievably broad, with a canvas bag slung over one and a quiver over the other, and he carried two archery bows.
“Mom,” Zach said, “this is Bo.”
He extended his enormous hand and it enveloped hers as she shook it. Her mind raced, flying in empty circles. “Who…what? Why is he here?”
“We don’t have time to explain much,” Zach said. “He’s from another planet and we have to send him back right now. If we don’t, it’ll be too late.”
“Huh? That’s crazy, Zach. Tell me the truth. What are you and Dad up to?”
“Tell her, Grandpa.”
“It’s true. This is why we’ve been working in the lab all this time. Bo was the result of one of Uncle Nicholas’s experiments that went awry, and we have to fix it right this minute. It’s our only chance.” He started toward the door that led to the basement, “But we don’t have time to waste. The power might go out any second and then Bo will be stuck here forever. Liz, really, we can’t waste any more time with this.” He glanced at Zach and Bo. “Come on.”
“But….” She wasn’t able to get a more satisfactory answer, because they were already partway down the stairs before she recovered her wits enough to join them, though she still struggled to make sense of what was happening. When they made it to the bottom of the steps, Bo stopped and reached into his canvas bag and pulled something out.
It was a dark wooden sculpture of two bears close together, about ten inches high and carved from a single block of wood. One figure was smaller, and was gazing up at the other, who looked back with what Liz could only describe as affection.
“It is a mother and her cub,” Bo said. “I thought it was appropriate for you.”
“He made the bears that I have,” Zach said. “The ones that were on my bedside table when we first got here, and the one I found in the woods.”
Liz accepted the gift and stared at it. “Um, you made this? For me? I don’t understand.”
“It’s a lot to take in, Liz,” her father said, “but really, we don’t have time to explain. We’ll tell you all about it later. Right now we gotta get goin’.”
Zach, his grandfather, his mother, and Bo entered the lab where the Ross kids waited. Beepee barked a greeting, and Jason slipped off the stool he’d been sitting on and threw both hands in the air. “Finally! What took you so long?”
“Your Uncle Marty showed up,” Grandpa said. “He acted like he wanted to make trouble, but Bo scared him off.”
“Bo threatened to fight him.” Zach gestured at the giant standing beside him. “Shoulda seen the look on your uncle’s face. He was scared as anything, and drove off as fast as he could.”
“The power almost went out while you were gone,” Justin said. “It got dark for a second or two and we got real worried.”
Grandpa glanced at the light fixtures overhead. “It seems to be holding out for now. Let’s get this machine cranked up and send Bo back home.”
Everyone turned when they heard a woman’s voice outside the door to the lab. “Hello?” It was Tina. “Where is everybody?” She walked in and said, “Oh, here you are. I was beginnin’ to—” The words stuck in her throat when she noticed Bo, and she gasped and stumbled back a few steps. “OhmyGod!”
“Mama,” Jason said, “this is our friend, Bo. He’s an alien.”
“What? No!”
“Really, he is,” Shelby said. “He’s the one who cured my asthma.”
Tina shivered hard with her eyes closed. When she opened them, she furrowed her brow and turned to Shelby. “Your asthma’s cured? Since when?”
“Since this summer. I almost died from an attack out in the woods one day, but Bo saved me and then came up with some medicine to help me. I don’t need my inhaler anymore.”
“I was wonderin’ why we haven’t had to refill your prescription.”
Grandpa flexed his leg. “He fixed my knee, too. That’s why I don’t limp.”
“Bo is from another world, Mama,” Justin said. “That’s why he can do such cool things.”
“A…another world?” she said weakly.
“Yes. We’re not making that up.”
Tina rounded on Zach’s mother, who held up both hands defensively. “I don’t know what’s going on. I just met him, too.” A curious look suddenly crossed her face and she eyed the two bows in the giant’s hand. “Wait…did you teach these kids about archery?”
“Yes,” he said in his deep voice. “They were excellent pupils. But that reminds me.” He separated the bows and offered the smaller one to Shelby. “Here. Take this.”
“Oh, Bo. I can’t. It’s so nice.”
“I made it for all of you. Since Zach has one now, you and your brothers should have this one. I have no need for it, anyway. I have mine.”
“Oh, gosh, thank you.” Shelby accepted it and held it with both hands. “We’ll make good use of it.”
Zach’s mother showed the sculpture of the bears to Tina. “He carved this for me.”
Tina reached out and gingerly touched it. “Geez, that’s beautiful.”
“He made the sculptures we have, too,” Jason said. “Shelby’s swan, and me and Justin’s eagles. And Zach’s bears.”
Bo shook his head sadly and said to Tina, “I am sorry that I do not have anything for you. I did not expect to see you.”
“Oh, that’s fine. I, uh, didn’t expect to see you, either.” A nervous smile played across her face.
The lights flickered, but only for an instant. Grandpa looked at the fixtures again and said, “We need to stop jabberin’ and get goin’. We probably don’t have much time.”
“What are you doin’?” Tina said.
“We’re sending Bo back to his home planet through this machine that my uncle built.” Grandpa leaned over and pressed the main switch on the control station and it hummed to life, and he quickly checked the settings on the row of knobs across the top.
The shimmering fields formed in the two cylinders, and Zach’s mother and Tina gaped at them. “Oh my God,” Zach’s mother said slowly. “So that’s what this thing does. Unbelievable.”
“I told you my uncle was way ahead of his time.” Grandpa nodded at Bo. “You about ready?”
“Yes.”
“Zach, if you want to get a picture of him before he goes, do it now, but make it quick.”
“I already took one the other day.”
“Okay. Bo, do you remember which cylinder you came through? I’m not sure if it makes a difference, but I’d rather not take a chance.”
Bo studied the tube-shaped structures and his face turned thoughtful. He pointed at the one on the left.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Cylinder one. That’s what Uncle Nicholas wrote in his lab log, too, so it must be right.” He nodded firmly, once. “I’m ready when you are. Uh…is there a way to check to see if it leads to the right place? We don’t want you walking out onto the surface of the moon or anything.”
Bo stepped to the tall cylinder, hesitated a moment, then extended his hand until it passed through the iridescent shimmer. The colors swirled around his wrist while he held it there, eyes closed, face calm. He withdrew his arm and said, “It is my home.” His lips spread into a brilliant smile. “I felt it!”
“Are you sure?” Grandpa said.
“Without a doubt.”
“Then I guess it’s time to say goodbye.”
Already? Zach couldn’t believe it. The thought raced around the edges of his brain but refused to sink in.
Bo turned and regarded Zach and the other kids, who stood together on one side of the machine. It was several seconds before he spoke. “Words cannot adequately convey the feelings that I have for all of you. I am honored to say that you are my friends.”
Zach felt a lump form in his throat, and he tried to answer, but couldn’t. Bo continued, “I will always cherish the memories of our time together.”
“Me, too,” Zach managed to croak, and Jason, Justin, and Shelby mumbled something unintelligible.
“I’ll keep the machine going as long as I can,” Grandpa said. “If you get to the other side and figure out it’s not the right place, you can step back into the transport field and return here. But it would be nice if you could give us some kind of signal if it is your planet, without coming all the way back through. That’s too dangerous.”
“He could put his hand through it,” Jason said, “and give us a thumbs up.”
“No. If the machine shuts down, it could sever his arm. We just took that risk a minute ago. Let’s not push our luck.” Grandpa rubbed the end of his nose for a moment and then nodded. “You can toss something through the field, something that we know is ours.” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his keys, a small cluster on a single ring. “This oughta work.” He handed them to the giant and said, “Take these and go, now.”
Bo briefly regarded the keys in his hand, then closed his fist around then and looked at Zach’s mother and Tina. “You have extraordinary children. The depths of their cleverness and loyalty are immeasurable. I hope that you are proud of them, because I certainly am.”
He glanced at Beepee and gave her a quick smile as if silently saying goodbye, then, without another word or gesture, he turned and stepped through the cylinder.
It took a few seconds to register what had happened. He’s gone. Zach blinked hard. He’s really gone. One moment he was there, and the next he wasn’t. There was only empty space where he once stood.
The colors of the field wavered like eddies on a psychedelic pond, and gradually calmed while Zach stared at them. No one spoke, all eyes fixed on the shimmer across the opening of the cylinder. Zach heard a pitiful sound escape from Shelby, and then he felt the sting of his own tears. He wanted to wipe them to clear his vision, but didn’t want his friends to know he was crying. When he heard Jason sniffle, followed immediately by Justin, Zach swept his sleeve across his face and looked back at the interstellar gateway.
“Come on, come on, come on,” he said under his breath. The lights flickered again and he redoubled his chant, trying to will the keys to return.
“Something’s wrong!” Justin said.
“Give it time,” Grandpa said.
“It should have happened by now.”
Grandpa didn’t answer. He focused on the cylinder. Everyone did, even Beepee.
Several long seconds later, something broke the surface of the field and flew in a downward arc, landing on the concrete floor with a metallic jangle.
The keys.
Shouts of joy exploded throughout the room, and Zach felt his face stretch into the broadest possible smile.
Then the room went dark.
“Uh-oh,” Jason said. “Looks like the power’s out.”
“But not too soon,” Grandpa said. “Thankfully.”
There was a long moment of silence while everyone seemed to be processing what had happened, and then Shelby said, “He made it, Mr. Ogletree, didn’t he?”
“I’d say he definitely did. Bo is home.”
Zach thought he detected the slightest catch in Grandpa’s voice, and Zach wiped his eyes again and exhaled sharply. “I can’t believe it. We did it. We actually did it.”
“Yes, we did,” Grandpa said.
“Can somebody please explain to me what is goin’ on?” Tina said from across the pitch-black room, and then a bluish glow appeared in her hands when she turned her cell phone on.
“Explain it to me, too,” Zach’s mother said.
“All right,” Grandpa said. “Why don’t we follow Tina upstairs and get a fire going in the fireplace? Then we’ll tell you all about it.”