The exhaustion Holly felt driving home was overwhelming so she stopped for a hot chocolate. After her instant energy boost she managed to finish the journey without mishap but swore that next time, and she was determined there would be a next time, she would arrange for transport to and from the airport. Obviously there was no way she was going to ask Adam, not the way things were between them at the moment.
It was evening by the time she’d parked the car in the drive at the back and let herself into the house. Imogen was waiting in the parlour, as was Tubs. Her spirits were lifted a thousandfold when she walked into the room. Tubs was ecstatic and showed it. Holly got down to her level to exchange a proper welcome until the excitement subsided a little though the tail continued to thump on the floor.
‘I’m so glad you phoned me from the services. I’d have been getting really worried by now.’
‘I don’t think I’d have made it in one go, I’m so tired.’
‘Go straight to bed then. We can catch up in the morning,’ Imogen said, reaching for her jacket.
‘I can’t thank you enough for staying over while I’ve been away.’
‘Not a problem. My flat isn’t ready yet so I was more than happy to dog sit, though when I saw the twins with Emma last week they insisted I was in their room. Scribble is fine on her own overnight and I was with her during the day. You know how independent cats are. Tubs’s need was much greater than hers.’
‘Well I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t offered. I couldn’t bear the thought of her going to kennels.’
‘Didn’t Adam have any suggestions?’
Imogen asked the question in all innocence. Holly turned it aside mumbling something about not thinking to ask him, thanked her again, and after showing her to the door went to bed.
***
It was with a feeling of anticlimax that Holly woke to the world the next day. She decided that a walk would do her good. Tubs thought so too, as indicated by her running to where her lead was kept and back again – several times! A glorious day greeted them and the walk she never tired of was as beautiful as ever; but she couldn’t shake off the sensation of lassitude.
Back home she began a round of phone calls to catch up with all her friends. There had been no call from Adam. No message. But what did I expect after I brushed him aside so emphatically before I went away? She didn’t need reminding that this was the longest time they’d ever spent without any kind of communication. Slowly, almost surreptitiously, he’d crept in under her guard. He’d been a tower of strength, which even her independent spirit had unknowingly been willing to lean on.
***
‘Art sends his love and wants to know – I’m a bit embarrassed about saying this but I promised – if you have any other amazing talent gracing your walls.’
‘You’re home. Brilliant! How did it go?’
‘Well you’ve known Art a lot longer than I have, Phoebe, but I have to admit to a certain fondness for the man. He put on another amazing exhibition and if the success rate carries on like this I’ll be retired before I’m thirty-five.’
‘Like you’ll ever give up work!’
‘True. But then it never feels like work when I’m painting. I wish you’d had an opportunity to meet Darcy, though. What a character she is, and a perfect foil for her husband whom I suspect occasionally needs putting in his place. I told you she came to New York with me for a couple of days?’
‘Yes, and what did you think?’
‘That I’m absolutely determined to go back there again. I barely managed to scratch the surface. Truth is, I was blown away by it.’
‘I’m glad you had such a great time. You were ready for a holiday. A bit more adventurous than the one Adam’s gone on though.’
‘Adam’s on holiday!’ Holly was astounded.
Phoebe had no idea of the distance that had grown between her two friends. ‘He didn’t tell you?’
‘No, he didn’t.’ She was hurt rather than cross. ‘Where’s he gone?’
‘He didn’t say exactly. Just that he was jumping in the car and taking a tour of Shropshire. He was pretty vague about the details.’
‘He’s certainly picked a nice week. The weather’s glorious.’
‘Two actually. Gone for a fortnight.’
‘When did he go?’
‘Only a couple of days ago. He’s left both locums – should that be loci – running the surgery. Apparently it was a spontaneous decision but he managed to get cover really quickly. Said he fancied a break and just took himself off.’
Somehow Holly had thought, perhaps irrationally, that when she came home everything would be all right between them. She now had to accept she’d pushed Adam too far this time and that not only was there no hope of a future for them together but she might also have lost him as her closest friend. She hadn’t forgotten about Emma and nobody would ever take her place. This was a different sort of closest friend.
***
During the next few days Holly settled back into some sort of routine. Things were really busy in Cuffingham, the floods of last year for some just a distant memory, though for others nothing would ever be the same again. The tourist population seemed either to have forgotten what had been so consistently on their television screens several months ago or accepted that things would by now have returned to normal.
Sara had done a great job holding the fort but as things were sold she hadn’t known what to put up in their place. Consequently Holly had a bit of reorganising to do. Paperwork also needed her attention.
‘I can’t believe how it could mount up so much in such a short time, Phoebe.’
‘Don’t I know it! It’s just something you’ve got to keep on top of all the time.’
They were sitting idly chatting between afternoon and evening classes on Wednesday. Kate had just been upstairs to change Louise’s nappy and the others had left, as Kate and Phoebe would do shortly.
‘Adam seems to be having a great time.’
Holly looked up quickly and she could see that Phoebe was surprised when she said, ‘Is he? I haven’t heard.’
‘Hasn’t he texted or emailed? I’d have thought you’d have been the first person he’d have told.’
‘No.’ It sounded bald but in truth she couldn’t think of anything else to say. Phoebe hesitated then let it go.
‘Ah, good, here’s Kate and Louise. I can take them home now and put my feet up.’
‘Is your pregnancy making you tired?’
‘Not really. Well, sometimes. Today for instance, so instead of cooking for myself I’ll just ask the staff to send something in.’
‘Actually, Phoebe, I think I’ll just put Louise in the buggy and walk home. By the time I strap her into your car we could almost be home,’ Kate said, coming back into the room and joining in the conversation.
‘Whatever you like,’ Phoebe replied, not unkindly. ‘I don’t blame you wanting to walk when it’s so nice out.’
They left and Holly had a few minutes before the evening class to put up her own feet and ponder on things she’d have been best not thinking about.
***
Further north Adam was doing his own pondering. Having finished a satisfying week at the practice that was for sale, he’d now begun working in the one that was proposing a major expansion. Even after two days he realised he’d be much happier in the former. There was an intimacy about the place. It was in capacity similar to his own, where the incumbent knew every patient. In the light of this conclusion he excused himself from staying for the rest of the week.
‘There’s no point. I wouldn’t want to waste your time, or my own for that matter.’
‘Don’t worry about it. There was no contract between us. Nice to have met you.’
The two men shook hands. As a professional he wouldn’t of course have let anyone down had he been needed, but he was there only as an observer. There didn’t seem a lot of point in putting in the time. Instead he used what was still available to him to explore the area, keeping away from the main roads and towns and investigating the parts that to him made up the essence of the county. The things that made it tick. The little enclaves of buildings, often centred round the local pub. He visited several of these, sampling the local beers and trying out new menus.
He could of course have abandoned his ‘holiday’ and gone home, well aware that by now Holly would be back. He thought about her pretty much all the time. Had he really given them any chance of a relationship, a different kind of relationship? If he left Cuffingham now that would be the end of it. What was the worst thing that could happen if he went back; told Holly of his true feelings? Could he deal with rejection? But what if she didn’t reject him?
He put off his decision, visiting Stratford-upon-Avon, somewhere he hadn’t been for years, remembering Holly telling him about her day trip there with Phoebe and Kate. He added a bit of culture to his life by going to see one of the Bard’s plays but somehow it wasn’t the same when he had no one to share it with. Going back to his hotel he came to the decision that the best thing he could do was to go for the smaller practice.
Nothing had been resolved as far as Holly was concerned. He was missing her dreadfully, more even than he’d anticipated. Shouldn’t he just go back and give it a try before making an irrevocable decision? He was just looking up the local vet’s number – it was stored in his mobile – when the phone vibrated in his hand and began to ring. He looked at the display to see who was calling. It was Holly!
‘Adam! It’s Tubs. She’s been run over. They don’t think she’s going to make it.’
Holly’s voice broke on a sob and Adam’s hand clenched on his phone, both for her distress and his impotence at being so far away.
‘Where are you, Holly?’
‘At your surgery. That’s where she’s been taken. Adam, I don’t know what to do,’ she wailed.
‘Stay where you are then.’ He looked at his watch. ‘They’ll be closing the front door soon but tell them I said it was all right for you to be there. If there’s a problem phone me back. I’ll be on my Bluetooth in the Land Rover. It’ll take me about an hour. I have every faith in my two girls but I’m not leaving you to sit this one out on your own. I’m on my way.’
***
‘He’s coming,’ Holly said turning to Imogen who was sitting next to her, her eyes suddenly alight with hope. ‘About an hour, he said.’
‘I’m so sorry, Holly. I don’t know what to say. It’s all my fault.’
‘It isn’t your fault. It was just a horrible accident. Look, I’m not pushing you away but I think you should go home and look after Scribble. She was a bit shaken up herself. She could probably do with a good cuddle.’
It took a few minutes but Holly managed to persuade Imogen to leave. For those few minutes she’d been strong but once her friend had gone she sank back onto the chair as her knees were giving way.
‘Would you like some water?’ The receptionist came round from behind her desk and took a plastic cup from the dispenser.
‘Please.’
She sat down next to Holly, whom she knew well, both from her visits when Tubs came for her injections and other times when she’d come in to talk to Adam.
‘It’s the waiting that’s worst, isn’t it? Would you like me to go and find out how she’s doing?’
It was a rhetorical question and tears glistened on Holly’s lashes as she watched her receding back. She returned a few moments later.
‘There’s been no change, Holly, but you can go and sit with her if you like. She’s heavily sedated and she won’t know you’re there but sometimes the sound of a voice, the touch of a hand…’ She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t need to. Holly could hear the lack of conviction in the words. She’d never been in the inner sanctum but she’d seen enough animal programmes on the television to recognise the equipment. Tubs was lying on a table, a drip attached by a catheter to her leg. Along one wall was a row of units with a sink in the middle, which could have been somebody’s kitchen except for all the bottles and medical equipment on the shelves behind and a sterilising unit on the surface. They’d put a chair out for her.
‘Sit down, Holly. Talk to her. You won’t do her any harm if you stroke her shoulder.’
The tears were by now unashamedly streaming down Holly’s cheeks.
‘You need to be strong for Tubs’s sake. She’s badly injured but even if she’s only aware of you subconsciously she may take strength from that. At the moment she’s deep in shock. We’re hoping she’ll stabilise.’
Holly heard the words but they didn’t hold much hope. There was little movement in Tubs’s chest, just a small rise and fall as she breathed in and out. At least she’s still breathing, Holly thought. She was so still it was almost as if … Holly laid her hand on the dog’s shoulder, four fingers still but her thumb moving back and forth of its own volition.
***
It’s where she stayed until Adam burst into the room some time later. Holly leapt to her feet and he folded his arms around her. He waited until her sobs subsided and then said gently, ‘I’m going to sit you over there in the corner while I examine our patient. It’s not because you’ve been a naughty girl but I need to have the room around the table free.’ He smiled, he hoped reassuringly, but he’d taken everything in at a glance as he’d walked into the room and he wasn’t hopeful. He also wasn’t prepared to give up.
Adam moved the chair for Holly, unhurriedly, hoping she would take from it that there was no urgency, and indeed there wasn’t. Everything that could be done had been done. There was little to do but wait. It was up to Tubs really.
Adam spent a few minutes examining the patient but in truth and in spite of his desire to be active there was really nothing to do at this stage.
‘I don’t suppose you’ve eaten anything this evening, have you? I know I haven’t. I’m sure it’s not what you want to do, Holly, but for Tubs’s sake you need to be strong. So I’m going to suggest I take you out for something to eat.’
She looked up at him, her eyes uncomprehending or so it appeared.
‘I couldn’t, Adam. I think I’d be sick. In any case, I don’t want to leave her. Please let me stay.’
He heard the pleading in her voice but took control of the situation. ‘You can sit here all night if you want to but …’ he paused, smiling rather wanly ‘… if she makes it through the night you’ll need all your resources tomorrow.’
He chose not to mention that if Tubs didn’t make it through the night Holly would still need all her resources, perhaps even more so.
‘Let’s go somewhere quiet. We’ll only be a little while and you can tell me what happened. It may help.’
There was no way it would but Adam was anxious to give Holly something else to focus on.
A short while later they were sitting in the pub having ordered a meal, which Holly said she didn’t think she was going to be able to eat.
‘How did it happen?’
‘I hardly know. One minute I was standing on the pavement outside Imogen’s shop, we were just chatting, Adam,’ she said, apology and despair in her voice in equal measure. ‘Scribble rushed out of the door as a customer went in. It was a miracle she wasn’t run over as well. I had Tubs on her lead. You know I never walk her in the street without it.’
She looked at him for reassurance and he gave it immediately.
‘I’ve never known anyone be more conscientious when it came to protecting their pet.’
‘It all happened so quickly. Almost like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. She leaped after Scribble and, well, I suppose I was taken by surprise. The lead wasn’t looped over my wrist; I was holding it in my hand. She was gone before I even realised. It was like watching a horror movie in slow motion. She was in the road and the car was on her straight away. The poor driver didn’t stand a chance, and neither did Tubs. It’s all my fault, Adam. I should have taken more care.’
‘Sometimes, no matter how careful we are, the unexpected happens, Holly. Tubs is a living breathing creature and as such is unpredictable. You can cross every T and dot every I, but there will always be a circumstance you won’t anticipate. I’m not going to tell you not to blame yourself. It would be a waste of breath. But just for the record it’s what I believe. Now try and get something down you,’ he said as the food was placed in front of them, ‘and we’ll go back and see how she’s getting on.’
Adam watched Holly as she forced some food down. The truth was he didn’t give much for Tubs’s chances. He’d been in many situations when he’d been unable to intervene, had watched his patients die, either on his table or in the field. This time though not only did he care about the patient but he also cared desperately about the owner.
He remembered the first time Holly and Tubs had met, how Holly had sat crossed-legged on the floor and the puppy had flung herself into her lap. At that point it was a done deal, no question. Since then Tubs had become a favourite of his in her own right, regardless of how he felt about Holly. He had, after all, been on countless walks with her, tickled her tummy, played tag with her.
He remembered clearly the day they’d made a snowman. Worzel had been lucky to survive at all and if Tubs had had her way would have been reduced to a pile of snow long before Adam had placed a hat on its head. For Adam, who felt it personally every time he lost a patient, this situation was all the more poignant because he was so involved.
For the sake of the woman in front of him he kept his own emotions under control. Not like the first time they’d met, he reflected ruefully, when he’d been so concerned about Buttercup nothing else had mattered. He looked at the half-eaten meal on Holly’s plate and knew she’d had as much as she was able.
‘You’d like to go back now, wouldn’t you,’ he asked as she laid down her knife and fork.
‘Please,’ was all she could say.
Adam paid the bill and took her back to the surgery. Tubs’s condition hadn’t changed while they’d been gone.
‘Come through here,’ Adam said, leading Holly to a small sitting room behind the working area. ‘It’s where I always wait if I have to stay on site during the night. You can go back in to see Tubs as many times as you like but at least you might be more comfortable here. It’s going to be a long night.’
Eventually Holly fell into a fitful sleep. Adam didn’t sleep at all. When he wasn’t checking on Tubs he was watching Holly, feeling her pain, anticipating that there would be worse to come. He’d seen miracles happen. There had been times when he’d held out no hope at all and he’d been wrong. He was doubtful that would happen this time. He didn’t like the colour of Tubs’s gums.
The night dragged on, seemingly interminable.
***
The first glimmer of dawn threw a patch of light onto the sitting room floor. As it moved across the room Holly awoke with a start. Adam wasn’t in the room and she rushed to the surgery, recriminating with herself for falling asleep, terrified at what she might find.
Adam was standing over the table. Tubs was lying just as Holly had left her an hour or so previously and Adam looked up as she came into the room. She couldn’t read his expression at all. His face lacked any clue as to what he was thinking. Holly raced over to her beloved pet, putting her hand on Tubs’s shoulder, expecting the worst. The dog was warm to her touch, something she hadn’t dared hope.
‘Adam?’ she asked, quietly but urgently.
Adam ran his hand through his hair, a gesture she’d seen him make many times when under stress. But it wasn’t stress this time, it was exhaustion. He smiled through his weariness.
‘I’m not making any promises, Holly. It’s early days yet but I think there’s every chance Tubs is going to make it. Her vital signs are good. Her breathing is regular and her gums have returned to a more natural colour. As far as I can tell there are no internal injuries.
‘Can I give her a hug?’
‘I don’t think that would be wise at this stage. She’s probably very bruised. You can stroke her shoulder though, like you did last night.’
Relief temporarily chased all other emotion from her and turning to him with a heart full of gratitude she asked gently, ‘Can I give you a hug instead then?’
What began as a friendly hug quickly changed as their feelings finally overcame them. ‘Holly, oh Holly my darling girl,’ Adam whispered into her hair, without restraint. He closed his arms more tightly around her and as happiness flooded through her she raised her face to his. There were no fireworks to their kiss; it was a gentle experience for them both, an affirmation that at last each knew how the other really felt.
It had been a long and sometimes difficult journey since they’d first met over a year ago but in a way, as she had before to a large extent, Tubs had brought them together. As if aware that something special was happening Tubs began to stir and they both turned towards her.
‘Welcome home,’ Adam said, and Holly was never afterwards sure whether he’d been speaking to her or to their dog.