The Death of My Father

He died at different times in different places.

In Wales he died tomorrow,

which doesn’t mean his death was preventable.

It had been coming for years,

crossing the ocean, the desert, pausing often,

moving like water or wind,

here turned aside by a stone,

then hurried where the way was clear.

Once I lay on my back in the grass and watched

as cloud after cloud moved east

and disintegrated. The mystery now

is not where they went, but how

I could ever have been so idle.

Funerals are all the same.

I saw him cry at his mother’s wake

when I was young enough to be

picked up, lofted into someone’s arms.

He, a man, cried that day,

but people smiled, too. You think now

you want to be remembered,

but the dead don’t care.

My grandmother’s face said that.

Indifference is a great relief, after a lifetime

of mothering one’s many worries,

trying not to play favorites.

I wasn’t present when he died.

I feel that keenly, that I should have

had a share. I was spared

unfairly. I was not fed

the bitter broth and the hard bread.

What time did it happen

exactly? What was I doing at that exact moment?

What can I do now?

But the moment is never exact.

One dies over years — yes, there is a first breath

and a last, yet consider a cut tulip

upright in a vase, closing as the day ends,

then turning toward the morning window, opening again.

One day I touch a petal and it falls off.

Even so the balding stem takes

another sip of water.

My mother held the phone to his ear

so each middle-aged child could say a distant good-bye,

and she searched his face for a sign.

Perhaps. No one knows what he heard

or if a phone was essential to it.

The longing to believe is more enduring

than any truth — truth is so perishable.

I once was found, but now I’m lost.

I could see, but now I’m blind.