Skye
“We should go.” I took Xander’s hand in mine as he opened his eyes. This time he didn’t fight my opening the door and drawing him into the hallway. Unlike my wing, the first floor was vacant of guards, or anyone for that matter. Probably because the real concern wasn’t if Tabor got in; it was if he got me—or someone else I cared about.
We emerged on the second floor and the set of guards at the top of the stairway straightened at their posts. Their confused glances flicked between Xander and I. I chuckled at the deep sighs of relief they breathed once we passed without incident. Thomas and Barda weren’t so lucky. Their guilty faces gave them up from twenty feet away. Xander waved them into my room.
“Xander.” I touched his forearm in a quiet reminder to spare them his wrath.
“Your Majesty?” Thomas bowed, but his eyes glanced up as he held his posture of reverence.
I hated the bowing and scraping I received whenever I entered a room.
“It’s fine,” I assured, urging him up as I walked toward the table in the corner of my room.
“No”—Xander countered, and I stiffened—“it is not fine.”
The guards exchanged telling looks then turned their attention to me as Xander flayed them with his piercing blue gaze. I was the one who convinced them to allow me to leave the wing unaccompanied. I was the one who forced them to keep quiet. Now here they were groping for an acceptable explanation to placate the Guardian who stood before them with murder on his mind.
Barda, the younger and more easily persuaded of the two, stepped forward. “Do not explain yourself,” I cautioned, locking a mean scowl of my own on the young, redheaded soldier. “I explained to my Guardian that you were doing the bidding of your Queen. No harm was done and he is not to discipline you. Isn’t that right?” I turned to Xander.
An annoyed smile twisted his lips before he regarded Barda and Thomas. “It will not happen again. The Queen is not to be left unguarded. Ever.” The guards inclined their heads in understanding. “If she attempts to convince you otherwise you will alert me, as you did tonight. I am well aware of her stubbornness, gentlemen,” Xander added and the men had the gall to smile.
To my horror, three sets of eyes focused on me. My face went up in flames at his jab of my character in front of my guards. Then his words registered.
“As you did tonight?” They didn’t have the decency to attempt a look of contrition, neither did Xander. My pulse roared in my ears.
“I’m not sure that is the proper way to speak of your Queen, Guardian.” Xander’s title dripped from my lips with malice as I strode forward with raised brows and crossed arms. The urge to flex my Queenly muscles crept up my spine and I spoke without thought. “And I know you are not presuming to tell me what I can and cannot do.”
The muscle in Xander’s chiseled jaw leapt.
“I beg your pardon, milady,” he replied in a clipped voice. I imagined he’d bit his tongue at my tone. “I did not scold them, Your Majesty. Rioden would have their skin if he were here.”
He gave the men another cutting glance and added, “They are lucky.”
He was right, and I hated it. Queen or not, those men were under orders to guard me and I’d convinced them to let me run off alone—even if they did ultimately tell Xander what I’d done. I’d jeopardized my safety and that of my kingdom tonight. My hubris faded.
Having been properly scolded and dismissed, Barda and Thomas bowed their way out of my chambers. Once the heavy door clicked shut, Xander took hold of my elbow. His touch stirred me from my self-reproach.
His eyes roamed over my face. “You need some sleep.”
My body sagged at the mention of sleep. I’d gone non-stop for two days, continually checking Mother’s health, looking after Xander, waiting on answers about Amandalyn. I was spent. Yet…
“I don’t want to be alone. Will you stay with me?” I asked.
“I can't do that. You're the Queen, the unmarried Queen, and I'm your Guardian.” His grip dug into my elbow as he mocked my earlier tone.
Why must he constantly irritate me?
I turned into the circle of his arms and touched his chest lightly. “You needn’t worry about the guards. They are aware of my terror at night. They’ve rushed into my room more than once when I’ve woken from a nightmare screaming. They won’t judge us.”
“Skye, it’s not right.”
“I confessed my fear to you, and you resist?” Is he so callous about my feelings? “There are two people here I am safe with: Nickoli and you. If you will not stay, I can call for him.”
I regretted the words the moment they fell from my lips. I’d gone too far. Exhaustion and frustration had turned me into a brat. Too cowardly to meet his eyes, I dropped my head and focused on an explanation instead.
“It’s just that … I’d like extra protection in my room while I sleep … until the castle is safeguarded.” I struggled to soothe the sting of my cold-hearted remark while hanging on to my pride.
Aside from the muscle leaping in his cheek and his clenched jaw, he didn’t budge.
I pushed further. “What will it be? My Guardian or…”
Strong hands carefully thrust me away and my arms dropped to my sides.
“How dare you threaten to call the traitor’s son to keep you company?” Xander’s blue eyes locked on mine with anger so deep-seated, it was suffocating.
“Please don’t call him that.” I worked to keep my own anger in check. “And did you really think I would? I knew you'd say yes, eventually.”
Betrayal flashed across his handsome face. “You’re playing games, Skye.”
So help me, I was. What was wrong with me? I was so out of sorts since he’d returned. Torn between everything he made me feel and everything expected of me. Between his never-failing loyalty and the slowly built friendship I’d created with Nickoli.
Xander’s gaze shifted to the cot pushed against the wall near the door. “He slept in here, didn't he?”
I’d evaded this subject earlier; I would not do so now. “He slept outside my door the first night I arrived to Montibello. When I discovered him, I offered a more comfortable spot. He has done nothing but protect me.” I shrugged like it was nothing. Like I wouldn’t be seething if he invited another into his room. Into his bed—no matter the innocence of it.
Xander’s shoulders fell as hurt marred his features, and I immediately regretted my explanation. Finally, he jerked his head. “I will remain at your service, Your Majesty.”
His cool tone sliced through the room and across my heart like his sword through the dungeon air earlier.
Already moving toward the door, he spoke over his shoulder, “I will speak with your guards about their discretion.”
I clutched my stomach, feeling ill for speaking to him in such a manner. The nights Nickoli spent in this room were kept secret. Only Amandalyn, her guard Pate, Nickoli, and myself were allowed access to this wing while McClintock was in power and before my coronation. That made it easy for us to do as we pleased. Our current situation did not compare.
I stilled in the act of removing bedclothes from my armoire when he slipped back into the room, his gaze avoiding me. “Xander, I didn’t say what I did to hurt you.”
“Don’t.” He growled with exasperation as he paced the length of the room like a caged lion. “I fear we’ll only hurt each other where Nickoli is concerned.” He stopped and rested his hand on the hilt of his sword until his knuckles turned white. “He wants you. I want you.”
“I don’t want to fight with you. It will drive us both crazy,” I said to his back.
When he didn’t reply, I moved to the dressing screen and prepared for bed. Midway through my preparations, his movements changed. I tracked the sounds as he wandered throughout my chamber. He tested the iron lock that bolted the shutters together at my window, then his boots scraped and shuffled across the floor again. Confused, I peeked around the partition and found him on all fours peering under my bed.
“Any monsters there?” I teased, emerging from the corner in my sleeping gown.
His head shook as he stood. “No monsters, not tonight.”
I knew his gaze followed me, but when I tried to meet his eyes he turned away. He removed his tunic, boots, and belts with his back toward me. Everything about him made my heart race: the easy grace of his movement, his commanding presence, the way his eyes finally met mine as he snuffed the candles throughout the room, leaving us wrapped in the warmth of one lantern on the bedside table.
Unsaid words played on my tongue and knocked at my lips. I wouldn’t let them pass. I crawled under my covers and sighed when Xander settled beside me, our faces inches apart. His was shadowed by the light behind him, but it didn’t matter, I felt everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do. I felt him.
My eyes traced his features. “Thank you for staying. I haven’t slept well the last few nights.”
He cleared his throat. “Since I returned?”
His voice didn’t betray the hurt I sensed in him.
“Xander, you were right. Nickoli slept in my room. Sometimes he slept on the cot and other…” I sucked in a breath.
“Other times he slept with you. Like this? To comfort you?” he finished for me dispassionately. “No matter how careful you think you were, people found out.”
“Are you angry?”
“That depends.” He rolled over and extinguished the last candle.
“On what?” I asked, my voice barely audible.
“On whether he offered you the comfort of a friend, or more.”
It was a fair enough question. My hand slid across the distance between us until my fingers brushed his arm. “Nothing happened between us.”
“Nothing physical needs to happen for it to mean something more.”
His words hung heavy between us. I peered into the black shadows and swore I could make out his piercing blue eyes as they stared back.
“Get some sleep. I will be here to protect you, for tonight.”
My mouth went dry.
I woke with a grunt, a stabbing pain radiated in my stomach. I shot up terrified, my hands clinging to the dagger I hid beneath my pillow when Xander wasn’t looking.
“Xander?” I whispered into the darkness. “Xander, wake up.”
He groaned.
Something hit my hip and I froze. What was in the bed with us? My ears registered his rapid breathing as I picked up on the way the bed shook with each jerk of his body beside me.
“Xander?” The bed lurched again and his heel kicked my shin.
Confident he was the one who woke me, I returned the dagger beneath my pillow and reached across the bed, blindly searching for him. My knuckles brushed his cheek; his skin was hot and clammy. I swept his hair back and whispered his name again.
“Stop!”
The shout startled me as his hand locked my wrist in a vise grip and yanked me forward. With a gasp, I fell partially on top of his body before he flipped and twisted himself over me with a formidable growl. I attempted freeing myself, but his fingers maintained their hold on the arm he’d pinned over my head.
“Xander? Xander, it’s me”—I fought his grip—“it’s Skye.”
Heavy pants hit my face as he pressed down on me, the whites of his eyes floating inches above me in the dark.
“Milady?” Barda’s replacement called, his voice concerned, as my bedchamber door opened and a stream of candlelight peeked across the floor and hit my face.
It was in the light that Xander found his way.
His crazed eyes softened and he released a ragged gasp as he pulled up. “Oh my—”
“Milady?” The guard—Cal or Cale, I couldn’t recall—asked again.
“I’m fine. We’re fine,” I assured, though I spoke more to Xander as my eyes held his dazed stare. “He was dreaming. Leave us.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.” The guard’s sword swished as he slid it back into its scabbard.
“And speak of this to no one. Do you understand?” I added in a warning tone.
The door shut after my guard agreed to confidentiality. Xander cursed, his hand still locked around my wrist.
“I’m … oh Skye, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what…” he released my arm and the bed shook as he skittered away like a frightened cat.
My hair covered my face and I pushed the tangled mass back as I sat and fumbled for the candle on my bedside table.
Arms drew me back onto the bed before I located the tinderbox. “I’m sorry,” Xander whispered into my hair. “So sorry.”
My eyes flooded with tears as his arms circled my waist and his cheek rested against my shoulder.
“Are you all right? You were thrashing around.” I worked the words between his muttered apologies.
Over and over, Xander apologized, yet when I asked what happened he shushed me and kissed my temple.
We rocked back and forth, back and forth, my back pressed tightly against his chest, until his mumbled apologies quieted and we both fell back to sleep.