What do you do when your happily-ever-after dream starts to turn into a nightmare? If you have a need to vent your rage, nothing could be more satisfying and soothing than hitting or slashing something. So why not take a hack at a symbol of your wedded misery? They always said that revenge should be sweet.
• ax template
• 2 ft. (0.6 m) length 1/4 in. (5 mm) soft copper tubing
• craft and serrated knives
• paintbrushes, including stiff brush
• paper towels, moistened with vodka or lemon extract
• palette and small bowl, for mixing paint
• Styrofoam half-ball or block
• airbrush
• 2 ft. (0.6 m) lengths 3/8 in. (8 mm) and 1/8 in. (3 mm) doweling
• drill
• 12 in. (30 cm) round wooden cake board, 1/2 in. (1 cm) thick, covered in white self-adhesive shelf paper
• no.6 drywall or wood screw and screwdriver
• 3 thin cake boards
• large piping bag and quick-ice tip
• spatula
• turntable (optional)
• plastic wrap
• rolling pin
• rotary cutter
• pliers
• plastic wrap and cardboard, to shield from spatter
• 1 lb. (450 g) modeling chocolate
• airbrush colors: warm brown, ivory, black, and super red
• silver luster dust
• vodka or lemon extract
• 3 x recipe cake batter of choice, baked in an 8 in. (20 cm), a 6 in. (15 cm), and a 4 in. (10 cm) round pan
• 41/2 cups (1 liter) decorator’s buttercream icing
• 4 lb. (1.8 kg) white fondant
• white opaque gel color
Following template, bend length of copper tubing into ax shape. Leave about 8 in. (20 cm) tubing extending from ax handle. Form ax by molding modeling chocolate around copper shape, guided by template. Round ax handle. Flatten blade edge and bevel with craft knife. Trim as necessary.
Etch woodgrain pattern into handle with craft knife. Brush warm brown airbrush color onto one side of handle, allowing color to settle into etched marks. Wipe away excess with moistened paper towel. Let dry. Repeat for other side of handle.
Mix silver luster dust to a thick paint with a few drops of vodka or lemon extract. Use to paint one side of ax head. Let dry. Turn ax over and paint other side of ax head.
Push end of copper tubing extended from ax head into Styrofoam half-ball or block to support ax. Airbrush light coat of ivory over ax handle to even out color and add shadows. Spray light coat of black over edges of handle and ax head to create shadows. Leave to dry.
Cut a 10 in. (25 cm) length of 3/8 in. (8 mm) doweling. Drill pilot hole into center of covered wooden cake board. Drill pilot hole in end of doweling. Attach doweling to cake board with no.6 wood screw.
Cut out 4, 6, and 8 in. (10, 15, and 20 cm) diameter circles from thin cake boards. Cut small hole in center of each to accommodate center-dowel support. Cut eight pieces of 1/8 in. (3 mm) doweling, each as long as height of uncut cakes.
Cut cakes in half, horizontally. Place 8 in. (20 cm) cake layer onto cake board circle. Core cake to match hole in board. Fix onto doweled cake board with buttercream. Spread buttercream on top. Core second 8 in. (20 cm) cake layer and stack.
Using large piping bag and quick-ice tip, pipe buttercream icing over entire surface of cake. Smooth icing with spatula, held at 90° angle to cake edge, turning cake by hand or on a turntable, if you have one.
Insert four 1/8 in. (3 mm) doweling lengths, arranged in area around the large central dowel, into the top of the iced cake.
Repeat for 6 in. (15 cm) and 4 in. (10 cm) cake layers, placing on cake board circles, coring centers, sandwiching together, and icing. Insert four 1/8 in. (3 mm) doweling lengths into top of 6 in. (15 cm) cake, arranged around center hole.
Set iced cakes aside in a cool place. Do not stack at this stage. Measure the height and circumference of each cake. Roll out half the white fondant onto a dusted surface.
Use rotary cutter to cut out fondant strip, sized to height and circumference of 8 in. (20 cm) cake. Roll over rolling pin and unfurl and smooth onto cake sides. Trim and secure ends with water. Repeat for 6 in. (15 cm) and 4 in. (10 cm) cakes.
Using a stiff brush, flick and spread a light coating of water over the iced top of each cake. Apply just enough water to soften the surface of the icing a little. Take care not to oversaturate icing.
Roll out remaining white fondant. Using the 8 in. (20 cm), 6 in. (15 cm) and 4 in. (10 cm) cake pans or cutters as templates, cut out three fondant circles. Cut small center circle in 8 in. (20 cm) and 6 in. (15 cm) pieces to accommodate center dowel.
Wrap 8 in. (20 cm) fondant circle loosely around rolling pin and unfurl carefully onto moistened top of 8 in. (20 cm) cake. Repeat for 6 in. (15 cm) and 4 in. (10 cm) cakes.
Using your hands, carefully smooth over the fondant on the sides and tops to fix firmly to the iced cakes. Trim and round off edges, moistening slightly if necessary.
Using the large piping bag and quick-ice tip, apply a few dabs of buttercream to top of 8 in. (20 cm) cake.
Carefully stack the fondant-covered 6 in. (15 cm) cake on top of the 8 in. (20 cm) cake. Dab top of 6 in. (15 cm) cake with buttercream. Stack fondant-covered 4 in. (10 cm) cake on top of 6 in. (15 cm) layer.
Carefully slide the length of copper tubing extending from the ax blade into the top of stacked 4 in. (10 cm) cake. If necessary, use pliers to gently guide the ax into cake.
For that “just-hacked” look, continue to push the ax down until it appears to be slightly embedded in the top of the cake. If the fondant is too firm, trim a little away to accommodate the ax head.
Combine super red airbrush color and white opaque gel color in small bowl. Mix until fully blended. The mixture should have a slightly creamy consistency.
Place cake onto upturned cake pan or a turntable. Cover the ax handle with plastic wrap to protect it from spatter. Secure a piece of cardboard or paper on the wall behind the cake to protect room from spatter.
Dip stiff, dry paintbrush into blood mixture. With flinging motion, spatter blood onto cake. Turn cake around to spatter on all sides. Repeat until desired effect is achieved. Drip blood from brush in a pool around ax blade.
Carefully remove plastic wrap from ax handle. If you need to store cake, fully cover ax in plastic wrap before placing in a refrigerator, as moisture from condensation will cause paint on modeling chocolate to bead.
