Friday 21st February, 1941

I’m tired and blissfully happy, but I wanted to write about tonight before I fall asleep, as I believe some of the magic will have worn off in the light of morning.

It occurred to me after my last meeting with Rick that there was precious little for us to do in Llanmarion. There’s a war on after all, and there are no restaurants or dances – if he even can dance with his bad back – to attend. I wondered, perhaps, if he might drive us into Cardiff or Swansea to the pictures, but I know from the listening post that Cardiff is under constant threat of air raids and I’d rather not spend my night out with Rick in a shelter.

Once more I asked Glynis’s permission to go out with Rick. In the absence of Mother and Father it only seemed appropriate, although again Glynis seemed to find my formality amusing.

At six o’clock on the dot Rick arrived at the farm gate, in a car he’d borrowed from a soldier friend for the evening. He was out of uniform, but dressed smartly in a blueish-grey suit and matching trilby. I had also brought some of my finer clothes out of retirement: my jade-green coat paired with a peacock-blue beret Father bought me in Paris.

‘Good evening, Miss Stanford,’ he said, standing on the front step.

‘Lieutenant Sawyer, how do you do?’

He smiled again and I melted a little; I’d forgotten how crushingly handsome he is. ‘I wondered if you’d like to accompany me on a picnic?’

‘A picnic? It’s dark already!’

‘Trust me, ma’am, it’s all under control.’

I took his arm and he led me to the car. From their bedroom window, Peter and Jane spied on us as we left, giggling behind their hands.

He drove us up into the hills, the car chugging along the winding roads, brushing against wild hedgerows that spilled over. It was frightfully dark away from the town, but I felt safe with Rick. He seemed to know where he was going and eventually he pulled into a lay-by and told me to wait while he unpacked the boot. ‘You think you can manage a short walk in those heels, miss?’

‘I’m quite sure,’ I said, stepping out as he held the car door open and offered a supportive hand.

‘It’s not far, I promise.’ He helped me over a wooden style and we stuck to a well-trodden path that led further into the hills. My shoes were woefully inadequate, but I didn’t complain. Eventually it became clear where we were headed: the lake; the source, I supposed, of the stream that runs past the farm. ‘Have you been up here before?’

‘No,’ I admitted, ‘I can’t say I’d thought about it.’

‘It’s quite something.’ And it was. We arrived after walking for about fifteen minutes. The still, black water was surrounded by dramatic cliffs, the pearly moon reflected on the surface. ‘It’s called the Devil’s Cup,’ Rick said. ‘You can see why.’

‘Yes, it’s very apt.’ The rocks made it rather like a vast stone bowl. On this lip, however, there was a shallow rocky bay of sorts, where one could wade into the water if one so desired. There were large, flat boulders on which to rest also, and on one of these was set up a bonfire. ‘What’s all this?’

‘I came up this afternoon to set up,’ he said, and I was touched he’d gone to so much effort. In no time at all, an impressive fire was crackling and snapping. Still, he wrapped a tartan blanket around both of our shoulders and we huddled together. ‘Are you hungry?’ he asked, revealing a picnic basket full of crusty fresh bread, cooked meats and cheese. I have no idea if he has his own ration book or not, but he’d obviously found a way.

‘Oh, Rick, this is just lovely. Thank you so much.’

‘Not at all. I figured there had to be something we could do in this Podunk town.’

I didn’t know precisely what that meant, but I got the picture. ‘This is perfect. Just perfect,’ I told him.

‘Next time there’s a dance, I’m hoping you’ll agree to be my date,’ he said.

‘Oh, I don’t know, I’m not much of a dancer. In fact I have two left feet.’

‘I don’t believe that for a second!’

‘It’s true!’

‘Well, then maybe I’ll just have to give you a couple of lessons, if you’d permit it.’

I smiled up at him. ‘You can dance? Even with your back?’

‘I sure can. Mom always said, “Boys, how you gonna get a pretty girl to dance with you if you can’t even dance yourself?” and so she taught all of us in the kitchen at the farm.’

‘Well, aren’t you just full of surprises! In that case, I’d absolutely love a dance lesson.’

‘Deal!’

He’d brought along a bottle of port too. I had often had a tipple at Mummy’s dinner parties and I thought a little couldn’t hurt. I can’t deny it warmed my throat as it went down too.

For a time we were content to watch the hypnotic flames and the column of silver smoke billow aloft. The night sky was vast and I felt there were a great many more stars here than there were over London. Being pressed together like sardines felt so right, not wicked in the slightest. I let myself lean against him, head resting on his shoulder. The fire rippled on the surface of the lake and we were entirely ensconced in its glow. A little bubble filled with love.

I think there was love there. I could feel it between us – the air was thicker and richer than it had any right to be.

We talked and talked. I told him all about Mummy and Daddy, about my schooling. He asked what I wanted to do after the war. ‘I honestly don’t know,’ I said. ‘Everything’s going to change, isn’t it, whether we win or lose.’

‘Oh, we’ll win,’ he said with certainty. I think the alternative is too simply terrible to dignify. ‘You want a family or are you one of those career girls?’

‘I want both,’ I said, and the prompt nature of the answer took me by surprise. ‘I’m so enjoying working with Glynis and the girls. It’s keeping my brain busy. I think it’s good to keep a busy brain, don’t you?’

‘Yes, ma’am.’ He gave my gloved hand a squeeze. ‘All I can see is this war, you know? Get better and get back to the base so I can do my part. If there’s a future beyond that, I don’t know what it is.’

‘It’s not such a terrible thing, I think, to invest oneself only in the present. It means you won’t miss anything.’

‘I couldn’t agree more, Margot. Right now, you, me and this fire are the whole world.’ How I’ve balked in the past at the mere idea of ‘love at first sight’, but I had no concept of how fast these things can seed and put down roots. ‘Margot Stanford, I find you fascinating.’

I laughed. ‘I think that’s a compliment.’

‘It is! It is. I think about you a lot, you know.’

It was everything I wanted to hear. I’m sure there are rules about these sorts of things, but in the moment I couldn’t remember any of them. ‘I think about you too. All the time, in fact. Rick, you’ll think me awfully naive, but I’ve never felt like this before. I’m scared of it.’

‘I know what you mean … When I came to Llanmarion I wasn’t expecting to … Don’t worry, it’s all going to be OK.’ He pulled me close, enveloping me, and I believed him. As long as we are together, I can keep this golden feeling alive.

I wonder if it’s about belonging.

I want to be his. I want him to be mine.