Chapter Eight: Death Comes

Therese stared at him, astonished. She barely noticed the rain falling outside her window. Thump, thump, thump. Was it rain? Or was it the pounding of her heart?

Than looked down at her and smiled. It was a sober smile. It wasn’t unfriendly, but it lacked enthusiasm and was sad. He was wearing his loose-fitting trousers and open white shirt and brown leather sandals. His dark hair hadn’t grown an inch since she had last seen him and just reached his bright blue eyes.

“Am I dreaming?” She tried to push off into the air but remained solidly on the bed.

“No,” he replied.

“Figment!” she nearly shouted. “I command you to show yourself!”

Than stood over her. He hadn’t disappeared. “It’s me, Therese.”

Her mouth dropped open and she jumped to her knees. She twisted the front of her t-shirt in both hands, like she was wringing out a wet rag. She hardly realized what she was doing. In her dreams, she always knew what to do; but now that she was actually looking upon the real Than, she felt speechless and paralyzed.

Clifford stood from where he had been lying beside her and wagged his tail. He gave a playful bark, which brought Therese back to her senses.

“Hi, Clifford,” Than said.

“You’ve come for me, then? Finally? After all these months?” The initial shock wore off. She threw her arms around his neck and immediately felt the cold creeping through her body, the air harder to breathe. But she held him and felt a sense of relief. She wouldn’t have to risk her life with Vicki after all.

He gave her one quick kiss and then pushed her back down onto the bed. “I came for Puffy, not for you, Therese. Please stay back so I don’t kill you.”

As she fell back, she heard his words, took them in, felt their sting. Frustration and disappointment turned into anger. “You’re never coming for me, are you? You won’t come till I’m dead!”

He frowned. “I’ve been busy. It’s dangerous for you to be close to me while I’m the guide for the dead. I thought you understood.” He moved to Puffy’s cage.

“If Puffy hadn’t died…” she couldn’t complete the thought out loud. She felt dizzy and breathless. He hadn’t come for her. He was just doing his job. Did he care for her at all? Had he ever loved her? She studied him in profile as he dipped his hand through Puffy’s plastic tower and pulled out an orb of light in Puffy’s image. Puffy’s body remained in the tower curled up in the bedding.

“It’s okay, Puffy,” he said to the hamster. “I’m here to guide you.” Then to Therese, he said, “I didn’t have to wake you up and show myself to you. I thought you’d be glad to see me. I guess it was a mistake.”

“You’re a god, for heaven’s sake! If you really loved me, you’d find a way to be with me.” She saw the pain in his face, and for a split moment regretted her words. Then he turned from her with Puffy in his hand, and the anger moved swiftly over her again. “Answer me, Than! How much longer?”

The rain fell more heavily and a crash of thunder roared in the distance. The late afternoon thunder showers had come.

“I don’t know. Be patient. I need to go before you get too weak, before I kill you.” He backed away.

She leapt from the bed and wrapped her arms around him again, desperate and trembling, and now, gasping for air. She held onto his neck and pressed her cheek against his warm, bare chest. Not with her gaping, blue lips, but in prayer, she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I miss you so much.” Her stomach felt like she was going to be sick. The air felt thick, her efforts at breathing stifled, but she held on. It felt so good to be against him, to feel his body with her own. It felt so wonderful to see him, to squeeze his hand, run fingers through his hair, to know he was real. There were a thousand things she had wanted to ask, but her head was spinning. She couldn’t think of what she had wanted to say, and she was frustrated, having longed for this moment for months. Not wanting the moment to end, she clung to him, tried to look into his eyes, and, as he forcefully pried her blue fingers from his neck, fell back into unconsciousness.

When she came to, Than was gone and Puffy had stopped breathing.

She replayed the few minutes Than had been in her room in slow motion. She at first felt the joy of seeing him and the pleasure of being in his presence. Her body felt aroused as she recalled the feel of him against her, her fingers in his hair. But the pleasure turned to pain, and the pain to anger.

She touched Puffy’s stiff body without moving him from his plastic tower. Tears rushed from her eyes. “Say hi to Mom and Dad for me.” She decided at that moment she hated Than, the god of the dead, and she wished she had never met him. But she would tell him to his face. She would take the NDE drug with Vicki next weekend, she would march to the gates of hell, and she would tell the son of a you-know-what to his face that she never wanted to see him again. Even when she died, she wanted someone else to come for her!

How hard could it be for a god to give her a better indication of what he was doing to try and get her back? Had he worked out a new agreement with his father? Or had he been doing his job with no time for anything but the dead?

Than had said Therese would be unhappy spending eternity in the Underworld. Maybe he hoped she would gradually forget about him. Maybe he was staying away from her because he thought it was best for her.

Then why had he showed himself to her today? Had it been a moment of weakness?

The concept of time was different to the gods, so maybe to Than, ten months was like a snap of the fingers. But hadn’t he heard all her desperate prayers? If he had a heart, he’d tell her something more than “I’ve been busy. Be patient.”

She moved to her bed and wept, and after a few moments, Carol knocked at her door.

“Are you okay in there? Can I come in?” Carol opened the door.

“Puffy died,” Therese said, sobbing.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Carol leaned over and gave Therese a hug. The smell of Haiku perfume and Jergen’s lotion washed over Therese. It was the same smell of her mother. Carol sat on the bed beside her, and for a moment, Therese thought it was her mother. She almost said, “Mom.” Almost. She blinked.

“I know you were expecting this,” Carol said, “but even then, it’s never easy. Maybe you should stay home tonight.”

Therese nodded, still sobbing, all the forces of grief sweeping over her. She felt she might drown even though the rain outside had finally stopped.

“You want me to call the Holts?”

Therese nodded again and then buried her face in her pillow.

Carol kissed the back of Therese’s head and closed the door behind her as she left the room.

Therese lay there thinking how much she hated Than. She refused to pray her thoughts to him. She would keep them to herself until she could seek him out and tell him to his face what she thought of him. She knew she was the only one who ever prayed to him in a loving way. He had told her so himself. Except for the desperate pleas of those near death, or from the loved ones beside the deathbed, begging him to change a course he could not change, she was the only voice he heard. Hers was the cheer in his life, he had said. Well, forget that. If he couldn’t give her a better explanation, he could feel the same silence she had been feeling on her end.

She finally understood the warning Artemis and Athena had given her about women who loved immortal men and understood why Daphne, a nymph, ran from Apollo and begged her river-father to turn her into a tree.

She tried to recall why she ever thought she loved him and remembered his face turned up to the rain with pleasure. Later he had put his arm around her and comforted her after Dumbo’s fatal accident. His face lit up whenever he looked upon the sunset, and his eyes brightened when he moved through the cool water of the lake. A giggle escaped from her throat when she recalled teaching him to waltz, but she quickly sobered at the memory of how he had held her on the dance floor of the Wildhorse Saloon and had touched her like he had never touched a human being. He had relished her lips as much as she had relished his.

She thought of the three sunsets they had visited in one day. The way he had defended her on Mount Olympus. The care he took when he helped her sort through her parents’ things.

And he had begged Aphrodite to save Clifford’s life because he knew Therese couldn’t take another death.

But he had said he would come back for her, and almost a year had passed since he made that promise. Tonight he said he’d been busy. He’d been too busy for her. He hadn’t even come to see her. He was only doing his job. Maybe he’d changed his mind. He didn’t love her after all.

She hated him. And she couldn’t wait to tell him.

She hugged her pillow. If only she had killed McAdams. She’d be with Than now and forever. Why was she blaming him? She was the one who had failed.

But she was only a human. He was a god, for crying out loud. He said he’d come for her and he hadn’t. Would she be an old maid before he finally found time in his busy schedule for her?

Therese wasn’t sure how much time had passed when another knock came at her door.

“Therese, it’s me, Jen. I’m coming in.”

Therese didn’t get up from the bed. Jen came over and hugged her just as Carol had done. Too much Oscar de la Renta made Therese cough. She noticed Vicki hovering in the doorway as though she was afraid to get too close. Maybe she thought she couldn’t encroach on Jen’s territory. Jen sat on the bed.

“I’m sorry about Puffy,” Jen said.

“Me, too,” Vicki said from the doorway.

“Thanks guys. I’m sorry I’m canceling out on you tonight. I hope you understand.”

Jen put a hand on each of Therese’s shoulders and squared herself to her friend, leaning over her. Therese noticed how pretty Jen looked in makeup, something Jen rarely wore and really didn’t need. Her blonde hair fell forward around her face and smelled of hairspray, but the hair itself wasn’t stiff. Her pale blue blouse, however, was stiff and wrinkle-free and had probably been starched and ironed. A rhinestone belt buckle showed off her thin waistline. “But lying in bed all evening is the last thing you should do. All this grief is going to build up and eat you alive. I know you, Therese Mills, and you’re not just crying over Puffy. I mean, I know you’re hurt. I know you loved him. But you’re thinking of your parents, too, and probably Dumbo. Am I right?”

The tears gushed from Therese’s eyes. Her friend knew her well. “Than…called.” Therese hated the lie, but the truth was unbelievable.

Jen stood upright, nearly falling back. “Oh my God! What did he say?”

Therese fought the sobs. “He said he’s been busy. He wants me to be patient.”

“That jerk!” Jen shouted. Carol and Richard might have heard.

“I hate him, Jen. I hate him so bad. I feel sick!” Therese climbed from her bed and ran to her bathroom where she threw up in the commode.

Jen followed her in and patted Therese, bent over the bowl as she kneeled on the floor, coughing. Jen got her a clean towel from the cabinet. “I hate him, too,” Jen said. “And I tell you what. The best thing you can do is go out tonight and dance your butt off with as many guys as you can. Help yourself forget about him. If he calls again, you can tell him you’re busy, and you won’t be lying!”

The idea didn’t sound too bad. “I don’t know.”

“Matthew’s out in the truck and Todd and Ray are in Todd’s truck behind us. Todd wanted to follow Matthew. And Bobby will be there, too. You’ll have plenty of dance partners to keep your mind off of you know who. And Pete’s band won’t be playing all night. They’re one group of a handful. Pete’ll want to dance with you, too. Come on, what do you say?”

Vicki now hovered in the doorway of the bathroom. For the first time, Therese noticed how pretty she looked with her hair pulled away from her face instead of scraggily falling into it. Her brown eyes had been outlined with make up, and her pale cheeks had spots of color. She wore a summer dress and sandals—which would be hard to dance in on the concrete floor at the Pagosa Springs Fairgrounds, but her slight figure and toothpick legs were softened by them. “I think you should go for it. I agree with Jen.”

“But I haven’t even showered.”

Jen helped Therese to her feet. “That’s alright. We’ll wait for you downstairs. I’ll tell the guys to come in. I’ll go make some Crystal Light lemonade and some of that spray cheese on crackers. I saw it all out on the counter on the way up. We’ll be fine.”

Jen and Vicki left the room.

As Therese showered and the warm water fell over her, she caught herself starting to talk to Than. She had been praying to him for ten long months, and it had become a habit. She wasn’t always aware she was doing it. He had become her invisible best friend, and cutting off communication with him would be harder than she had at first thought. So maybe she would channel her thoughts to another god. She decided Poseidon might not be the best pick, because she still suspected he might have had something to do with that morning’s earthquake. And although she really liked Artemis, the goddess of wild things hadn’t been too happy with her at their last encounter. Artemis thought Therese was stupid for loving Than. Athena had said the same last summer. Well, maybe both goddesses would be glad to hear Therese’s plan of action. But what if Therese changed her mind? What if she eventually decided she didn’t hate Than? Would Artemis and Athena be tolerant of her indecision? What if the goddesses turned on Than?

Now Aphrodite, the goddess of love, understood love’s ups and downs, but Aphrodite might not like Therese’s plan of going to the Underworld and telling Than off. Aphrodite might try to talk her out of it. Therese didn’t want to risk that. She was dead bent on telling off Than to his face.

Persephone and Demeter wouldn’t do, either. They were Than’s mother and grandmother. Therese couldn’t expect them to have an unbiased stance. They’d probably sympathize with Than and thwart Therese’s efforts.

Of course Ares was out of the question. The god of war had been behind her parents’ death. He wanted to prevent her mother from finding the cure to the mutated Anthrax C. He wanted foreign coups to have a useful store of the mutated Anthrax so a new balance of power could come into the world. Ares wanted to see America fall. Plus, he hated Therese and would take any opportunity to bring her down. He was against her becoming a god because he knew he could never count on her support.

Zeus was just out of her league. She was scared to death of him. Hades, too. Besides, Hades clearly showed his disdain for her when she refused to kill McAdams. And Than’s sisters, the Furies, were intimidating to say the least. She couldn’t shrug off their description of the way they beat information out of their suspects: blood dripped from their eyes, snakes crawled through their hair, and piercing screams came from their throats. No, Therese didn’t think she’d pray to them.

She didn’t really know Hestia, Hera, Apollo, or Hephaestus. But Hermes! The messenger of the gods had once been her friend.

Therese rinsed the shampoo from her hair and embraced this new idea of Hermes. He had liked Therese. They played their instruments together and shared laughs together and he had been supportive on Mount Olympus. He had had his share of love affairs and children and so could understand Therese’s heartbreak. And yet, Therese had the sense he wouldn’t let her hatred of Than ruin his own relationship with the god of the dead. Hermes it was.

She turned off the shower and dried off, and as she put on her blue jeans and green cotton blouse, she attempted her first prayer to him: “Hermes, do you remember me? It’s Therese. I hope you don’t mind if I talk to you. Thanatos has broken my heart.”

She threw on a little makeup and blow-dried her hair. That was enough for now. She would wait and tell Hermes her plans later. Tonight, she was going to have fun and forget all about Than. Around her neck was Athena’s locket reminding her that the most common way people give up their power is by believing they have none.