Chapter Eighteen: The Impossible Dream
After Pete left, Therese went straight through the house and up the stairs to her room, hoping neither her aunt nor her uncle would follow. She wanted to be alone. Except for her pets, she didn’t want company.
She changed into an old pair of sweats she usually wore in the winter, hoping they would help her body stop trembling. She held Jewels against her neck, the shell warm from its heat lamp. Then she wished the tortoise goodnight, turned off the lamp, and crawled beneath her covers. As exhausted as she was, she lay in bed beside Clifford unable to fall asleep.
“Oh, Clifford,” she muttered. “What am I going to do?”
He nudged the palm of her hand with his head, which meant, “Pet me,” so she scratched behind his ears and along his back. He rolled over for a belly scratch. Stroking him released some of the anxiety that had built up inside of her. Her neck and shoulders loosened a little, and she sank further into her pillow. She closed her eyes and continued to pet Clifford until she finally drifted off to sleep.
Therese found herself walking through a neighborhood, lost. It was her grandparents’ neighborhood, in San Antonio. She used to ride a bike around these blocks during visits, but she’d never gotten lost. Why couldn’t she find her way now? She turned a corner and headed up another block. Some of the houses slanted in odd angles to the ground. This is weird, she thought. She’d never seen houses like this before.
She was dreaming.
She kicked off the ground and swam the breast stroke through the air, flying above the treetops. She flipped onto to her back and floated, wondering why her grandparents’ old neighborhood had been in her dream and why she had gotten lost in it. Before long, she felt another presence floating near her.
It was a figment disguised as Than. She turned to face it, her body stiff with anger. Even though she knew it was just a stupid figment, she couldn’t stop the heat from rising to her skin and the words to her throat. “Get away from me!”
“Therese, please.” The figment moved closer, touching a hand to her cheek.
She looked at him with longing, but the fact that he could be this close and not cause her to grow weak with dying proved he was just a stupid figment. She pressed her palms against his bare chest and pushed. “Get away!” she growled.
“No. Not until you’ve heard me out. If you still want me to go then, I will.”
“Figment, I command you to show yourself!”
Than moved closer, taking her hand. “I’m not a figment. It’s me.”
She jerked back, eyes wide. “What?” Her heart pounded in her ears. She wasn’t sure whether she was mad or happy. Maybe a little of both. “What are you doing here? How come I’m not dying?”
He ran a hand through her short hair. “I like your hair this way.”
Her mouth went dry, her palms moist. “Why are you here?”
“My father ordered Hip to trade places with me for the night. I need to talk to you.”
“And you couldn’t manage this months ago?” Her voice came out harsh and bitter. She regretted it as soon as she saw his face.
“I’ve been trying, believe me. Can we please sit down somewhere and talk?”
She folded her arms across her chest, unsure. Seeing him made her knees weak; she could barely maintain herself in the air because her body felt wobbly, her heart unsteady. Yes, she wanted to sit down, but should she talk to him? After what he did to Vicki? The idea of not talking to him made her stomach ache. “Okay. Where?”
He took her hand and led her down through the clouds, down through tall granite peaks, down into a ravine where a river flowed, down to the gate of the Underworld.
“I thought I wasn’t allowed to enter,” she said, suddenly terrified. Was he planning to kill her?
“Not through there. I’m taking you around back, to a secret entrance to my rooms. You can only enter through the dream world.”
They ran across a field of poppies. Lying amid the flowers on his back with his eyes closed was Than.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “Is that you?” She pointed to his sleeping form a few feet away from them.
“That’s how I enter the dream world.”
“So this isn’t the real you?” She touched his chest. It felt good to touch him.
He covered her hand and held it against him. “It’s as much the real me as it is the real you. Hard to explain. Just come on.”
He led her inside a dome-shaped cavern with high ceilings and a river of fire. A grouping of instruments hung above the flames on one wall. Across from the river was a fireplace, also alight with flames, and arranged in front of it were two leather club chairs. In the center of the room, a table and two chairs looked like they were carved from gold.
“Welcome to my home,” he said, his cheeks turning red. “Come, sit down.”
Therese looked around in awe, the dome ceiling, curved high above them, reminding her of a cathedral. She took a seat across from him near the fire place in the cozy leather chair. “It’s nice.”
“You really like it?”
“Yes. I do.” She looked up again at the ceiling, where their shadows danced.
Than gave her his adorable smile and leaned toward her, sitting on the edge of his seat. She sat forward, too, so their knees touched, her knees pressed together inside of his. She pressed them together to keep them from shaking. He took one of her hands, holding it on her thigh, hot beneath her sweats.
“I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said. “I’ve fantasized about this for months.”
“Why am I here? What’s this all about?” She couldn’t keep the resentment from her tone. He should have come for her months ago.
He told her all about his efforts to make her into a god in spite of the oath he and the Olympians took last summer. He told her about Aphrodite, about the maenads, about Dionysus, and about Ariadne and the Minotaur. As he spoke, the iron glove around her heart melted away. She put a hand to her mouth, taking it all in. He hadn’t been too busy for her; he’d been busy because of her. She felt like a fool. She closed her eyes to hold in the tears, but they fell down her cheeks anyway.
He smoothed the tears away with his thumbs. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m so sorry I lost faith in you,” she muttered. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I thought once you returned to your duties, you realized you’d made a mistake, that I wasn’t anything special, that you didn’t want me.”
“No.” He stood and pulled her from the chair and into his arms. “No way.”
She put her cheek against his chest and let him hold her. Even though she knew this was a dream, she also knew it was real, and it felt real. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest with each breath, could hear his heart pumping against her cheek.
He stroked her hair. “You know I had no choice but to take Vicki, right? You understand that?”
She looked into his eyes. “It was my fault, not yours. Besides, Hades makes no exceptions, does he,” she said without inflection. “And you are under his command.”
“Exactly.”
“Have you ever disobeyed your father?”
He shook his head. “But I will if necessary, to be with you.”
“Oh, Than.”
He pulled her hard against him and kissed the top of her head, then cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face to his. She met his eyes, and her body responded to the longing she recognized in them, the longing she knew her eyes also held. Softly, she whispered, “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Believe it,” he said, just before he covered her mouth with his.
She took his lips in hers, licking, sweeping, tasting. She couldn’t resist taking his lower lip between her teeth and gently biting down.
“Mmm,” he groaned.
He lifted her up in his arms and carried her from the room into another, following the river of fire, past a stalagmite holding a clock and quill to a round bed beneath a golden sword and shield. Next to the bed was a trickling waterfall cascading over a series of shelves carved from stone and displaying a beautiful shell collection. Three green plants, somewhat transparent, grew in pots beside the waterfall, and though Therese was amazed by the room, and able to take in every detail with the slow motion of a dream, she closed her eyes when Than laid her on his bed and kissed her. He climbed beside her, half on top of her, and cupped her head in his hands, lifting her face to his. The soft, sweeping, gentle kisses became hard and passionate and deep. Therese wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her body against his.
His hand moved to her cheek, along her chin, down her neck, and gently caressed her collarbone at the top of her sweatshirt.
A moan escaped her lips as she slipped one hand from his neck and circled it around his back, pressing him to her. She tugged his dark wavy hair, pulling his lips harder against hers. Then she stopped, full of panic, and looked, wide-eyed, at Than. Were they going to have sex? She wasn’t so sure she was ready for that, even in a dream.
“Therese? What’s wrong?”
“I, it’s just that, you can’t get pregnant from a dream, right?”
His eyes burned with desire. In a low, steady voice, he said, “Right.”
“Does that mean you, I mean, are we going to, you know?” She swallowed air, then sucked in her lips.
He smiled down at her. “We’re not doing anything you’re not ready for.”
She hadn’t realized she was holding her breath, but she let the air out now.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Okay.”
He kissed her again and held her in his arms. “Besides, we still need to talk. I have something serious to discuss with you.”
He rolled onto his back with his arm beneath her shoulders. She nestled in the crook of his arm, her cheek against his warm bare chest, her palm against his ripped abdomen. She’d never touched him like this, so freely, probably because she felt less inhibited in the dream world than in the real. She caressed his belly, feeling the muscle tone, every ripple, just above his waistband.
He moaned and stopped her hand, lacing his fingers into hers.
“What are you thinking?” she prayed. “Talk to me.”
His answer came to her mind without him uttering it. He said, “I’m going to make you a god so you can come down here and be with me forever. But it’s going to hurt. Really bad.”
She gasped and prayed, “How did you do that? Communicate with me without talking?”
“This is a dream. The rules are different.”
“Oh.”
“You know Vicki would have taken the ketamine with or without you, don’t you?”
“She didn’t have the money. I don’t know.”
“She would have found a way.”
“Maybe.”
He stroked her hair and then her cheek. “Would you want to live here with me?”
“Yes.”
“My grandmother knows a way. See, only Zeus can confer immortality on a human the normal way on Mount Olympus—where a mortal can drink ambrosia—but without Zeus’s power, we have to use a more painful method. I’ll understand if you can’t do it. To be honest, I’ve had my doubts about asking you.”
“What is it?”
“I’ll take you to my grandmother’s winter cabin where I’ll anoint your body with ambrosia—to drink it without Zeus would kill you. Then I’ll light your body on fire.”
“What?”
“And your mortal body will burn to death as your immortal body rises from the ashes.”
“Are you serious?”
“You don’t have to do it. Forget it.”
“No. I want to.” Therese tried not to let the terror into her thoughts as she wondered if she could allow herself to be set on fire, if she could endure being burnt alive. She shivered at the thought, silently gasping for air, and tears came to her eyes. Though she doubted herself, though she worried at the last moment she would run away from it, she prayed to Than, “I can do it. I’d do anything to be with you. But what about the maenads?”
He put a hand on her cheek and looked into her eyes. “It’s like you said: I’d do anything for you. I don’t care about that. Once a year, what’s that compared to an eternity without you?”
She gave him a sad smile. “Will your father allow this?”
As they lay quietly stroking one another, he told her what his father had proposed. He’d give them his blessing and aid, forcing Dionysus to help, if she proved herself worthy. He described the five challenges.
She sat up and spoke out loud, “You don’t think I can do it!”
He sat up, too. “You think you can?”
She hopped off the bed and paced around the room. “No. But I want you to believe I can. Maybe I can. Maybe I can.”
“No mortal can. He’s giving you a set of impossible tasks to punish you for what you did last summer on Mount Olympus.” He moved to the edge of the bed.
“If I fight the dragon, the Minotaur, and the Hydra, you’ll be spared. Right? With Dionysus’s help, the maenads will leave you alone.”
He nodded. “Don’t do it, Therese. At least, if we do it ourselves, your life won’t be in danger. I can’t risk losing you.”
“But it’s my choice, right? You’ll honor my decision?”
He nodded again and took her in his arms. He sat on the bed with his feet on the floor and his legs spread open. She stood between his knees and held his head against her belly while he circled her waist with his arms.
“But please, think seriously about this,” he said with his cheek against her sweatshirt. “I promise I can handle the maenads. If you can endure the fire…”
“But that’s one time, Than. The maenads will rip you to pieces every year for, like, forever.”
He lifted his eyes to hers, his chin against her stomach. “I only told you about the five challenges because Alecto said the choice should be yours, and she’s right. But please don’t make a hasty decision. You’ll break my heart if you die.”
She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead. “I won’t let myself die.”
He sighed. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that right before I’ve led a soul here?”
“I won’t let it happen. I’ll think of something. I can feel it. You and I were meant to be together, I know it. I tried to love Pete. I’m sorry, but I did. And it felt so wrong. So wrong. And this, between you and me, it feels like it was always meant to be. So I can’t die. I can’t.”
He stood up and pulled her into him. “I love you.”
She looked up at him, feeling brave for the first time in her life, feeling more determined than ever to achieve something she wanted. “I . . .” But before she could utter her thought, she woke up in her bed next to Clifford, and Than was gone.
Tossing and turning and checking her clock every few minutes for over an hour, she couldn’t stand the idea that this was her one night with Than and she couldn’t get to him because she couldn’t fall asleep. “Help me,” she finally prayed. “Help me fall asleep.”
He appeared beside her, shocking her. She hadn’t expected him to come.
“My presence won’t kill you,” he said, stroking her cheek. “But it will make you . . .”
Before he could complete his sentence, she was back in the dream, only now on the bed beside him.
“Tell me what you were about to say,” he whispered.
They lay against one another on his round bed facing each other with the waterfall trickling beside them. The glimmer from the river of fire sparkled in Than’s eyes.
“I was going to say, I love you, too.”
They held one another in the dream world for the rest of the night, but at dawn, Than kissed her once more and vanished. She found herself floating in the clouds above her grandparents’ old neighborhood. Hip appeared beside her.
“He had to go back to guide the dead, but I’ll hang out with you, if you’d like.”
“Do you know about the five challenges?”
“Yeah. You’ve got to try, Therese. Don’t let the maenads have my brother.”
“I’m going to try. I’m going to try my hardest. Your dad said I had to do it alone, but he didn’t say I couldn’t use the gifts I already have, right? I can use Aphrodite’s traveling robe and Artemis’s invisibility crown. I wonder where the sword and shield are that Hephaestus made me last summer.”
“I’ll find out.” He moved closer. “Hey, you’re waking up.”
She opened her eyes to the bright sunlight streaming into her room, and though she was frightened of what lay ahead, she also felt excited to finally have some control over her own destiny.