WEEK 6 ● Day 2
READ 2 SAMUEL 11:3-5
As we read on in 2 Samuel 11 today, things go from bad to worse. David saw Bathsheba bathing on her roof, sent his men to retrieve her, slept with her, and then sent her away.
Can you imagine getting that knock on the door? Culturally, there was nothing she could do about his request: He was king, and she was to obey. The thought makes my heart drop.
Bathsheba would have known David well. Perhaps not personally, but because the men in her life worked intimately with the king, she would have grown up hearing conversation and recounted stories from her father, grandfather, and husband.[1] We know from reading through other areas of the Bible that Bathsheba’s family was highly esteemed by David himself. In fact, her father Eliam (2 Samuel 11:3), also known as Ammiel (1 Chronicles 3:5), was ranked as one of David’s thirty-seven Mighty Men (2 Samuel 23:34). The Mighty Men were essentially commandos on par with or even superior to the special ops and elite forces of today. These men conquered in hand-to-hand combat and engaged in covert military operations, often in the face of staggering odds (2 Samuel 23:8). And yet time after time, they stood their ground and ended up being the last men standing.
Bathsheba’s grandfather Ahithophel was the chief counselor of the king, ranked even higher than the priests Abiathar and Jehoiada (1 Chronicles 27:33-34). His counsel was so wise, in fact, that 2 Samuel 16:23 says, “The counsel that Ahithophel gave in those days was treated as if God himself had spoken.”
These men, whom Bathsheba had known since birth, loved and trusted the king. They gave their lives in support of him, as did Bathsheba’s husband Uriah (we’ll get to him a bit later).
The problem is, sometimes people we trust betray and hurt us. And when that happens, life can change forever.
I had coffee with a friend this week, and we were talking about how heartbroken we both are about what some friends are currently going through. I cannot even tell you how many women I know who have recently found out their spouse was unfaithful. These men, many of whom I adore and have known for years, are having affairs, are addicted to porn, are lying about late nights or business trips, and have even simply said family and children are “too much work” and “this is not for me.” Betrayal leaves devestation in its wake.
1. Have you gone through incredible betrayal? Or has someone close to you, perhaps? Share it below. Don’t worry about details; just be vulnerable with your heart’s hurt and anger.
We know that disloyalty, deception, and extreme lapses of judgment happen. Those things, sadly, are not surprising. What is surprising, though, is when it happens to us.
Betrayal drops us off at a fork in the road where we have two choices: become stuck and brood over it for years, allowing it to slowly rip apart our entire life, or decide to do the hard work to heal and move forward. We get to decide which path to take, though admittedly one will require a lot more effort than the other. But the harder road is the one that will ultimately leave us empowered and whole.
When betrayal comes, we go through many cycles of grief. We often battle a little voice that whispers that we did this or caused this. Let me be clear . . . whatever betrayal you are facing is not your fault. The betrayer made a choice, and you are absolutely not to blame for that decision.
David was someone Bathsheba should have been able to trust —the trusted leader of her nation, beloved in her family. But instead he used his power and proximity to take advantage of her. She was bathing on her roof, but she was certainly not doing it in the open. In those days, in fact, houses were built with a tall wall surrounding the rooftop patio, so people in nearby houses could not peer over and watch as someone bathed. Let’s look at how The Voice translates verse 2:
Early one evening, David rose from his bed and was strolling on the palace roof when he saw a woman bathing on a roof below his.
Did you catch that? David’s palace was higher than the nearby houses, so he had a completely different viewpoint.[2] Because of this, he had a perfect bird’s-eye view of Bathsheba’s bathing.
2. Was Bathsheba being indecent?
_____Yes
_____No
Why or why not?
Bathsheba was going through the purification process from her uncleanliness (2 Samuel 11:4), which means she had just ended her monthly period and was performing the ritual that allowed her to join society once again (learn more about this aspect of the Mosaic law in Leviticus 15:25-30). She did nothing wrong. But even if this had happened after she stood in the town square and bathed for all to see, King David would still be at fault.
We all have free will and are responsible for our own actions. You cannot force someone else to sin —they have to choose it. You are not to blame for someone else’s betrayal.
That being said, however, we can always seek to be wise, walking and living in a way that protects us from the invasion of a betrayer. A while back, a friend told me that someone else got credit for her brainchild. She had worked months on this idea and its creation, but because two heads are better than one, she brainstormed with a friend and colleague. What did this other girl do? She released a mirror-image product mere days before my friend. Guess whose product is killing it and whose isn’t because it looks like the copycat? Yeah. That stinks, right? My friend now knows that, as silly as it seems, she must have people sign an NDA (nondisclosure agreement) before sharing information on unreleased products, brainstorming, and collaborating with anyone else —even friends. Her boundaries have now been set so she’s not hurt like this again.
How about you? Are there places in your life where you need to set clearer boundaries and stick to them? Have you blindly extended trust that was unearned? Do you tend to ignore obvious signs of trouble in order to avoid conflict? Awareness is a powerful thing, and identifying our blind spots is important for understanding how to guard ourselves from those who might inflict this kind of pain.
Of course, these questions won’t apply to every situation. Bathsheba did nothing wrong by bathing on the roof, and she had no culpability in the aftermath. The fault for everything that followed lay completely at the feet of King David.
So how do we process and heal in the aftermath of a betrayal we never saw coming? We have no idea if Bathsheba had someone safe and trusted with whom she could talk through this heartache, but I hope she did. No one should wade into deep hurts alone.
3. Who would you (or do you) go to during hard times? What characteristics show they’re a safe person to share your secrets with?
After writing that description of your go-to safe person, I want you to think of yourself. Underline the words that others might apply to you. Be honest here —you don’t need to share this with anyone else. Are you a trusted friend? Can people come to you with their heartache?
4. In what ways do you communicate trustworthiness? Are there any ways in which you may seem unsafe or unapproachable?
I want to point out that sometimes we’re in a place where we don’t have someone to use as confidant. Someone I know recently told me that because she’s seen as the fun life-of-the-party, she’s always invited out to go clubbing or to fun events around town. The problem is, when her boyfriend began beating her, she had no one to talk to about it. She had people to go out and party with, but when life came crashing down around her, she felt completely alone. Those relationships only went as deep as what was going on that next weekend.
If that’s you and you don’t know whom to pour your heart out to in a safe and healthy way, I urge you to find a counselor. Or beeline your way over to a pastor at your church (or any church!) next Sunday. Even if you don’t feel like they’re the right person to share it all with, simply tell them you’re really struggling and were wondering if they could help you find someone to speak with. I guarantee they will bend over backward to help. You can also reach out to prayer lines through many ministries. Focus on the Family, for example, has both prayer and counseling resources.[3]
Betrayal is devestaing, and it cannot be undone. You may not have wrapped your mind around where to go from here, and I understand that deeply. But whatever you are going through, you are not alone. Your betrayer does not have the final word. Our God is a God of restoration, and He will restore the broken pieces of your story.
Spend some time with the Lord, earnestly praying that He show you how to move forward and begin to heal. It will take work and time, but cling to Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (ESV). Remember also what we talked about in week 2: He gathers up your tears (Psalm 56:8). You are not alone in this, no matter how much it feels like you are.
Amen.