WEEK 1 ● Day 4
READ PSALM 59
Friends breathe life into my soul, just as I’m sure they do yours. But like any healthy relationship, true friendships sometimes have growing pains. There will be moments when we find ourselves in conflict and need to figure out what to do in the midst of it, right? We need to learn how to grow deeper as friends through difficulty, rather than allowing it to break the closeness.
Recently, a friend and mentor accused me of something that made my heart incredibly heavy. I didn’t see it coming and didn’t understand how she thought that of me. I literally felt sick all day and went to bed early with a migraine. My thoughts and prayers swirled through the afternoon and evening hours as I went first to God, and then to my husband and dearest friends, placing this person’s accusation at their feet for examination.
“Here’s the evidence. Look at it. Sift through it; dig deeply,” I told them. “Did I do this? Am I doing this?”
I was doubled over in anxiety as I asked the Lord and my friends who know me best to share honestly. I wanted to know the truth so I could grow and ask forgiveness if indeed this accusation was true. Because if so, I had some serious heart-searching to do. What I was being accused of is not reflective of the type of person I want to be.
I called my best friend to tearfully vent, and toward the end of our phone conversation, she said something like this:
“You need to stop and seriously ask God to show you the insides of your heart. Lean into it, even if it’s hard and yucky. Who are you at the core, really? Ask Him, being honestly willing to hear His response. Take time in silence with the Lord and go through everything in your mind like you’re unpacking a suitcase . . . taking items out, one by one. Let Him show you if there is sin here.”
Gosh, what wise advice. I just love having friends that are deeper and wiser than I.
I am still completely and totally devastated. And truthfully, I am really embarrassed that someone would think this thing of me. But I don’t believe I did what she has said. I did take my heart to God, and I’m okay with what He unearthed in response. (Not that I don’t need to grow in areas, of course. We all need to grow, right?)
If I were laying my story next to David’s here in Psalm 59, though, I’d tell you quite honestly, I felt that this person was ready to attack. And she did, to some extent.
Let’s look again at Psalm 59:3 (TPT):
See how they set an ambush for my life.
They’re fierce men ready to launch their attack against me.
O Lord, I’m innocent; protect me!
In this situation with my friend, I was worried she was going to start spreading her thoughts and lies through our mutual friends. I was afraid she was going to post it on social media and disrupt my ministry. I was scared, and, like David, I felt ambushed.
Yes, my situation is tame compared to David’s. Thankfully, I don’t have mercenaries stationed outside my home just waiting to kill or capture me the moment I walk out my front door. What I do have though, is a situation where I was afraid the lie was going to swirl around and touch many aspects of my community and influence.
Has someone ever spread venom or lies about you, in jealousy or malcontent? How did you handle it? Did you wig out and try to fix things yourself? Or did you drop to your knees and plead that you would feel the Lord’s presence as He walked beside you in it? Or, like me, did you do a bit of both?
1. Write about a time when you dealt with some form of attack. How did you respond within the stress and hurt of that circumstance?
2. What were you most afraid would happen in your situation?
In the wake of lies, death follows. Saul thought something incorrect about David (that he was trying to steal the throne), and he tried to kill him. My friend and mentor thought something incorrect about me, and she severed all ties. The death of that friendship breaks my heart.
Today is going to look a bit different from the rest of the week, and there’s a reason for that. You see, we’re not just here to learn about these stories. Reading God’s Word is about more than just story time! We need to allow Him to draw us into the passage and see what He wants us to learn. Our intentional time with the Lord isn’t for simply sitting and reading, remaining slightly disengaged —it is to grow in wisdom and knowledge as we also grow in relationship with Him.
Let’s read Psalm 59 again. Perhaps you’ve had a surprising and devastating time with a friend. Perhaps a coworker or family member has hurt you. Maybe you’ve felt burned or crushed by the church or your community. Maybe the pain is from a while back, or perhaps it’s fresh and recent. Whatever it is, I want you to read this passage with fresh eyes, placing your situation within it. You’re welcome to flip back to day 1 and read it there, but I’d really love for you to read it from your actual Bible, so you can take notes in your margins as you go.
3. After rereading this passage, rewrite the psalm using your words and situation. Be vulnerable with God as you write it. I get that this would be an easy thing to skip over, for you to leave these lines below blank. But lean into the idea that it’s okay to be freaked out and hurt. It’s okay to panic and admit to the Lord that you feel scared and ambushed. Do the gritty; get your hands dirty. It’s amazing what God can do with vulnerability.
My Own Psalm 59
After writing that, what are you feeling? Is your pain fresh and full of emotion? Are you asking God why you’re in the middle of it or why you had to go through it? Are you blaming the Lord for allowing the situation to happen? Are you angry, or are you at peace, knowing that God is the ultimate Protector?
4. What were your emotions as you concluded your psalm?
5. What can you draw from any hurt you may feel? Are you able to see God moving through it in spite of it . . . or because of it? Can you praise Him for walking with you through this pain? Are you able to see the love and kindness of others as you’ve lived through it? Or are you feeling lonely and abandoned, like He’s the only one you have left?
6. We need to make sure our emotions don’t go unchecked. Beth Moore once said, “Just as fear often leads to jealousy, most negative emotions lead to others.”[1] How can we ensure our emotions don’t fly out of control like Saul’s did?
7. What was Saul missing?
____ the Holy Spirit in his life
____ friends/confidants who could speak life and truth into him
____ self-control
____ a stable family
____ a God who loved him
God offers us encouragement, hope, consolation, and direction when we come to Him in the midst of our struggles. He speaks to us through His Spirit, equips us with self-control, reminds us of His love, and surrounds us with people who can speak life into our darkness. Unfortunately, Saul rejected God, and as a result, he pushed away all of those things.
To say yes to God, no matter what season or situation we’re in, we have to first be honest with Him about the reality of our pain. We’ve all been hurt and lied to and deceived —and we’ve all had jealousy coursing through our veins at times too! God isn’t dismissive or judgmental of our honest pain. He wants us to bring it to Him so He can help us pursue life and healing.
Ask God to heal all sides of whatever painful situation you’re in and to meet you in the emotions you feel. Cling to Him like David did. He never walks away, no matter what the circumstance.
Amen.