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In all my years of living, I’d never known anyone to be more foolish than Maisie Fauna.
The moment we exited the throne room, I grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her along the hallways of the palace. The more we swam, the more I seethed with a quiet rage. So lost in my anger, I didn’t even stop to think about the consequences that pulling her around would bring. It was improper to haul around the princess through the palace, as if she were nothing more than a common servant.
But Maisie wasn’t Princess Odele. She was practically a common servant.
A part of me must have forgotten that the moment I’d seen the Black Blade’s arm snake around her throat and threaten her precious life.
I’d been blinded by rage and desperate to get her back.
And I’d been bested because of it.
It was only after I’d woken from the unconsciousness that the Black Blade had put me under that I felt something in my gut that I knew I’d deny until my very last breath. Had it been worry that I felt? Yes. Worry about what the mer of Thalassar would say about the princess because of Maisie. There’d also been rage. I’d wanted to throttle her for what she’d done. For putting herself and the princess’ image in jeopardy to save a criminal that had not hesitated to harm her.
We made it to the door of her chambers. I opened it and shoved her inside, closing it behind me.
“Captain, you’re hurting me.”
Her voice broke through my haze of anger. I hadn’t realized how hard I was holding onto her upper arm. I eased my grip, pulling my hand away and stretching my fingers at my sides. I breathed in and out, but the calmness would not come.
I glared at Maisie. “Do you have any idea what you have caused?”
Maisie avoided looking at me. Instead, she swam over to the ivory bed and plopped herself down on the soft cushioning in the middle, anemones hugging her curves.
“I don’t know, Captain, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“This isn’t a joke, Maisie!” I shouted.
She sat up in the bed quickly, her hair floating above her like the tendrils of the tail of a snake. She pulled it back in a frustrated gesture. “I know it’s not.” Her eyes narrowed. “You want me to admit I made a mistake? Alright, I did. The queen has made it abundantly clear. What do you want from me?”
What did I want from her? Even I could not answer that question myself, as I did not entirely know the answer.
“I want you to realize how your every action affects Princess Odele.”
She scoffed, rolled her eyes. “Right. Because every royal here thinks about how their actions affect the poorer mer, right? How it affects Lagoona?”
“Again with this argument?” I crossed my arms against my chest, if only to give myself something to do. Something that didn’t involve punching my fist through the wall. “Why must you insist on having it? Why do you even care so much?”
Her face flamed with evident rage. She shot up from the bed, pushing her hair back, and she paced back and forth at the fin of it. “Have you ever seen your friends die, captain? One by one, every month like clockwork? To be chosen and to never come back? Gods forbid they even show the slightest bit of fear and weakness, lest they meet the end of a blade. You wouldn’t understand.”
My eyes narrowed in a carefully placed glare. “I understand perfectly,” I said darkly. “Do not think for a moment you are the only one to lose someone, Maisie. I have watched my friends, soldiers, go out and fight for the kingdom they loved. To keep it safe. And one by one I watched my friends die because of Kappur. Don’t think for a moment that you’re the only one in Thalassar who has lost someone you care about. My friends bravely went out to battle, sacrificed their lives for the luxuries you are now getting. So forgive me if I don’t feel a single ounce of empathy for cowardly deserters who cannot find it in them to help or shed blood the way the rest of us are doing!”
Her expression softened, and gods take me, I hated that look. Her anger I could take, her disdain as well. Maybe I even wanted it, craved it. I wanted her to shout and be furious with me. I could not take sympathy.
Her voice was low when she replied, “No one deserves to be killed for feeling fear, though.”
My lip pulled back in a sneer. She did not warrant it, but I wanted to lash out every time she spoke. Her own ignorance was astounding. A part of me wanted to say it was not her fault she was raised in a small pond that knew nothing of the workings of royal life. Another part despised her for everything she said. “We cannot afford to feel fear. Not in times of war. You’ll do well to remember that next time you decide to flounce around in the light of day with a known criminal on the streets of Eramaea.”
She sucked in a breath. Observed me. My face and posture were rigid, angry. The realization of my words sunk in for her, and she dropped her mouth open, closed it again.
“It was you...” she whispered.
I did not acknowledge what she said, just stared at her with my expression unchanging. But something like dread started to rise in me. I tried to shove it away.
“You followed me?” she demanded to know.
She wouldn’t even try to deny it. Princess Odele would have denied it until she was blue in the face. But Maisie was not Odele. The princess never would have allied herself with common criminals. “I did not,” I replied smoothly. “I saw you with him.”
Her fists clenched, and I eyed the movement, wondering if she would try and take a swing at me. I would welcome the action. I would let her pummel me to the ground. It still would not change a thing.
“You were the one who turned him in.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded just the same. “You tadpole!” she shouted. “How could you?”
“He was a wanted criminal, Maisie, and you are supposed to pretend to be the princess. I am not sure how you got out of these rooms undetected, but I vowed I would keep you safe. That is something I cannot do if you are panting after a criminal like a dogfish.”
My words were cruel, I knew it the moment I said them. But I hadn’t expected that look on her face. The hurt. The way her expression crumpled as if I’d struck her.
There was a long moment of seething silence. Had my point gotten across? I’d hoped so.
But then she spoke, “Is it truly me you care about, Captain? Or yourself?” Before I could inquire as to what she meant by that, she took a stroke forward. “See, I don’t think you care about me at all. I could die right now, and I’m sure you wouldn’t even bat an eye.” She took another stroke. “The one mer you truly care about is yourself.” Another stroke until we were almost touching. “You are upset with yourself because you couldn’t keep Princess Odele safe, so you want to blame me for it. That’s why you hate me so much. You failed your duty to her. You are a failure as a guard and you think you can lock me up, put bars on these windows, have a trail of your sentinels follow me, put my friend at the gallows...” Another stroke forward and our chests bumped together. “But no matter what you do to keep me here, it won’t change the fact that your impudence is what may have killed your precious princess in the first place.”
I grabbed her arms and shook her once, twice, and held her at arm’s length. Fury shot through my every crevice, electrified my every nerve. I wanted to shake her, to scream that it was not true. But every word had pierced my heart, leaving me open and vulnerable, naked before her.
It wasn’t true. It wasn’t.
My breathing had grown heavy. Hers mirrored my own. She did not look into my eyes with fear at my outburst. Her gaze was challenging. And I would fold.
“Get out,” she demanded. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”
For a moment, as she said those words, my mind betrayed me. For a moment, I didn’t see Maisie in front of me but Princess Odele, and something inside me broke because of it.
I released her arms and took a stroke back, putting distance between us. My back bumped against the door.
“I do not want you as my guard.”
I closed my eyes, willing those words to go away. Maybe when I opened them, things would be different, and she would change her mind. When I did, she was still glaring, but her expression was laced with something else. Disappointment.
“Get out.”
My heart cracked in two, but I did not give Maisie a chance to tell me a third time.
I turned and fled from the room.