After the success of The Cocoanuts he bought a house in the suburban Long Island community of Great Neck and inquired about joining a restricted swimming club. The manager told him that the club could not accept his application because of its policy against admitting Jews. Groucho thought for a moment and asked, “Well, then how about my son? He’s only half Jewish. Can he go in the water up to his waist?”
David Steinberg recalls dining with Groucho at the Brown Derby. A priest came up to the table and said, “Mr. Steinberg, I’m a fan.” Steinberg immediately said, “Do you know Groucho Marx?” “Oh, Mr. Marx, I want to thank you for bringing so much joy into the world.” Groucho quickly replied, “I want to thank you for taking so much out.”
Groucho was having problems sexually—premature ejaculation. Someone recommended a topical crème guaranteed to prolong erection. When asked later whether it worked, Groucho reported, “I came rubbing the stuff on.”
He was invited by Paramount to a screening of Samson and Delilah starring Hedy Lamarr and Victor Mature. At the conclusion of the picture one of the studio executives asked Groucho how he liked it. “Well,” Groucho replied, “there’s just one problem. No picture can hold my interest where the leading man’s tits are bigger than the leading lady’s.”
A drunk careened up to him, slapped him on the back, and said, “Why, you old son of a gun, you probably don’t remember me,” to which Groucho replied, “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.”
A guest on his You Bet Your Life television show was a woman who had given birth to twenty-two children. “I love my husband,” the woman explained sheepishly. “I love my cigar too,” Groucho said, “but I take it out once in a while.”